Authors: Michelle M. Watson
Rain
Rain
BY
Michelle Watson
Copyright
©2012 by Michelle Watson
This
book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products
of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be
construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or
persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
All
rights reserved. No part of this book can be reproduced in any form or by
electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval
systems, without the permission in writing from author. The only exception is
by a reviewer who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Author’s Note
This
is a short story about how addictive and intoxicating an abusive relationship
can be. Many suffer worldwide from people that equally love them just as much
as they harm them.
I
don’t want you to come into this blind and unaware about what you’re about to
read.
Michelle Watson
Basking
in the safety of my meadow…
My
best friend Tate sits across from me as we have lunch at a small restaurant
near my apartment in downtown Seattle, Washington. The weather is always wet
and cold in December.
His
green eyes are wide and assessing as they burn into me, and I know exactly what
he’s doing: mentally cataloging every visible scrap and bruise on my body.
“You
are beautiful,” I murmur, glancing down and picking over my grilled chicken
salad.
He
smiles, showing off his dimples. They are adorable too.
My
breath catches in my throat because it feels like I’ve been smacked in the face
then ran over by a tractor trailer which is boyish charm.
Breathe
idiot, breathe.
His
brows push together. “What?”
“You
are beautiful,” I repeat, stuffing a forkful of lettuce in my mouth.
“Everything about you is beautiful.” His skin is a pale gold color and his hair
is wavy, thick, and dirty blond.
“Mom’s
Swedish, dad’s black. Biracial beauty,” he jokes. “You’re not bad yourself.”
“Mom’s
white, father’s Mexican. Biracial beauty,” I tease. I laugh alone as his
concerned eyes revert back to the bruise on the side of my neck. “You should
eat your cheeseburger before it gets cold.”
He
blinks,
then
glances down at his plate. Tate switches
meals with me. “I never see you eat anymore,” he says with a disapproval
expression crossing his angelic face.
“But
I can’t eat this,” I whisper, frowning at him with pleading eyes.
His
brows lift, wanting an explanation.
“And why not?”
“Zack.”
One word with a million different meanings.
His
jaw clenches in anger as he comes to realization. “What the fuck? You’re
twenty-two and in perfect shape.”
“He
has me on a diet,” I whisper, feeling embarrassed beyond belief. But I have
always told Tate everything.
Always.
I’ve
never lied to him.
Not
once.
“What
the fuck?”
Pure bewilderment.
“Yeah,”
I confirm, pushing the plate towards him.
“So?”
“So?”
I repeat, confused.
“So?”
he repeats, his lips set in a grim thin line.
“So…?”
He
sighs, shaking his head.
“Yeah, cupcake.
So?” Tate
pushes the plate towards me. “You should eat, Rain. And stop listening to
everything Mr. Fucking
Douchebag
says. I’m not
fooling around.”
I
purse my lips, crossing my arms over my chest. “Well, ‘Mr. Fucking
Douchebag
’ is taking care of me. I’m unemployed right now,
Tate. And I have nowhere else to go. You know my family is back in L.A. And I’m
not returning home because I ‘failed’ in the real world. My mom and dad already
have enough stress in their lives. I don’t want to add to that.
” As if on cue, my phone rings.
It’s
Zack, my boyfriend.
Tate
snatches my phone from me and shoves it in the pocket of his jeans, smirking.
Shit!
This is going to get me in trouble.
“Give
me my phone!”
“Listen,”
frustration washes over his face, hardening his features, “you know you can
stay with me. You’ve been involved with this fuck-up for an entire year, Rain.
We go to the same nursing school anyway; it’ll be fun to have you as a
roommate. You’ll give me the company I
need
.”
“You
think so?” I ask, unsure. I don’t want to burden him.
“Absolutely,”
he assures. “And plus,” his eyes shift back to the bruise on my neck and he
frowns, “I know he hits you, Rain. That shit is
not
cool.”
My
hand flies to the dark spot on my neck. I shrug, staring out the plate-glass
window of the restaurant, watching the rain sheet down from the cloudy sky.
“He’s going to freak out on me. Can you help me pack?”
It’s
an opportunity to leave and spread my wings a little and it’s with
Tate
.
But I love Zack. Love, love, love him. I’m completely addicted in a terrifying
way and I’m not sure I want treatment just yet. I don’t have the strength to
stay away from him. I am that weak.
It’s
my best friend Tate. He’s worried about me when I can’t think through the thick
and intoxicating haze of Zack to be concerned about myself.
That
face.
Those eyes.
How
can I say no to him?
My
eyes drift back to him.
“Yeah,
sure, but I will kick his ass if he touches you again,” he pauses and his eyes
slowly scan over me, “I can only imagine what you’re hiding under that coat.”
“Please
don’t,” I murmur, pulling the sleeves of my black pea coat down, even though
it’s absurdly toasty inside this small and intimate restaurant. “We can do it
tomorrow morning when he leaves for work. I want to make this as less difficult
and as less complicated as possible. I love him and I don’t want to break his
heart.”
He
nods in agreement. “Eat your burger and I’ll give your phone back.”
Snorting,
I say, “You know…I must have a thing for bossy men.” I pick up the cheeseburger
and take a huge bite. My eyes widen as the juicy flavors explode in my mouth.
He
raises his brows. “Bossy isn’t bad…as long as you get it in doses.
Safe doses.
Zack doesn’t know how to control his anger.
Exhibit fucking A is that dark ass bruise on your neck,” he shakes his head and
the muscles in face tighten. “I know you’re not stupid so I’m at a loss at why
you’re still with him. The sex can’t be that good.”
My
brows lift. “Though, it is pretty awesome,” I add.
“Christ,
Rain. Look at yourself and tell me it’s ‘pretty awesome’ to have patches of
black and blue marking all over your precious body.”
My
precious body!
“You
think my body is precious?”
He
rakes his hands through his hair, grave eyes on mine. “Yes, I do. Please don’t
tell me
that’s
the only thing you heard.”
Guilt
masks my face for a moment. “It was. I’m sorry…But thanks.”
“For what?”
“For calling me precious.
Thank you,” I
whisper, briefly closing my eyes as his words sink in.
“You’re
stunning, Rain.
Unbelievably Beautiful.
You need to
know your worth,” he says quietly.
When
I open my eyes, he’s gazing at me. This gaze is not a best friend gaze. It’s an
I-want-to-jump-you-right-here-right-now scorching gaze.
Squirming,
I take another bite of the delicious cheeseburger.
“
Mmmm
.”
Tate
smiles and wipes ketchup off the side of my mouth with his thumb, sucking the
tiny dollop off. “Good, right?”
“Uh-huh,
I haven’t had a cheeseburger in five months.”
His
green eyes frost over and his expression is stunned. “Rain, Rain, Rain,” he
sighs. “You’re
gonna
to kill me. Yep. You’re
gonna
be the death of me. I knew it the first time I laid
eyes on your sweet face in high school five years ago. It was like a dagger
right through the heart.”
My
lips twist to the side. “I hope not. I need you.”
Laughing,
he leans forward and takes a chuck from the cheeseburger. “I wouldn’t know what
to do without you, cupcake.”
“Why do you call me, cupcake?
I never
understood your little pet name for me.”
His
smile broadens, twisting my heart further more.
“Because
you’re cute, small, and sweet as hell.
You’re my little cupcake,
cupcake. How much do you weigh anyway, one ten?”
“One
twenty-five,” I correct.
Tate
unconsciously licks his lips, eyes growing darker. “You’re perfect.”
My
hearts begins to beat in my ears as my stomach flutters. “Tate, why didn’t we
ever happen?”
He
shrugs and leans back in his chair, eyes locked on mine. “I guess wrong timing.
When you were single, I was dating what’s-her-face. Now I’m single and you’re
with a dummy. But I’d like us to happen, if you want to…I mean, I not trying to
push a full-blown relationship on you or anything. Hell, maybe I am.
Whatever.
Me and you, cupcake, equals perfection. Our kids
would be gorgeous.”
“Yeah?”
I ask, smiling
ridiculously.
“Fuck
yeah,” he agrees. His phone rings and he frowns at the number, ignoring the
call.
“Who
is that?”
“Nikki.”
“I
thought it was over between you two.”
He
glances up from his phone to me. “It is and it has been for a while. She’s just
a psycho ex. I’m sure you’ll understand once you break things off with Zack.”
“She
never liked me, anyway.”
“Who
cares, cupcake. She’s old news.”
I
sit the half eaten burger down, staring into his eyes. “Not really. She called
me and said she was going to break my neck if I didn’t leave you alone.”
His
expression turns to stone. “What? She called you?”
I
nod. “More than once, but the calls are always private or unknown.”
“We’re
getting our numbers changed,” he says with sudden solemnity in his tone.
“It’s
not that serious, Tate,” I mumble.
“Well,
you’re that serious to me. Besides, it’s not like we can go to the police—her dad’s
the sheriff.” He stares at a fixed spot on the wooden table, dumbfounded. “What
was I thinking when I was with her?”
“Curvy redhead with giant boobs.”
His
eyes have an amused twinkle. “You’re right. I cannot deny the beast inside of
me. When I see a pair of nice and fertile hips all I want to do is stick my d—”
“Okay,
Tate. I get the picture.”
The
strong heartbeat of a furious lion…
I
don’t have much, so packing should be a breeze. I just have to wait for the perfect
time. Perfect time equals less heartache for everyone. My eyes dart to the
digital clock on the dresser that reads 7 P.M. Zack should’ve been home by now,
but it is Friday. Maybe he took his crew out for drinks or something.
I
check my dying cell one last time before I shut it off, placing it on the
nightstand by the bed. I’ll charge it later.
No
messages from Zack, just five missed unknown calls.
Anxiety
about leaving builds in my gut. This is the second time I’m acting on a bold
decision, the first was moving out here two years ago. Maybe a nap can settle
me down. I need to get my scrambled thoughts together if I want this move to go
off without a hitch.
Yep,
a nap is exactly what I need
, I think as I climb into our, I mean,
his bed.
***
The
covers are thrown off me. I’m woken by an excruciating pain spiking through my
scalp. It’s Zack. He’s pulling me out the bed by my hair.
My
hair!
“
Ow
!” I yell as he drags me out the bed.
“What
the fuck, Rain?” He lets go once I’m on the floor. “I…called…and…called…and…called!
Why the fuck didn’t you answer? You know how I feel about you not answering
your phone. I don’t like that shit.
Not at all.
Are
you doing this to me on purpose?”
My
hands reach up in my hair, lightly caressing my stinging scalp. “No. My fucking
phone is dead you asshole.”
He
laughs darkly. His fair skin is darkened by the moonlight and his crystal blue
eyes are dilated, the tainted black spilling into the pure blue. He’s dressed
in his mechanic uniform. He’s still breathtakingly gorgeous.
Angry
as hell but still beautiful.
He crosses his arms at his chest,
expression lightly amused and way more annoyed.
“Asshole?”
My
stomach flutters, my pulse is erratic like my breathing. “You heard me,
asshole
.”
In
a movement that happens too fast I barely witness it, he squats down and
cruelly cups my chin, staring directly into my wide eyes. The heat emanating
off his body is scorching. It’s like I am being roasted alive. His fingers
pinch my skin. “You love this fucking asshole?”
Holding
his turbulent gaze, I nod breathlessly.
He
narrows his eyes very slightly before placing a soft and wet kiss on my lips.
Zack closes his eyes, resting his heated forehead on mine. He seems heady for a
moment. “I love so much, Rain, so fucking much. If you ever leave me…I
will
kill myself because not having you at my side will drive me fucking insane. You
get me?”
My
heart plummets to stomach.
Damn!
Damn!
Damn!
Damn!
“Yeah,
I got you,” I whisper, shocked beyond my natural capacity.
“You’re
my superstar, my beginning, my ending. I can’t lose you. I won’t.
Yeah?”
“I’m
not going to leave you,” I assure. My voice is a small, shriveled, unsteady
thing. My plans of moving out have quickly vanished.
Gone.
He
slowly opens his eyes and takes a deep satisfied breath. “You’re trembling,
babe.”
What
I see in them petrifies and excites me.
How
can such a thing be possible?
I
look down at my shaky hands in my lap, letting my long hair fall around my
face, creating a dark curtain between us.
“I’m
gonna
put you in bed now, yeah?”
I
answer the question with a slight nod.
He
stands, hands hooked around my wrists, lifting me up with him. Zack urges me
back to the bed. And I lie back down without complaint, staring at the ceiling
with a thousand different thoughts racing through my mind.
The
bedsprings protest as he sits beside me. “I hurt my baby?” he asks softly.
“Yes,”
I murmur, gazing at the white ceiling, trying not to cry.
He
shifts and lies next to me, pulling me on top of him, fitting me into the
curves of his warm body. “I’m sorry, babe. Sometimes I thrash out. It’s not
like I want to. I don’t, I really don’t. I don’t want to hurt you. But I do,
over, and over again. Yet you stay. Empty promises, meaningless apologies, yet
you stay. You stay.
You fucking
stay.” He takes a deep
breath but is does nothing to slow his frantic heartbeat. “I’m sorry, babe,” he
whispers into the silence.
“I
know,” I reply, the tears spilling out my eyes onto his shirt.
“Damn,”
he whispers, his fingers moving to my cheeks, wiping the tears away. “I made my
baby cry. I love you. I don’t want you to cry.” His arms wrap around me like
protective wings, squeezing lightly.
Warmth
and forbidden desire surges through me and I melt into him, knowing this is
where I want to be. “I’m scared of you, Zack,” I confess in a small whisper.
“You scare me.”
“I
know. I don’t want you to be, though.
Crazy and intense.
That’s me, babe. I don’t know if I can change. I need some serious help, yeah?”
His silent laughter ripples throughout his hard chest.
Smiling,
I answer. “Yes.” I nuzzle my cheek in the fabric of his chest. He smells so
good. Zack all ways have smelled good to me. His scent is a mixture of spicy
cologne and salty sweat and oil.
He
shudders and gives me another squeeze. “I can’t live without you, Rain. Please
stay with me.”
My
throat constricts and my nose stings. I try not to cry but it’s useless, I
burst into tears.
He
sits up and holds me close. “Baby, quit crying. You’re killing me.”
I
don’t because I can’t. He presses my head into his chest, providing me with a
haven to shed my tears. “You hurt me so much, Zack.
Each and
every day.”
He
slides his hand down the line of my back, soothing me. “I know. I’m sorry. Love
and pain is hand-in-hand with me, Rain. I don’t know how to separate the two.
It’s like I can’t have one without the other. It’s been that way my entire
life.”
“If
you hit me again, I’m fucking gone. Staying with you is not an option if you
that happens again. Our relationship will be void. I’m serious, Zack. Another
slap, push, or pinch, I’m out the door. You can kill yourself and I will leave
you bleeding to death on the floor while I leave out the door.” I need him to
understand that I cannot allow him to harm me in that way.
Not
anymore.
Every
muscle in his body tenses. “I get it, Rain. I’ll control it.” He tips my head
back, gazing into my teary eyes. “I’ll control it. I love you.”
It’s
something about his earnest tone and the pleading in his gaze that lets me know
he means it.
This time.
I
throw my arms and legs around him, pressing his warm body close to mine.
He
holds my head between his hands, intently staring into my watery eyes, skimming
his lips over mine.
“So beautiful, so fucking beautiful.”
Zack leans forward as if he’s about to kiss me but doesn’t. He’s close, so
close that I can see the specks of gold-gray in the irises of his vivid blue
eyes. “You’re mine.”
I
gasp as a shiver runs through me.
I
can’t breathe.
I
can’t move.
I
can’t think.
Everything
goes completely still.
He
means it.
Zack
eyes burn into mine, demanding a response.
“I’m
yours,” I murmur, sniffling, completely captivated by him.
He
kisses my forehead, wiping my runny nose with his hand that he swipes on his
shirt afterwards and then tosses it off and throwing to the floor, exposing his
tattooed chest and arms. He lies back down. I rest my head over his heart and
listen to the strong beats, marveling.
How
can someone have such a strong and willing heart?
He
wraps his arms around me, squeezing me lightly again. “I’m a screw-up. I know
this, but don’t let me screw
this
up.
Yeah?”
“Okay,”
I whisper, my fingers idly tracing the raven feathers on his ribs.
Zack
shudders, his breath quickens and his heart pounds a little faster.
All because of me.
Because of me.
Why
do I feel so safe lying in his arms?
The
meadow isn’t that far away and yet I stay in the lion’s den, terrified but
fully prepared to get bitten.
My
hands reach the hem of my ice blue camisole and I yank it off, tossing it
somewhere to the side. Leaning forward, I press a light kiss on my name that he
has tattooed over his heart in massive cursive letters.
A
violent shudder moves through him and he groans, rolling on top of me.
My
hands shift into his soft shoulder-length black hair, tugging him closer to me.
He
pauses and stares at me for a long moment, weighing my need.
“Please,”
I whisper, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I need you, Zack.”
He
closes his eyes, face contorted as if pained. Then he leans forward, running
his nose along mine. “I need you more, Rain.”
I
reach up and touch his hot cheek.
His
eyes flutter open with a sudden heartbreaking tenderness. He smiles, eyes locked
on my face. “Babe, charge your phone after.
Yeah?”
Smiling
back, I murmur, “Okay.”
He
reaches for the box of condoms on the nightstand. Zack pulls one out and rips
the foil open with his teeth as his other hand drags down his jeans, hurriedly
undoing his belt buckle. Clothes are torn off until we both lie naked and
gasping for breath that we can’t seem to catch. I watch him with burning
anticipation as he rolls the condom on and in one swift move he his inside of
me. I can’t conceal the fact he makes my eyes roll to the back of my head.
“Always so fucking wet.”
I
shut my eyes tight as he begins to move. My insides are already quivering. The
sensation is nirvana.
“Always for you.”
He
harshly grasps my jaw and my lids fly open. His eyes are dark sapphires and I
vaguely wonder if I look as untamed as he does. “Only for me,” he hisses in my
ear, correcting me.
Half
moaning, half grunting I come. My orgasms with Zack are always brutal and
consuming. But his doesn’t slow his pace. He always fucks me through them. Zack
captures the strangled sounds that are coming from me with is mouth. He doesn’t
stop until he finds his own release and until he’s satisfied that I am nothing
more than a heap of trembling flesh beneath him.
Will
everything with him be as passionate and as…fatal?