Perfectly Imperfect (Perfectly #1) (14 page)

I get home exhausted but feeling triumphant. I grab my phone and dial a number I thought I’d never dial again.

“Hello?” a sleepy voice answers.

“Mom, it’s Mia.” Well no shit it’s Mia, I don’t think I have any other siblings anywhere in the world calling her mom.

“Mia,” she says confused and fully awake now. “What do you want? Are you okay?” She almost seems worried.

“Yes, I am. Sorry to call so late. I assume you’re still in New York and it must be really late, or early. Whatever. I just want to tell you that I spoke to dad last week
, and he told me about your parents. I’m sorry. I guess I get it. It makes sense in a way,” I’m babbling.
Just get to the point!

“I just want to thank you. I’ve been able to learn from your mistakes and become the person I am. It’s been a rough road, God knows, but I’ve succeeded in a world full of demons. I’ve learned to love the person I am and open myself up to others. I’ve been so focused on what I don’t want to be that I lost track of who I was becoming, but understanding your past made me realize that you had your reasons, too, I guess. I have spent so much time hating you, that I never questioned why you did the things you did. You couldn’t break the pattern, but I am. So thank you.”

I think I hear sniffling on the other line, I’m not sure, but it’s quiet for a few minutes. “Mia, I am so sorry I never told you. I am sorry for leaving you and being selfish. I don’t expect you to forgive me, ever, but I want you to know that I do love you. A mother always loves her child, no matter what. I am grateful for your call. Your dad’s done a great job raising you. And know that I regret the way I put you second. It was what I knew.”

“I know, mom. Thanks. One day I’ll be able to forgive you completely. Today, I am compassionate.”

We hang up, and I feel like a hell of a load has been lifted off me.  I go to sleep, peaceful and happy. I’m ready to take on whatever comes my way.

Chapter 13

My phone shrills on my nightstand. It’s late. Who would be calling so late? I’ve been asleep for a few hours but feels like I’ve only slept five minutes. I look at the number and frown. It is Grayson. Now I’m fully awake and panicking. Why is he calling?

“Grayson, what happened? It’s three in the morning!”

“Mia,” he whispers, his voice cracking. My eyes shoot open.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He starts to sob. I’d feel like an ass if he were crying because of what happened between us.

Before I could apologize and try to explain, he speaks, “It’s Logan. He was in an accident tonight. They just called me. He didn’t-“ his voice cracks again, and my heart breaks. It breaks for this man I care so much about and can’t comfort. “He didn’t make it, Mia.”

“I’m on my way!” I rush out of my house and go straight to Grayson’s. I don’t even bother changing, that’ll just waste time.

I remember when I met Logan. He had come to visit Grayson for a weekend, and we all hung out together. Grayson was so excited to see Logan after so many months and that he finally got to check out Portland. I think he was still hopeful that Logan would like it and decide to move out here. He still lived in South Carolina in their dad’s ranch from what Grayson told me.

Grayson took the day off from work to spend with his brother, and I met them after work for drinks. I had insisted he spend time alone with him, but Grayson was adamant about me meeting Logan. When I walked in it was impossible to miss them. Those two stood out in the Portland scene, tall
, tan, and intense aqua tone eyes with cowboy boots and all. Logan was a spitting image of Grayson. He was slimmer than Grayson, lighter hair but same blue-green eyes and structure. It must be a family trait. He was really sweet, more of an optimist than Grayson and more rebellious, too.

He wasted no time with the girls, flirting and dancing with all of them. Grayson seemed so happy to have him here. I got to see a different side of him, maybe his true self.
They shared stories about their childhood, caught up on recent news, and teased each other.

I remember him bothering Grayson that he had gone soft since he started dating me and I froze. Grayson corrected him, and Logan just brushed him off with little importance. Maybe he saw the truth behind our feelings. Then he laughed it off saying he didn’t blame him after meeting me. He was definitely trouble, but the good kind. He had a big heart just like Grayson.

The love between them was visible and refreshing to see. It was good to see Grayson have someone so important in his life. I can just imagine how heart broken he must be right now. I have no idea what I’ll find when I get to Grayson’s, but I can just imagine the state he’s in by his phone call.

The door is unlocked when I get to Grayson’s house and walk in. He is crouched in a corner, his hands on his face, body shaking uncontrollably, crying. My heart breaks even more. He is usually so put together, so strong. I sit down next to him and put my arm around his shoulder, leaning him into me. “I’m so sorry,” is all I could get out. I am sorry for so many things, for hurting him, for letting him walk away, for ruining our friendship, and for his brother’s death. I know the latter is not my responsibility, but he has been through enough pain because of me and this isn’t fair. After all he’s been through with his family, it isn’t fair that he has to lose the only one he has.

We sit for a long time, him crying and me soothing him. I hug him to me and just let him release all the emotions he is holding onto. Who knows what thoughts are going through his mind.

He finally stops crying, his head on my lap, and my hand brushing his tousled hair. His eyes are closed, and his breathing begins to calm down. 

“I’m leaving tomorrow to prepare a service and burry him.” He says quietly, defeated.

“Okay.”

“Come with me.”

“Grayson…” I say cautiously.

“I know we aren’t together, and we haven’t spoken in weeks. I’m not asking you to date me. I’m asking you to come with me for support, as a friend. We were friends before, and you more than anyone knows what it will be like to go back there and see my family. I need you. He was all I had.”

I hold his hand softly. “You’re not alone, Grayson.”

“It’s not fair.” He sighs, sniffs, and starts crying again.

“I know it’s not. Just tell me what time to be ready, and I’ll be there.”

Seeing him so broken is breaking my heart. The pain I felt when he walked out of my house is dwarfed in comparison to seeing this man whom I care about more than anyone shattered to pieces. He had told me once a long time ago that he was broken, too, but I know this will take it to a whole new level. His brother was his life. He had raised him when their mother decided she didn’t want to do the parenting thing anymore and was busy dating and marrying every man who crossed her path. He was right when he said we were two peas in a pod, and now what he had left is gone.

He finally cries himself to sleep, and I cradle him in my lap, watching this beautiful man find some kind of
solace in his sleep. His tense jaw relaxes, his shoulders slump, and his hands hold on to my arms.

“Grayson, I hope you know I care about you, a lot. I’m just too scared to be with you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who won’t run in the opposite direction when things get hard. I told you I was broken.
Please know that I am trying.” I speak to him in his sleep. I want him to know I do care. I want what is best for him, and I don’t want to be the reason that he is hurting, again. I know he can’t hear me, and I am being a coward by telling him in his sleep, but I am mustering up the courage to tell him face to face. I want to be with him, completely. I want to make him happy and fix him the way he fixed me.

We stay like that all night, him sleeping, and me watching him sleep. Right before dawn, my eyes finally give in
, and I drift off to sleep dreaming of a different world where I am whole and Grayson and I are happy together.

I wake up a few hours later with sad green eyes staring at me. It still amazes me how his eyes change, making it easy to read into his emotions. I know him enough to know that green eyes mean sadness.

“Hey. How do you feel?”  I ask knowing the answer to that.

“I’ve been better,” he replies, clipped.

“It’ll be okay, Grayson. I’m here for you. Everything’s going to be okay. I know what your brother means to you, but I want you to know you aren’t alone.”

“Thanks, Mia. I’m going to go shower.” And just like that he stands up without another word, shutting me out, and into the shower. I guess I’m not the only one who runs when things get rough.

I sit, unsure of what to do or not do, while Grayson showers. I consider leaving because it feels like he doesn’t want me here, but I want to be here to support him, to help him pick up the pieces like he did to me.

He comes out of the shower wearing nothing but sweat pants
, and I can’t help but eye him up and down momentarily. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, and I can’t just turn off my hormones switch.

“Will you be able to get days off from work? I don’t want to interrupt your routine. You don’t have to come with me if you can’t… or don’t want to. I’m not sure why I even asked you.” He confesses. His eyes are rimmed with red and swollen. I’m sure he’s been crying even more in the shower.

I stand up and give him a small smile, which is supposed to comfort him but truth is it doesn’t. “Too late. You’re stuck with me,” and I mean that in more ways than one. I just need to build the courage to tell him and now isn’t the time. “I was about to call Toni and tell her I needed a few days off.”

“Mia…” H
e pushes his hands through his hair, looking anywhere but at me. He hesitates.

B
efore he can continue to shut me out, I say, “I already told you. I’m here for you. You aren’t alone. Ever. You promised me you wouldn’t let me break, and you kept that promise. You put me back together. Yeah, I’ve still got some dents and cracks, but you helped me put the pieces back where they belong. I’m here to do the same for you, Grayson. Like it or not.” I say, surprising myself at my honesty and courage.

He walks up to me quietly, puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in for a
hug. “Thanks, Sweet Pea.” My heart clenches around his nickname. I’ve never been so happy to hear him say it because it gives me hope. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” I wrap my arms around his waist and lean into him, giving him the most comforting hug I can, and his other arm envelops me in a tighter hug. I hear him sniffle a little and wrap my arms tighter around him.

He pulls away, wiping his face with the backs of his hands, and says, “I’ll pack
, and we’ll stop at your place so you can pack a bag. Are you sure, though?” I nod confidently. I’ve never been so sure of anything else in my life.

As he packs
, I pick up my phone and call Toni. I explain the situation without giving too much information about Grayson and my relationship and tell her I’ll be working on my laptop and sending her samples as I go writing them. She seems surprisingly understanding and tells me to take my time. She’ll be waiting for my articles and sending more as need be. I can’t explain how grateful I am.

After packing our bags and booking a flight last minute, we’re sitting on the plane, waiting for it to depart and begin our long and emotional journey. Neither Grayson nor I have spoken much since the morning. Looking forward, I reach my arm and hold his hand, lacing my fingers with his. He looks at me
, and I see his crooked smile from the corner of my eye. For anyone else it’s a small gesture, but it’s huge coming from me and he knows that. He squeezes my hand and closes his eyes. I notice a tear run down his face, and I gently wipe it away with my other hand and lean my head on his shoulder.

I have tried to deny it with all my willpower, but at this moment I know I am in love with this man. I would do anything for him. I just hope he’s still willing to give me a chance. I just hope he still has faith in me.

“Mia, wake up.” I feel someone shaking me, but I’m too tired to open my eyes. “Mia, we’re here. We need to get off the plane.” Reality begins to set, and I slowly open my eyes. I see beautiful blue-green eyes staring at me, and I get lost in them. They’re so beautiful. Am I dreaming? “Mia! Let’s go,” he says pulling me to my feet. I stumble a little bit feeling so tired.

“Where are we?” I ask confused. I look around and see the empty plane. Grayson. His brother. We were on a plane. It begins to click. “Are we in South Carolina already?”

“No, we’re in Dallas. We have a layover here. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just really tired.” I go to reach for my bag, but he gets it before I can.

“It’s the time change. I got your bag. Just follow me, and we’ll grab some coffee as soon as we get out.”

I follow him out of the plane and notice it’s dark outside. We left Portland in the early evening, but Dallas is a couple hours ahead of us. We make our way down the terminal and find a small coffee shop.
I sit at a table, and Grayson orders us two coffees.

“How do you feel?” I ask him as he takes his seat again.

“I’m okay. I just want to get this over with.” He says looking down at his coffee. He looks like he might break at any minute. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“Don’t thank me. I’m here for you,” I say.

“Not just for coming with me. For comforting me. For holding me together when I just want to break.” He tells me as his eyes begin to water. He takes a deep breath, calming himself before the tears fall.

I’m chewing my lip because I’m so nervous to be around him, unsure of what the boundaries are or what he’s thinking. Does he think I came because I felt obligated? Does he think I’m just being a good friend and feel guilty? Or does he understand that I’m ready to give him more? Be his support in all things. I wish I knew, but right now we need to focus on his brother and him dealing with this in a healthy manner.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“Not really. Are you? I can go get you something.” I start to stand.

“No I’m not hungry, but you’re chewing on your lower lip so ferociously that I figured I’d get you some food before you ate your lip,” he says with the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. He knows I do that when I’m nervous. He’s laughing at me but I don’t care, anything to get him to smile. I love that he hasn’t completely lost his sense of humor.

“Very funny,” I feign annoyance. Deep down, though, I’m ecstatic that I’ve made him almost smile.

A few minutes later they call our flight to begin boarding. We head to the gate and wait for our section to be called. As we walk through to the plane and take our seats I hear him take a few deep breaths. I know he’s nervous. He hasn’t been home since he moved. I know going back is hard for him, even harder facing the death of his brother.

“I’m here for you,” I reassure him, holding his hand firmly but gentle. He just nods, staring at the seat in front of him gripping my hand like if it was his source of life.

We’re both quiet on the flight from Dallas to Greenville. Grayson grew up right outside the city limits of Greenville, and that’s where his brother’s house is, too. I try to stay awake incase he wants to talk, but I slip in and out of consciousness. Each time I wake up and glance at Grayson, he’s just staring off into nothingness, my hand still in his.