Perfectly Imperfect (Perfectly #1) (17 page)

“Evie, don’t be a bitch.” Grayson says looking between us, and I see the panic in his eyes.

“Grayson, I’m not being a bitch. Besides, last time I saw you you were saying my name but I’m sure you thought I was anything but a bitch.” She smiles sardonically. Well isn’t she just peachy. My blood is boiling. I feel like I’m going to explode. Is this what he felt like when we ran into Chase?

Keep breathing. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four...

“Am I wrong Grayson? Or did you forget what it felt like to fuck me.”

Okay, I can’t take it. Fuck breathing, I’m going to kill someone. I stand up.

“Where are you going?” He asks grabbing my wrist firmly, and I see all his fears expressed in his eyes, searching mine desperately.

“To the bathroom. I need a minute.” I say dryly.

“Don’t run. Ignore her. Please.” He begs. He can see me closing off, reconstructing my walls.

“I’m not. I just need to use the bathroom. Take care of this. Now.” I say sharply and turn towards the bathroom.

Shit!
This is too much for me to handle. I was stupid to think that our relationship was perfectly peachy. I’m trembling by the time I enter the bathroom and seeing spots.

I know it’s not fair to act this way. We both have pasts, but it hurts to see it thrown in your face like that. Is this how it’s always going to be? Obstacles come our way and I run. I know I didn’t run far, but I could have, should have, defended Grayson and myself like he did with Chase. Baby steps. That’s what I need to remind myself of. I love him and he loves me. Surely love always wins, right?

I feel hot tears filling my eyes, and I refuse for that bitch to be the reason I cry. I take in a few deep breaths, wash my face and walk out of the bathroom. Grayson is standing by the door waiting for me. His eyes look sad, disappointed. I hate that I made him feel that way, but I needed a breather.

“I’m sorry,” he says searching my face for some kind of answer,
a clue to what I’m feeling.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault she showed up and said what she said. I just couldn’t hear anything else she would say.”

“I know, but I should’ve told you. I should tell you everything about my past so there are no more surprises.”

“Grayson, we both have a past. Neither one of us is perfect,” I say touching his arm. “We can’t focus on the past if we’re going to move forward. We will have obstacles. We need to decide now if they’re worth overcoming together. I’m scared. Things like this freak me out. I gave you my heart. That makes me vulnerable, breakable. I’ve never done this before, but I’m trying. I’m trying really hard.”

He hugs me, comforting me. “I already told you I wouldn’t let you break. Ever. You are it for me, my future. I know you’re trying. You don’t know how happy that makes me.” He kisses the top of my head. “You really love me, don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“Good. I love you, too, Sweet Pea.” I feel the tension slowly leaving my body and relax into his embrace. “Let’s get outta here.” He says leading me back to the bar to pay the tab.

The ride home is quiet. I wish I could say the tension has gone completely, but it still surrounds us. Both unsure of where we’re headed after what happened. I know Grayson is thinking I am shutting him out. I’m not. I just need to process what happened. I need to process my emotions. I know I want to be with Grayson, but am I strong enough to handle all this? It would be so much easier to simplify things. Then again, I don’t want anyone else but Grayson, and I don’t want to just fuck him like that bitch, Evie.

“I went to visit my dad.” I say breaking the silence and proving I’m not shutting him out.

“Oh yeah?” He asks
curiously looking at me from the corner of his eye as he drives down the curved road.

“Yeah. The day after you left. He always knows what to say.” I confess.

“What did he say?”

“He said you were worth fighting for.” I say like it’s a secret I’m not supposed to share.

“Really?” He asks, smiling to himself. “Without knowing me?”

“Yup. He said anyone who can make me smile the way you do is worth fighting for.”

“I’ll need to thank him one day.”

“He wants to meet you.” I say biting my lip unsure of his reaction or if I’m ready for that.

“That sounds great. I want to know all of you, Mia, and he’s a part of you.”

“I asked him if he regretted marrying my mom.” I continue. “He said he didn’t. He’d never regret it no matter how badly it ended. He knew she had issues and wanted to give her the love she never received as a child.” He gives me a quizzical look like I’m not making sense. “She had it rough growing up. I never knew. Her dad was an alcoholic and her mom never stopped him from reacting.” I explain. “I guess she was, is, broken, too. She always said her parents died when she was younger so I never met them.”

Grayson reaches over and holds my hand, squeezing it gently. We’ve arrived at the house but neither one of us moves. “I called her. On Friday night. I thanked her for her mistakes because they’ve given me the opportunity to learn who I don’t want to be and focus on what I do want. I told her that although she couldn’t break the pattern, I would.” I say this last part choking on my words trying not to cry.

“I wanted to call you. Tell you. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to, or if you would even care. Then you c
alled me to tell me about Logan and I couldn’t stand watching you break. I wanted you to know that I was here for you. I am here for you. I wanted you to know that I cared, but the words only seemed to come out once you had fallen asleep. Then you shut me out the next morning, running off to the shower, and I thought I lost my chance.”

“You didn’t lose your chance. I told you you were it for me. It broke me to leave you, but it hurt more if you didn’t care about me when I was falling in love with you. Thank you for telling me all of this. It means more than you’ll know. I’m proud of you for talking to your mom.” He says staring at me in adoration. I don’t get how he can see me like that, especially after breaking his heart, but I guess sometimes we luck out with a second chance.

“I still have a long way to go, but I want you next to me throughout all of it. I’m not shutting you out, I’m just still learning how to deal with all of this.” I say waving between us.

“I know. I am, too. We both have a lot to learn but that doesn’t mean we can’t do it together.
I’ve never been in a relationship either, let alone in love, but I am now and I want all of you.” He kisses me softly and I realize just how much I feel for this man. Everything I did to get here where we are right now was worth it to feel his love.

We go inside and prepare to leave back to Portland tomorrow. Part of me is going to miss this place. I hope we come back soon.

Chapter 16

We’re at the airport waiting to board and return to reality. Fortunately I was able to do some work while we were here, and I’m pretty caught up with my articles. I had taken the entire week off, so I’ll have until Monday to finish off some things before returning to the office.

I am reading one of my articles on my laptop when they begin boarding our flight. “You ready?” Grayson asks. I nod, shut down my laptop, and stuff it in my bag.

“Yes. Let’s go home.” I say as I reach my hand out to him and he takes it.

We take our seats and release the tension and stress that’s been weighing on us since we left Portland. I close my eyes and dose off as the plane takes off.

We land in Dallas for our layover, and this flight seems to have been much faster than on the way there. We don’t have a long layover so we grab two coffees and sit by the gate to wait.

“So… What are your plans for the weekend?” Grayson asks me timidly like if we were in middle school and he were trying to ask me out for the first time. It’s adorable. He pushes his fingers through his hair nervously waiting for me to answer.

“Well, I thought I’d spend time with Steph,” I begin, and his nerves become more visible but I continue. This could be fun. “You know, go out with her to some club, have a few drinks, find myself a cowboy to take home. The usual.” I wink, and I see a devilish smile spread across his face, all his confidence back.

“Well, I guess I’ll show up to be that cowboy you take home.”

“Who said it would be you?” I challenge.

“Because I’m the best you’ve ever had.” He stares at me, daring me to say otherwise, so cocky and sure of himself. It’s true though; he is the best I’ve ever had. That’s why no one else came close to him after the first time we slept together. I also know that has to do with the feelings he brought out in me.

“Same way I’m the best you’ve ever had. Don’t forget it.”

“Trust me, I won’t.” He winks at me, and I squirm in my seat. His hand is on my thigh teasing me relentlessly. Between hs hand on my leg and having him look at me like that, it makes me want to rip his clothes off no matter where we are. “We can grab a few drinks with Steph and Kyle if you want. I know you haven’t seen her in a few days and you must be having withdrawals.” He jokes.

“Very funny. We don’t have to though. We can stay in and just hang out and relax. I know it’s been hectic for you. I can see her at yoga tomorrow or something.”

“Yoga?” He looks at me in disbelief. “Since when do you do yoga?”

“Did I not mention that? I’ve been going for a few weeks now. It’s really helped me sort through things.”

“Sweet. You can become more flexible and use some of those moves on me.” I laugh, like laugh so loud people begin to stare because I can’t believe he just said that, and he sounds like a horny 18 year old. He starts to laugh, too and asks, “What? I’ve seen some of those poses; they’re intense. You’ll have to give me a private lesson later on.”

“Okay, okay.” I say trying to gasp for air.

“I love hearing you laugh. We’ll go out for a bit. It’ll be good to get out and see them.”

“Okay.
” I say evening out my breath. “I’ll wait to tell Steph though in case you change your mind. It’s okay if you do.”

“Mia, I’m okay. I promise. Yes, I’m sad, but I’ll survive. It’s a shitty situation, but it is what it is. I can always go and visit the house, keep an
eye on the horses. It’ll help me feel closer to him.”

“Okay. Good. Remember you aren’t alone.” I keep reminding him of this like I’m afraid he thinks I
’ll run from him or something.

“I know. And I love you for that, but life goes on. It makes it easier having you by my side.” I smile at him and we sit in silence until they call our flight to Portland.

This flight seems even faster than the one to Dallas. It’s like the wind was pushing us forward, pushing us home. We step out of the plane and I notice Grayson take a deep breath. He looks relieved. Maybe being back home in South Carolina was more emotional than I thought. I know seeing his mom was difficult.

“It’s good to be home.” He says as he grabs my hand and leads us out to the parking lot. Grayson had left his car parked here so we wouldn’t have to wait for a cab. It’s a warm afternoon, but there’s a cool breeze flowing; so different than the humidity of the South. We walk towards his SUV and climb in.

Grayson drops me off, and we make plans to go for drinks later on. I begin to unpack and grab my phone to call Steph. I haven’t spoken to her since I left and I know she’s dying to know what’s going on. I kept it simple when I told her I was going with Grayson to South Carolina for his brother’s funeral. She tried to ask a bunch of questions, but I cut her off. She’s going to be pissed if I don’t call her and give her details.

“It’s about damn time you call me back! I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the last two days. I gave you some space to help Grayson in the beginning, but you could’ve called after the funeral was over. Spill it.” I gotta love her greeting because it’s so Steph. I can’t help but laugh.

“It’s nice to talk to you, too.”

“Cut the bullshit, Mia
, and get to the good part. You didn’t go all the way to South Carolina because he’s a friend. So did you do the dirty?”

“Seriously? That’s how you’re going to ask me if I had sex?” I laugh. “Yes, I did, if you must know.” I lay down on my bed ready to spill.

“Finally! It’s about damn time you two get your heads out of your asses and admit what you feel.”

“Wait. I didn’t say we’re together. You asked if we had sex and I said yes.”

“You’re not?” She says in disbelief. “But I thought you realized you had feelings for him and this would be the perfect time to-” I burst out laughing cutting her off. “You’re such a bitch, Mia. You had me going there. You guys are together!”

“Sorry. It would be too easy to let you assume and be right. Yes, Steph, we spoke about everything and we are trying things out,
day by day
.” I emphasize.

“I’m happy for you. It’s about time you listen to me and let someone into your heart. Now we can double date!” She says sounding so corny I laugh at her.

“Yeah, yeah. Are you going to get all therapist on me or do you want to go grab some drinks later with us? Tell Kyle I expect him there!”

“Sounds good. Where are you guys going?

“Let’s meet at Lotus Brewery at 7:00 pm.”

“Okay. I can’t wait to see you! I’ve missed you. You can never leave for that long again without me.”

Smiling I say, “Steph, I was gone for five days.”

“I know, but I see you every day. Those five days were eternal. Not to mention, you were away with Grayson and I was going crazy dying to know what was going on. Poor Kyle, I drove him crazy, too. I kept asking him if he had heard from Grayson.”

I laugh at her because there’s nothing else to do. I know what Steph is like when she wants information and doesn’t get it. She can be a total pain in the ass.

“I’ll see you later, psycho.” I joke and hang up to send Grayson a quick text letting him know we’re meeting Steph and Kyle at Lotus at 7:00 pm.

I stay on my bed reflecting on the past few days, the past few weeks. I’m happy. Actually, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I feel free to be myself. I feel free from the weights I was carrying around. I’m glad my dad told me about my mom’s upbringing. It makes more sense. It’s peaceful knowing I can move forward and have learned to let go of the burden I’ve been carrying comparing myself to other’s and their mistakes, especially her.

I’m still working on completely forgiving my mom for all the crap she did, but I’m taking it from a different perspective. I’m being compassionate and trying to understand the reasons as to why people do the things they do instead of spending my days blaming. I’ve learned to let go of that blame and resentment I was holding onto for so many people in my past. I’ve decided to accept what is and learn from it because that is what has brought me to where I am right now. That is what has made me happy. It hasn’t been an easy ride, but how I feel right now makes it totally worth it.

I head to the shower to get ready for tonight. I am happy to see Steph. I’ve missed her, too, even if I didn’t make it seem like that over the phone. I get ready, putting on a pair of jeans, a purple tank top, and sandals. I grab a jacket since the evenings cool down a bit and leave my hair down, letting the waves fall around me. I’m applying mascara and lip gloss when Grayson knocks on my door.

I open and smile up at him. I know he dropped me off a few hours ago, yet I can’t help but feel butterflies flutter in my stomach. He’s wearing jeans, a blue
t-shirt emphasizing his perfect body, and his signature cowboy boots. His hair is combed back and his eyes are sparkling blue like the ocean during sunset.

“Hey, Sweet Pea. Are you ready?”

“No.” I state very matter-of-fact. “Aren’t you going to kiss me first?” He smiles, shaking his head, and pulls me in for a deep kiss grabbing my ass.

“I’ll never get tired of doing that.”
He says as he releases me.

“Good. Now let’s go before I change my mind and keep you here.”

Laughing, he says, “I wouldn’t turn it down, but I think Steph would kill me if I keep you away from her. Kyle told me he drove her crazy while we were away.”

“Yup. Steph gets crazy sometimes.”

“Well, we better get going or she’ll have my head on a platter by the time we arrive. We’ll have plenty of time later to make up for it,” he winks at me grinning mischievously.

We walk into Lotus and find Steph and Kyle sitting at a table. As soon as Steph spots us, she runs and wraps me in a hug. I hug her back, laughing.

“I missed you!” She shrieks pulling back. “You, too, Grayson, but my girl comes first.”

“No hard feelings,” Grayson says walking towards Kyle. “Girls.” I hear him say to Kyle as they shake hands.

“I missed you too, Steph. Now let’s get a drink and relax.”

“You two look happy.” She states. “It’s good to see.”

“Thanks. I am happy.”

We take our seats, order drinks, and talk about different things, keeping the conversation
casual. I know Steph and Kyle don’t want to upset Grayson by mentioning his brother and the trip since it wasn’t exactly for pleasure. We make fun of Steph’s obsessive behavior while we were in South Carolina. Kyle pretends it bothered him, but I can tell it did anything but annoy him. He looks at her with adoration and I know they’re in it for the long haul.