Once and For All: An American Valor Novel (16 page)

His quick exit was a good thing. Because if he hadn’t rushed out of the room, she likely would have told him that birth control was unnecessary. Then, wanting to understand, he would have asked a lot of questions. She’d have no choice but to tell him everything then. Which would likely lead to one of two outcomes: either he’d look at her with pity, which would make her want to strangle him, or he’d run away out of some screwed-up fear of hurting her. Either way, everything would stop and their opportunity would be squandered.

Instead, she wanted the thrill and the heat and feel of him inside of her, surrounding her. She wanted to lose her mind and pretend the last several years hadn’t happened. Pretend the surgeries and chemo and cancer never happened at all. If only for a short while, she wanted to feel beautiful. Sexy. She wanted to feel like the girl he loved ten years ago.

He returned just as quickly and tossed the small foil package onto the bed next to her.

She raised a brow. “Only one?”

Danny shook his head and smiled. “Be nice,” he teased.

Bree settled in, tucking her hands beneath her head as she watched him strip out of his boxer briefs. Of course he made a show out of it, turning, bending, and flexing. He was absolutely stunning and he knew it. Part of her found it impossible to believe this was the same boy she once knew. Gone was the good-looking athletic teen, replaced with a man who rivaled Adonis. She giggled as he crawled up the bed wearing nothing more than a smile as he straddled her body, bracing his weight on his hands. He lowered his head as if to give her a kiss, but quickly pulled back to look at her, a mischievous glint in his dark blue eyes.

“Who’s not being nice now?” she asked while running her hands from his wrists, up his arms. His eyelids drifted shut as she touched him, taking her time to admire all the hard curves and ridges of his muscles, all that strength and power on display. Her palms swept over his shoulders and behind his neck, bringing his mouth down to hers. This time he didn’t pull away; instead, he kissed her tenderly, taking his time and thoroughly tasting her. Her hands drifted to his chest, his abdomen.

“You’re shaking,” he whispered.

She hadn’t noticed it until he pointed it out. But now that he said something, she realized her hands trembled against his stomach.

He spoke against her mouth. “Just like our first time together, except I was the one shaking back then.”

She pushed him away, just far enough to meet his eyes. “I don’t remember that.”

“Oh, I do.” Danny chuckled. “I was scared shitless. And I had a million and one thoughts running through my head.”

Bree narrowed her eyes. “Like what?” She didn’t quite believe him because even as a teen he had exuded confidence.

“What if I put the condom on wrong? What if it tears? What if she gets pregnant? What if I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing? What if I hurt her? Even worse—” he paused for dramatic effect “—what if she laughs?”

She caressed his cheek, his jaw. Touched the dimple in his chin with the tip of her finger. “And you said the wheels were turning in my head.”

He smiled at that. “I’m just struck by the odd similarity between then and now.”

Bree leaned up to kiss his lips. “I promise not to laugh.”

When she took his erection in her hand, his eyes drifted shut in ecstasy as she began to stroke him with a gentle caress. His breathing became ragged as she teased him, never giving him exactly what he wanted. And in doing so, she was swamped with long-forgotten feelings of lust and desire, even amusement, that she was capable of making such a strong and powerful man tremble beneath her touch.

“Oh hell, no,” he groaned, carefully removing her grip. “A man only has so much self-control. And after your little stunt this morning, I’ve been on the verge of blowing a gasket all day. Not to mention the torture of the past few weeks. If I let you do that, history will definitely be repeating itself.”

“What are you talking about?”

“How that first time it was over before I even got inside of you.” He dipped his head, licking the tip of her breast before sucking her nipple into his mouth. Just as she arched into his attention he released her flesh with an audible pop. “Thank God for teenage libidos and quick recoveries.”

“You totally did not.” She giggled. “Did you?”

Not one ounce of embellishment as he stared at her with those dark blue eyes.

“Of course I did. I was sixteen and you were in my bed. Naked. Then you said, ‘Do it now, Danny!’ and I totally shot the mother lode.” She laughed out loud at his impersonation of the teenage version of herself. He leveled a finger at her. “You promised not to laugh.”

She clasped her hands over her mouth and fought to contain her laughter. Her eyes watered, her lungs burned.

“Keep laughing,” he said, playfully chastising her. “You’re going to hurt his feelings.” Danny nodded to his erection and she burst out laughing all over again. But just to be on the safe side, she decided to give “him” a little encouragement. For the second time, Danny avoided her hands and rolled off her, settling against the pillows. He grabbed the foil packet and quickly sheathed himself then guided her to straddle him, his erection thick and hard beneath her.

“How did I not know that happened?”

His hands cupped her small breasts, his thumbs brushing their peaks. “Because I distracted you with lots and lots of foreplay,” he whispered.

She thought back to that rainy, summer afternoon. How just like this evening he’d knelt between her legs. Suddenly, it all became abundantly clear. “And all this time I thought you were a born giver.”

“I was a teenage boy desperate to lose his virginity,” he said, smiling. “The first time I was a giver out of necessity. Not that I regret it one bit.”

He leaned forward, wrapping her in the security of his arms, the dusting of hair on his chest tickling her breasts. Bree rose up on her knees and took him inside, a few tentative glides as she eased herself down, both of them moaning in satisfaction once he filled her completely.

She buried her face into his neck, breathing through the touches of pain and discomfort. Danny pressed kisses to her forehead, the side of her face. His fingers traced the gutter of her spine in long, soothing strokes.

“Are you okay?”

She could only nod in response. Everything she was feeling, the sensations of fullness and completion, the emotional intimacy and physical connection, all of it nearly overwhelmed her. Not until this very moment had she realized how much she missed being with a man.

But Danny wasn’t just any man. He was the first man she’d ever loved. Perhaps the only man she would ever love.

Ten years might have passed, but their bodies remembered everything. The action. The reaction. The give and take. She rocked with him, Danny guiding her hips in slow and measured strokes, handling her with care as if she was fragile. It was a gentleness she appreciated at first as her body adjusted to him, but now she craved more. And as frustrating as it was for her, it had to be even worse for him. His jaw flexed and clenched with such force, she wouldn’t be surprised if he cracked a few teeth before they were through. She tried to increase the pace, but he held her firm, his fingertips digging into her flesh.

“I won’t break, Danny.”

“I know that,” he growled.

Still, he continued with his maddeningly slow pace.

Well, he wasn’t the only one to remember things from their past. She remembered what drove him wild, what would make him lose control.

Bree grabbed his head, her nails digging into the tender flesh at the base of his skull, and kissed him hard, her tongue thrusting, winding hotly around his. She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and bit down, nearly drawing blood. Then she finished him off by giving his lip a good tug before releasing it.

“Christ Almighty.” In the blink of an eye, Danny tightened his grip and rolled them both until she was on her back, her hands now pinned to the mattress beneath his as he loomed over her, his eyes black with desire. She was unable to hide her satisfied smile.

“Is this what you want?” he asked through gritted teeth as he gave one good thrust.

“God, yes. A million times yes.”

He kissed her back with that same intensity and she wrapped her legs around his waist, lifting to meet each of his urgent thrusts.

“Harder,” she pleaded.

He groaned as if in physical pain, but gave her what she wanted, what they both wanted, hooking his arms behind her knees so he could drive deeper into her.

“Fuck, Bree. I’m close,” he said, his breathing hot and labored on her neck. “So fucking close.”

She knew he wanted her to come again, but she likely wouldn’t. And it didn’t matter. He’d already given her so much. “It’s okay, Danny,” she whispered. “Let go.”

With her blessing he increased his pace and raced toward completion, finally driving hard into her once, twice, as he came with a strangled groan. His body shuddered against hers as he murmured a string of expletives in her ear. Something else that hadn’t changed. She smiled against his cheek and held him there, pleasantly surprised when a small tremor of bliss eased through her.

Danny pressed a kiss to her temple, brushed the tip of his nose against hers, finally resting his forehead against hers.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his words coming out in a winded rush. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Bree shook her head. “Not at all. It was perfect.”

She sealed her reply with a kiss, an answer that was truth and lie all in one. Yes, he hadn’t hurt her physically. But she couldn’t help but fear that while her heart was fine for now, it was only a matter of time before he would shatter it into a million pieces.

Chapter Seventeen

D
ANNY SAID TO
hell with his early-morning routine. He silenced his alarm and ignored his buzzing phone, choosing instead to sleep late. Actually, Bree slept late and he just watched her sleep, entranced by the quirk of her brows and flutter of her eyelashes as she dreamed. Occasionally, her lips would move as if she was speaking to someone, then soften into a smile, leaving him to wonder who she was dreaming of.

Instead of disrupting her sleep, he snuggled deep beneath the covers, relishing the warm press of her skin against his and the sound of her soft, restful exhales. It was the first time in a very long time that had happened, waking up next to a woman in his very own bed.

Before, when the army required him to live in the barracks, going back to the woman’s place to hook up or splurging on a motel if he had the cash was the norm. Even after moving up the ranks and being allowed to move off post, it was a habit he stuck to, and the women he encountered never knew any different. In those early years he’d grown accustomed to sneaking out under the cover of darkness and avoiding awkward morning-after conversations and messy entanglements altogether. Just because he moved into his own place didn’t mean that part of his life needed to change.

Then he proposed to Bree. Inviting her not only into his life and his apartment, but into his bed, too.

Not once did he consider just how much he would love being around her again. Hearing her laugh. Seeing her smile. Walking into his apartment after a long day or even longer week and having someone there to greet him. The fact they could no longer ignore the magnetic pull that existed between them wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was that they’d fought their undeniable attraction this long.

He’d never intended for them to be more than platonic roommates. Yes, he’d teased her about enjoying all the benefits of marriage, but he hadn’t meant anything by it. He was determined to help her no matter what. Of course, his father always said the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

After Bree finally woke that morning, they lazed around in bed for a bit longer then spent the morning puttering around and running errands together like they’d been married a lifetime. By late afternoon they found themselves downtown, walking along the river, feasting on corned beef sandwiches and listening to live music.

The beer line moved at a snail’s pace despite the smaller Sunday crowds. Having enjoyed the parade and a lot of what Savannah had to offer, most of the tourists had packed up their belongings and headed home. Danny looked back to where Bree stood only a few feet from a music stage, her head bopping in time to the beat, a wide smile on her face. As if she sensed he was watching her, she glanced over her shoulder in his direction and when their eyes met, her eyes sparkled and smile widened. She raised a hand and waggled her fingers at him, igniting a warmth that slowly spread throughout his body.

God, she was adorable.

Despite her terrible dance moves and ugly plaid golfer’s hat. Proving once again, without a doubt, he was completely and totally in love with her.

Of course, he’d always loved her. That had never changed in the past ten years, no matter how much he tried to deny it or push her from his mind. And now he was in deep.

“What’ll it be?”

The guy working the beer truck stared down at him, eyebrows raised in question. It took a second for Danny’s mind to shift gears. “Two Guinnesses, please.”

“Sure thing,” the man replied, shaking his head as he turned away from the open window.

Only after he pulled cash from his wallet did he see his own reflection in the glass and the big goofy grin on his face. No wonder the beer guy was looking at him like he was nuts. His reflection was that of a lovestruck teenager. And in a way, he felt like one.

Danny exchanged bills for drinks then eased his way back through the crowd to where Bree stood. He snuck up behind her, pressing a quick kiss to the exposed skin just above her collar. She jumped and skittered a few steps away, before turning to see it was him.

“Jesus,” she said, clutching her chest.

He chuckled. “Who’d you think it was?”

“I don’t know. You just took me by surprise.”

“I see that.” Danny handed her a beer. “Try one of these.”

Bree held the translucent cup in front of her face, eyeing its contents suspiciously. “It’s black.”

“It’s good. I promise. Have I ever steered you wrong?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t think you want me to answer that.”

Danny laughed. Clearly, he forgot who he was talking to. “Yeah, that was a loaded question. But just do me a favor and try it. If you don’t like it, I’ll get you something else. Promise.” After using his index finger to make an X over his heart, Bree took a cautious sip. And then another. “What do you think?”

“Definitely doesn’t taste like the watered-down tap beer I used to drink in college.”

He smiled. “No, I’m sure it doesn’t.”

This time she took a real drink from the plastic cup, the thick foam clinging to her upper lip.

Before she had the chance to swipe it away, he took care of it for her. With the tip of his tongue, Danny licked away the foam then sucked her top lip into his mouth. And since he was already there and breaking all of his rules about PDAs, he followed up with a proper kiss.

“I tried calling you this morning.”

Having recognized the voice, Danny took his sweet time pulling away from Bree and answered without turning around. “Decided to sleep in.”

Bree’s skin blushed from having been caught midkiss. “Clearly, I’m a bad influence,” she said to his brother. “I didn’t have my fill of corned beef yesterday and was determined to get some more before the weekend was over.”

Finally, Danny turned to face him and watched as Michael’s gaze traveled from Bree to him, then to their joined hands, his disapproval evident. Bree cracked under his brother’s scrutiny and handed Danny her beer. “I have to run to the ladies’ room.”

What a chicken shit. But he’d let her run away if it saved her some embarrassment.

And right on cue, his brother started in as soon as Bree was out of earshot. “Still playing with fire, I see.”

“Still using the same old metaphor, I see.” Danny took a long drink of his beer and turned his attention to the stage.

God, he hated that saying. Playing with fire? If Mike wasn’t careful Danny’d go all literal on his ass and light him on fire. A little lighter fluid. A match or two. Whoosh.

Mike folded his arms across his chest and stepped in closer, attempting to use his two additional inches of height to intimidate him. It worked for a while when they were kids. Now, not so much. “If things between you and Bree continue this way, it will end badly, Danny. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“How so?”

“Because what I just saw sure didn’t look like just friends or roommates or whatever you want to call it today. Unless things have changed between you two?”

For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what the hell Michael’s problem was. Couldn’t his brother see how happy Bree made him? Did Michael really want him to be miserable the rest of his damn life? Because now that Bree was back in his life, living with him, loving him, it was easy to see just how mediocre the past ten years had been. The army, he loved. The guys he stood shoulder to shoulder with, he loved. But something was always missing. He wasn’t a complete idiot. He always knew exactly what it was, who it was, that was missing. And maybe he never gave himself the chance to try to find it again with someone else. But when you love someone the way he loved Bree, well, it was pretty fucking obvious to him she was irreplaceable.

Maybe he was stupid to fall so deeply into her, knowing this arrangement between them was temporary. But how many people would kill for a second chance? People easily say they’d give a year of their life for ten more minutes with the one they loved. He understood that. And although he knew his heart would be ripped to pieces when she walked away from him, no way could he ever regret these weeks or months that he’d have her one last time.

To keep from saying something he would regret, Danny shook his head and drank down the remainder of his beer in one shot. Then he stacked Bree’s plastic cup inside his and drank down half of hers for good measure.

“Here’s how I see it,” Michael began. “For the first time in I don’t even know how long, you skipped your run. Usually you’re the one to wake my ass up after you’ve crawled home from wherever the night before. So for you to suddenly change all your routines and ignore my messages, it was a little surprising. And then I got to thinking. In your whole life, you’ve only put one person before everyone else.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. Most people would find my actions toward Bree admirable.”

“Most people don’t know how self-destructive you can be.”

Danny swallowed down most of his anger and looked across the crowd to see Bree making her way back to them. He and his brother had fought for as long as he could remember, and the last thing he wanted was for Bree to get drawn into their mess.

“You know what, Mike? Why don’t you relax a bit? Come down off that fucking high horse of yours and have a beer with me and Bree. Enjoy the nice weather, the food, the music. Appreciate the fact that we’re not in some Third World hellhole eating sand for dinner. If you can’t do that, if you can’t enjoy the moment, then get lost. Because the last time I checked, I don’t answer to you.”

A
FTER
A LONG
day of crowds and loud music, Danny and Bree left behind the chaos of River Street and made their way toward Forsyth Park. Moonlight streamed through the gnarled branches of large live oaks, casting ghostly shadows on the ground. Spanish moss hung from the limbs and billowed in the breeze, only adding to the ambiance.

As far as weekends went, this one had been nearly perfect. Sure, it started out a little rocky, but the following day was filled with playful banter and lots of laughter. Even if they hadn’t had sex the weekend would have been great. But with sex? Holy good God. It was like ordering the most decadent brownie sundae only to have it arrive with two cherries on top and extra sprinkles. Then to wake up this morning alongside Danny felt very, very good. And so very right. Like this was how their lives should have been all along.

As they wandered along downtown, Danny never hesitated to introduce her to the regiment guys they ran into along the way. The older guys were unable to hide their surprise when he referred to her as “my wife,” while the younger ones didn’t appear to find it all that shocking.

But his mood notably shifted after they saw Michael. Where he was flirty and affectionate before, holding her hand, kissing her neck, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her snug against his body, there was so much distance between them now he might as well have been half a world away.

The soft glow from cast-iron lampposts guided them directly to the park’s famous fountain where a few others meandered around. For the most part they had the park all to themselves and the revelry along the river seemed so very far away. Danny pulled his hands from his pockets and rested his forearms atop the iron fence circling the fountain.

Bree stared up at the moon. Heard the call of birds and crickets and whatever else was out there in the dark. Finally, she braved the silence between them. “You’ve gone quiet. Everything okay?”

Danny shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. From her angle, it was difficult to tell what he was trying to say. Maybe even he didn’t know. “It’s fun that they dye the fountain water green for St. Patty’s Day, but it’s far prettier without it.”

The swift change in topic nearly gave her conversational whiplash, but he’d said more in that one sentence than he had in the past hour. So she rolled with it.

“You were right when you told me it’s beautiful here,” she said, keeping the conversation neutral. “So different from Myrtle Beach. I can see why you live here.”

He huffed a laugh. “Didn’t have much of a choice.”

“Really?” She turned to face him, but his gaze remained on the fountain in front of them.

“I requested 2nd Batt. They’re based at Fort Lewis. Washington State. But the army sent me here instead. Guess they didn’t realize or didn’t care that I was trying to run away as far as possible. The idea of one day running into you with someone else, maybe even married and with kids . . .”

Without warning, their conversation headed the wrong way down a one-way street. He turned to face her, running the palm of his hand from her shoulder to wrist. Any other time she would find the action comforting, soothing even, if it wasn’t for the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bree. I know it sounds cliché to say it wasn’t you, that it was all me, but that’s the truth. I really fucked up when I lost my scholarship. And in my mind, I not only fucked up my future but yours, as well.” He removed his hand and turned back toward the fountain. “You deserved better than to be stuck with a screwup for the rest of your life.”

For ten years she believed she was the only one to feel the pain of heartbreak and disappointment. That he’d run away to find excitement and adventure because his life in South Carolina, his future with her, was lacking. Not once had she considered he’d left out of embarrassment of losing his scholarship and guilt from ruining their future plans.

But for him, joining the army had been the right choice. She could see that now. Hell, anyone could see that. There had been times today when he would spot one of the younger guys from his company and would take a moment to give them a bit of advice. “Have fun, but not too much fun. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste because of one stupid mistake. Play it smart. Keep an eye out for each other.” He’d learned a hard lesson all those years ago and he was determined to keep them from doing the same. Proof that he wasn’t the screwup he believed himself to be.

“How did Mike end up in the same battalion?”

“Luck mostly. With each school I made it through—Airborne, RIP, then Ranger school, I’d call him up and rub it in. Used to say he was too much of a pussy to pass them.” He laughed. “And I’ll be damned if sometime while he was in med school he changed his paperwork.”