Nathan pulled up alongside the razor wire and we quickly and silently unloaded the gear. There was no time to find a security checkpoint. Gabriel and Tony slipped under the wire, then he stood on top of the cab and we did an assembly line, passing stuff up for Nathan to hand it down to them on the other side.
When we’d gotten everything over the fence, Gabriel and Tony held the wire apart for the rest of us to crawl through. We made our way across campus to Patterson Hall.
No need for secrecy this time.
Whenever one of the soldiers appeared, though, Nathan’s expression clearly said that he’d rather be somewhere else.
Colonel Paxton, Simone, and Dr. Albert were waiting for us in the foyer.
“We lost Mack and Kaitlyn,” Gabriel said bluntly. For once the Colonel’s sad clown features suited the occasion.
And then Nathan and Simone saw each other. They stared for a full beat.
“Hello, Nathan,” she said in a voice cool enough to chill wine.
What the hell?
“Oh, Christ on a crutch.” Nathan shut his eyes and rubbed a hand on his forehead, as if trying to massage away reality. “Simone Fraser. I should have known you’d be part of this whole clusterfuck.”
Exhausted and heartsick, the remaining wild cards gathered in the cafeteria.
Gabriel and Gentry didn’t join us.
We huddled dispiritedly together as we picked at our food. I was certain all of us were thinking the same thing. We weren’t invulnerable, and we lost two people as a result. Until today none of us had really confronted the fact that our lives were still fragile things and could be lost at any second.
Lil was devastated, silent tears slipping down her face as she stared at her hamburger and fries without touching them. Tony’s face was unreadable, but his usual barrage of banter with Kai was totally MIA.
I forced myself to eat, convincing myself that I’d need the fuel for what we’d face when the swarm caught up with us. We might have a few days or we might only have a few hours, so we had to be ready. Yet all I wanted was to forget that the last few hours had ever happened. I wanted Mack to be there with his basset hound eyes and warm smile. I’d have even paid to hear one of Kaitlyn’s bitchy remarks. Anything but face the reality of their loss.
So I forced my mind down another path.
“I should have known you’d be part of this whole clusterfuck.”
I mean, how weird was that? Nathan had somehow vanished almost immediately, and we’d been hustled off for decontamination before I could corner Simone.
Lil gave a small, choked sob, bringing my attention back to the present.
“There were so many zombies out there,” she said. “Why did Kaitlyn do it? If she hadn’t, Mack would still be here. We were almost home.”
The venom in her voice startled me.
Kaitlyn
, I thought. She couldn’t have been in her right mind, but she must have thought she was doing the right thing. After what she saw at the rest stop, did she want to die? Or did she just think it was inevitable?
“She was probably delirious,” I said carefully. “And I think... she must have heard Gabriel talking about needing a diversion. She probably thought she was helping us.”
“But they’re still coming,” Lil countered. “So it was pointless!” Her voice rose. “Mack sacrificed himself for nothing!” The angry tears were streaming down her face now.
I tried again.
“We don’t know that he’s dead.”
“He
is
dead,” she shouted. “He is! I hate her!” With that Lil burst into loud, braying sobs.
“Oh, Lil...” I reached out to hug her, but she shoved me away with enough violence to send me flying out of my chair. I hit the floor with a bone-jarring thud, staring up at Lil in shock.
The room went quiet, the only sound coming from Lil’s frantic sobs.
I got to my feet, took a deep breath and put my arms around her, refusing to let go as she thrashed like a child throwing a tantrum, striking out with fists and feet. I held on tightly until she finally subsided, crying heart-brokenly into my shoulder as I stroked her hair, holding back my own tears.
Tony looked uncomfortable with Lil’s display of emotion, while Kai seemed sympathetic. But it was Tony who got a couple of damp napkins and handed them to me so I could press them on the back of Lil’s neck and forehead as her sobs slowly tapered off.
When she finally had herself under control, he handed her a wad of dry ones so she could blow her nose.
“Thanks.” Her voice was small and shaky, but the edge of hysteria had left it. I pushed a hank of hair away from her face.
“You okay?”
Lil nodded.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“S’okay.” I held her close again.
Someone cleared his throat. We looked up to see Nathan, clean and dressed in fatigues and a black T-shirt, a plate piled high with food in one hand, a glass of milk in the other. We hadn’t even heard him come in.
I righted my chair and sat in it again, then took a much-needed sip of wine.
Nathan sat down across from Lil, Tony and Kai scooting their chairs over to make room.
“You okay, kid?” he asked solemnly.
Lil took a deep, quavering breath and nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Good. ’cause while your teammate did a stupid thing there, it was also a brave thing. She figured she was saving the team.”
“But Mack...”
“Also did a stupid thing, but it took guts.”
Lil looked down at her plate.
“She wasn’t worth his life.”
Nathan shrugged.
“That’s not your call to make. People are who they are, and they’re going to do what they think is right. Like you risking your life—and hers—to save those cats.” He gestured toward me. “You think if you two had died, the
rest of your teammates would’ve said, ‘Gee, they died, but at least they tried to save the cats’?”
“If you want to live with yourself, go after the cat,” Lil said softly. Then she gave another coughing sob, and nodded. “Mack wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he hadn’t gone after Kaitlyn.”
“Probably not.” Nathan took a bite of burger, chewing and swallowing before adding, “Now eat some food. We’re in for a fight, and I don’t want you fainting on us.”
To my astonishment, Lil picked up her burger and started eating it without saying another word.
I looked across at Nathan and mouthed
thank you
. He gave an imperceptible nod and took another bite of his burger. I almost asked him about Simone then, but thought twice about it.
It’d wait.
Simone, Colonel Paxton, Gabriel, and Gentry waited for us in room 217, the four of them sitting at the table in front.
Gabriel’s expression was grim, but when he glanced up he shot me a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes, however.
Nathan sauntered down the aisle and plopped down comfortably in the front row. Simone made a point of not looking at him.
“Just like being back in college,” he said.
Once we were all seated, Colonel Paxton stood up.
“Before Dr. Fraser addresses the issue at hand,” he said, “I want to tell you how deeply sorry we are for the loss of your fellow wild cards, and how proud we are of you for your bravery.” He sat back down.
Short, succinct, and, I thought, sincere. Yet somehow it didn’t do anything to ease the pain.
Simone took the floor. She took a deep breath, then finally spoke.
“Early on in this outbreak, we ran across an anomaly, and—”
Tony raised his hand.
“What do you mean, an anomaly?”
“It’s a deviation from a common rule,” Nathan said, leaning back in his chair, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at Simone. Just then, I would have killed for the wild card power of telepathy.
“Thank you, Nathan.” Simone said pointedly, as she ran a hand through her perfectly coiffed hair. Several strands pulled free, and I feared for them. “As I was saying, we ran across what we thought was a unique case early on in the outbreak. This person contracted the virus and started exhibiting certain characteristics of the undead, but without actually dying.
“We tested a vaccine on him... this person. A vaccine we’d hoped might cure the zombie virus itself. It didn’t, but the vaccine
did
halt the progressive deterioration of his immune system.”
A picture flashed in my head, of Jake huddled over his wife and child. I knew where this was heading.
“We thought that incident was unique, some sort of a mutation, not unlike the one responsible for the wild cards.” she said. “Now we know that it wasn’t unique.” Simone looked at us gravely, then continued.
“As long as these individuals eat human flesh, they retain their personalities, and slow the progress of the disease. If they don’t, however, their bodies will slowly decay, along with memories and cognitive abilities.
“Eventually they will die, and then resurrect as one of the walking dead.”
“So it’s Hannibal Lecter time, or else,” Tony said.
Simone nodded.
“As I said, we thought this was a unique condition. But there have since been two other persons exhibiting these symptoms. One of them was here in the lab, kept under controlled conditions. She did not respond to the vaccine and became violent. And the other—”
“Jake,” I said. “It was Jake.”
I didn’t need Simone’s expression to tell me I was right.
And then I looked at Gabriel, whose face was as white as it’d been in the Suburban before we’d crashed. He’d known, too.
I stared at them both in disbelief.
“Why wouldn’t you tell us something like this? And Gabriel...” I stopped, heartsick. “I thought we could trust you,” I added, looking back and forth between them.
Her expression stricken, Simone spoke.
“If we’d had any idea you’d run into this in the field, I assure you, we would have told you, Ashley.”
“But how could you
not
tell us?” I demanded. “Kaitlyn might still be alive if we’d known about this.
“We trusted you. Both of you!” I stood and strode up the aisle. I’d made it halfway to the door when Gabriel’s voice reached me.
“We didn’t say anything because I was the first person to exhibit the symptoms.”
I stopped in my tracks, then slowly turned.
“Until a few days ago, we thought I was the only one,” he continued. “We’ve been wrestling with it ever since. How comfortable would you—all of you—” He gestured around the room. “—have been following me into combat situations, if you’d known the truth?”
I couldn’t respond. All I could see was Jake’s gore-smeared face. Only this time, the features were Gabriel’s.
“We’ve been trying to find a cure for a very long time—decades, even more,” Simone said. “And this vaccine—” She held up a vial. “—proves that we can keep the symptoms at bay, at least in some cases.”
I stared at the vial, then at Gabriel, flashing on the difference in his appearance before and after he’d vanished into Nathan’s bathroom.
Guess he was carrying.
“Gabriel felt he’d be a more effective team leader if we kept his condition confidential,” Simone said. “I agreed to honor his request.”
Nathan raised his hand.
“May I say something?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Simone, you need to stop trying to justify an honest mistake on your part. And Ashley, you need to sit your ass down and stop acting like a high school kid who didn’t get invited to a party, just because your boyfriend has a few secrets.”
My face flamed in embarrassment.
“Fuck you, Nathan!”
He waved a dismissive hand.
“Whatever. You’re a civilian combatant in a military unit. Secrets are a part of the game, especially in a black ops unit like this one.” He looked me straight in the eyes. “Get over it and get used to it, or get out. We don’t have time for this juvenile shit.
“You’re better than this,” he concluded.
I swallowed a couple of times, and tried to choke out an apology. Then in my mind’s eye, I saw Jake biting his dead wife’s lip off, and imagined Gabriel doing the same to me.
My stomach lurched and my gorge rose. I gagged and pressed a hand against my mouth, then ran out the door. The last thing I heard before it shut behind me was Gabriel’s voice.
“Damn it, she has the right—”
I barely made it to the bathroom before losing my dinner in one hot gush, and then another. I hung over the toilet bowl, shaking with reaction.
Finally, when I was sure nothing else was going to make its return appearance, I moved to the sink, splashing cold water over my face and rinsing my mouth to try and get rid of the nasty-ass aftertaste of vomit.
I hate throwing up.
The door opened.
“Ashley?” I looked in the mirror and saw Gabriel staring at me, as uncertain as I’d ever seen him. “Are you—”
I held up a hand.
“Please don’t ask if I’m okay. I am so
not
okay I can’t even begin to figure out where to begin.” I began to pace back and forth as I continued. “I saw a man, a living, breathing human, eating his wife and son. And now I find out that the man could have been you.
“And I get why you and Simone didn’t want to tell the team, I really do. But—”
I stopped pacing, and faced him.
“Is that the only reason?”
Gabriel took a deep breath, eyes dark blue with turmoil.
“I mean, is this why you didn’t, you know, you wouldn’t, with me...” God, could I sound any stupider?
“Ash, you have to understand,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with this condition.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I slammed one hand against the sink. “So you have some zombie STD. I’m a wild card, remember?”
His eyes narrowed and he took a step toward me.
“That doesn’t guarantee a goddamn thing.”
“Fine, but I want to know if it’s the reason you wouldn’t go to bed with me or—” I closed the gap between us and glared up at him. “—if it’s just some lame-ass excuse.”
“Damn it, Ashley, you don’t understand!”
“Then explain it to me.” We had approximately a half-inch of space between our bodies, every bit filled with heat.
“It’s worse than being a zombie, because zombies can’t think or feel. But being alive—or half dead—and knowing you’re eating human flesh, that you
have
to if you want to stay alive...” He shuddered. “It’s disgusting.”