Relinquishing Liberty (5 page)

Trying to get out of bed that morning was nearly impossible. Had I known my muscles would be this sore after running for the first time in years, I probably wouldn’t have even bothered. But then again, I never would have bumped into Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome on the beach and had the most delicious dream ever last night.

I had to distract myself otherwise I’d be thinking about my mystery hottie all day. I made my way over to Maddie’s apartment, which I could technically call my own now, too. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I knocked again a little harder, and just before I knocked for a third time, Maddie finally answered the door looking the she just got hit by a truck.

“Uh, are you okay, Maddie?”

“Jesus, what time is it, woman,” She grumbled with her eyes still half closed and hair all disheveled.

“It’s ten. I had to check out of the motel, so I figured I’d come over now. Is it too early?”

As she spoke through her yawn, “It’s before noon, and I’m on spring break. Obviously it’s too early. But you’re here now, so come on in.” A smile slowly spread across Maddie’s face as her excitement about living together resurfaced.

She closed the door behind me, and I took a quick look around. It really was a nice-looking apartment, and there was plenty of room for the two of us. Maddie showed me to my room, and I was surprised to already see a bed and a dresser in there.

“It was left there by my last roommate. She was a bit of a skank so you might want to disinfect it before sleep in it.”

I cringed. “Noted. Well, I’m going to go buy some bedding and food while it’s still early. Do you need me to pick anything up for you?”

“Nope, I’m good. I’m going back to bed for a few more hours.” She yawned again and dragged herself back to her room.

I grabbed all of my belongings from the car (or lack thereof) and brought them to my room. Maddie lightly tapped on my bedroom door and peeked her head in. “Here’s the key. Do you mind going to make a copy of it?”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll see you later for work.”

“Yup. See ya, chica.” I laughed after she shut the door behind me. Her Spanish lingo mixed with a hint of southern twang sounded hilarious.

I went out to run my errands and just picked up the bare necessities: a comforter, sheets, pillows, some toiletries I was running low on and enough food for myself to last the week. I hadn’t had a home-cooked meal in about a week, and I’d kill for one right now. After my brother died, my mother went on hiatus when it came to household chores, including cooking. So from then on, I did most of the cooking for my family. I’m sure Maddie would appreciate benefiting from my culinary skills a few days a week.

When I got back to our apartment, Maddie was still asleep, and Brett was sitting in the living room watching something on TV about a bunch of eccentric guys with long beards that made duck calls for a living.

“What are you doing here?”

“Just chillin’. Travis was driving Corey and me crazy with all of the noise coming from his room. I swear that horny, little shit feels no shame in letting the whole world know that he’s getting a piece of ass.” He shook his head and laughed. “So I needed to get the fuck out of the apartment before I shoved an ice-pick through my ear.”

I chuckled softly. “Yeah I can understand that.”

Brett turned his attention to the bags that were quickly beginning to weigh me down. “Well I guess it’s safe to say you took Maddie up on the offer. So, you think you can handle living with my sis?” The way he said it worried me and made my nose wrinkle. He must have noticed.

“I’m kidding! Seriously you have nothing to worry about. I really think this will work out great. My sister might come off a little rambunctious sometimes, but she has the biggest heart. You’ll see.”

He spoke about his sister in such a loving way that I couldn’t help but smile. “You seem to have a really good relationship with her. She told me about how you were helping her out with her rent.”

“Yeah, well, I know she really hated the idea of moving back in with our parents. If it weren’t for Corey and Travis living with me, I would have let her move into my apartment.”

“That’s really sweet of you. Do you have any other brothers or sisters?”

“Nope, it’s just the two of us. We’re only two years apart so I guess that explains why we’re so close.”

I nodded, not wanting to bring up my own brother. I really didn’t want to open up that can of worms just yet.

“Well, I’m going to take a quick nap before work. All this retail therapy took a lot of me,” I said through a long drawn out yawn.

“All right. I’ll put these groceries away for you.” He took the bags from me before I could say anything, and I smiled appreciatively at him. “Pleasant dreams!” he yelled as I walked back to my room.

I took Maddie’s advice from earlier and sprayed the bed down with Lysol before covering in my new sheets and comforter. It smelled like lavender and vanilla, immediately having an aroma-therapeutic effect on me. My eyes felt heavy, and I collapsed on the bed, burying my face in the plush new pillows. It felt so good not having to lie in a musty, stained motel bed with the springs digging into my back. I pulled the comforter up over me, and it didn’t take long for sleep to have its way with me.

The fresh cut grass caused my allergies to act up, and my eyes began to water. I rubbed them clear and looked around before I caught sight of number ten running across the field towards the 30-yard line as he threw a pass to one of his teammates, Garrett. Everyone cheered when the ball fell into his hands. He zigzagged through his opponents, darting away from them as they tried to tackle him to the ground, but it was clear no one could touch him. The moment Garrett’s feet hit the end zone, everyone in the stands flew up. An eruption of applause and thunderous clapping flooded the stadium from the happy fans.

I ran down to the field and pushed through the crowd until I was able to single out my favorite quarterback’s number ten jersey. His teammates were carrying him and Garrett on their shoulders as they paraded around the field celebrating the game winning throw and touchdown. I tried to get closer, but as soon as he was in reach, I felt myself being pulled back. Again I pushed through, but the force holding me back grew stronger causing an unwelcomed heaviness to settle in my chest. Soon the crowds disappeared and the only ones left on the field were number ten and myself.

“AJ!” I shouted out to him, but it seemed as though he couldn’t even register my voice. He shook his head and took a few steps back.

“AJ, wait!” I ran towards him, but he took off in a full out sprint down the field. His figure became fuzzy, and I tried to focus, blinking away the moisture that was quickly blurring my vision, but it was like he was fading away right before my eyes. When he made it to the end zone about 20 feet away from me, he stopped for a moment, and I made one last plea for him to wait for me, to just hold on for one more second until I could reach him.

He took another step landing him outside of the end zone lines, and I watched as the dark, cloudy abyss that surrounded him swallowed up his body.

“NO!” I cried out, but it was too late.

The last thing I saw before he was completely gone was his cerulean blue eyes; they peered back at me cold and alone. There so much pain encompassed in those deep blue pools that I had never seen before, and I felt my heart begin to crack as I fell to the ground.

“Nooo! AJ, please! Don’t leave me! Don’t go!” I shouted, praying that he could still hear me.

I felt the ground begin to shake around me as I continued to cry out for my brother. When I finally realized I was no longer on the football field, but rather in my bed and clinging onto my blanket for dear life, I noticed the eyes staring back at me weren’t blue but a warm, chocolaty brown. Brett’s hands were on my shoulders gently shaking me from the nightmare that had my entire body shuddering in its wake.

“Shhh, Liberty, you’re okay. It was just a dream.” He ran his hand softly over my head, brushing my hair back away from my eyes.

“Wh-what? What are you doing in here?” I choked out, pulling the blanket further up my body. I was completely clothed, but I felt an added sense of security while burying myself beneath the extra layers.

“You were screaming the name AJ and thrashing around when I came in here. God, Liberty, you scared the shit out of me!” Concern emanated from both his words and unwavering stare.

He gradually helped me up into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back in such a nurturing way that I couldn’t help but break down from the tenderness of his hold on me. He let me remain there in his arms until my soft cries subsided.

“AJ was my older brother.” I paused and took a depth breath. “He passed away four years ago.”

The look on his face made my heart plummet down to my stomach, and I knew more tears were soon to follow.

“Shit, Liberty I’m so sorry. You don’t have to talk about it.” He kept his hold around me, pulling me further into his chest. It felt good to have someone care about my feelings for once. I was so used to keeping them locked up and ignoring them. It was easier that way. Safer. Definitely safer.

I heard my door creak open, and Maddie quietly stepped in. Her eyes passed back and forth between us, eyebrow raised. I knew what she was thinking, and I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea, so I slipped free from Brett’s embrace. I filled her in on our conversation, figuring it was better to get it all out in the open so I would have to re-live it over and over.

As much as it hurt to talk about my brother, it was a relief to let it all out. I had been holding in my feelings for so long and talking to my parents about him was nearly impossible without upsetting them. I took another deep breath and continued.

“No one saw it coming. He was such a happy, fun-loving guy. Always cared more about everyone else around him than himself. I just wish that I had been able to recognize something…anything that would have warned me he was going to do it. I had no idea he was so unhappy.” The tears were really flowing now, and I couldn’t wipe them away fast enough. This was exactly why I had always avoided talking about him. “I f-found him in the g-garage one day after school. From the r-rafters…he was hanging from the…”

A mental image of my brother’s lifeless body came back to me, and that’s when I completely lost it. I ended up back in Brett’s arms, and he lightly brushed his fingers through my tear-soaked hair while softly whispering reassuring words in my ear. Eventually my breathing calmed, and I was able to look up at both of them, but the last thing I expected was to see Maddie so overcome with emotion.

“Oh, Liberty,” her lip quivered. “I can’t even imagine what you must’ve gone through. I’m so s-sorry.” Now Maddie was the one with tears in her eyes. I was surprised to see her so affected by the story of my brother’s suicide.

“Thank you, Maddie.” I reached out to hug her, seeing that she was the one who needed consoling now. “It was hard losing him, and I guess I’m still not over it. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I just miss him so much.”

“I can imagine. God, I don’t know what I’d do without Brett.” Brett joined in on our hug with me sandwiched in the middle.

My body slowly began to tremble again, this time from laughter as I thought of how ridiculous we must look all wrapped up together. If someone had walked in just then I could only imagine what they would have thought.

“All right, I think we need to break this up before things get too mushy.” We all laughed and wiped the last of our tears away.

“Damn, I didn’t realize how long I’d slept. I need to get ready for work. Will you be there tonight, Brett?” I crossed my fingers that he would be.

“Yeah, I start around five.”

“All right, we’ll see you over there. C’mon, Maddie! I’ll make you dinner before we head over. How does chicken parm sound?” Cooking always helped take my mind off of things.

Maddie’s eyes lit up. “A roommate and a personal chef?! Oh, I’m gonna like living with you!”