“I
know I must have seemed crazy, at dinner,” I tell him,
swallowing hard. Will waits, watching me. “My dad . . . he
cheated,” I admit quietly, explaining everything. “He
left us for a while, for that other woman, until Mom took him back.
And every time I see him, I just remember the lies . . .”
Will
tenses beneath my hand.
“I
know.” I stop him before he can interrupt. “I should
forgive him. Mom has, and she’s the one he really betrayed. But
I just can’t understand how she could ever trust him again.”
I look at Will, feeling helpless. “How can she believe a single
thing he ever says to her?”
He
gives me a sympathetic smile. “Your father loves you, they both
do. I can see it.”
“I
know,” I sigh sadly. “I wish I could just let it go, but
it’s hard.”
Will
watches me. “Is that why you try so hard not to get involved
with guys?”
I
sit up, suddenly feeling way too exposed. “It’s just how
I see the world, that’s all.”
Will
leans in and kisses my back. “I’m not judging you.”
“Just
psychoanalyzing me,” I reply, still tense.
“We
all have our scars,” he says softly.
“Except
you.” I turn, and give him a smile. “You seem to have
everything figured out.”
Will
looks away. “Not true.”
I
shrug, feeling self-conscious. “This is why I warned you I was
a lost cause.”
“Not
lost,” he answers, looking up at me. “Just . . . searching.
You can choose to be happy, you know,” he points out, sitting
up and slipping his arms around me. “Not everything has to turn
out like they did.”
“I
know.” I don’t want to ruin this moment with the shadows
of the past, not waste a single moment with him. I twist around,
leaning in close to drop a kiss on his bare shoulder. “Can we
not talk about it right now? I can think of a million better things
to do . . .”
Will
smiles. “Like what? Reading?”
“Mmmm,
maybe . . .” I kiss along his collarbone.
“Sudoku,”
Will suggests.
“Not
quite,” I laugh, teasing my tongue up to his jaw. Will yanks me
into his lap, so I’m straddling him, and bends his head to
claim my mouth. “Gin rummy,” he murmurs into my mouth,
and I silence him with a kiss, sliding my tongue to tangle with his
as our bodies fuse closer. I rock my hips to bring me against his
hardness, and Will makes a noise of pure desire. His hands slide up
my waist, closing around each breast to stroke and toy and tease
until my nipples are stiff and aching for his touch.
I
squirm, impatient, that hollow need pulling at me again. “Condom?”
I ask breathlessly, breaking the kiss.
“Nightstand.
Drawer.” Will busies himself with caressing my bare shoulders,
my hips as I reach across and grab one. I ease the rubber onto his
stiff length, then position myself above him, straddling his lap.
This time, I’m the one to make him groan as I brace myself
against his shoulders sink down, taking him inside.
Yes
.
I
arch my back, god, feeling the fire consume me, his lush hardness
invading every inch. Will grips my hips tighter, his eyes dark as I
rise up again, holding the pace, then sinking back down. This time,
I’m the one in control, and I take my time, rocking against him
to feel the pressure between us, the sparks igniting just right. Will
bends his head, licking over my breast and sucking my stiff nipple in
his mouth. I let out a moan, rocking faster, feeling the imprint of
his fingertips digging into my skin, and how his body thrusts up to
fill me with every stroke. Deep. Deeper. God, it’s incredible,
taking him like this: seeing the fire in his eyes and feeling that
inferno take me over. I ride him, wild now, unleashed to the
pleasure, until I almost can’t take it anymore.
“Baby,”
Will grinds out, his mouth hot against my neck. “Come for me,
baby.”
I
whimper, slowing. I’m close, fuck, so close to the edge, but I
can’t reach it, not yet. And then Will slips a hand between us,
stroking possessively as he thrusts up inside, and my whole body
explodes in a rush of sensation. I come hard, gasping in his arms as
Will flips me back on the bed and surges inside me, hard. Deep.
Oh
god
. I’m already
reeling but he fucks me through my climax, and all I can do is hold
on for dear life, shuddering with each new wave of pleasure as he
cries out my name and falls with me into the rush.
*
The
next time I wake, sunrise is streaming through the open drapes. Will
lies passed out beside me, his face buried in the pillows, one arm
slung across my body. He looks as relaxed as ever, even in his sleep,
and I gently push hair from his eyes, struck by the unfamiliar ache
in my chest. I remember how he held me last night; the feel of his
body surging inside me, how I wanted to hold him so tightly and never
let go.
I
belong to him now.
Panic
grips me, a sudden clawing in my veins. I want him too much. God, I
already
need
him too much. But what happens now? What happens if he hurts me, or
lies, or cheats and lets me down? How am I supposed to just put my
heart on the line and blindly trust everything will be OK when I’ve
spent so many years determined to never take that risk?
My
heart beats faster, but this time with an anxious rhythm. It’s
too much, too soon. Will came crashing into my life barely a month
ago, and now . . . ?
Now
I’m falling in love with him.
The
realization sinks through me, as unlikely as it is unfamiliar. Me.
The queen of casual, no-strings, “never get involved” is
falling headlong in love with William Wyatt Montgomery.
And
even worse, I want it to happen. I want this to be different; I want
so badly to believe everything he says.
But I don’t know how to do
this part.
The
panic claws deeper, restless, and something in me snaps. I slide out
from under his arm and climb quietly out of bed. My underwear is
strewn across the floor, and I wriggle into it as I tiptoe out of the
room. My pulse thunders in a sick staccato beat as I hurry downstairs
and find my dress in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs with
my sandals and bag. Five seconds, and I’m dressed again and out
the door, walking away in the cool morning air.
Running
away, more like.
I
walk fast down the track through the woods, my arms hugged tight
around myself, and an epic battle waging in my head.
Every
instinct in my body is telling me to leave—but there’s an
ache in my heart with every step that takes me further away from
Will. I don’t know what I’m doing, only that last night
was different. Dangerous. I already revealed too much of myself, and
it makes me cringe to remember how vulnerable I was with him.
How
free.
I
reach the turn to the main highway. A car passes by; I could go flag
it down and hitchhike back to town, but instead, I watch it sail
past. I sink back against the gatepost. Tears are stinging in the
back of my throat, but I don’t even know why I’m crying.
I should be on top of the world right now, but instead, all I feel is
this panic galloping through me, driving me to get further away, just
leave it all behind.
I
need to get it together.
I
force myself to take a deep breath, and another. The countryside is
so quiet in the dawn light, just birds and the crickets sounding, and
the far-away rush of the creek. Will is still probably passed out
back at the house, smiling safe wrapped up in dreams.
But
what about when he wakes up and finds me gone?
My
heart aches to think of it. Bailing like this is a shitty move. Sure,
I’ve done it before—that’s how it works, the
morning after. Either he or I find a way to slip out unnoticed, to
save us all the awkward morning-after small talk pretending like
we’re actually going to see each other again. Except, I do want
to see Will. I want to be with him right now, nestled in the warmth
of his embrace, ready to kiss him good morning and make breakfast on
his ridiculous back porch hot plate. It would be perfect, if only I
let myself turn back around and take the chance.
What
am I so scared of?
The
trees rustle around me in a shifting sea of green. It’s
beautiful out here, peaceful and calm, but I can’t ignore the
turmoil raging inside me.
“
You
can choose to be happy
. . .”
Will’s
words circle in my mind. He makes it sound so simple, but is it
really? Can I just choose to put aside years of building this safe,
impenetrable wall around my heart, and make a different future—with
him? I want it. God, I want it more than anything. But here I am,
running away. Letting my own stupid fears and insecurities take me
further away from the man I want, when I should be doing everything I
can to stay with him.
Where
I belong.
So
what the hell am I doing?
I
take one step, and then another, not towards the highway, but back to
Will’s place. I walk faster, then break into a run, the breeze
whipping around my bare legs as I hurry down the dirt track, my heart
racing with every step. I just came close to making the biggest
mistake of my life, and now I have to get back before Will wakes up
and realizes I’ve gone.
I
race up the driveway and silently let myself back inside. I go
through to the makeshift kitchen, and scrounge up a can of instant
coffee, heating water in a pan over the burner until I can brew
something resembling a cup of joe. I take the two mugs and head
upstairs, praying to god that Will’s still asleep and hasn’t
even noticed my absence. But when I push open the bedroom door, I
find him sitting up in bed: shirtless, scruffy, sleepy, and utterly
gorgeous. I drink him in, relief crashing through me.
I
made the right decision. I didn’t walk away.
Will
looks up from his phone, and gives me a questioning smile. “Morning,
beautiful. I was wondering where you were.”
“I
needed my caffeine fix. Want some?” I ask brightly, walking
over to the bed. “I did what I could with instant,” I
tell him, handing him a mug and then climbing carefully into bed
beside him. “But I don’t know how it turned out. We need
to get you an espresso machine,” I add, my heart still pounding
with a weird sense of unease.
Will
slings an arm around my shoulders, and drops a kiss to my forehead,
cuddling me close as he sips his coffee. “Did you make it far?”
he asks at last.
My
head whips around. “How did you . . . ?”
I stop, my words trailing away under the tide of guilt. How doesn’t
matter. Will he be mad at me? Hurt?
“To
the highway,” I admit, feeling small. I brace myself for his
disappointment, but instead, Will just leans back and gives a
satisfied grin.
“You came back,” he
says, sounding smug. “I knew once you’d had a real man,
you couldn’t stay away.”
I
snort with laughter, and hit him lightly in the stomach.
“Watch
it!” Will protests, trying not to spill his coffee. He takes
both our mugs and sets them on the nightstand, then pulls me into his
lap. “It’s the truth, isn’t it?” he says, his
voice becoming more serious. “One night with me, and there’s
no going back.”
“Yeah,
yeah.” I pretend to roll my eyes, but inside, I’m
smiling. “What can I say? You’re irresistible.”
I
straddle him and cradle his face in my hands, feeling the scratch of
his stubble. Will’s eyes are soft on mine, still searching. “I
came back,” I repeat, and Will kisses me, long and slow. I melt
into him, feeling the certainty take me over, savoring every touch.
This
is where I’m supposed to be, right here in his arms.
I
choose to be happy.
I
choose him.
Will
I
could spend a whole day feasting on Delilah’s incredible body,
but she drags herself out of bed before noon.
“I’ve
got an open house,” she says, reaching for her underwear. “I’m
already running late.”
“So
skip it.” I pull her back against the edge of the bed, her skin
silky smooth under my hands.
“I
wish.” Dee flashes me a regretful smile. “But I need to
prove myself while Marcie’s away, and these clients are getting
desperate. They really need to sell, and I want to make it happen as
soon as possible.”
There
she goes, being so damn sweet again. She doesn’t even realize
that good heart like hers is hard to find. I drop a kiss against her
stomach, and feel her shiver.
God,
I love the way she responds to me: every gasp, every touch. I tease
lower, taking the lace of her panties between my teeth and tugging
them away. My hands slide up her thighs, ready to peel them away, but
Delilah lets out a reluctant sound, then dances out of reach.
“I
can’t,” she says, her cheeks flushed. I arch an eyebrow,
and she laughs. “I really can’t,” she insists
again. “Later. I promise.”
I
lay back, watching as she wriggles into the rest of her clothes and
tries to comb her hair out with her fingers. Damn, she’s sexy.
Framed there in the sunshine, her hair a tangled mess and her dress
all crumpled from spending the night on my bedroom floor, she’s
still so damn beautiful it takes my breath away. And even though I’ve
had her two, three times already today, I want her all over again.
Those luscious lips crying out my name, that sweet body clenched
slick and whimpering around me.
Last
night was incredible, and I’m just getting started. I know what
it’s like to please a woman, but fuck, I don’t think I’ve
ever felt anything like that wild, animal lust before. It was
intoxicating, such a primal need to possess her, every last inch. And
when she was begging for me, moaning as I thrust inside her until she
shattered in my arms . . . Lord, I’ve never
felt so invincible.