Promise Me (30 page)

"Tyler was the one. The moment we met up again it was like finding that missing piece to a puzzle that I never could find with anyone else. It was like magic. Or at least I thought it was."

I drop my eyes to my hands that are in balled fists in my lap and take a quick breath before continuing.

"He slept with someone else and broke my heart. He smashed it into a million tiny little pieces and every single part of me hurts so badly that even taking a breath is painful."

Before the first tear can escape down my cheek, Alex tugs at my upper arms and pulls me closer to him until he can wrap his arms around me. My hands grab onto the lapels of his suit for dear life as if it was my own personal life preserver in the middle of this never ending pit of pain that I'm feeling. He holds me for as long as I need to, long after the tears dry up and definitely longer than is necessary to comfort me. His strong arms never once breaking their tight hold of me, I let go of his suit and bring my arms to encircle his neck. Even I know this is dangerous territory and not at all what I should be doing, but the thought seeps into my head anyway. I want him to take all my pain away. I want him to make me forget. No, I
need
him to make me forget.

Rational thought process completely thrown to the wayside, I lift my head and before he can make any kind of decision I make it for him. My lips graze his and he flinches for a second before he cups the back of my head with his hand and kisses me; my mouth opening easily to taste him when the kiss turns deeper. It remains at a slow pace which isn't nearly as fast as I need it to be. I run my hands through his hair and grab onto it roughly while I lean back in the chair and take him with me. I have to have Alex now so that my head will hopefully clear itself from thoughts of Tyler. My skirt rides up when he better positions himself in between my legs so I can wrap them around him tightly. For a brief second, I think I can't believe I'm actually going through with this. Then the moment his hand goes to rub the skin of my exposed thigh and he drags his lips down my chin, I'm not thinking anymore. My body is on auto-pilot to tune out any doubts I have of whether this is a good idea or not. I let go of his hair to start undoing the first few buttons on my blouse when all of a sudden his lips stop moving along my skin and he covers my hands with one of his. We remain frozen and entwined in each other for a few seconds in complete silence.

"Why did you stop?"

Keeping his face tucked against the skin on my neck, where I can feel his breathing trying to return to normal, he says, "We shouldn't be doing this."

"But, I want to."

"No, you don't, Sabrina. If we do this, you'll regret it, and the last thing I want to be is somebody you regret."

He lifts his head and I'm so embarrassed by how terrible I am, thinking that I could use Alex to help me forget about Tyler, that I avert his eyes until I feel him move again. Removing his hand from covering mine, he pulls away from me slowly, taking care not to disturb my clothing too much more than it already is. He tugs at my skirt until it is back to normal and then goes to take the seat next to me.

"You love him."

Even I think I sound like a petulant child when I answer him. "No, I don't."

"It's okay to admit it, I can see it written all over your face, clear as day."

"I do, I love him... but I don't want to."

"It's not that easy, Sabrina. Love isn't something you can switch on or off. Trust me, I've been where you are right now."

The look on my face must reveal the question in my head and he smiles. "No, I didn't mean that I love you or that you even love me. Do I care about you? Yes. Am I attracted to you? Obviously... but I don't love you, Sabrina. What I meant was, I was in love once. I won't bore you with all the details since it's been years but I can tell you the one thing I regret most about her... I gave up. I should have fought harder for her, for us... but I didn't. I just gave up."

He just hit the nail on the head. In frustration, I rub my face with my hands. "I don't think I want to fight, Alex. I don't know any more if he's even worth fighting for."

"That's what you need to figure out on your own," he says quietly. "The answer may not come to you today or even tomorrow, but it will. If he's 'the one', like you said, then it definitely deserves some time for you to think about."

"I already feel like a real jerk for before and now I just want to go out and buy you a puppy or something." His laugh is so infectious that I can't help but laugh along with him.

"Seriously, how is it that you're still single?" I ask him.

"I haven't met 'the one' yet," he says through a dimpled smile and winks at me. "Will you be okay driving yourself home or can I give you a ride."

"I'll be fine, Alex. Somehow you've managed to make me laugh in an otherwise shitty day so driving should be a piece of cake."

Standing up, he chuckles one last time as he says good night and opens the door to leave my office. I stay planted in my seat trying to make heads or tails of what just happened, and thank God that he had the sense to stop it all when he did. There is no scenario where sleeping with Alex could have erased Tyler from my mind or heart. He's moved in and taken up permanent residence around the fortress that I've built back up.

My head drops back and I slouch in my seat when the painting of "
Blue Nude"
on the wall catches my eyes. I feel like the woman in the painting, sheltering herself from pain by wanting to curl herself up in a protective ball. I imagine that maybe she must have been heartbroken or wronged. Or perhaps she's simply trying to forget something that's happened to her. As if seeing it for the very first time, I understand the grief that was captured by Picasso's brush strokes that must have caused the woman so much misery. Unfortunately, I have to thank my own misery for being able to see it with such clarity.

Sighing, I sit back up and gather my purse from the floor and fish my keys from inside of it. I leave the office using the back entrance reserved for employees and deliveries only so as to not run into anyone. I consciously choose to listen to upbeat music on my drive home, not wanting to torture myself again with listening to Joss Stone's
"Spoiled
" for the hundredth time today. The music change works because my mind is absent of Tyler related thoughts. I'm home before I even realize that a whole thirty minutes have gone by without driving myself further into insanity, so I guess you could say that's good.

I feel a small sense of victory at my progress and walk inside my front door. Dropping my laptop bag, purse and keys, I let the scent of fresh basil lead me towards the kitchen. Thank God Julia is cooking tonight! My stomach grumbles in response to the amazing smells infiltrating our house when I find her stirring a huge pot of her delicious homemade spaghetti sauce.

Without looking up she asks, "Wine?"

"God, yes."

She puts the spoon on the counter and reaches over to the cupboard to take out two wine glasses, placing them on the island that's separating us. She turns on her heel and goes to the far end of the counter to grab a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon that's already been opened by her. Pouring both our glasses, she raises hers in the air and we clink them together when she says her toast.

"To men. Can't live with them. Can't kill them either."

I smile weakly and bring the glass to my lips to taste and almost choke on the little amount in my mouth when she asks, "So, are you going to tell me why I can see your boobies or do I have to guess."

"Oh my God!" I quickly put down the glass and start to redo the buttons on my blouse that I had undone while trying to seduce Alex.

"I gotta say, for years you've been quiet with your dating life. But, for the last couple of months I don't know what's going to come out of your mouth when you come home. I hate to say it, but I'm kind of looking forward to it."

"Very funny," I say dryly. "I'd really rather not get into it right now, if you don't mind. I just want to eat, shower, and go to bed."

Bringing the glass back from her mouth she grins and raises her one eyebrow in curiosity. "That good, huh."

"I really don't want to talk about it, Julia."

"Okay, okay," she says retreating back to the stove, "but you promise that you'll provide full details tomorrow?"

"Fine, it's a deal."

The rest of dinner goes by without either one of us speaking about my personal life. I don't know how we manage it but I'm so relieved that she doesn't bring it up. I'm sure the wine helps to take the edge off and not think too much about what's happened over the last couple of days, but I'm not complaining in the slightest for the temporary amnesia. After we've cleared the plates and Julia retreats to the couch, I take a quick shower before calling it a night and heading to bed.

I toss and turn for a while trying to find a comfortable position when the whole "inquiring minds want to know" thing makes me reach over to my nightstand and turn my phone back on. The main screen tells me I have a total of twenty-eight unread texts, missed calls, and voice mails. Between my mom and Tyler my phone probably hates me by now. I open the last text from him which was sent about an hour ago, and my eyes blur with the tears that I have been able to keep hidden for a few hours.

I love you. Please talk to me.

Indulging myself in the idea that the last two days never happened, I start to type out a response back to him.

I love you too.

Quickly backspacing the entry before I ever press send, I turn the phone back off and put it on my nightstand. I roll over and make a decision right then and there. When I wake up in the morning I'm going to look at this with fresh eyes and think about what my next move will be. Alex is right, if I thought already that Tyler was "the one", I at least owe myself that much.

That settled, I wipe my eyes with the edges of my comforter and smile weakly to myself in the darkness when one of my favorite movie quotes comes to mind. "
Tomorrow is another day."

You're goddamn right it is, Scarlett.

Willing myself to keep my promise from the night before, I try to bring some semblance of normalcy back to my life by stopping at Sergio's for my
"cafe con leche" before heading into work. I plug my iPhone in the audio jack when I get back into my car and press shuffle but skip any song that will no doubt lead me into a downward spiral. I simply click the button and tell "Siri" to skip, and if I have to say skip the whole ride in and end up listening to dead air, so be it... I refuse to listen to anything that will make me depressed today.

I arrive at work feeling somewhat rejuvenated and dive in hoping that it will keep me occupied. Now, I'm perfectly aware that I should be thinking about the whole Tyler mess, but I need to allow myself one day of peace and quiet before I can go back there. Thankfully, the constant buzzing of my phone has stopped and I'm hoping he's giving me some breathing room to do just that. This new exhibit I'm working on for a fresh local artist is just what I needed to keep me busy long enough that I don't even notice when it's time to go home.

When I arrive home, Julia is getting ready to head out for an event her company is planning and is dressed to kill. I remember when I was with her when she bought this Bottega Veneta dress months ago and loved it then, but now, I'll definitely have to ask to borrow it.

"You look amazing, Julia."

'Thanks girlie. What are you doing tonight?" She asks as she runs from room to room gathering her belongings.

"Um, nothing. Staying in and watching a movie maybe do some more work on this new exhibit."

From the other room she yells out, "Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, Alex called my office today and wanted to book me for it."

"That's great."

She finally comes back into the living room and looks around it one last time before she settles her eyes on me already sitting on the couch.

"Are you going to be okay here by yourself tonight? I feel bad leaving you in your time of need."

"Don't be silly, I'm a big girl and like I said, I do have some work to do anyway."

"Tomorrow is the weekend, and he who shall not be named was supposed to come," she says cryptically and goes to sit next to me. "I was thinking we can go to the beach if the weather's nice and then maybe some shopping therapy. What do you think?"