Past Heaven (11 page)

With a breath of courage, I poured out my heart and told Reynolds the story of how Jack was taken from me…from us. We both knew how the story ended, but it didn’t make it any easier to tell. I looked up through my tear-clouded eyes to find Reynolds with his head hung low. For a moment we sat in silence. Then he looked up. In his eyes was an acknowledgement that words could never do justice. He understood.

Reynolds leaned over the table and laid his hands over mine, but I slipped them to my lap and glanced away. I didn’t want affection, or attention, or compassion. I didn’t want his pity. I was sick of obligatory sympathy that people were desperate to give. I just wanted the nightmare to be over. I wanted someone to make it go away, but I knew that couldn’t happen. The story never ended for me. To this day, when I closed my eyes, I pictured Jack dying in my arms. I was back in that room again. I could smell the blood, and feel Jack’s skin as it lost its warmth. Bile rose in my throat, and I brought my hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting.

Reynolds jumped up and fumbled around behind me. I didn’t look. I couldn’t—I was there again. Jack was in my arms. Cabinets opened and closed, the faucet ran and then it didn’t. He handed me the glass of water. I took it in my shaking hand, water spilling out of the top of the glass as I brought it to my parched lips.

Reynolds pulled his chair closer to mine, but kept a safe distance. “How did you keep going, Liz? After everything you saw, how did you not give up?” His voice was laced with sincerity and concern, but his eyes were filled with wonderment.

I stared at the wall. “The pain of watching my husband die was unreal. I felt like I was shot through the heart, that I would die too. But I couldn’t. I knew I had to carry on for my boys, even though my happiness had been extinguished, right along with Jack’s life. The best man I had ever known was taken from us. He was taken in the name of helping others.” I turned my steady gaze on Reynolds. “Now our lives are changed forever. So to answer your question, I keep going for my boys.”

I rested my head on my folded arms and let the anguish I’d kept at bay free. I sobbed my heart out in the comfort of my kitchen and in the company of a stranger. Reynolds rubbed my back. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to. What could he have said? The gesture was enough. Surprisingly, I allowed it.

A few moments later, Cindy’s high pitched, “Helllllooooooo” echoed through my house, and the door slammed behind her. This was about to get interesting.

She waltzed right in, carrying cookies for my boys and a fountain Diet Coke for me. She babbled something or other, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of it; she was talking so fast. Silence filled the room, followed by a blood-curdling, Cindy scream.

“Oh my FUCKING GOD! What the hell is Reynolds Carter doing in your house? Holy shit, Liz. I’m going to pass out.” She fanned herself. “Take the cookies. Take your stupid ass soda. This is it.” She braced the wall. “I’m hallucinating. The kids have finally made me lose my damn mind.”

My eyes widened and I jumped up to intercept her. “Cindy.” I rubbed her shoulders and tried to send her a telepathic message with my eyes to stop. “Get a grip! Sit down and chill out. You’re acting like a crazy psycho.” I forced her into a chair and shrugged apologetically as I focused on Reynolds’ shocked face.

I put my arm around Cindy’s shoulders. “And this is my dear friend Cindy.”

Cindy’s eyes bulged out, and she fanned her face with her hand. “Nice to meet you, Reynolds. Jesus Liz, what the fuck is going on?”

“Remember how I told you about the screen play?” I raised my eyebrows in silent reminder and wiped away the tear-stained mascara streaks from under my eyes.

Cindy smacked my arm. “No way! Hollywood dude is Reynolds Carter?” She screeched and hit me again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Probably because I knew you would act like this.” I swatted her hands away from me as we laughed. Cindy’s timing was imperfectly perfect. I needed this. “Now, stop hitting me.” She looked Reynolds up and down, settling her eyes just below his belt buckle. “This is fucking unreal. Reynolds Carter here in the flesh. You look great, by the way.” She bit her thumbnail and slowly raised her eyes back to his face. “Can’t believe you are forty years old.” She let out a small moan. “The tabloids sure have been up your ass lately, huh? I never liked that Kylie girl. You were up for a Golden Globe when that skinny bitch walked into your life, and I think she used that to help her own career. But hey, the two of you looked great on the cover of all those magazines. I might have picked up a copy or two. This town’s going to go bat shit crazy! Do people know you’re here yet?”

Rock, where are you so I can crawl under you?

“No. I try to fly under the radar as long as I can.” Reynolds rubbed his mouth and let out a sigh. “I’d rather not draw attention to the project until we’re done, or at least almost done. We don’t need those kind of distractions.”

Cindy stared at Reynolds like a lovesick teenager with a mixture of awe and wantonness. “What were you saying about distractions?” Sighing dramatically, she rested her chin on her hand. “I can’t believe I’m sitting next to the actor in my favorite movie.”

“Ahem.” I cleared my throat and smiled wickedly at Cindy. “I thought your favorite movie was
The Notebook.
You couldn’t get enough of
Ryan Gosling shirtless. Remember?” I waggled my eyebrows, enjoying myself. “Wait, wasn’t it
Magic Mike
and ‘all the magic that is Channing Tatum.’ Did I get that right, my friend?”

Cindy glared at me and then shook her head at Reynolds. “This one has clearly never seen you in
Comeback Glory
, has she? Your bare chest was inspirational. It caused you to move up to number two on my list, you know?” She leaned back in her chair and ogled my business partner.

Reynolds laughed at the both of us and then tilted his head to the side, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. If Cindy caught a glimpse of that, he’d be promoted to number one. I on the other hand, had seen it and quickly glanced away. “I’ll probably regret this, but on what list am I number two?”

Oh shit
. I knew where this was going, and I buried my face in my hands, mortified.

“You wouldn’t know about these lists, Reynolds.” Cindy looked almost devilish as she leaned in to impart the truth about her secret list. “You see, when married couples get old and boring, they’ll make a list of celebrities they’d get a free pass to cheat on their spouse with. You, you big sexy man, are number two on mine.” Cindy laughed as she held up two fingers. She looked at both of our faces and seemed proud of herself.

“Hmm.” Reynolds stared at the cup of water in front of him and ran his fingers along the glass. Cindy gulped loudly. “Just number two? Damn, I’m losing my touch.” He looked over at me, a slow grin spread on his face. His voice dropped an octave. “So tell me, Liz, do you have one of these lists?”

“No, Jack wouldn’t have gone for a free pass list.” I fidgeted and played with my nails. “But I may or may not have discussed such a list with my girlfriends after a few cocktails.” I looked away, embarrassed, certain my face was a bright shade of red. These two were enjoying this conversation too much.

“I’ll help you out and change the subject because you’re my best friend.” Cindy leaned forward on the table and began her interrogations. “Where are you staying, Reynolds, and how long will you be here?”

“I rented a small cottage on a horse farm up the road for a few months, but I’ll probably be back and forth to L.A. for some of that time.”

“Wait. You rented a place on a horse farm?” I smiled, eyebrows raised with curiosity. “It’s not the stone house on Jarrettsville Pike, is it? The old Freehill Farm?” Reynolds nodded. “Jack and I loved that farm. When the boys were younger, they liked driving by there to see the horses.”

“Do you like horses, Reynolds?” Cindy interrupted, her head tilted to the side, as she played with a lock of her hair.

Reynolds met my eyes with a shy grin that felt a little personal, as if he let me see a part of him that he kept private. “I’ve ridden horses since I was a kid. I’ve always wanted to have them, so it seemed like the perfect place.”

Cindy opened her mouth, but I stopped her. I looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Interrogation over?” I laughed at the look of faux innocence on her face. “How can I help you, my friend?”

“I was just asking a few questions, love. I came over to bring the boys a snack and you your favorite beverage, aside from wine, of course.” She looked over at Reynolds and winked. “This one is a bit loose-lipped after a couple glasses of vino.”

Reynolds burst out laughing. “Good to know. I’ll pull the wine out when we hit a writing lull.”

“All right you two, that’s enough. I have to run downstairs for a minute. Behave.” I glared at Cindy and then headed to the basement.

“Never have. Not going to start now that this fine piece of man candy is in front of me!” Cindy shouted back. I could only imagine the expression on Reynolds’ face as I left him alone with her in my kitchen.

Reynolds was about to get up close and personal with my biggest champion and protector.

“ALL RIGHT, I only have a few minutes so let me be quick and very fucking clear.” The jovial, light Cindy was gone. She stood up, placing both hands flat on the table in front of her, and pinned me with a glare. “That woman there is one of the most important people in my life. You got that? You’ve spent what? A day or two with her? I’m sure you already know how amazing she is. So let me make it crystal clear to you. Jack’s memory is very important to her, the boys, and everyone who knew him. So you mess this up, you hurt her or those boys, and you’ll deal with me. I have a cousin named Vinnie. I know people. It won’t be pretty.”

She moved around the table and crossed her arms in front of me, as I watched fierce loyalty in action. “Look, Mr. Hollywood. Liz is off limits. I know you playboy types. I watch the E channel. Don’t mess with her head or her heart. She’s been through enough without having some Casanova in a tight shirt and low slung jeans making a play on her.”

She lifted her finger and pointed it at my chest. “If I find out that you’ve hurt her, used her, or just not appreciated her, well, I’ll rip your motherfucking balls off. Then you won’t have to worry about what number you are on my list. Are. We. Clear?”

If looks could kill I would be dead and gone. This chick meant business.

Hell if I wasn’t impressed. Friends like that didn’t exist in L.A. Christ, she’d threaten an MMA fighter in order to protect Liz.

I put my hands up in surrender. “I hear you, Cindy. I promise I will protect her during this process. I realize how special she is. This isn’t easy for her, but I promise not to push too hard. You’re a great friend, and she’s lucky to have you.”

Cindy leaned in and hugged me. She held on a little longer than normal. I thought I also heard her sniff me, but I might have imagined that. Liz came upstairs with a tray of steaks in her hands, and Cindy finally released me.

“Staying for dinner, Cindy?” Liz asked as she placed the tray on the counter.

“No, I just hugged Reynolds Carter. I’m going home to lay in bed and—”