Out There (30 page)

“One second,” said the doctor. She smiled at me then walked over to the nurse. “What is it?”

The nurse pointed at the tablet then handed it to her. The doctor scanned it several times with wide eyes then gasped and flung her hand over her mouth. “No…” She gaped at me then turned back to the tablet. “Run it again.”

“Yes, Doctor.” The nurse grabbed the tablet and ran out of the door.

“Is everything OK, Doctor?” I asked and sat up.

“Of course, dear. Let me just finish with these tests,” she said as she grabbed another device and scanned me with it.

Then the nurse bolted through the door at top speed. “The lab says that the results are accurate,” she panted and handed the tablet back to the doctor.

“What?” The doctor gasped and stared at me like I was a wild animal.

I shied away and asked, “Is everything OK?”

“Wait there,” said the doctor, then the two of them ran out of the door.

I sighed and sat up in the bed feeling slightly nervous, but more just irritated. I picked myself up and walked over to the door to the waiting room. Through the glass hole in it, I could see the doctor conversing with my mother. Doctor Karen appeared to be speaking extremely quickly with an astonished look on her face the whole time. Mother just nodded her head until the doctor reached over and whispered something in her ear. Mother gasped and stepped back slightly, then regained her original calm composure and said something back.

Doctor Karen held up her tablet and Mother scanned it with her eyes, nodding as the doctor kept talking. Then she gasped again and put her hand over her chest, looking completely stunned. She looked up through the glass hole in the door at me with the exact same look. I rolled my eyes.

Mother turned back to the doctor and said something; the doctor nodded and walked away. By then I had stopped even trying to guess what was happening. Mother was pacing in front of the door deep in thought, then finally she turned and walked into the room.

“Does anyone care to explain why people look at me like I just grew a third arm?” I enquired.

Mother walked over and sat on the bed next to me. She sighed like she was trying to find words. “There isn't going to be a surgery today.”

“What? Why not?”

She drummed her fingers on her thighs and looked around the room. “We cannot proceed with the surgery because,” she said, turning and looking me in the eye, “you're already pregnant.”

My jaw dropped. “What?!”

“I said, you're already…”

“I know what you said, but
how?
I thought it was impossible without the surgery!”

“Ava, did you leave the Bubble?” Mother demanded with a voice of steel.

I froze.

“Unless you snuck into the centre and gave yourself the surgery, there is only one way to get pregnant. And I know you couldn't have done it here.”

My lips remained sealed tight.

“Did you find men or other people that could have been men?”

I tried desperately to think of something.

“Ava, answer me!”

“OK, yes I did,” I blurted out. “I left the Bubble.”

“You what?!”

“I was curious! I didn't know what I would find.”

“How did you…?”

“Before Katelyn died, the five of us found a way outside just to explore and nothing happened. But when she passed away, we wanted to go back to hold a private ceremony for her, so we went back and I saw a boy.”

“A boy? Like a child?” She looked disgusted.

“No, like my age.”

Mother sighed, relieved. “Well, that's a bit better, continue.” “So then the others made me promise not to go back, but I…”

“But you just had to go back, didn't you?” Mother interrupted.

I sighed, “Do you want to know or not?”

“Fine, continue.”

“And when I went back he was there and we talked. He told me about his home and said that there were others…”

“Others? How many?”

“Six total, all around the same age. Anyway, I got to know him better and I went back a lot.”

“How often is a lot?”

I hesitated and then said, “Like every day…”

“Every day! For how long?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“For goodness sake, Ava!”

“Can I just explain?”

“Fine, go on.”

“All right, where was I? Oh right, so I got to know him and he was the nicest person and he was such an amazing listener and he had this incredible laugh!” Derron's face appeared in my mind. “And he was so funny and…”

“Ava, I get it.”

“Sorry. So then when I found that photo and I made the connection about that kind of love… well… I kind of fell in love with him.”

“After a few weeks! Ava, that's not love.”

“Yes it is! I know it isn't a lot of time, but I'm being honest when I say that I would do anything for him and he would do the same for me.”

“Oh dear,” she said and put her head in her hands. “I thought that living in a world of just women would eliminate this problem.”

“I'm sorry.”

She looked at me. “But Ava, men are terrible, cruel, heartless…”

I raised my eyebrows.

She trailed off and sighed, “But I guess you know that's not all true.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Ava,” said Mother as she held my hand, “are you sure that these boys behaved appropriately?”

“Yes! They were super welcoming and friendly and Cain, the older one, answered all my questions.”

“Did you say Cain?”

“Yeah, apparently he was our neighbour. He knew Father…” “Yes, yes he did.” Mother stared off into space. “There weren't any older men, were there?”

“No.” I knew what her real question was. “He died.” Her head snapped back. “They told you that?”

“All of the men died. Only the boys were left.”

“Oh.”

“I'm sorry.”

“No it's…” she said and waved her hand in the air, “it's nothing, I just…”

“Miss him?”

She looked at me with sad eyes. “No I… uh,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “How did you, um, how did you even know how to conceive a child in the first place?”

“I didn't. It must have just happened without us realising what it meant. How do you do it anyway?”

Mother scratched the back of her neck and said, “Um, that's not really important seeing as it already happened, so let's just get down to business.”

“Business?”

Mother let out an aggravated sigh. “I'm just so mad at myself for not protecting you better. I thought that you not knowing would have made you safer. But it actually did the opposite. Darn those animal instincts!”

“Animal instincts?”

“Never mind.” She waved it off. “Now we need to discuss what action to take.”

“What do you mean?” “You can't just have it!” “Why not?”

“I think that the only solution is to remove it and give you the surgery.”

“Remove it? How can you say that?”

“Ava, listen to me, we have no choice. How are we meant to tell the entire community that men exist? That would create chaos.”

“But I want to keep her…”

“It might not be a her, Ava, and that's what's even more dangerous.”

“Wait, it might be a…” I looked down at my stomach in awe.

“Yes, a boy! And that's why we need to give you the real surgery.”

I snapped my head up. “I want to keep it. Whatever it is.” “You can't!”

“But it's my decision!”

“No, not any more. You may think you are doing the right thing, but we need to protect our community.”

“And that's exactly why I should keep it.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

It suddenly came to me. “This one is more likely to survive than the fake one you would put in me.”

“It's not fake…”

“Fine – the artificial one. Either way, the great Sylvia Carter must have messed up because, for some unimaginable reason, it didn't work.”

“That was a fluke, this time…”

“A fluke? Can you really afford another ‘fluke'?”

Mother chewed on her lip. “Ava, if it's because you're worried about… you know… then you shouldn't.”

I thought about it for a second. “I'm not afraid of dying. Well, I am, but I genuinely think this will work. You can't keep doing this trial and error, lives are on the line!”

Mother sat there, deep in thought.

“Mother?”

“It would be biased to give my own daughter special privileges,” she thought aloud to herself, “but this one might in fact help the community.”

“What if you just don't tell anyone?”

She turned to me. “
Lie?
” she spat it out like poison in her mouth.

I tilted my head to the side. “Don't act like you haven't already.”

“What?” She put her hand to her chest. “Ava, don't accuse me of doing something so…” She stopped when she saw my
I'm not buying it
face. “What are you suggesting?”

“Tell everyone I had the surgery.”

“And if it's a boy?”

“Then take it as a sign.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Fine, we can deal with that when the time comes.”

“And we also have to keep it a secret about these boys. That is of the utmost importance.”

“So I can keep it?”

Mother sighed, “Yes, you can keep it.”

“Oh, thank you Mother!” I sat up and hugged her. “You won't regret it.”

“I better not. Now I'm going to tell the doctors that this is to be kept between us.” She stood to leave.

“You're not going to tell Sylvia?”

“I think it's best if we don't.” She smiled. “It'll be our little secret.”

And it was our little secret. I spent the following days convincing everyone that I had a successful surgery and was pregnant with a healthy girl. My friends visited almost every day, which surprised me seeing as I hadn't been paying much attention to them. The Council members visited all the time and they too believed that inside me was the product of surgery. Sylvia Carter would often look at me suspiciously, but every time my test results came back positive, I would simply say to her, “Don't worry
yet
Sylvia.”

Then one morning, I was sitting with Mother in my room when I announced my latest decision. “Mother, I've come to a decision.”

“Yes, dear?” She looked up from her tablet.

I checked over her shoulder that the door was shut. “I want Derron to be a part of the child's life.”

“Absolutely not,” she said emphatically and turned back to the tablet.

“But it's his just as much as mine.”

“That's irrelevant.”

“But no one will know,” I pleaded. “I'll just go to the forest and meet him there.”

“You most certainly won't.”

“Oh please, Mother, I need him.”

She stared at me in shock. “It is far too dangerous for you to gallivant off into the forest alone with a baby.”

“I know it so well! I promise I'll be safe.”

“I said no, Ava.”

We sat there in silence. Then Mother's face lit up. “Could you point it out on this map?” She held out her tablet.

There was a ring in the middle indicating our city with trees around it. The river was down at the bottom, my clue.

“It's here,” I said, pointing at the rough location, between the river and the city.

“Oh,” she said and looked surprised, “it's closer than I imagined.”

“That's what I'm saying. Please Mother?”

She looked at me curiously for a moment. “I guess…”

“Yes!”

“As long as you are accompanied by me.”

“You have a deal. Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me.”