Promise Me Darkness (8 page)

His body felt warm and safe as he cradled me against him, carrying me through the house. The next thing I knew, we were outside in the heavy rain. Ryder moved quickly across the muddy yard, protecting me from the rain with his body but my stomach churned with each step he took.

“Put me down. I’m going to be sick,” I groaned.

Ryder eased me to the ground, where I crumbled to my knees like a rag doll and lost everything in my stomach. I felt him behind me, holding my long hair, angling his body over mine protectively.

After the dry heaves passed, he silently picked me back up. I was in and out of consciousness, hardly aware of what was happening.

Unlocking the car door, he put me in the passenger seat, reclining it as far back as it would go. His arm reached across my lap to buckle my seatbelt securely. I was soaking wet from the rain and shivering. With the absence of his arms around me, I grew cold.

Ryder started the engine then looked over at me in the beam of the streetlights.

I thought he looked stunning despite the bruises already darkening his face. I wanted to reach out and touch his strong jaw. I wanted to pull him toward me to repeat our kiss.

But blackness took over.

I slowly woke to a pounding headache. The screeching of a cell phone radiated pain through my skull. I was afraid if I reached over and answered it, my head would explode and every muscle in my body would scream in protest.

Someone moved beside me, rustling the sheets, making the bed dip. My heart rate quickened when Ryder sat up to lean over me. His arm stretched across my chest, turning off the cell phone. After it was silenced, he loomed above me, looking down and studying me closely. His face was lined with exhaustion and worry. I felt responsible for putting them there.

“Maddie, thank God you’re awake,” he said, lying back down beside me. His arm brushed against mine as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

I attempted to sit up but my head throbbed, sending shooting pain everywhere. I peeked over to find Ryder staring at the ceiling.
What was he doing in my bed?

“What happened?” I asked. My voice sounded hoarse, my throat raw from vomiting.

Ryder looked over at me. His jaw was covered in black stubble and his lips were set in a firm, hard line.

“You were blindass drunk. Threw up about a hundred times. I was scared to death you had alcohol poisoning.” His eyes dropped down to my lips. “Don’t do that to me again, Maddie.”

“Why were you at the party?” I whispered, grimacing from my sore throat.

He turned to lie on his side, facing me. “I needed to make sure you were okay.” His eyes ran over my face slowly, studying each feature. “I found you barely conscious with that shithead holding you down. You spent half the night in the bathroom, throwing up, before I finally carried you in here.”

I felt ill as all the memories rushed back. Ben’s hands on me, holding me down. His unwillingness to stop. The feeling of helplessness. I felt abused, vulnerable. When the tears splashed down my face, I didn’t try to stop them.

“Shit!” Ryder swore. Reaching over, he pulled me toward him. I went willing. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close. One hand stayed on my waist while the other cradled the back of my head.

“You’re safe,” he said so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” I said, sniffling.

“I’ll always take care of you, Maddie.”

~~~~

I woke up later to an empty bed. I felt colder, lonelier lying here without him. A forbidden thought raced through my mind —
What would it be like to sleep next to him every night?
I chastised myself. Thinking that way was wrong on so many levels. I forced the thought from my pounding head and crawled out of bed. Throwing on a faded tank top and shorts, I headed for the bathroom.

The girl staring back at me in the mirror was a fright. Smeared mascara, a bad case of bed–head, and pale, greenish skin made me look like the walking dead. I quickly stripped and took a fast shower, scrubbing last night away. But no amount of soap could replace the loss of my dignity.

As the remains of last night washed down the drain, I thought of Ben. I needed to call him. After last night, it was definitely over between us and the sooner he knew, the better. That relationship died the minute he refused to take ‘no’ for an answer.

But first I needed coffee.

The apartment was eerily quiet. I found Eva sitting at our small kitchen table with her eyes glued to a laptop.

“Maddie! Oh my gosh, are you okay?” she asked when she saw me.

I almost started crying again as I nodded and took a seat beside her.

“Ryder told me what happened. I’m glad he beat the crap out of Ben.”

“Ben was drunk,” I said, cringing when I heard my own words. It sounded like a lame excuse for what he tried to do.

“No man should behave that way, drunk or otherwise.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You sure you’re okay? He didn’t…do anything did he?”

“No, but if Ryder hadn’t got there when he did…” I didn’t finish the sentence, the thought too terrible.

She offered me her Starbucks coffee, which I gladly took. The hot liquid felt wonderful going down my parched throat, warming my insides.

“Stay away from him, Maddie. The man is psycho.”

“I know. I’m ending it. I just have to tell him,” I mumbled, resting my head in the palm of my hand.

“Don’t confront the bastard by yourself. Wait until Ryder’s around. He won’t let the asshole touch you again.”

“Okay,” I agreed, wanting to end this conversation. I didn’t want to talk about Ben anymore. The less I thought of what he tried to do, the better grasp I could keep on my sanity.

“I feel awful. Remind me never to drink again,” I said, rubbing my forehead. One night of hitting the bottle was enough to last me a lifetime.

“So…” Eva leaned toward me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “When I got home last night, the two of you were sitting on the bathroom floor and you were draped all over Ryder.”

I felt embarrassed, knowing I probably looked pathetic.

“I’ve never seen him look so scared. He wouldn’t leave your side. It was romantic in a grotesque kind of way since you were puking your guts out.”

"Eva, it was…"

She interrupted me. “I also know he slept in your room. And this morning, he came strolling out, looking all sexy and giving me strict orders to take care of you.” She rolled her eyes. “Like I wouldn’t anyway.”

Her eyes narrowed when she saw the blush on my face. “I want details.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There are no details. He just wanted to make sure I was okay so he stayed in my room.” I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. “You know how he is.” Ryder was always saving the day. Even my childhood was filled with him rescuing me. My own personal superhero.

Eva sighed, probably hoping for a juicer answer. “The guy is such a badass but when it comes to you, he‘s a big baby.”

“Where is Ryder anyway?”

“No idea but he took your car,” she said, taking the coffee from my hand to take a sip.

I jumped when my cell phone vibrated, emitting a low hum on the table. Before I could grab it, Eva picked it up and glanced at the screen. When she saw who it was, her back stiffened.

“Ryder doesn’t want you to have it. But here.” She held the phone out to me like it was a ticking time bomb. “He’s been calling nonstop. Answer the damn thing and tell him to go screw himself.”

I took the phone from her, knowing instantly who it was. Ben. Seeing his name sent a tingle of fear down my spine. I tried to ignore the feeling, knowing I would have to face him eventually. For now, I let the call go to voicemail. Scanning through the phone, I found numerous missed calls and text messages from him.

U ok? I’m SRY.

Acted like a fool.

SORRY

Call me. Plz.

My voicemail was full of messages from him but I couldn’t bear to hear his voice. I deleted them all, wanting to erase all traces of him from my life.

“So I guess you’re not going to tell me what happened between you and Ryder?” Eva asked.

“No, because nothing happened.”

She sighed with disappointment. “Fine, but if something happens, you better tell me."

I nodded, which was a good enough answer for her. Turning back to the laptop, her fingers started typing furiously.

“So my dad’s having a major meltdown about this war. Have you seen all the shit going on?”

“I watched some of the news yesterday. Why? What’s happening?” I asked, half listening since my head was pounding.

“Well, the terrorists are now threatening us with a nuclear weapon, saying they can drop it on us at any time. The Pakistanis, Afghanis, Iranians, North Koreans, and Syrians are all gathering forces so the U.S. is sending more and more troops overseas. It doesn’t look good. This war might go global,” she said, clicking between pages.

I thought again of Ryder enlisting.
How could I let him go, knowing he was going into a war that he may not return from?
I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t survive if something happened to him.
How could I when he meant so much to me?

Eva shut the laptop, jerking me out of the terrible thoughts. “On a happier note…last night Brody called and asked me on a date.”

I sat up straighter, my headache forgotten momentarily. “That’s great, Eva!” I said, truly happy for her.

Brody was Eva’s on–again, off–again boyfriend. They were inseparable in high school but broke up the first semester of college. Since then, they had broken up and gotten back together too many times to count. One minute they were in love, the next they hated each other but I knew she secretly missed him.

“I invited him to go out with us tomorrow night.”

I shook my head firmly. “I can’t. The way I feel, I’ll still have a hangover tomorrow.”

“Please, Maddie? I need you with me so I don’t do something crazy like go home with him.”

I chewed the corner of my lip in indecision. I was Eva’s wingman. She always had my back and I always had hers. I could drag myself out again.
I was such a pushover
.

“You owe me,” I said.

“Thank you!” she cried, jumping up and grabbing her laptop. “I’ve got to hurry or I’ll be late for work. Again." She turned around and walked backward, facing me. "And remember, Maddie, no Ben without Ryder.”

I nodded and waved her away. After she left, I dragged myself to the living room and plopped down on the couch. My eyes wandered over to Ryder’s duffle bag. A dark blue shirt was neatly folded on top and a pair of scuffed boots sat next to the bag, looking right at home in my apartment. I thought of him in those boots — dancing close to me on the dance floor, fighting for me last night, and saying he wanted me.
Ryder wanted me.
Would I ever get used to that idea?

My phone chirped, reminding me of the one man I didn’t want to think about.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Maddie. Why haven’t you returned my calls?”

“Sorry, Ben. I’ve not been feeling well thanks to all those drinks,” I said, sarcastically.

“I’m sorry. Can I see you?”

I didn’t want to answer.

“Please? I need to see you,” he said with a whiny voice.
Why was I just now noticing how annoying that was?

I dreaded facing him after last night but knew I had to end this. “You can stop by for a minute. We need to talk.”

“Great! I’ll come by after work.”

The happiness in his voice was irritating.
Did he not remember trying to force himself on me?
What happened to the man I first met? He had become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Perfect one minute, a monster the next.

After hanging up, I laid down. I just needed to close my eyes and lose the searing headache. I needed to escape Ben and thoughts of Ryder.

~~~~

The closing of the front door jerked me awake. For a second, I was terrified that it was Ben, using his spare key but I was relieved to see Ryder walking in.

Butterflies took flight in my stomach. His light brown hair was perfectly disheveled and the stubble on his chin made him look amazing. His jeans hung on his hips, teasingly. The simple t–shirt couldn’t hide his perfect physique or the badass tattoos on his arm. For a man who spent the last twenty–four hours drunk, fighting, and taking care of me, he looked very good.

Glancing at me briefly, he sat a paper sack and a Starbucks cup on the coffee table in front of me.

“Still sick?” he asked, sitting down at the end of the couch.

I sat up slowly, still feeling woozy. “I’m okay,” I said.
Never again would I drink.

“I bought you coffee and donuts.”

“Thank you.” I picked up the cup and took a sip. My eyes closed in bliss.
My favorite!
Mocha Frappuccino with whip. Opening up the paper bag, I let out an audible sigh. Two chocolate glazed Boston Cream donuts stared back at me, full of wonderful sweetness.

I looked over at Ryder. In that moment, holding the coffee he remembered I loved and my absolute favorite donut, I knew that I was hopelessly in love.

“I thought something sugary might help you feel better,” he said, watching as I pulled a donut from the bag.

I licked the chocolate off of my fingers and smiled at him. My grin quickly disappeared when I saw desire flaring in his eyes.

“Want one?” I asked, holding the donut out to him.

“Nope. They’re all yours.”

I watched as his jaw clenched hard and his fingers rubbed down his thighs, making me remember them stroking me.
I had to stop thinking this way.
It would only get me in trouble.

I started eating the donuts slowly, afraid my stomach would revolt if I ate too fast. By the time I was finished, my headache was back with a massive force. I lay back down on the couch, leaving my feet to dangle off the edge.

A comfortable silence stretched between us as we watched the news. Again, war and terrorist threats were the main headlines.

I was starting to drift off when Ryder threw a blanket over me. Reaching down, he lifted my legs into his lap. I tensed when his hand rested on my calf, warm and rough against my skin.