Authors: Kathy Belge
Queer (10 page)
Unfortunately, LGBT people are still the victims of hate crimes, which means they are physically attacked or sexually assaulted because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. According to the FBI, sexual orientation or gender identity is the third most likely reason, after race and religion, for bias-related attacks.
It's hard to know what to do when you're attacked. In some cases, the best thing to do is to run, yell, or fight back. In other situations, you might feel like the thing that will keep you safest is to not resist. Follow your instincts and trust that you did the best you could to protect yourself. And remember that no matter where or when you were attacked, it was not your fault.
As soon as you can, get to a safe place. Talk to someone you trust. Get an adult involved. Report what happened to the police. If you were sexually assaulted, don't change your clothes or take a shower. You may feel like the first thing you want to do is to get clean, but the police may need evidence. If antigay slurs were used against you, report that. You don't have to say whether you are gay or not.
Get support from a rape crisis hotline or the Trevor help line (thetrevorproject.org), a 24-hour crisis and counseling center specifically for young queer people.
Imagine you're sitting there in English class, trying to stay awake, when the teacher assigns a position paper on the topic "Should Same-Sex Marriage Be Legal?" Oh great. That means some of your classmates are going to start researching and arguing why you shouldn't have the same rights. Great way to start out a Monday, eh?
The way the political climate is right now, a lot of gay issues like marriage are being debated in very public forums, like over the airwaves and internet, at the ballot box, and in highly publicized court cases. Both of us have voted on things like gay marriage in our own states. We've won some fights, and we've lost others. And even though we think it's a shame that equal rights is something that people need to vote on, we know that we need to stand up for our rights, so we vote.
But it's often easy to feel like you're under attack. You may have to listen to politicians tell lies about you, watch hateful and misleading commercials, and even hear people you know and love say they're going to vote against you. You might feel like you don't know where you stand with people in your life. You can get paranoid, wondering if the guy behind the counter selling you that sandwich is pro or antigay. It is degrading and can really wear on your self-esteem.
We've both found that the best way to feel good about ourselves in situations like this is to throw ourselves into the fight for the cause. Unfortunately, you might not be able to vote yet, but there is stuff you can do. Write editorials for the school paper and letters to the editor of your local paper. Volunteer for the campaign. Organize students at your school to get involved. Have a bake sale or a dance to raise money to support the cause or a candidate who's supportive. And always try to stay positive and make good connections with peopleâboth queer and straightâwho are on your side. In the end, if your campaign loses, remember that it's just one battle. Real change often takes a few tries. So don't give up hope. Instead, know that you did everything you could to stand up for what you believe. And the next time the issue is up for a vote, jump back in again and go for the win.
Kathy and the Homophobic Park Incident
In 2006, people in Oregon were asked to vote on a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. I was doing all I could to fight for our rights. I volunteered for my local gay rights organization, canvassed door to door, and put a pro-gay marriage sign on my lawn and bumper sticker on my car.
One Saturday, my partner and I took our dogs to the neighborhood park. When we returned to the car, I found a note on the windshield that said, "Gays go home. This is a straight park!" I was shocked and scared. It was one of our favorite places to bring the dogs, and suddenly I felt unsafe.
My partner and I drove home in silence, upset and not sure what to say. When we got home, I burst into tears. The culmination of weeks of TV and radio ads, "One Man, One Woman" bumper stickers, and neighbors with "Protect Marriage" lawn signs had gotten to me. We decided to call the police and file a report about the note. Even if they never caught the people, we felt it was important that the threat be documented.
After the officer left, my neighbor, a straight woman whom I considered to be a good friend, came over to see why the police were at our house. I could see her hiding a smirk as I told the story. Finally she burst out laughing and told me that she was the one who put the note on my car. She thought it was funny. A joke. I looked at her, incredulous. I considered her a friend and ally, but I knew she could never understand how under siege I felt as a queer person in that kind of political climate. She apologized and also tried to console me when we lost the election. I still love her dearly, but the incident did make me realize that it's really hard for most of the world to understand what it is like to walk through life as a queer person.
Somehow, God always comes into the picture when queer people come out. No matter whether you're a devout Christian or a nonbeliever, you can be sure that someone somewhere is going to tell you what God thinks about your being queer. (As if they even knew.)
God-against-gays people typically fall into one of three categories:
The "God hates fags" people
. These people use religion to justify their ignorant viewpoints and tell you that you're going to burn in hell for being gay.
The "God can help you" people
. These people try to convince you that God will help you become straight. They will try to "save"you in this way. And they are big fans of reparative therapy (see
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).
The "hate the sin, love the sinner" people
. These people try to tell you that, even If you can't help being gay, you should never act on it because gay sex is immoral and ungodly.
We're not religious scholars, but we do know there is a lot of debate happening within churches and religious organizations right now about the place of LGBT people in the eyes of God. If you are religious, we encourage you to investigate your own faith and come to your own conclusions.
What do you do when you run into someone who has a religious viewpoint that is opposed to homosexuality? The answer depends on how much you care. For instance, if it's a religious viewpoint that you are not in any way connected to, it can be easy enough to agree to disagree or to ignore the zealot's proselytizing. But what if you are Christian and your church teaches that homosexuality is a sin? How can you resolve your own beliefs with the teachings of your church?
You may want to find a new place of worship. There are people within your faithâbe it Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Mormon, Buddhist, or whateverâwho believe that God loves everyone, including your homolicious self! Lots of congregations are now accepting queer people into the fold, and you just need to find the right one for you. (See the Resources section to find out how to connect with queer-friendly religious leaders and institutions in your area.)
Because of the confines some of established religions, many LGBT people establish their own brand of spirituality, independent of organized religion, or even work within specific religious traditions. You're free to believe in whatever kind of God you like and to worshipâor not worshipâas you choose.
Some teens (and even some adults) who aren't as mentally mature as you are may think that being queer is a big joke, or that playing tricks on you because you're LGBT is hilarious. In fact, a recent study reported that 54 percent of LGBT teens have been cyber-bullied by having humiliating photos of them posted online, rumors spread about them, or cruel online polls created about them. Other kids may try to use your queerness to punkyou. For example, they might pose as someone else online and arrange to meet you somewhere, only to arrive with a group of their friends to "prove" that you're gay. They may lead you on with a string of flirty IMs and texts that they're really laughing about with their friends. They may invite you to a party just to make fun of you. Or in a more serious situation, they may lure you somewhere alone with the promise of friendship or confidentiality and then jump you with a bunch of other thugs.
We're not trying to scare the hot pants off you, and you shouldn't be paranoid about making new friends. Sometimes the head cheerleader really does have a crush on you and wants to meet you in secret, or maybe that funny guy in your science class actually feels like he needs to confide inyou about his conflicted emotions or same-sex attractions. But you should be careful.
Here are some queer-safe rules to live by.
If you're going to go out with someone you've never been out with before, tell a friend where you're going and see if you can check in with him or her in an hour or so to make sure it's all cool.
Keep your cell handy when going to meet someone you don't know well, just in case you need to make a rescue call.
Always carry money on you (keep it somewhere hidden, like your sock) so you can grab a bus or taxi if you need to get out of somewhere.
Approach any new flirts with a measure of caution, and don't say anything that you could later be embarrassed by until you're sure that person's for real.
If you get invited to a party by people you don't know, ask if you can bring your friends along for backup.
If someone is harassing you online, change your profile to private, block his or her address, and refuse to respond.