Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 (8 page)

She laid Nathan on the bed and changed his diaper, then made herself comfortable in a soft recliner. Downstairs the quiet clamor of dishes made a homey sort of noise. Tears stung the back of her nose. This was how it was supposed to be. This is what she’d thought she’d have with Jason. She’d been so sure that he’d come around once he realized she was carrying their child. She’d been certain he’d believe her when she said she hadn’t gotten pregnant on purpose. She’d been taking her birth control pills all along.

But what hit her square in the heart right now was that none of it seemed to truly matter anymore. Jason was gone and she was really okay with it. It wasn’t Jason who dominated her thoughts, both awake and asleep. It wasn’t their life she dreamed about. It was Gabe. Being this close—feeling the old feelings again—it was torture. She wanted him so very badly. So badly it was terrifying. She was so afraid of making the wrong move and ruining everything.

She switched Nathan to the other side as gorgeous smells wafted up the stairs. When was the last time a man had cooked her dinner? When had she last felt this breathless anticipation? She rocked the chair gently and closed her eyes. Her stomach did a little tumble as she heard Gabe’s step on the stairs, followed by another, and another, until she knew he had to have reached the top.

When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she opened her eyes and saw him standing just inside the doorway again. This time she didn’t have the time—or inclination—to cover up. Gabe was watching her. She thought perhaps she should be embarrassed, but somehow she wasn’t. Maybe it was the way he stood, relaxed with his weight on one hip. Perhaps it was the hint of a smile she caught just at the corner of his mouth. Or the way his eyes seemed to look like warm molasses as he watched her. She’d made herself comfortable, letting her shirt buttons remain open as Nathan fed from her other side. She didn’t scurry to drape a blanket over her revealed skin. Everything was hidden from view, but it still made her vulnerable. They had to start somewhere, didn’t they?

Once their eyes met he came in and knelt in front of her chair, putting his hand on Nathan’s downy cap of hair. His palm was so wide it cupped the entire curve of Nathan’s head, his fingers only a fraction of an inch away from her skin.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He’d been looking at Nathan but now he lifted his gaze to Carly, and she fought against the need to reach out and touch his oh-so-serious face. “I don’t mean to invade your privacy. But Carly… I couldn’t seem to stay away any longer.”

Oh dear Lord. He couldn’t seem to stay away? It was like touching a match to paper, hearing those words. “Gabe…”

But he put his finger to her lips. “Shh,” he said. His finger moved away and slid down her jaw. “Is it okay that I’m here? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

She swallowed. Okay? What was so unsettling was how right it felt and it made warning bells go off inside her head. She’d been right all along. With Gabe it wasn’t just about sex. It was about something so much bigger.

Nathan had dozed off again and Carly felt her cheeks flush as his lips slackened, exposing her fully to Gabe’s gaze. Without a word, Gabe picked up Nathan and carefully placed him on the middle of the bed. Carly rushed to re-clip the nursing bra, fumbling the clasp in her nervousness, and as a result her blouse was still unbuttoned when Gabe returned to kneel before her. He covered her fingers and pulled them down to her lap.

“Nothing seems to faze you,” she whispered. “You always seem so in control. So…sure of yourself.”

“You faze me,” he replied, his voice husky as he knelt before her. “I’ve stayed away because of it. Because I didn’t want to rush things. But today you stepped inside and I knew I couldn’t keep my distance any longer. You make my heart beat faster. You are…” he paused, a tiny crease forming between his eyes as he searched for words, “…you are such a beautiful mother. The way you hold your son, the love in your eyes, the glow on your face. That is so much bigger than me, than anything…”

Their low voices only added to the intimacy in the room. “What are you saying?”

He shook his head. “Maybe I’m not saying anything. Maybe I just want to…”

He let the words go and put his hands on the arms of her chair, leaning in and kissing her.

And oh my, he tasted good, felt good as his body hovered above her, warm and strong. Tentatively Carly lifted her hand and curled it around his neck, holding him there so he couldn’t slip away before she’d had her fill.

At her accepting touch his lips opened wider. She tightened her fingers in the soft hair of his neck and leaned towards him. He had initiated this. He had. There wasn’t anything wrong with enjoying it, was there?

He slid a finger over the curve of her jaw, down her neck, and lightly grazed the cleft between her breasts that the bra didn’t manage to cover. Carly’s breath caught in her throat at the touch that sent something taut and exciting to her core. All he had to do was kiss her and touch her once and she thought she might burst into flames beneath his hands.

Gabe lifted one hand off the arm of the chair and looped it around her waist, pulling her up until she was on her feet and in his arms.

Everything changed. Both times he’d kissed her he’d leaned in, but his hands had been holding him up, keeping her out of his embrace. Not now. Now his hands were utterly free and holding her close, pulling her body flush to his. She could feel the strength in his muscles and the hard planes of his chest and abs. One of his hands cupped the back of her head while the other slid past the waistband of her jeans, pulling her tightly against his body. For the first time in months Carly felt a rush of something exciting…something hot and carnal. It made her tremble, and she felt the difference in Gabe’s arms as she inhaled a shaky breath. He loosened his hold and broke off the kiss.

“God, Carly, I’m sorry.”

She could let his apology take away everything she was feeling or she could stand and make a challenge. She was so tired of trying to put off her feelings. Of pretending they didn’t exist. She couldn’t go on this way, always afraid of taking a risk, always tiptoeing around whatever feelings they had for each other. She lifted her chin and forced herself to meet his gaze head on.

“Why?” she asked. “Because I’m not sorry at all.”

He gave a quick glance at the bed. “He won’t roll off, will he?”

“He’s too little.” Carly’s legs trembled as she took the few steps to the bed. “If I put pillows here, he’ll be fine,” she said, taking two of the shams and putting them in place. She turned back to look at Gabe. “What are we doing, Gabe?”

He swallowed. “Anything you want.”

The possibilities in those words made her quiver with want. And yet having to ensure Nathan’s safety had given her a bit of perspective. Shyness fought with desire. “I don’t… I mean to say…”

“Too soon?” he asked softly. She wondered briefly if he was worried about if she was physically able and she felt the heat of a blush rise in her cheeks. Was it too soon? The way her body was throbbing she knew the answer. But was she ready? She wasn’t sure. Gabe saw her indecision and came forward. He took her hand and squeezed. “Forget I mentioned it,” he said, and he smiled, but she saw lines of strain around his eyes. “Let’s have dinner.”

He turned to walk away.

“No!”

The word ripped from her throat. Nathan fidgeted and then settled back down once more. Gabe paused, his dark gaze penetrating. She didn’t want to just have dinner. She wanted him, and she was just frightened enough to need him to take the lead.

“No,” she whispered, wanting him to understand without her having to say the words.

He took her hand.

She followed behind him, her pulse hammering through her body as he led her across the hall to his room. The sunset bathed the room in golden light and Gabe ran his hand down the length of her arm, making goosebumps pop up behind the caress. With a smooth movement, he gripped the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head.

He was beautiful, with muscled shoulders and arms and a flat stomach that tapered to the waist of his low-slung jeans. “Your turn,” he said, and Carly unbuttoned the last buttons on her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. Gabe’s teeth bit down on his lip as he watched her.

She felt so self-conscious. “I wish it was prettier,” she confessed, running her hand over the shoulder strap of her bra that was constructed for function and not for fancy. Despite her fantasies she’d never truly considered the evening taking this direction. “And the baby weight,” she added with uncertainty. Things happened to a woman’s body when she was pregnant that never quite went back to their original place. “Gabe, I…”

A smile flickered on his lips. “It doesn’t matter,” he replied. He stepped forward so that her bare skin was pressed against the warm smoothness of his chest. “It’s all beautiful to me.”

“Gabe…”

His lips touched the side of her neck. “Beautiful,” he breathed, and she shivered.

She reached for the button of his jeans, sliding it out of the buttonhole. She pushed the jeans over his hips, sliding her hands beneath the cotton of his shorts and closing her eyes, adoring the feel of his firm flesh in her hands. Things moved faster now, with an urgent edge as Gabe helped her out of her jeans and panties all at once and then fused his mouth to hers, nudging her backwards towards the bed. They fell against the mattress together, completely naked now except for the cotton of her bra.

Instinctively she moved her hands to cover her belly.

With gentle patience, Gabe moved one of her hands aside and replaced it with his own, sliding his fingers over the soft skin, making awareness ripple through her. “Don’t hide,” he murmured, replacing his fingers with his lips. The breath caught in her lungs, need taking over where longing had been. She reached out and touched the side of his face, the stubble there rough against her fingertips. “Please,” she whispered, and he slid up the bed, covering her body with his own. He kissed her, long, slow, languorous, until she was pliant beneath him. Then, and only then, he slipped inside her.

Chapter Seven

Gabe felt her body close around him and clenched his jaw. So good, but too good to be over too quickly. He waited, struggling for control until he felt her move beneath him. He opened his eyes and found her gaze locked on his face. God, she was beautiful. So shy, so self-conscious, worried that he wouldn’t find her attractive. But he loved her curves. He loved that the changes in her body had been wrought by motherhood. They didn’t detract from her sexiness at all. Carly Douglas was all woman, and tonight she was
his
woman.

He set up a rhythm and then it was impossible to think. He could only feel; the heat of her body, the sound of her sighs in the golden light of the room. It gilded her skin with a warm glow as his body tightened. Her fingers dug into his back and her eyes slammed shut as she shattered beneath him.

Gabe grit his teeth, trying to hold on, but it was pointless. As Carly let out a long, sexy sigh of satisfaction, he drove into her one last time and into oblivion.

A thin cry sounded from across the hall and Gabe opened his eyes to look at his watch. It was only nine. It had only been an hour since they’d made love and already everything looked different. He was curled around Carly in the gray shadows of the room, her back pressed to his chest, and he felt the moment she awakened as Nathan cried again.

She slid out of his arms wordlessly and he watched as she scuttled across the floor to pick up her clothes. The cries increased as she rushed to put on her discarded jeans and her blouse. But more telling was that she never looked at him once. Not once.

After she was gone Gabe rolled to his back and put his hands behind his head. He’d pushed too hard. He’d seen the need in her and it had matched his own. Being with Carly wasn’t just about sex because she meant more to him. Had for years.

But now he recalled the day in her kitchen when she’d told him she wasn’t looking for romance. About how her life was focused around Nathan and making things right for him. So what was tonight for her, then? A quick scratch of an itch? Gabe refused to believe that she’d used him. She’d been too lovely and fragile for that. But clearly she was having second thoughts about what they’d done, reevaluating, and the last thing he wanted was her carrying around some misplaced guilt about what happened.

He had to be more careful with her.

He got out of bed and slid back into his jeans. Pulling the T-shirt over his head, he left the bedroom and peeked into the spare room where she was in the middle of putting fuzzy footed sleepers on Nathan.

Very, very careful. Because what Gabe was feeling was big and scary and real, and it wasn’t something Carly was ready for.

“Come have something to eat,” he suggested quietly. “Better late than never.”

She picked Nathan up and cuddled him close to her shoulder. “Maybe I should go, Gabe.”

But he couldn’t let her leave now. Not with this hanging over them. “You have to eat something, and I have a perfectly good dinner that is too big for one person.” He smiled at her.

“Just for dinner,” she said, and there was a bit of a warning in her voice. He was right. They’d moved too fast, and now it was time to take a few steps back. Get their footing again.

He popped the pasta dish in the microwave to reheat and put the salad and bread basket on the table as they waited. He turned on the dining light rather than lighting candles, poured ice water rather than popping the dealcoholized wine he’d bought. Carly clipped Nathan into his seat, fastening an activity bar across the front. A bright blue elephant seemed to hold his undivided attention.

Gabe didn’t want to do anything to add any extra pressure to Carly. But when the moments dragged on, silent except for the sound of cutlery against plates, he couldn’t stand it any longer.

“I’m sorry, Carly. What happened tonight…” He put down his fork. “It was wrong of me. I didn’t mean to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”

“Why was it wrong?” she asked carefully, also putting down her fork.