Authors: JA Huss
I swallow and wait for his demand, but he picks her up with a gentleness I never imagined and disappears, leaving me alone out here in the desert.
I pace the desert in the dying light of dusk, racking my brain for what to do next. I'm not stuck, I mean I could teleport somewhere. I might not be able to get to somewhere specific, but I won't die out here.
This makes me let out an insane laugh.
As if.
As if I could die anyway. If what Lucan said is true, then who cares if I'm stuck out here. Who cares? No one, that's who. Because I'm pretty damn sure I was the last one to figure out that being what I am now means you can't die. No wonder everyone treats me different. I don't need help anymore.
I really truly am alone.
I check the ground for desert crawly things and take a seat, leaning up against a red rock. I tilt my head up to see the stars, but it's not dark enough to see anything.
Fuck, Junco. Selia might be dead.
I shake my head. No. That's not gonna happen. If Selia was meant to die, then that Caleb guy wouldn't have come to take her away.
That makes no sense.
Neither does arguing with myself.
My mind wanders as I wait for the darkness. I need the darkness tonight. I need these stars. I need something, anything that will connect me to what's going on down here on Earth, because if I want to be completely honest, I feel like one of those people in Ashur's horror screens.
Only I'm not the girl, I'm the monster.
And Ashur is gonna kill me.
Kill me.
I don't see any way out of a fight with him. He's violent to begin with and I just snatched his girlfriend away and got her sprayed with bullets.
He's gonna kick my ass.
I stare up at the sky, watching the light melt away one fraction at a time.
And remember.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I wake up in my bed at school, the nightmare of the mutant baby girl still haunting me.
"Hey! There you are! I thought you'd sleep all day! How can you sleep in today, Juncs? It's graduation!"
The terror fades so fast I almost get dizzy. "What? It's not graduation. It's only May tenth." Yeah, I left to do that job for Hando on the ninth then I was flown back to the Stag that night, now it's the next morning. Gideon is—
Gid is what? I can't remember. Something about Gideon. Something…
"Shit, Junco, you need some coffee." Aren thrusts a cup into my hands and I take it, but do not drink. I don't drink coffee.
I look up at him and he smiles, but it's not a real smile. It says,
Drink the fucking coffee and I'll tell you about it later.
I put it to my lips and force a long guzzle. He relaxes. "OK, let's get ready. You have your speech written?"
"What?"
"Oh, here it is." He pulls out a notebook and hands it over, flipping the cover open to show me the speech. The title is written out in longhand that looks a lot like Aren's and states
Towards Destiny
. "Good thing you wrote it early, huh? A little too much partying last night, I'd say."
I roll out of bed, notice I'm wearing bed shorts I've never seen before, and make my way to the bathroom.
The noise of the shower hides my gasp as I study myself in the mirror. I look like something ran me over out on the planet pad.
My head hurts all right, but this is no hangover. Who the hell would I have been partying with last night? I don't remember any partying. Aren doesn't even drink. And besides, if this really is graduation day, then we broke up last month. Why is he here anyway?
I peel off the clothes and look at the tags. They are from a high-end fashion store in Peak City. A store I have never, ever in my life, visited. But besides that little inconsistency, my clothes don't have tags. I refuse to wear clothes with tags on them, everyone knows this.
Except of course, the person who dressed me in these bed shorts.
My whole body shivers and I jump into the hot shower to push this shit down.
Graduation day?
Graduation day.
I accept it because I have no choice. I've lost time before, right? This is nothing unusual, just a little lapse in continuity, that's all. No big deal.
I finish, wrap the towel around me, and go back out to my room.
Aren is sitting on the bed waiting, his hands in his lap, not fidgeting. Wringing. He's literally wringing his hands.
He notices my gaze and pulls them apart, only to fiddle with the blankets on the bed.
I look at the door, then back to him. He shakes his head.
"Shit, that'll teach me to party like that again, right? I feel like I've been sleeping on the tarmac all night!"
Both his smile, and his relief, are real. "Yeah, I'll wait outside, OK? We'll walk over to the hall together.
"Yeah, sure. Oh, and Aren?"
He turns. "Huh?"
"Thank you."
He nods at me. "Yeah, sure, Junco. No problem. Everyone needs a babysitter every once in a while and graduation only comes once."
I nod back at him. "Yeah. Graduation is a big deal."
He leaves and I count the shuffling of extra boots on the other side of the door. Then strain to hear the whispers. I stand there, still dripping from my shower, and know with one hundred percent certainty that I barely escaped with my life.
Everyone is at graduation. Even my dad. He's dressed up in his service uniform, his hat straight and his dark glasses on.
I squint at him for a moment trying to place the weird feeling I'm getting.
And then Matthew grabs my arm and leads me to my seat. I squint up at him as well.
"What're you doing?"
"Your seat, Junco. This is your seat." He points to a chair and pushes me a little until I have to sit automatically.
Something is wrong.
I wince as a pain shoots through my head. "Where's James? Where's Michael? Where's…" Where's who?
"Everyone's here, Junco."
"Who the fuck are you?" I blurt.
He leans down, squeezing my shoulder a little too tightly. "Look at me, Junco."
I look.
"Who am I?" he asks.
I shake it off. "Matthew. You're Matthew."
He nods and takes a seat next to me. We are alone in the front row.
I'm the ranking cadet commander, so that makes sense. But Matthew is no one here. He doesn't even belong here. He belongs…
Where?
"Where's…" Where's who? "Someone is missing," I say. I turn abruptly in my chair but Matthew's firm grip has my shoulder.
He leans down into my face. "Behave."
I look up at him again as my father brushes past to take his seat on stage. "You belong at camp."
He laughs at this, but I'm not sure what's funny. "So do you, Junco. So do you. We're going back right after the ceremony, so just relax, read the speech, and we'll be just fine."
I look down at my hands and see the notebook Aren shoved in my hands before he left my room.
"How did I get here?" I don't remember walking over. Everything is so fucked up.
"Aren brought you here. Remember?" Matthew is talking softly now, and not just because he's trying to make sure no one hears him. It's soft in a way I've never heard him be before.
Like he's concerned or something.
"And as soon as this is over we can go home and it'll all be OK."
The name I was searching for suddenly comes to me. "Gideon. Where's Gideon? He was… sick. Or something. I was…"
My dad is introduced and people stand and clap. Matthew pulls me up and elbows me to play along, so I clap.
"I was at camp. In a hospital."
This time his words cut me. "Junco, I will kill you dead right here in this auditorium if you do not comply and behave. Just sit, read that speech word for word when you're called, and we'll both go home alive today. You got it?"
Am I afraid of him? I'm not sure. I don't feel afraid, but he's talking to me like I should be. Should I be?
My dad calls my name and then an usher appears to escort me on stage. Before I can even make a decision to stay or go I am standing at the podium.
Looking down at Matthew.
His mouth is drawn tight across his face, like he's wincing internally.
And I smile.
I know who you are, Matthew. And today just might be a very good day to show you exactly who I am.
That thought leaves as my father clears his throat and I snap back to reality. There are about five thousand people crammed into the auditorium, all there to see their precious children step into adulthood.
I look over at my dad and the feeling is back.
He's wrong. Just wrong.
But then Gideon's voice is in my head.
Just play the game, Snowbird. There will be another day to get…
I smile and clear my throat.
"Today," I say into the microphone, "is a very good day." Small chuckles come from the various cadet groups. I look down at my main squadron and nod to them. "The day I've been waiting for my whole life. From the time I was a little girl I've thought of nothing but this day." I stop to add a dramatic pause.
And then the laughing starts. It comes from deep inside me, a place I keep for secrets. A deep, dark place where I hide all the bad things.
Someone has unlocked my dark place.
Matthew's eyes go wide and before I even know what's happening I'm flying through the air at him. I tuck and roll when I hit the perfectly polished hardwood floor, and pop back up, reaching for my weapon.
My hand comes back empty and I have a second to see Matthew laugh before he attacks. His arm chops me across the neck and I go flying backward. The crowd is screaming now, chairs are being pushed aside, my dad is yelling and hands are pulling me. At first they don't know which way they want me to go and for a few fractions I figure they're gonna rip my arms right from their sockets.
My words come out in a scream and no matter how many times that impostor who thinks he is my father hits me across the face, the words just keep coming.
"I'm gonna kill you motherfuckers! I'm gonna kill you all!"
I'm screaming it all the way out of the auditorium, their fingers dig into my upper arms with such force there is no way in hell I'm getting away. Someone is trying to slap some gag tape over my mouth but I shake my head with wild abandon until more hands are there to hold me still.
They force me down to the ground and step on the back of my neck, boots pushing me into the floor so hard I worry that they'll crack my front teeth before I can manage to turn my face to the side.
A sharp pain in my neck is the last thing I feel. But the words echo as they follow me into the darkness. "She's insane."
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I am completely immobilized and in the dark.
"Open your eyes, Junco."
They are open,
I think I say, but I can't hear my voice.
"Open your eyes."
I try, I really do, but they are heavy so I just give up and go back to the dark place. I love the dark place. It's madness.
The slap brings me back. "I said open your Goddamn eyes!"
They open.
My father is standing over me and the rage in his expression briefly shocks me into full compliance mode. "Yes, sir," I say.
He backs off and smiles. Then lets out a long breath of air. "Welcome back. How do you feel?"
How do I feel?
I smile back at him. "Like a motherfucking truck just ran me over."
He smacks me again, but I just smile.
"Like a
motherfucking truck just ran me over!"
I scream. The maniacal laugh bursts forth as my father walks away towards the door, but he's not getting away that easy. "You're not him," I snarl. "You're not him! My father would never use that word!"
He doesn't turn back, just thumbs his biometrics on the doorknob, waits for the lights to flash green, and walks out.
I don't struggle or even try to shift position. If there's a weakness in the bindings, you don't want to give it away. They're watching closely right now so there's no point in trying.
Just wait, Junco.
HOUSE's voice in my head brings me back from the edge.
You know what to do. You've been caught before and you made it out that time.
Right. Gideon came and got me, though.
Gideon might come get you this time, too.
No, he's not coming, HOUSE. He's gone.
He's here, Junco. He's here. Just stay calm and wait.
I draw in a breath through my teeth as my head throbs.
What did they give me?
A MEDOXI cocktail, they're getting ready for erasure.