October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1) (6 page)

“I’ll be back on Thursday,” he promised her.  “I really need to head back tonight.  There’s someone I need to talk to.”

Sonya gave him a smile and a hug.  “Well, it was good to have you here for a little while today.”

“And it was good to be here,” he said.  “It always is.”

“Even without Anni?”

“Oh, I miss her.  You know that.  But even without her, it’s a good place.  You and Tate make it good.”

Andrew stepped out the door and descended the front steps.  Getting into the rental car, he gave his mother-in-law a wave from the open window and headed out the long driveway toward the country road.  It was a forty-five minute drive to Des Moines, and he wasn’t certain why God wanted him back for dinner, but he knew He did.  He had been thinking about Sarah since he woke up this morning, and he really, really wanted to see her again.

Pulling into the church parking lot with only a few minutes to spare, he found a space and headed for the dining room.  It was mostly full, but his place at the table was empty, and he managed to pull out his chair and nearly sit down before George noticed his presence.

“Hey, what are you doing back?”

Andrew answered him but glanced at Sarah as he spoke.  “Just decided to join you all for dinner.  It’s harvest time at The Farm, and I didn’t want to be too much of a bother.”

Sarah smiled at him, and he smiled back.

“I’ll be in their way this weekend enough as it is.”

“Well, good to have you,” George said.  “You missed a little excitement around here today.”

“Oh?  What’s that?”

“George, stop,” Sarah said.

They both laughed, and Andrew looked at Sarah.  She was blushing.  Andrew waited for one of them to explain.  “Sarah got herself a bit lost, but we found her.”

“I went for a walk,” Sarah elaborated.  “There was no need to send out a search party.  I was on my way back.”

“Two hours later!” Linda interjected.  “You just scared us.  That’s all.”

Andrew didn’t comment and turned his attention to the person up front making some announcements.  After the blessing was given over the food, Andrew redirected his gaze to Sarah, and he watched her until she glanced his way.   Linda and George were talking to one another, and he took advantage of the semi-private moment, holding her gaze and wishing she could read his thoughts.

I want some time with you later, Sarah.  I have a little proposition for you, and that’s why I’m back.

She seemed intrigued by his obvious staring, but not uncomfortable.  She glanced away after a moment, and he turned his attention elsewhere for now, asking Colton how his day had been and what interesting workshops he’d attended.  Throughout the meal Andrew glanced at Sarah occasionally and often found her talking to Linda or the woman on her right.  She seemed more relaxed and comfortable than she had last night, but her sweet and gentle spirit was the same.  And her smile.  She had a beautiful smile.

This evening’s schedule was identical to yesterday’s, but instead of sitting around for dessert as they had last night, Andrew excused himself, saying he wanted to call home.  He hadn’t talked to any of his children today, and he needed to go back to the hotel to get his Bible and notebook.

He went into the church lobby to make his call, but not before giving Sarah a subtle look, letting her know she was free to follow him.  He caught Grace and Tabitha at home, and he talked with them both.  Tabitha asked him about going out with Ryan and some friends after the game on Friday, and he told her that was fine as long as she was home by midnight.  Then Grace told him about her potential plans of going to the concert, and he assured her that was fine.  He knew she didn’t get out nearly enough, and there was no reason for her to be sitting at home by herself while her seventeen year old sister was out having a good time.

He used to worry about his kids driving at night and being out after dark, constantly warning them about this and that, but then his forty-four year old wife had been killed in a car accident on her way home from grocery shopping in the middle of the day.  He loved his kids and did his part to protect them, but ultimately he knew he had to leave them in God’s hands and accept whatever plans He had for them, even if he didn’t like it.

“I love you, honey,” he said to Grace after reminding her she wasn’t supposed to be scheduling her life around Tabby’s.

“I love you too, Dad.  Are you having a good time?”

“I am.  I’m glad I came.”

He saw Sarah emerge from the dining-room area across the expansive lobby, and he didn’t look away, waiting to see if she would spot him standing there.  She glanced around and appeared a little embarrassed when she was caught looking for him, but she kept walking his way.

“I need to go,” he told Grace.  “Same time tomorrow, all right?”

“All right, Dad.  Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He clicked off the phone and stepped toward Sarah who had come within a few paces of him.  “Are you all walked-out today, or could I interest you in a short pre-meeting stroll?”

She laughed.  “That was so embarrassing.  They even called the police.  Can you imagine?”

“What’s the real story?” he asked, stepping toward the outside doors with her falling in step beside him.  Most of the people were still in the dining room so they were able to escape without being noticed.

“Levi and I used to go for these long walks when we came here.  I never paid much attention to where we were going, but we always ended up back here, so I figured I could do the same without him.”

“Were you lost, or did you not want to stop walking?”

He opened the door for her, and she stepped out.  He could tell she had something specific to say but wasn’t sure how to say it.  Walking toward the hotel where he really did need to get his things, he waited for her to speak.

“Did you ever meet Levi, Andrew?”

“Yes.  I heard him speak here several times, and I met him casually once.”

“You remind me of him.”

He was surprised by that, and he waited for her to elaborate.

“I was talking to you while I was walking.  Saying things I knew you would understand like no one else and imagining your response.  I guess I lost track of time and where I was.  I asked someone for directions and was on my way back, but about four blocks from here a police car pulled up beside me and asked if I was Sarah Whitfield, the woman reported missing by her friends.”

She laughed, but it was an embarrassed and humiliated sound, not anything joyful.  “I’m forty-eight years old, but without Levi I feel like I’m ten.  He was the detail person, not me.  He was the social one, not me.  He was--”

She went from laughing to crying in an instant, and Andrew didn’t hesitate to pull her gently against him.  She cried into his shirt mournfully.  He had counseled grieving people many times, but this affected his heart differently.

If they hadn’t been standing along the street, he would have been content to stand there and hold her for as long as she needed, but knowing someone from the conference may see her crying in another man’s arms, he gently led her to the end of the block and onto the street that bordered the church parking lot.

“I miss him so much,” she said, continuing to sob like she didn’t have the ability to stop.  He didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent.  For whatever reason she hadn’t been able to be this honest with anyone about how difficult not having Levi was, and he had no doubt trying to calm her down and not take her pain seriously would absolutely crush her at this point.  She needed someone, and apparently he had been nominated for the job--by her and by Jesus, he felt certain, regardless of the fact he had only met her yesterday.

It was dusk and getting cold out.  The wind had picked up and was blowing the fall leaves off the landscaped trees lining the parking lot.  She had on a short-sleeved dress, and he felt it was necessary to get her warm, so he walked them into the parking area of the church where he’d left the car.

She was still crying and seemed oblivious to where they were.  He got her inside and started the car to turn on the heater, but it was warmer in the car than it had been outside.  Taking his jacket from the back seat, he offered it to her, and she put it around her shoulders.

She continued to cry, and he let her, but he was worried about her.  This seemed to be beyond normal grieving.  When several minutes went by and she hadn’t stopped, he offered to get Linda for her.

“No,” she said in no uncertain terms.  “Please don’t, Andrew.  Please?”

“Okay,” he assured her, not certain what that was about, but he had an idea.  Linda was sweet, but she could be insensitive in her comments at times.

“Is there anyone else?  I’ll go find whoever you need, Sarah.”

As he spoke the words, he heard Jesus telling him,
She needs you, Andrew
.
That’s why you’re here.

Sarah’s words confirmed that.  “I don’t know anyone here, not really.  Levi was my best friend, Andrew.  I can’t--I don’t know how--I’m sorry, Andrew.  I’m so sorry.  This isn’t like me.  I’m not--”  She couldn’t finish and continued to cry.

He considered his next words prayerfully before he spoke them.  “Would you like to go back to the hotel and lie down, Sarah?  I’ll stay with you, and you can talk to me all you want.”

She didn’t respond, but she didn’t have to.  Without saying anything else, he pulled the car out of the space and headed for the hotel.  Neither of them spoke, and Andrew prayed the whole way there.  He knew she needed more than a little hand-holding and nice-sounding words, but he also knew giving her more would place them in a vulnerable position with one another, and he needed to be someone she could trust implicitly.  And with some of the thoughts he’d been having about Sarah since last night, Jesus was the only one who could make him completely trustworthy right now.

He took her up to her room when they reached the hotel, and he didn’t ask if he could go in because he knew she would probably say she was fine now and he could go, but he knew she wasn’t.  Several weeks of pain and loneliness had surfaced in her tonight, and he knew she couldn’t be left alone.

He turned on the light and became business-like for the next minute or so, turning down the bed and having her remove her shoes, taking his jacket from her and telling her to lie down.  She obeyed like a distraught woman who had been horribly abused, not looking at him and remaining perfectly silent.  Her tears had stopped, but the fear and pain was still there.

He knew she wasn’t afraid of him though.  She was afraid of life.  Life without Levi.  She couldn’t bear it.  She couldn’t function.  She had been living as an adult woman for many years, but her life had been turned upside-down three months ago, and she was suddenly ten again, but in a grown woman’s body.

***

Annika turned from the window to look at Levi.  She had been so caught up in the interaction between Andrew and Sarah from the moment they had seen one another at the dinner-table to the moment where Andrew was having Sarah lie down, she had forgotten Levi was here.  But Levi didn’t look at her when the picture faded out, he looked at Joshua.

“W-Who is that?” Levi asked.

“Ask Annika,” Joshua said calmly.

Levi turned to her for an explanation.  Apparently Levi had forgotten the name of her husband, but she hadn’t forgotten the name of his wife.

“That’s Andrew,” she said.  “He was my husband.”

Levi didn’t respond.

Annika would have been alarmed by what she saw happening between Andrew and Sarah, just as Levi appeared to be, if she didn’t know Andrew like she did, and if she didn’t know Joshua like she did either.  He showed her the good stuff.  This was a good thing, but she waited for Joshua to tell Levi that.  It was His place, not hers.

“I-Is she going to be all right?” Levi asked, turning back to Him.  “Has she been this way for three months?”

“She’s fine, Levi.  It’s been difficult for her, but I’ve only allowed that so she won’t run from this.  She needs Andrew, and Andrew needs her.”

Levi looked back to her then, seeming to believe Joshua, but he still looked unsettled.  Annika knew the feeling.  Her first year here had been rough at times.  Joshua sheltered her from some of the harsh realities, but He told her what she needed to know: that Danae would heal from her mistakes; and she had seen the reality of that during the last three years.  She had also seen Andrew’s brokenness at times, but she always knew Joshua was with him, and that had brought her comfort.

“Was Andrew a good husband to you, Annika?” Levi asked, his eyes glistening with tears.

Annika knew there was no need for that, and she smiled.  “Yes, Levi.  He was wonderful.  The best.  Sarah will be just fine with him.  I’ll bet my South-Shore cottage on that.”

Chapter Six

Sarah was very aware Andrew was in her hotel room.  She was distraught and not like her normal self at all, but she wasn’t so far gone to have lost touch with reality, and in the back of her mind were the feelings Andrew’s unexpected presence at dinner had brought.  She had been thrilled to see him.  It had been a horrible afternoon.  She tried to act like she was fine, laughing about getting lost and the police coming to find her, but she had been so humiliated.  She had never taken humiliation well.  On the surface she did.  Smiles and laughter would be coming from her mouth, but inside she was dying.

This hadn’t been the first time since Levi’s death she felt that way over something, but it was the first time away from home, and she had nowhere to turn.  She couldn’t flee back to the hotel because it was too far to walk, and she didn’t have an excuse to leave anyway.  Her saving moment had been seeing Andrew there.  His gentle smile and the way he didn’t tease her about getting lost had eased some of her pain, along with his expression that seemed to indicate he had returned early for her.  She felt so alone prior to his arrival, but his simple presence had dispelled that.  She had a friend.