tent; and no one there to lay a hand on Musa's arm or press his
chest so that the devil's air could be expressed before the pestle
fell again.
Musa gave the donkey one more chance. 'Get up,' he said.
The throat had cleared. His voice was reedy once again. He
3 4
kicked her side. He jabbed his heel against her inflamed boil.
No luck. He brought the pestle down on to her lower back,
experimentally. 'Get up,' again. But here Musa had met his
match. Her sickness was greater than his, and was defeating him.
She could endure his bullying, but did not have the will or
strength to stand. She closed her eyes and even dropped her ears.
Do what you will to me. You are invisible.
Musa could not stop himself, of course. A merchant always
sees his business through. He had to bargain with the currency
at nand. He knew that donkeys were like customers. They had
long memories. Camels had none. A donkey that had got its
own way once would expect it every time. It would resist the
tether and the switch. It would 'shake its panniers off and bray
for better food. He told himself he had no choice but to force
the donkey to her feet, to make her move a safe distance away
from the tent. For what purpose? Simply so that she could tumble
on to her chin again and die where Musa had commanded. This,
then, would be the final lesson of her life. There is a price to
pay for disobedience, he thought. There is always a reckoning.
He'd make her pay for his infection, too. For his abandonment.
Musa lifted up the pestle for a second time, but less experimentally. Now there were three good reasons why the donkey should be hit, and little to mitigate her punishment. He had to satisfy
his anger. Anger was like phlegm and urine - best expressed at
once. It was a shame there were no witnesses, he thought,
warming to his task. He would have liked to have had an audience
- Miri and his uncles. See what happens when Musa is upset,
he'd say. Here's how to put a pestle to good use. He would
divorce this donkey on the spot.
It was just as well there were no witnesses. When Musa swung
the pestle he lost his footing. Its weight circled too widely behind
his shoulder. His own weight was uncentred. He almost fell on
to the donkey. His temper took a shaking, too. He had to start
3 5
again, and use the pestle like an axe, chopping at the mortar of
her head. Big men are often clumsy when they are violent. Their
venom can seem comical and soft. They are too breathless and
they have too many chins. Thin men, with bloodless lips and
hollow waists, appear more dangerous. But Musa's frenzy was
not comical. There was nothing jocular or soft about the way
he used the pestle. Indeed, his clumsiness had made him angry
with himself and that provided extra power. Killing did not
bother him. It was natural. He'd slaughtered goats a dozen times.
He'd wrung the necks ofbirds. He'd dealt with snakes. But this
was more than slaughtering. This was a settling of scores.
It took two blows to put the donkey out. Her skull was thin,
and she was old. She had sufficient spirit to bare her teeth at
Musa's leg, but not enough to roll over on her side and kick at
him. She only rolled when she was unconscious and had no
choice. Musa did not stop when she was on her side. He wanted
now to see some product for his efforts, some broken skin, some
rips, some blood. He wanted to make the stubborn creature's
head fall loose. It took him ten more blows to break the ridge
ofbones high on her neck, the vertebrae between her ears. They
were protected by her short and springy mane. Musa had to
twist the pestle as it fell so that he could strike the donkey on its
uncushioned side, along the line of sinew between the cheekbone and the shoulder. Gradually her coat was rid of dust. The skin began to soften like so much grain had softened and split
under the same pestle in Miri's hands. But the blood was slow
to rise. When it did it surfaced on the donkey's skin like wine
through bread, not running free but welling, blushing through
the hair, thickening and darkening in curtains at her throat, as
if the blood itself was so drained of energy it could not even fall.
Then Musa rested, watching while the blood-flow to the
donkey's brain was blocked by the breakages and swellings. The
nerves, first in her ears and throat, then in her flank, and finally
in her damaged leg and at the end-tuft of her tail, shook and
trembled as if the donkey felt nothing more than unexpected
cold. Musa hit her once again. Her face was fruit. It bruised and
split and wept. Her neck had broken at the shoulder-blade. Musa
had succeeded in his task: at last the donkey's head was loose.
He could not resist a final swing, although his shoulders ached
and his heart was hammering. Was this exuberance or brutishness?
He knocked her top front teeth into her mouth. They cracked
out of her gums like stones from apricots.
Musa's exertions were exhausting for a man already weakened
by the fever. He had to rest again. He put his hand on the
donkey's rump, and lowered himself on to the earth. His hands
and knees were splashed with blood, and they were shaking. He
poured some water and washed himself. He knew he should
take more care in case the blood was still contagious, but Musa
held the simple view that the glanders would have died as well
beneath the pestle blows, that death can vanquish all disease.
Death can heal. He dried his hands in donkey hair and shook
the water off on to the animal. He flicked the waste from his
hands over the donkey's head, a blessing of a sort. Musa was
feeling calmer, playful even, but he was never one for flippancy.
So someone else was speaking through his lips. He was surprised
to hear himself offer to the donkey the common greeting for
the sick and dying. 'So, here, be well again,' he said. Fat chance
of that!
'So, here, be well again'? The recurrence of that phrase made
Musa shiver. There was a meaning to such repetitions. There
always was. Everything that's stored will be restored, that is the
chiming pattern of the world. Whose words were those, Be well
again? Who haunted him? Whose throbbing voice was that? He
concentrated hard. And, yes, there was a half-remembered figure
now. A face within his fever. A peasant face. A robber's face.
He could recall his eyelids being thumbed and stroked: 'A sip,
3 7
a sip. And then I'm gone.' Not Miri's voice, but someone soft
and male; his lesser twin but with an accent from the farming
north. A Galilean voice, with open lazy vowels, and consonants
which shot out like seeds from a drying pod, which shed their
stones like apricots, which snapped out of the gums like donkey's
teeth. 'A sip, a sip, a sip.' A healer's voice, belonging in the tent.
Musa looked into the tent. No unexpected shadows there.
He searched for someone moving in the scrub. He hoped and
feared to see the man again. He'd settle any debts. He'd pay the
reckoning, if it was reasonable. Together they had travelled to
the long black ridge and looked beyond into the ochre plains of
death. Be well again. Be well.
So that's how Miri found him when she came. She had to
stumble in the darkness for a lamp to see exactly what misfortunes
had occurred. There was no body in the tent, and that was
frightening. It didn't take her long to find the donkey and her
husband. The corpse's smell was bad, and there were scrub dogs
already gathered near the tent, hungry for the meat. Her husband's
head was resting on the donkey's leg, and they were black with
drying blood. At first she thought they both were dead. But no
such luck. His chest was rising. He snored. His tongue was pink
and healthy on his lips, not black from fever any more. It was a
curse; it was a miracle. So much for death's discrimination. It
had claimed the donkey, not the man.
Musa was woken by the lamplight. He wasn't feverish. He
looked at Miri, her dirty hands, her bloody knees, her tearful
eyes. 'Hah, so you returned,' he said. And just as well. He pointed
at his bloody handiwork. But Musa's anger had been squandered
on the donkey. He was relieved to see his wife. It showed. How
could he manage on his own? It had been the oddest day, and
he was tired. He did not know if he should celebrate or grieve.
He pulled her fiercely by her arms, a tender, punishing embrace,
and made her tell him everything that had happened, what his
uncles had prescribed, what their plans for him had been.
'Where were you, then?' he asked finally. 'Look at your hair.'
What could she say? That she had run away from him? That
she had dug his grave, and passed the afternoon quite comfortably
inside? She couldn't speak. She was in shock, and trembling.
Her liberation had been too short. At last she said, with what he
might have taken to be tears of worry and concern, that she had
thought that he was going to die.
'Well, you were wrong. A spirit came and brought me back.
But not with any help from you,' he said accusingly, though he
released the hard grip on her arm and dropped his hand into her
lap. 'I saw his face.'
'What face?'
'Somebody's face. The fever's face? I don't remember seeing
yours.'
'I couldn't lure the fever out,' she said. 'I sang for you. All
night. It's true. I did . . .' Musa tilted his heavy chin at her, to
let her know he hadn't heard her sing. ' . . . I climbed the scarp
to look for roots. To make a poultice. But . . .' (she opened up
her hands to show her broken nails) ' . . . I dug for nothing. The
earth was hard. It's stones . . .'
She gabbled on, but did not listen to herself. God damn the
spirit that has brought you back, she thought. Her wrist was still
smarting from the fierceness of his grip. His hand was pressing
into her and she was shrinking and retreating from his fingers.
He was unsteady still. And ungainly as ever. He could not quite
succeed - not yet, at least - in turning Miri on her back. But he
was lucky with his lips .. no longer dry and caustic. He pressed
his kisses on her face. That was the trading profit of her day.
It had been an afternoon of hope, at least. She'd raised her
hands into the unresisting air. The sky was soft for her. But now
the sky became a hard and bruising dish again. Miri was reduced
3 9
to one of scrubland's night-time residents, its seven people and
its goats, its caves, its tent, its partial hospitality beneath the
thinnest moon of spring. She was unwidowed and unfreed, the
mistress of unwelcome lips, the keeper of a wasted grave.