Pig Latin--Not Just for Pigs! (5 page)

Queen Barb turned to her pale, spotty husband. She stroked his forehead. “Hold on, Kenny,” she said. “The wizard is freshening up. He’ll be here any minute. And he shall cure you of these horrid pox.”

“I say,” murmured the king.

The queen beckoned Erica and her friends to come closer to the king’s bed.

“Kenny, darling,” she said, plumping his pillow. “Why don’t you practice your speech for Poppet and her friends?”

King Ken sat up in bed. “Ladies and laddies!” he said.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” corrected the queen.

“Ah,” said the king. “Ladies and gentlemen! Villagers and pheasants!”

“That’s ‘peasants,’ dear,” said the queen.

The king nodded and went on. “In honor of the twenty-fifth anniversary of my carnation—”

“It’s ‘coronation,’ ” said the queen. “A ‘carnation’ is a flower.”

“Ah, so it is,” said the king. He began again. “I, Your Royal Highness have ordered up,” the king went on, “a walloping big feast.”

Just then a tall wizard with wild white hair raced into the king’s chamber. “Here I come to save the king!” he sang. He wore a blue robe dotted with stars. “Show me a pox-covered king, Your Queenly Highniness. And I’ll show you what wizardry is all about!”

“Egad!” cried Wiglaf when he saw who the wizard was.

The queen had brought home Zelnoc!

“
O
h, jester’s bells!” exclaimed Zelnoc as he looked around the chamber. “The whole gang’s here. Even the porker.”

“Orker-pay?”
Daisy glared at the wizard.

“Where’s Zizmor?” asked Erica. “Why are
you
here?”

“Darling, do you know this wizard?” the queen asked Erica.

But before Erica could answer, Zelnoc rushed over to the king. “Hmm. This looks very bad. I’ll chant the spell right now.” He cleared his throat. “Oh, bats and belfries! My voice is hoarse.”

“Don’t worry, wizard,” said the queen. “I shall fetch you a glass of water myself.” She hurried from the chamber.

As soon as her mother was gone, Erica said, “Have a snooze, Popsy. We’ll be right back.” She herded her friends and the wizard into her father’s dressing room and shut the door behind them.

“Zelnoc!” she whispered. “What are you up to?”

“Zizmor was busy,” said Zelnoc. “So I’m here to heal the king.”

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” cried Janice.

“This is Zelnoc,” Wiglaf told her. “His spells, well, um—they do not always turn out right.”

‘At‘s-thay y-whay I-yay alk-tay ike-lay is-thay!“
added Daisy.

“Be gone, wizard!” said Erica. “My father has enough troubles without you messing up a spell and changing him into a dragon.”

“Are you referring to that time I turned you three into dragons?” Zelnoc asked. He shrugged. “Big deal. So I made one mistake. Besides, I’ll bet you had loads of fun flying around.”

“How about your Ghost-Be-Gone Spell?” said Angus. “That was supposed to get rid of a ghost. Instead, it summoned one.”

“So I brought one measly ghost to DSA,” said Zelnoc. “Okay. Two mistakes. Everyone has a bad day now and then—even a wizard. But hey! Third time’s a charm. I can cure the king.”

Erica shook her head. “Do not even think about putting a spell on my father.”

“Oh, please, Princess!” wailed the wizard. He fell to his knobby knees. “Have pity on a poor spell-caster who’s down on his luck. My Get-Well Spell is foolproof. The king will be poxfree in minutes if you’ll only give me one little chance.”

“Really and truly?” said Erica.

“Do bats have wings?” cried Zelnoc, popping up again. “I guarantee it 150 percent. Oh, it would be such a feather in my cap if I could tell Zizmor that I was a King Healer. Why, Ziz might even put me on the Decorations Committee for the big Wizards’ Weekend. I’ve been doing cleanup for the last 472 years!”

Wiglaf knew how Zelnoc felt. He’d been doing kitchen cleanup since he arrived at DSA. But could they trust this crazy wizard?

“I say!” King Ken called from his bed. “My pox are itching! Come out of there and let the wizard have a go.”

Erica stepped up close to the wizard. “All right. Try it,” she said. “But we shall be watching you—just in case.”

They came out of the dressing room.

Zelnoc stood beside the king’s bed. He drew his wand out of his left sleeve. “Everyone keep quiet,” he said. “I must not be disturbed while I cast this spell.” He raised his wand and began to chant:

Zelnoc waved his wand over King Ken and shouted,
“One!”

Next, Zelnoc touched the wand to his own forehead and shouted,
“Two!”

Zelnoc had just touched his wand to the king’s forehead when the door flew open.

“Here’s your water, Wizard!” called the queen.

The startled wizard whirled around. His wand flew out of his hand, hitting Daisy on the head, as he shouted out,
“Three!”

King Ken’s socks shot across the room.

“Good heavens!” cried Queen Barb.

“Daisy!” Wiglaf cried. “Are you hurt?”

Daisy rubbed her head and looked up at Wiglaf. She shook her head. But Wiglaf thought she looked quite pale.

“Popsy!” cried Erica. “Your pox are gone!”

“They are, Kenny!” cried Queen Barb. “All gone! You’re cured!”

Wiglaf glanced at the king. Sure enough, he was poxfree.

“What did I tell you?” cried Zelnoc.

“Here’s your looking glass, Popsy,” Erica said, holding it up. “No more pox. See?”

King Ken peered into the glass. His eyes lit up and he cried,
“I-yay ay-say!”

The queen frowned.
“What,
Kenny?”

“I-yay ay-say ooray-hay!”
cried the king.
“E-thay ox-pay ave-hay anished-vay!”

The room grew suddenly still.

Wiglaf broke the silence. “The king just said, ‘I say, hooray! The pox have vanished!’ ”

Now Daisy let out a squeal. “Gadzooks!” she cried. “The king is speaking Pig Latin and I’ve got the pox!”

Wiglaf glanced at Daisy and gasped. From the tip of her snout to the ham of her hock, she was dotted with large, liver-colored spots.

B
ats and blisters!“ cried Zelnoc. ”It’s a switcheroo. Pox for the pig. Pig Latin for the king. I think I’ll be going now.“

“Not so fast, Wizard,” said the queen. “How long will Kenny babble in this foreign tongue?”

“Beats me,” said Zelnoc. “But look, Your Royal Highlyness, I got rid of his pox!”

“Now I’ve got ‘em,” said Daisy, scratching her snout with a front hoof.

“Oor-pay ig-pay!”
said King Ken.

The queen buried her face in her hands. “Kenny is speaking gibberish!” she cried. “The pig has got the pox. There’s no pheasant for the feast! Oh, woe is I!”

King Ken leaped out of his kingly bed.

“Ig-pay!”
he cried.
“Ump-jay into-yay y-may ed-bay.”

The king motioned for Daisy to jump into his bed.

Daisy stared at him in disbelief.

King Ken bent down and picked Daisy up.

“Kenny, no!” screamed Queen Barb.

The king plopped the pox-spotted pig down on his silken sheets.

“He’s lost his mind!” shrieked the queen.

“Mumsy,” said Erica. “Calm down.”

“Ere-thay!” King Ken said happily.
“Ow-nay I‘ll-yay over-cay ou-yay up-yay!”
He pulled his velvet blanket up to Daisy’s chin.

Daisy lowered her large pig’s head onto King Ken’s satin pillow. “Nice,” she said.

“Wizard!” cried the queen. “Do something!”

“With pleasure, Your Highly Queenieness,” said Zelnoc. “Stand back!”

The wizard began to twirl. Blue smoke swirled around his feet and rose until it covered him completely. When the smoke cleared, Zelnoc had vanished.

Queen Barb’s crown slipped to the side of her head. “Fawnsley!” she cried. “Fawnsley!”

Fawnsley rushed into the room and bowed.

“Take me to the Royal Spa, Fawnsley,” said the queen. “I need a relaxing soak in the hot tub!”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Fawnsley bowed.

“Y-bay y-bay, Arb-bay!”
said King Ken. He waved as Fawnsley led the queen away.

“My parents are so weird,” muttered Erica.

“Don’t worry,” said Janice. “Everybody’s ” are.

The queen was hardly gone when the door opened again. A small man wearing a puffy white cap stuck his head into the chamber.

“Hallo?” he called.

“Chef Pierre,” said Erica. “Come in.”

“Ef-chay Ierre-pay!”
cried King Ken.

“Zut!”
cried the chef, looking alarmed.

“My father is speaking a foreign language, Pierre,” said Erica.

“Eet ees not French,” said Pierre. “So! I come to tell you supper is—” He caught sight of Daisy propped up in the royal bed and his jaw dropped open. “A
cochon!”
he cried. “Een zee king’s bed?”

“That is Daisy, Pierre,” said Erica. “She’s not feeling well.”

“Day-zee!”
Pierre exclaimed. He rushed over to the royal bed. “Oh, what a bee-u-ti-ful spotted peeg! Hallo, Day-zee!”

Daisy was too stunned to reply.

“Pardon me, Chef,” said Angus. “But were you about to say supper is served?”

“Ah,
oui!”
said the chef. “In zee Blue Feasting Hall.” He bowed to the king and left.

The king turned to Erica.
“Ell-way, Oppet-pay!”
he said. “Et-lay
us yay all yay ave-hay a-yay ice-nay upper-say. ”

“Yes, let’s have a nice supper,” said Erica.

“Oming-cay, ig-pay?”
asked the king.

“I think not, sire,” said Daisy.

“Are you too ill to eat?” asked Wiglaf.

Daisy said, “I think I should stay here and rest a little longer.”

Wiglaf thought she looked happy all snug in the king’s giant bed.

“O-nay oblem-pray!”
cried the king.
“Ou-yay all-shay ave-hay our-yay upper-say on-yay a-yay ay-tray.
”

“My supper on a tray!” exclaimed Daisy. “Oh, thank you, Your Majesty. And...do you suppose a servant might bring me some books from the palace library?” she added. “I’m in the mood for a good mystery.”

“O-nay oblem-pray!”
said the king.

Daisy smiled and snuggled farther down under the king’s velvet blanket.

Wiglaf waited until the servant brought her a stack of books. Then he hurried down to the Blue Feasting Hall. The minstrel had said to stay close to Daisy. But surely there was no place safer for her than being tucked into the king’s bed.

In the torch-lit feasting hall, King Ken sat at the head of a long table. Erica and Janice sat on his right. Wiglaf took a seat next to Angus on his left.

“Eat-yay up-yay!”
the king said as servants began bringing in platters of food.

Wiglaf helped himself to Chef Pierre’s roasted goose, boiled mutton, and yams.

“Yummers!” Angus cried. He licked mutton grease from his fingers. “Pass the yams, Wiglaf.” He took several and gobbled them up. “Now for some goose!”

“A-yay ood gay eater-yay!”
said the king.

“Popsy?” said Erica. “Can you please stop speaking Pig Latin?”

King Ken frowned.
“Et-lay e-may ee-say. Esting-tay! One yay, wo-tay, ee-thray. Esting-tay!”

The king shook his head.
“O-nay, Oppet-pay. I-
yay
annot-cay op-stay.
”

Erica sighed. “It’s a good thing Daisy gave us Pig Latin lessons,” she said. “At least we can understand you.”

“Olly jay ood gay!”
said the king.

The servant entered the dining room holding a freshly baked pie.