Pierced Love (19 page)

My body feels as though it’s floating.

I hear a door slam and a cool breeze whip across my face. I can sense the warmth of the sunshine beating down on my face.

As good as this sensation feels right now, something just doesn’t seem to be right.

I try to move my arms, but I can’t move them.

I try to pick up my legs, but I can’t pick them up.

They are stuck; no, more like they are glued down to something and I don’t have the energy to pick them up.

My eyes are so heavy that I can barely open them.

I hear voices around me, but there is so much going on around me that I can’t make out what everyone is saying.

I’m so confused.

What’s going on?

What’s happening around me?

Where am I?

I hear a beeping sound and all of a sudden I feel a piercing pain in my left arm and some type of device being strapped across my face.

Ouch. that hurts, but I can’t seem to scream out or move my arm.

I try to take in a deep breath and I feel some sort of air being pushed through my nose.

It’s cool and smells like new plastic.

I start to relax and in a matter of seconds my body and mind fall back into a deep rest.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

Oh shit, not again. Is it time to wake up for school again already?

I try clear my mind and an aching pain shoots through my head, down my neck and into my back.

Ugh, what the hell? Why am I in so much pain?

I open my eyes and try to focus on the unfamiliar objects that are surrounding me.

The room I’m in is dark.

I can see that there is a curtain hanging from the ceiling in front of me.

As I look on the either side of me, I can see a few machines surrounding the left and the right of a bed.

I look down at the bed toward my feet.

A white blanket has me wrapped mummy style and clear hoses are running from my arms into a tall machine next to me.

I try to lift my legs, but I still don’t have enough energy to pick them up on my own.

I can’t move again.

Lifting my head to get a better look, I try to move my arms back to better brace myself into a sitting position, but they won’t budge either.

I’m lifeless lying on this bed and there’s no way for me to move.

I’m confused.

I don’t know where I am.

I have no clue what’s going on.

The last thing I can remember is trying to talk to Zoe this morning and then I…

Oh.My.God.

No, please tell me this is an awful dream and I’m still sleeping.

This can’t be happening.

I can feel my heart start to race.

The noise of the machines starts to beep faster and the more uncomfortable I get the more sounds seem to come from this room.

I’m trying to make sense of it all, but the more I think about it, the more afraid I become.

I hear a door click open and the curtain gets pulled to the side.

A tall man, with a smile on his face, walks over to the side of my bed.

“Well, hello there. My name is Dr. Roberts. Do you know why you’re here today?” He asks in a calming tone; it’s almost too calm.

I shake my head no.

“It’s okay. Let’s back up a bit,” he pulls the chair around from the foot of the bed over to my side.

Taking a seat next to me he places his elbows up onto the bed.

“Do you think you can tell me what happened?”

I shake my head no again.

“Okay then, how about this? What is the last thing you remember before waking up here in this room?”

I take in a deep breath and swallow.

“It’s ok, Zar. You can take your time. We’re in no rush here,” he says.

I look up at his face. He has light brown hair and bright green eyes similar to Loudon’s, but not quite the same. He seems like someone I should be able to talk to. I just don’t know what to say or how to tell him what has been going on. I don’t want my family to know that I’ve been having these attacks. If they know the pain I’ve been going through it will crush them.

“You can trust me, Zar,” he says looking me in the eyes.

I try to speak. My throat hurts so bad, it feels raw. My hand flies up to the front of my neck as if that will help soothe the pain.

“Here,” the doctor says, handing me a white Styrofoam cup with a straw. “It’s just water, but be careful to only take small sips.”

I reach for the cup and take down a few sips. I attempt to clear my throat and try to speak again.

“The last thing I remember is sitting on my sister’s bed trying to wake her up for school, this morning. We started talking and the next thing I know, I’m lying in this bed.”

Dr. Roberts looks down at me and his face saddens.

“Yes, I’m sorry about the confusion you must feel Zar, but it was necessary for the ambulance to bring you here to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh,” Is the only thing I can say.

“Let me explain what happened, at least from what I understand,.”

I nod my head.

“You experienced quite a bit within the past few hours. It’s very important for you to remain calm and not get too excited or anxious from what I’m about to tell you. Can you promise me that, Zar?”

I nod my head again allowing him to proceed.

“Your younger sister Zoe told us that two of you were talking, just as you mentioned, so you have that part correct. As for the part that you don’t remember: a few things did happen that lead you lying to this lovely room. From what your sister described to us, you suffered from a severe panic attack which lead you to pass out and convulse into what we believe was a psychogenic non-epileptic seizure. You fell from your sister’s bed and hit your head on the footboard before completely falling to the floor.”

My mouth falls completely open and my hands reach to cradle my head that is falling forward.

“I know this is a lot to take in right now, Zar, but in order to understand why this happened, it’s important for you to try and remember your last memory.”

I shake my head as the tears begin to fall from my face.

How is this all happening to me?

My tears from crying turn into a flood of sobbing.

“Zar, why don’t we take a break for a moment? I’ll let your family know that you’ve woken up. I know that they are all anxious to see you. You gave them all a pretty big scare today. I’ll come back in a few hours to see how you are feeling and a nurse will be in shortly to check on your vitals,” he says, patting my hand with his large one.

Dr. Roberts rises from the chair and pushes it back against the wall. He exits the room and I let out a breath that apparently I’d been holding.

I’m trying to take in everything he just said without getting upset all over again. I wipe the tears that are now falling from my eyes.

A light tapping sound comes from the door, but before I can say come in, I see my parents walking through the doorway.

Mom comes over first and leans down to give me a hug and kiss.

“Ok Roberta, don’t hog her all to yourself,” dad says, pushing her out of his way.

Mom moves back and pulls the curtain over to the far wall.

Dad leans in and places a kiss on my forehead and grabs my hand.

They both move away from the bed and I can now see the entire room.

There is a large window in the corner and a few chairs set up along the wall. Dad grabs the one that Dr. Roberts had been sitting on and mom pulls another over so that she too can sit next to me.

“Sweetie, I don’t even know where to start,” mom says, while tears begin to fall from her cheeks.

“Roberta, we discussed this before coming in here,” dad replies.

“I know, I know,” she says.

He grabs for my hand and holds it tightly in his. I can feel the warmth coming from him and a chill ignites throughout my body. I shiver for a brief second and then lay my head back on the pillow.

“Are you cold, Zar?” Mom asks.

I shake my head no. I’m too afraid to speak, that if I do I will break down again. I can’t let them see me when I’m weak; this is all a huge mess.

“Dr. Roberts told us he had a chance to talk with you. Do you have any questions that maybe we can answer for you?” Mom asks wiping her face.

“No, mom,” I reply.

“Is there anything we can get for you Zar? Are you hungry?” Dad asks.

“No, dad.” I reply.

I’m doing everything in my power to keep myself cool, calm and relaxed.

“Really, I’m fine guys. Just tired is all,” I say.

I hear mom let out a heavy sigh and get up from the chair. I turn my head and watch her as she paces the far side of the large room. I hate that I’m the one that is causing her this grief right now. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to have a child lying in a hospital bed and not knowing what is wrong with her.

“I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I say, as the tears begin to pool in my eyes.

“Oh sweetie, no one said any of this is your fault. Please don’t say that to us,” she says, rushing back over to my bed, “I just hate to see this happening to you and I have no way of knowing how to fix it.”

My dad stands and walks over to my mom. He wraps his arm around her and she begins to cry into his chest.

Seeing my mom in this much pain is the whole reason I wanted to keep my life in the darkness a secret. I knew that if they found out how much hurt, it would crush them.

“Everything will be okay. You will be getting great care from Dr. Roberts and we’ll get to the bottom of what is causing these episodes. Our main concern right now is the seizure and bump you took to your head. I know that they’ll want to run some tests soon, but for right now why don’t you get some rest. Zeke and Allie will be getting dinner with Zoe soon and when they come back we’ll all come in to check on you.”

I nod and turn my head away to face the other wall.

I feel like I’ve already let them down and they don’t even know a portion of what’s been going on. Will the truth come out and when it does, will they all treat me like glass?

Tears continue to fall from my face. Emotionally, I don’t know how I’m going to cope with all of this. Mentally, I wonder if I will be able to forget what Zoe saw in her bedroom this morning.

Zoe. Oh god, I can’t imagine what she must really be thinking of me now? Not only does she have a sister that is known as a freak, but she had to see, firsthand, the type of breakdown I go through emotionally when I go into panic mode.

How will she ever look at me the same again?

Will she still see me as her older sister or the problem of the family that she just has to deal with?

This sucks, even if I wanted to get some rest, it’s not likely to happen.

Ever since mom and dad walked out it’s been a revolving door in here. Between the nurse coming in to check my vitals and the orderlies coming to take me for random tests, I haven’t had a moment of peace to myself since I woke up a few hours ago.

Dr. Roberts popped in a few times, but promised he wouldn’t push my buttons until I was ready.

Little does he know that I’ll never be ready.

I’m scared, really scared.

I have no clue what’s going on in this brain of mine.

All I do know, is that the triggers have been hitting me more frequently and the panic attacks are getting worse.