No-One Ever Has Sex On A Tuesday: A Very Funny Romantic Novel (18 page)

She realised with heart crushing clarity that she didn’t want to be the one sitting on her own at the edge of a dance floor anymore. And most certainly not at a wedding, nearly nine months pregnant. Actually, to her own amazement, what she really wanted was to be the one having her belly stroked, just like Charlene.

Just as she sensed that her thoughts were about to take a horrific downward spiral, Ben plunged into her eye line obliterating the picture of wedded bliss before her.

“Katy,” he said.

“Ben,” she replied.

He dragged his fingers through his untidy mop of hair whilst he looked around wildly as if at a loss as to what to say. Then he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. If Katy had not have known him better she could have sworn he’d been crying.

“Please will you dance with me?” he finally asked, holding out a slightly shaky hand.

She was completely thrown. This couldn’t be happening. Dancing was in Ben’s top five least favourite activities along with cleaning up his own sick and eating quiche.

To her surprise he took her hand, pulled her out of her chair ever so gently and led her to the dance floor where he pulled her in close to his slightly sweaty body.

“Are you pissed?” she asked cautiously.

“What makes you say that?’

“We’ve never slow danced before,” she said.

“Well, I just…” he began, before he engulfed her in a huge hug and breathed lager soaked fumes heavily in her ear.

“Oh Katy,” he murmured.

Katy hugged him back as hard as she could, wondering what this was leading to. Unable to stand the suspense she pushed him away to arms length and looked at him nervously.

“Ben, has something happened?” she asked.

Ben looked as if he actually might cry before he gave an enormous sniff and squared his shoulders.

“Yes Katy, it has. I have just realised I’ve been a prick,” he said before pausing briefly for thought, “Not that I have always been a prick you understand,” he continued. “In fact my previous record is somewhat prickless I like to think. It’s just recently I have found a certain aptitude for it.”

“But it’s my fault,” she said. “I shouldn’t have…”

“No you shouldn’t,” he interrupted. “In fact that does put us on a par on the prick scorecard.”

“Well yes, but don’t forget you always have a prick in hand,” she couldn’t help but reply. She was slipping into their normal banter mode which she realised always irritatingly happened when they should have been talking seriously.

“True, true, always useful I find,” he responded rather dejectedly.

The both looked at each awkwardly, hands clasped firmly between them.

Katy could stand it no longer; she had to find out what direction this conversation was taking.

“So, so… are we OK?” she asked cautiously.

“Yes,” he said, nodding seriously, his brow furrowed. “Yes we are.”

Katy held her breath waiting for more but Ben appeared to be still processing thoughts behind a tormented looking face. Finally after a very long pause his face softened and a smile slowly started to appear. Katy allowed herself to breathe again and braced herself for Ben’s next words.

“We’re having a baby,” he said, almost as if it was the very first time he had actually taken it in, a slight look of amazement on his face.

“We are,” she said slowly. “Is that OK?”

“It’s fucking brilliant,” he replied, a watery but proud grin fully illuminating him at last. “And I’m going to be a fucking brilliant dad,” he continued, now grinning from ear to ear.

Katy felt her legs buckle as a shot of sheer joy surged through her entire body. She stumbled but Ben grasped her arms firmly allowing her to steady herself.

“Hey, you alright?” he asked, looking worried again whilst he gently stroked her hair.

“I’m more than alright,” she said, beaming up at him. Ben wanted to be a dad. He wanted to be a dad to her child. He wanted a future with her and the baby. She wasn’t alone on the edge of the dance floor. She was right in the middle clinging to Ben. She realised her entire world had just changed because for the first time in a very long time she wanted to stop being a “me” and start being an “us”. An “us” with Ben and the baby. She gulped for air as her tears changed into laughter, both their shoulders heaving up and down in unison as they continued to slow dance.

They clung to each other for the rest of the dance, not speaking, Ben rhythmically rubbing her back and rocking her gently.

“There is one thing though,” he said, pulling away as the song drew to a close. Katy felt her heart drop like a stone. “After tonight do we ever have to see Matthew and Alison again? It’s not the ex-boyfriend thing, although imagining you with such a stiff does nothing for your street-cred Katy. It’s just that they are so horribly perfect that they make me feel like daddy dunce. And I want to be a good dad, I really do. Because every kid deserves a good dad don’t they. But you will have to let me do it my way,” he said earnestly.

Ben’s way would be a great way, Katy thought, impulsively reaching up to stroke his cheek. “Let’s just forget all about them,” she said. “After tonight we can pretend they never existed. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” he replied, looking relieved.

“Can I ask you something now?” Katy said, feeling suddenly shy.

“Anything my love, apart from dancing to George Michael that is,” said Ben.

‘Will you stroke my belly?” she asked.

This time a tear did escape from his left eye.

“That would make me the proudest man alive,” he said as he gently nudged up her top and rested his hand on her warm belly. They shared a long lingering kiss until Katy felt a tap on her shoulder.

“So sorry to disturb this tender moment but I am desperate,” said Daniel, looking nervously around him. “Old biddies keep coming up and asking me to dance. You have to rescue me.”

“Why don’t you dance with Katy while I go for a slash,” said Ben before kissing Katy on the forehead and disappearing off to the gents, waving cheerily as he went.

“So what’s with love’s young dream then?” asked Daniel, observing the very smiley Katy.

“Oh Daniel, it’s all going to be alright. We made up and he says he’s excited about being a dad,” Katy beamed. “And this has to be the absolutely last time I ever have to see Matthew so I think I have weathered the storm and calmer waters are approaching. I can finally get on with the rest of my life.”

“Really, so all those emotions and feelings are where they should be hey?” asked Daniel.

“Exactly.”

“And you got the answer to the really truly difficult question?

“What question?” she asked.

“Christ Katy, you never listen to a word I say do you? Do-I-really-love-him?” Daniel spelled out. “Remember? That question.”

“Well yeah, I guess I must do.”

“Have you told him? Has he told you?”

“Well no, but we are really not that kind of couple,” said Katy with a shrug. “It’s fine honestly Daniel, we are back on track. We are going to be absolutely fine.”

“OK, OK, if you say so. Just be happy, OK? Promise me?” asked Daniel.

“I promise,” reassured Katy.

“And another thing. You make sure you tell that Matthew never to rear his ugly head again.”

“Sure, sure. Now can we please sit down, my feet are killing me.”

“Good idea. I need a decent drink,” said Daniel, taking her hand and leading her off the dance floor.

By the time Ben had come back from the toilets Daniel had miraculously produced a very expensive bottle of vodka he’d sneaked in knowing that the bar was probably going to be a strictly cash and carry affair.

“I’ll have a bit of that,” said Ben. “That lager is doing no good to my insides.”

“Be my guest,” said Daniel, feeling generous given that Ben had obviously made Katy so happy.

“Watch out, stand by your beds,” muttered Ben as Matthew and Alison came to sit with them having been to inspect the buffet and decided to abstain. Katy couldn’t help but notice the displeasure spread over Matthew’s face as he observed Ben nuzzling contentedly into Katy’s shoulder whilst he rotated his hand over and over her bump under her shirt, occasionally revealing a peek at her naked pregnant belly.

The look didn’t go unnoticed either by Daniel who shoved the vodka bottle at Matthew and told him to take a swig in an effort to distract him.

Matthew looked at Alison, who immediately placed her hand firmly on his arm.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Matthew said shaking off her hand before taking the bottle from Daniel and jamming it firmly in his mouth, downing several gulps.

“Matthew,” exclaimed Alison. “You don’t know where it’s been.”

Matthew took another very large swig whilst holding eye contact with Alison.

“Matthew, stop. It’s not funny,” she protested.

“It’s just vodka,” said Matthew.

“But what happens if the babies come tonight and you are blind drunk?”

Matthew gave a big sigh and stared at the bottle in his hands. “Just one more,” he muttered, this time not looking at Alison and taking an extra long slug.

“Right that’s it. We’re going,” said Alison. “Don’t move. You just sit there. I’ll go and say goodbye to Charlene and Luke and thank Charlene’s parents. I want you to be capable of getting into the car by the time I’m back. Excuse me everyone. And don’t let him have any more of that vodka.”

As soon as her back was turned, Matthew took another slug of vodka before handing the bottle back to Daniel.

“I owe you a drink,” he said but made no move to go to the bar preferring to stare after Alison.

“Tell you what, I’ll get a round in,” said Ben. “Won’t be a tick.”

Daniel looked at Katy and coughed, nodding vigorously towards Matthew.

“Yes and I need some air,” Daniel said. “I’ll be outside.”

Katy and Matthew sat in silence until Matthew reached forward and grabbed the vodka and took yet another swig.

“What’s with you?” asked Katy.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, you’ve hardly had a civil word for anyone and what’s with the vodka?”

“It’s all just too weird for me Katy,” he said looking far into the distance. “Just too weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“This is. Don’t you think it’s weird that this is the last time we will ever see each other?”

“Guess so but it’s not exactly been a barrel of laughs has it?”

“No but, it’s been good you know,” he said, turning to face her. “Apart from making me sing stupid songs. We were good once weren’t we? Really good. And I screwed it up.” He paused. “Ever wonder what might have been? You know, if I hadn’t been such a dick.”

“No, never,” Katy lied.

“I do.”

“Don’t.”

“I can’t help it,” said Matthew, letting his head sink into his hands. Katy wasn’t sure what to say. She hadn’t expected this.

Suddenly Matthew’s head shot up and he looked at Katy.

“Let me see you and the baby. Just once, I promise. I think I need to see you both. So I can get closure or something. Say a proper goodbye and then draw the line. Then I’ll be able to move on. I think that will make me feel better.”

Katy stared back at him completely dumbstruck.

“Make you feel better?” she said finally through gritted teeth. “That sums it up doesn’t it? You just don’t get it do you?” She was shouting right in his ear now to make sure he could hear her. “Listen carefully. This is not about you. This is about the baby and me and Ben and us somehow making this work. And it is about your wife and your two kids on their way any day. You have to do what’s right for other people now Matthew, not what might make you feel better.”

“But I can’t help the fact that I care about you and what happens to the baby,” he said, rocking himself backwards and forwards.

Katy closed her eyes and tried to slow down her rapid breathing.

“The time to care was right about when you were shagging the Virgin Mary, not now. You missed it Matthew. Well and truly missed it.”

Matthew looked utterly defeated for a moment and then his face hardened.

“I was stupid and I’m sorry, but you slept with me and I didn’t see you worrying about Ben. Now you’re planning the rest of your life with him despite the fact he’s an idiot.”

“Leave it Matthew. It’s nothing to do with you and you have absolutely no right to say that.”

“But he could be bringing up my child.”

“Stop. That’s enough. How dare you talk like this now. We dealt with this weeks ago remember? Ben will be the father of this child, end of story. Now just leave it alone.”

Matthew stared at her briefly before saying, “Fine, if that is the way you want it. Just don’t come running to me when he walks out on you because he can’t take the responsibility.” He got up and walked unsteadily in the direction of the gents.

What a twat, she thought. How dare he ask to see the baby and how dare he say Ben was going to let her down. Deep down, however, she knew Matthew might be right. Despite Ben’s sudden upturn in attitude, come crunch time, he might not be able to take the pressure. She looked around for him, frantically needing some immediate reassurance. He was talking to some of Luke’s friends by the bar. She breathed heavily, trying not to cry, and made her way over. Just as she got within a few yards of him she felt the tears spring up like a sprinkler on a late-night timer. She tried sniffing vigorously but there was nothing she could do, they were off and running. Ben looked horrified at the blubbering mess advancing towards him. He muttered some words to the three boys talking to him, who took one look at Katy and backed away in terrified awe.

“What is it?” What’s happened?” asked Ben putting his arm around her.

Katy breathed in hard again, trying desperately to regain some control.

“Katy my love, was it the trifle?” asked Ben. “Did Charlene’s mum make you eat it? I know it tastes like rat poison but I really don’t think anyone who names her children after Neighbours characters would deliberately try to harm you. Although I did hear she wants to kill off all the guests so they won’t have to return the presents come divorce time.”

Katy couldn’t help but smile, then slowly but surely her shoulders began to shake with laughter as she buried her head in a tissue. She dried her eyes and gave a big sigh. God it was good to have Ben back on form.