Authors: Yessi Smith
New Forever
YESSI SMITH
Copyright
New Forever
Copyright © 2015 Yessi Smith
Cover Design by Mayhem Cover Creations
Literary Editor: Gypsy Heart Editing
Formatting: Brenda Wright
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This book is dedicated to my friends, who are the inspiration behind every kick ass best friend I write about.
“If I showed you my teardrops,
Would you collect them like rain,
Store them in a jar,
That are labeled with ‘Pain’,
Would you follow their tracks,
From my eyes down my cheeks,
As they write all the stories,
I’m too scared to speak,
Would you stop them with kisses,
Bring their flow to a halt,
As you teach me that pain,
Isn’t always my fault,
Would you hold my face gently,
As you dry both my eyes,
And whisper the words,
‘You’re too precious to cry’,
If I showed you my teardrops,
Would you show me your own,
And learn though we’re lonely,
We’re never alone.”
-E.H
Know what the problem is with troubled pasts? It’s only important to the troubled person, unless you’re unfortunate enough to find someone who wants to help you carry the burden.
People tell you when you find that kind of love, you should hold onto it. But I call bullshit. If you love someone, you don’t burden her with your past. No, you spare her from it, even if it breaks her heart in the process.
From a distance, you don’t utter a word when your heart shatters as you watch her take that first step away from you. When her wings quit fluttering uncertainly in the air, and she finds her confidence in her newfound freedom, you force happiness into your heart because her happiness is all that truly matters. It’s all that’s ever mattered in your meaningless life.
You suppress the need to shout, to stomp your feet on the ground, to rage at the sky how unfair it is. Instead, you whisper your declarations of love, and watch her fly away.
You pray. You pray for sanity and peace. You pray you never run into her and see her with her arms wrapped around another man’s waist. Those delicate fingers held firmly in another’s man’s hands. Those lips caressing another man’s mouth. Her laughter that once belonged to you will eventually sing for another man. And that will be the final blow, because there is no going back.
You’ll love her, and only her, but you will go to the grave knowing your one noble act killed your soul.
I think ‘bitter’ should be my middle name, but at least I try to hide it behind a radiant smile and a vibrant personality.
The truth is, I died today. Not as in my heart stopped beating – it’s far too stubborn for something as convenient as that. But have no doubt, a big part of who I am died today. Unable to deal with the silence that now surrounds my apartment, I reach for my phone to text Dee. She’ll pull me out of my funk.
I rub my chest subconsciously and promise my heart I’ll pull her out of her funk as well. The pain will pass. Until then, distractions are necessary. That way, my eyes won’t wander to the empty spot where his keys hung just a few hours ago. And I won’t feel compelled to stare at the sudden sparseness in my closet. Without further thought, I type a quick text to my best friend, Dee and hit send.
Vag fest this weekend!
I put my phone down after sending my text to Dee, and finish my glass of wine in one big gulp. I think I might need another glass. Or maybe I’ll bypass the glass entirely and just drink straight from the bottle.
Lol. What?
Vag. As in vagina, dumbass
A couple seconds pass before I hear the ding from my phone alerting to Dee’s incoming text message. As far as best friends go, Dee is one of my favorites – okay, she’s my only one, but who’s counting? She knows me better than anyone else and still manages to love me. Of course, since we’re also each other’s only best friend, I guess she kind of has to love me.
I don’t do vaginas. Not even yours. Sorry.
I laugh out loud when I read her text and silently pat myself on my back. After all, her blossoming sense of humor is all my doing. Okay, mainly my doing. Know what? I’m gonna be honest here and tell you the damn truth, which is that bitch would be lost without me. If it weren’t for me and my meddling in her and Adam’s relationship, she’d still be single. Her vagina would be untouched. She’d practically be a virgin again. A virgin with the cutest damn baby that’s ever graced the world.