Authors: Alexa Riley
“
C
ome on
, show them to me.” Tammy wiggles her eyebrows at me like she’s asking me to show her my goodies. And I don’t mean the last batch of baked goods I just pulled out of the oven.
“No, they’re private.” I can feel my face warming just talking about the letters.
“Oh, my God. Are they dirty?!” Her face lights up like she just struck gold.
“No, not really.” They really aren’t dirty at all. Maybe a few innuendoes here and there. One time I did admit to never having been with a man. I seem to be willing to tell him everything about myself, no matter how embarrassing it might be.
“Then what’s with the blush?” She grabs her wine off the coffee table and takes a sip, leaning back on the sofa.
Tammy, as usual, kind of popped up on me. I usually keep all of Mark’s letters in box in the living room, but I had them all splayed out on the coffee table as I reread each one while drinking a glass of wine. It’s something I find myself doing more and more often these days. My Kindle hasn’t been switched on in weeks.
I’d hurriedly gathered them up, putting them back safely into the box while she eyed me, helping herself to her own glass of wine.
Now we’re both sitting on the sofa as she tries to pry about Mark. I share everything with Tammy, but for some reason the letters are now off-limits. They’re mine, and I don’t want to share. I’ve never been jealous over a man before. The feeling is strange and oddly enough, I like it.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I admit, feeling a little silly. I’ve never even met the man.
“You think?” She says it with a teasing laugh, but I can’t seem to join in.
I just bite my lip, not sure what to do at this point.
“You don’t think it’s silly I’m in love with a man I’ve never met?”
Her eyes soften at my question. Placing her glass back down on the table, she turns to look at me.
“No, it’s not silly. It’s sweet. I don’t know what he’s writing in those letters, but it’s...” she pauses, looking for the right words, “changed you.”
“Changed me?” I repeat, not sure what she means.
“In a good way. You’ve been happier and you’ve come out of your shell. Whatever he’s doing or saying to you, it kinda makes you glow.”
My face warms at her words.
“He called me,” I blurt out. I hadn’t planned on telling her. I don’t know why. Maybe I wanted to keep that to myself, too. Or maybe I was worried she might get all judgy. People always seem to have an opinion about things, and I just hadn’t wanted anything to dampen this. I’ve been so happy, and I didn't want to jinx it.
I knew I’d felt happier lately. I just didn’t know it was noticeable. I hadn’t realized others could see it in me, too.
“Oh, really?” Her teasing humor is back, and it makes me smile.
“He said he finally got somewhere he could call me from. Told me he was in Ireland for a few days. We talked for three hours.”
“You gotta give me something here.”
“We talk about everything and nothing.” We really do. We used to operate by writing one letter and waiting for a response and then sending one back. Now I find myself writing him every day. Almost like I’m writing him a diary and sending it to him.
“Sounds like a relationship to me.”
I wish. He’s never said anything like that. I know he’s single. Don’t those guys get to base and hookup with women and stuff? I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I wish I was more like Tammy and could’ve made a teasing joke about it, but my shyness still gets the best of me, even with him sometimes.
I’d nudged him a little to see if he was going to go out. He told me he was doing exactly what he wanted to be doing—talking on the phone to me.
It made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.
I just shrug at Tammy’s comment. No matter how much I wish that were true, it’s not. We’re just friends.
“Didn’t you mention he’d be getting out soon?”
Her reminder sends a knot of dread rushing to the pit of my stomach, crushing all my butterflies.
“Yeah,” I mutter, picking up my own glass of wine and taking a few big gulps.
“I can’t wait to meet him!” She grabs the bottle of wine and tops us both off.
“I don’t know about that.”
“Come on. As much as you two talk, you can’t still be shy around him. I know you sent him more photos of yourself.”
I did, and Tammy had taken them for me. He asked for them, and I sent them in the next letter, wanting him to have them, pushing past my shyness for him. I’m almost sure there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do if he asked. He’s made a few side comments about traveling here, but nothing solid.
“I don’t even know if we’ll write once he gets out. That’s the whole point of this. I write him because he’s in the Marines. That’s the point of the program.”
It’s what I’ve been dreading. What if we stop writing when he retires? Never hearing from him again would hurt. No, it would more than hurt. I’ve formed an intense attachment to him and losing it...
“Oh, come on.” Tammy slaps my shoulder, pulling me from my depressing thoughts. “A man doesn’t write you like this,” she picks up the box of letters, giving it a little shake, “and then just quit.”
I cling to that sliver of hope. Maybe she’s right. The kids in the program don’t get letters like I do. Most get maybe one a month. I’ve been getting about four a week.
I take the box from her and place it in my lap. Either way, I’ll always have these to hold on to.
I
smile
as I kiss the letter and put it in the box with the others. It’s been almost a year since we started writing, and I’m packing up all of Katie’s letters to take with me back home.
Home.
It’s been so long since I’ve been excited about that word. Now it means more than just a destination or a country. It means getting to see Katie.
I never thought I could care this much about someone I’ve never met. But it feels as if the letters have taken away all of the bullshit and left us with nothing but simple truth. It feels like I’ve come alive, and for the first time in my life, I’m on the right path.
The path to Katie.
Our letters have turned into so much more than just saying hello and answering questions. I’ve written out quotes from authors I love, and I’ve sent her poems written by greater men than I. It’s the only way I can say ‘I love you’ in a letter to her. Because the first time I say it to her, I want to say it to her in person. I want her in my arms the first time she hears it from me. Because I do. I’m hopelessly in love with her.
Every letter, she asks me about the PS and why I leave it blank. I’m going to tell her, and I’m going to say all the words I’ve been holding back, saving them for when I can say them against her lips.
“Sergeant Major, the squad is ready.” Riggs says as he grabs my bag and carries it out of the room. I place the bundle of Katie’s letters in my daypack and sling it over my shoulder. I’m keeping the essentials with me as we travel back home, the rest of my stuff going into cargo.
I wrote one final letter to her, and I’m mailing it out today. It will take me a couple of days to get back home, but if I time it right, she’ll get it after I arrive.
I’m not allowed to tell her exactly when I’m coming home. Troops can’t divulge any movement in an area, even if it means telling family when we’re leaving. It’s too dangerous and would give away positions, so in order to keep everyone safe, the date is secret.
As luck would have it, I’m touching down in South Carolina first, our entire platoon meeting at Parris Island. Once I dismiss my men, they can travel back home while I finish up my paperwork for retirement. Nothing moves fast in the Marine Corps, but it shouldn’t take too long. I’ll just have to sign documents and then I’ll be able to leave.
I’ll be free to do what I want. And at the top of that list is Katie Lovely.
I keep worrying about what’s going to happen when she sees me. Will she be upset I just showed up at her house? Will she turn me away? Will she run up and hug me and tell me she’s been waiting?
Our squad had a few hours of leave and I was able to find a phone and call her. She’d given me her number a long time ago when I asked for it, ‘just in case.’ We only had a few hours to talk, but every second of that, I spent on the phone with her.
We talked and talked, but I can’t remember what was said. I just remember my face hurting from smiling and my belly aching from laughing so much.
Her voice, goddamn, her voice. I could have lain there for days just listening to her. It made going back to letters a little harder after that, knowing what it was like to hear her say my name, knowing how pleasurable it was to listen to her soft giggles.
One day I’ll tell her about how many times I jerked off after that phone call, remembering her soft sighs and thinking about her mouth. Jesus, I came so many times, it was comical. But afterwards, when we left, I was sad for a few days because I wasn’t able to hear her voice again. It was a big crash after such an amazing high.
When I got her next letter, though, it was nice to read it with her voice in my head. It was if she was reading it to me, and it made it a little easier to take.
“Is that all, Sergeant Major?” Riggs has come back in and awaits my instructions. I hold out the letter to him.
“Make sure this gets in the outpost today. The squad that’s staying behind still has mail going in and out. And tell them I want whatever is sent to my attention returned to the sender. Understood?”
“Yes, Sergeant Major.” He takes the letter and leaves as I join my squad.
I
’ve been
on the plane for a few hours now, and everyone is settled in for a long flight. I close my eyes and lean my head back, trying to get some sleep. I do the same thing I always do every time I close my eyes.
I think about Katie.
I remember her bright eyes from the pictures she sent me. Her gorgeous red hair, her delicate fingers twisting a lock around them. Her soft creamy skin begging me to kiss it. Her full lips smiling at me, laughing in a few of them. I have etched into my mind every single detail of her. I could die tonight and if a few pictures and her voice were all I ever got, I’d die a happy man.
I know this is all crazy and seems so ridiculous, but I’ve fallen in love with a woman I’ve never met. Yet she knows me better than anyone on this planet. She has seen what’s truly inside my heart, and she’s brought out the best parts of me.
Katie did all this from the other side of the world. I can hardly imagine what holding her in my arms will do to me.
I
run
my finger along the edge of the envelope. I’ve been staring at it for over five minutes now. The return-to-sender message stamped across the front makes my head spin.
I haven’t gotten a letter from Mark in over a week, which isn’t normal for us, and now I got my last one back in the mail. My stomach rolls at the possibilities of what this could mean.
“You ready?” I glance over my shoulder to see Tammy standing behind me, all dressed up and ready to go out in a black, form-fitting dress that shows off her long legs. I’m sure her husband is going to give her shit about wearing that dress, but that’s probably why she did it. She likes when he goes all caveman on her, and I have to admit it’s cute when he does. It’s something I’d love to have for myself one day.
When our eyes meet, her smile drops and she rushes over towards me.
“What’s wrong?”
I hand her the envelope.
“Maybe he got moved or something. It could be anything, Katie.” She pulls me into a hug, and her gentle comforting makes a tear slip free.
“I just mailed the letter to some base and they make sure they get it to him. They’d know where he was and forward it on. This means...” My words trail off because I can’t even say it. Could something have happened to him? I’d have no way of knowing, and worse, I don’t even know how to get a hold of someone who would. They probably wouldn’t tell me anything.
“You don’t know what it means. Maybe he got out. All done. It’s been over a year now, and I remember you told me he had a year before he retired. That was when you first started writing.”
Her words bring me some comfort. But why didn’t he tell me he was leaving? Give me a new address or something, a way of getting ahold of him? Or maybe, like I was dreading, as he’s no longer in the Marines, we’re done.
That doesn’t hurt as much as the other possibility, but it still cuts deep. Deeper than I ever thought possible.
“Katie!” Tammy pulls back from our hug, grabbing my shoulders in a firm hold. “That man is not done with you. Trust me. Think about it. You know him better than anyone. You have to with as much as you two write back and forth.”
“You’re right.” No way would he just stop communication. He wouldn’t do that to me. He may not have feelings of love for me like I do for him, but we had a deep friendship, not one that could easily be tossed aside.
“I’m sure you’ll hear something in a few days.” She drops her hands from my shoulders and runs her eyes down my body.
“You look sexy.”
“Sexy? Really?” I don’t think
sexy
is a word that can be used for me, but I have to admit I stepped a little out of my comfort zone tonight with my dress. It hugs my breasts but flares out at the bottom, showing off more of my curves than usual. It’s white, but I paired it with a red necklace and earrings that match my hair. Tammy helped me pick out the jewelry.
I even put on a little make-up and got my nails done. I tamed my wild hair, opting to leave it down tonight.
Since I started talking to Mark, I’ve noticed my confidence has gone up and a little bit of my shyness has slipped away. I don’t know if it’s the compliments he’s always giving me, or the fact that I feel sexually charged for the first time in my life. I find myself thinking about sex more than I ever have. Before, it was a passing thought here or there. Now I find myself lying in bed every night thinking about Mark next to me and all the things he’d do to me.
“Sexy sweet. We’re going to have a good time tonight.”
Tammy talked me into going to some ladies’ night. It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, so a local bar is holding some anti-Valentine’s Day party. And since it was a Friday night, I thought why not. Like I said, I’ve been coming out of my shell more lately, and I have Mark to thank for that.
“I could really use a drink now,” I say, dropping the letter on the counter and picking up my purse. There’s nothing I can do right now to try to find out anything. It’s already 7 P.M., and I don’t even know where to begin in my attempts to locate Mark.
“Or three.”
I laugh, nodding my head. “Three sounds good.”
“Hubs is going to drop us off and pick us up. We could really have, like, five.” She pushes me playfully as we make our way towards to door to head over to her place.
When I open the door, all the air leaves my lungs, and I hear Tammy’s exclamation.
“Holy shit!”
He’s okay.
He’s here.
I can’t seem to find words, and neither can he because his mouth crashes down onto mine.
He’s okay, I tell myself. Relief pours through me. I latch on to him tighter, wanting to get closer and to prove to myself that he’s okay. That he’s really here.
Then I seem to be in his arms, my feet no longer touching the ground. I feel his hands go to my ass as he picks me up easily, and I feel my back hit a wall. His tongue pushes into my mouth, soft and sweet, making my heart clench.
He suddenly pulls away, and both of us try to catch our breath.
“You taste like sugar. I knew you’d be sweet, but damn.”
I hear his words, but it’s all so much. He’s here. At my house. I’m in his arms, and my legs are wrapped around his waist.
Holy shit.
“This was the wall thing I was talking about,” Tammy says, and I can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes my lips as my face turns cherry red.