Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 (3 page)

He shifted into a more comfortable position, putting his left hand on the other side of her hips rather than perching awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Her heart seemed to pound like a drum at his nearness. For a long moment his dark eyes burrowed into hers and she felt the old longings come back. Who was she kidding? Gabe had always been her ideal. Even if she wasn’t seventeen anymore, she still remembered those feelings. Still appreciated his strength, loyalty. And now he was here, closer to her than he’d ever been before. She owed him everything. And she had no idea how she could ever possibly pay him back.

“Carly, I…”

For as long as it took for her to draw a breath and hold it, he seemed to search for words. Then he simply gathered her in his arms again and pressed his forehead against hers, like she was something fragile and infinitely precious.

She tried to still the pounding of her heart. This was insane. It was just because emotions were heightened. Goodness, she’d just had an accident, which was traumatic enough without adding having a baby to the list. Her body was battered and bruised and exhausted, and so were her emotions. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. Aware. And worse—hopeful.

She rationalized all those things, but it didn’t stop the tingle that raced through her at the feel of his warm skin, or the way his breath seemed to mingle with hers. His hand was curled around the back of her neck and he shifted ever so slightly, touching his lips to hers.

Gabriel Brenner was kissing her.

It only lasted as long as it took the idea to sink in, and then his lips were gone. Disappointment surged as Carly realized it meant nothing. It was just a chaste, simple, friendly kiss brought on by the heightened emotions of the night.

Until his mouth touched hers again, firmer this time. He opened his lips a little and Carly sighed against him, knowing it had to be all wrong but unable to fight the sense that it was so right. His lips were warm, soft, and even a little persuasive. She caught the faint scent of masculine shampoo and aftershave as she sat up farther, his T-shirt brushing the hospital gown hanging over her shoulders.

He sat back again, perched on the edge of the bed. Carly wondered what it all meant. If it meant anything at all. They’d just been through
something
. She couldn’t read her own wishes into it.

“Miss Douglas?”

The nurse came back, cradling a white-and-blue wrapped bundle in her arms. “He’s been bathed and given the seal of approval. Are you steady enough to hold him?”

In the moments after Nathan’s birth, Carly had held her son against her, marveling at the miracle she’d so desperately wanted. At the time she’d still been hazy with pain and running on autopilot. Now she lifted her right arm and the nurse placed him in her embrace. Her heart nearly wept with a kind of pure joy she’d never experienced before. He was so perfect. A tiny button nose and stubborn little chin and just the palest dusting of blond hair on his head. His face was pink, there was a tiny scratch on his cheek and he was oh, so tiny. But he was hers.

She looked up at Gabe, needing to talk to someone and knowing he’d somehow understand. “Jason didn’t want children,” she confessed. “I knew it. I’d resigned myself to it. Nathan wasn’t planned, and Jason…” She swallowed, biting back the hurtful accusations her ex-husband had hurled her way. Did they truly matter anymore? “Well, he blamed me for a lot, including getting pregnant on purpose. It cost me my marriage, but I knew I wanted to be Nathan’s mother from the second I got the test results. I might have lost that tonight if not for you, Gabe. You’re our hero.”

The warmth in Gabe’s eyes died and she felt his withdrawal, cold and complete. He stood and put his hands in his pockets. “You should get your rest. You’ve been through an ordeal, and it’s after midnight.”

Carly bit down on her lip. “Did I say something wrong?”

Gabe shook his head but the warmth didn’t come back to his gaze. “Of course not. I’m glad you are both okay, but it’s late.”

She felt a sting of embarrassment. Of course he wanted to get home. He’d probably had plans or something and instead got stuck at the hospital on his day off and listening to her go on about her ex-husband—after he’d kissed her. Just what any man would want to hear, right? She was a damned fool.

The kiss really had been nothing. Or even if it had been something, Gabe obviously now regretted it. A spur-of-the-moment emotional thing, that was all. Hero? She wanted to sink through the floor. How foolish, how trite could she possibly sound?

The nurse was still present, preventing Carly from saying anything more personal. It was like the woman couldn’t sense any undercurrents, and Carly was left feeling even more confused. Was she imagining it all? She was exhausted. She’d had no sense of time since the accident and now the adrenaline was wearing off, leaving her limp and tired. She needed time so she could look back on tonight and be objective, figure things out. “It’s been an eventful night,” she replied, not knowing what else to say.

“You can try feeding him now,” the nurse suggested, and Carly watched Gabe’s cheeks turn a telling shade of pink as he realized she meant breast-feeding.

“Thank you, Gabe,” she said quietly.

“Take care,” he replied. He gave her hand a quick squeeze but left the room without saying another word.

Chapter Three

It took Gabe two days to work up the courage to visit Carly. He spent all of Saturday digging and shoveling and sweating in his yard, using the physical labor to think about anything other than how it had felt to kiss her. Problem was, busy hands didn’t quiet a busy mind, and he’d spent an equal amount of time calling himself a stupid ass for doing it. She’d been in a traumatic accident and then gone through the delivery of her son. And what had he done? He’d totally lost his perspective. He’d
kissed
her. He was officially an idiot.

And then he remembered the soft way she’d called him a hero and got out the axe, split a half cord of wood and tossed it in an ever-growing pile for next winter. He was not a hero. Never a hero. He wished she’d never said it. She didn’t know the truth and he would never tell her. It was bad enough that Brandon’s angry words still bounced around in his head after all these years, worse still that his friend had been right. Gabe wasn’t certain he could handle the same sort of censure from Carly. It was better to walk away and let her think what she may. He knew the truth, and the truth was Carly Douglas deserved better than him.

Sunday he was back on shift, which created a new set of problems. Responding to a call and remembering that moment when he’d realized it was Carly behind the wheel. Driving in the ambulance, thinking about how Carly had held his hand so tightly as her contractions had started. Being at the hospital, knowing she was only steps away in the maternity ward and wishing for things that would never be.

By the end of the day he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wasn’t going to bother her, he rationalized. He’d promised himself that he’d keep his distance and that was what he’d do. He’d just look in the nursery window at the babies. Take a peek at Nathan. Make sure everything was all right before heading home again and leaving it all behind.

Gabe stood at the nursery window, looking down at the row of clear bassinets marked with either pink or blue cards. There he was…Nathan Douglas.

He was sleeping peacefully with a flannel blanket tucked around him and his tiny mittened hands resting behind his ears. Something that felt like pride surged through Gabe. Carly had a son, a strong, beautiful boy. And Gabe had been there, holding her hand, helping her bring him into the world, at least at first. That made him part of it. It gave him a connection to this tiny sleeping bundle. That would explain the way his heart twisted at the sight of the infant.

He’d lost his chance with Carly years ago, he knew that. There was a reason why he didn’t speak to Brandon anymore, and he deserved every bit of blame aimed his way. What woman would want the man who’d nearly killed her brother? Nothing he could do—nothing he had done—could make up for that critical error. Friday night had been an extenuating circumstance but certainly nothing that would wipe the slate clean. And he knew the Douglases would realize it in the clear light of day.

So he stared at her baby through a pane of glass, feeling his heart contract with wishes he hadn’t dared contemplate for a long time.

“Gabe?”

He spun at the sound of her voice, his traitorous heart leaping at the sight of her before he could issue it the warning to back off.

“Carly. I got off work and thought I’d peek in at the new arrival.” There. He’d done it, his voice even and steady even as his pulse galloped along. She was so beautiful, even without makeup. She had on a pair of yoga pants and a zippered blue hoodie that somehow picked up the color of her eyes. Her hair was wet, the blonde strands darkened with moisture from her shower. He could smell the flowery scent of her shampoo as she drew nearer. Worse than that, his gut twisted at the ugly bruise on the side of her face, riding the crest of her cheekbone. He reminded himself that Carly was off-limits. He was so thankful he’d been there for her on Friday, but it really changed nothing. It didn’t make up for past mistakes.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Carly joined Gabe at the window, hoping her voice sounded normal and not as breathless as she felt standing shoulder to shoulder with him. “They brought Nathan back to the nursery while I had a shower, but I think I’ll take him back to my room now. I like having him beside me. I could stare at him forever.”

She didn’t want to let Nathan out of her sight, and having him with her took away the loneliness that seemed to stand on the sidelines, waiting for the first opportunity to sneak into her heart. How many times had she rubbed her belly, talking to the baby to take away the silence in the evenings? He had been her company for the last long months.

But there was more to it now. She told herself it was just mother’s instinct to have her baby near, but there was a lingering voice telling her she was overreacting, not only about Friday’s accident but to the fact that she was all alone. No baby had ever been wanted as much as Nathan, but Carly was smart enough to know it wasn’t up to an infant to solve her problems.

It wasn’t up to Gabe either, and she shouldn’t be feeling this glad to see him. And yet she’d thought about him often over the last few days, wondering why he’d left her room so quickly the night of the accident. What had she said that was wrong? Why hadn’t he come back to see her? She’d had plenty of visitors, but she had really wanted Gabe. To truly thank him now that the dust had settled. For some reason, he’d stayed away. After all this time, couldn’t they be friends again?

“He’s gorgeous, that’s for sure,” Gabe replied. “How are you feeling? That’s a nasty bruise.”

“I’m okay.” She touched the spot gingerly, wishing the ugly purple bruise would go away. She felt so much better since her shower but she didn’t have a speck of makeup on. It was a good thing he couldn’t see her shoulder. The bruise there was large and tender and she was still having trouble holding Nathan on her left side when he nursed. Sometimes her whole body ached, and because she was nursing she was trying to refrain from any pain medication.

“I’m glad you’re here, Gabe. Everything was so mixed up the other night. First the accident and then Nathan coming…they only gave me a single dose of morphine but at the end things seemed pretty fuzzy.”

Gabe’s face changed, erasing the smile from his lips and the warmth in his eyes cooled. Oh goodness, that hadn’t come out right. She didn’t mean she’d
forgotten
the kiss. She certainly remembered that with fantastic clarity. And yet she couldn’t actually say that, could she? Not without revealing how she truly felt about it while he clearly didn’t feel the same way. She fumbled for the right words.

“I just mean…I couldn’t thank you properly. For helping me at the scene and riding in the ambulance with me. If I’d been alone…”

If she’d been alone she could have gone into labor. The fact that the other driver had sped off still amazed her. They’d left her there without even checking to see if she was all right. What kind of person did that?

“It might have been a very different outcome,” she said quietly. “By the way, Constable Givens was by. They have the driver of the car who hit me. Again, thanks to you it seems.”

Gabe shrugged. “I got a partial plate.”

“Which they matched to a description you gave and found the car. And the driver. She said the driver copped to it after two questions.”

“I heard. Just a kid, barely twenty,” Gabe replied. “Probably scared to death at the time. But if I hadn’t been there, maybe he would have stopped. Maybe he’d have done the right thing and called 911. Really, it was no big deal.”

She tried to keep her mouth from dropping open. She also held in the question that shot through her brain. Did he see himself like the kid in the car? Because Gabe had done the right thing, hadn’t he? He’d called 911 when there was no one else to help Brandon, when everyone else had fled the scene rather than get into trouble. The doctors had told them later that Gabe had done CPR until the ambulance arrived. Then, like now, Gabe had brushed off his involvement.

“It’s a big deal to me. I don’t know why you’re so determined to brush it off.”

“I just came to see Nathan and check in on how you’re doing. I should probably go now.”

Carly paused, wanting to say more but not knowing exactly what or how. The plain fact was she was a single mom two days post-partum whose personal life was a mess. She was incapable of flirting and what man in his right mind would be interested in her right now anyway? But she and Gabe went way back. And he’d kissed her. Maybe she’d had some morphine but it hadn’t felt like a brotherly sort of kiss. Not on the lips. Not like
that
. He’d been warm and caring and she’d felt so close to him, only to have him go 180 degrees in the other direction now. Why?

“Did I do something wrong, Gabe?”

He turned to her and she was gratified to see his brows pull together. At least it was some sort of reaction.