Authors: Bethan Cooper
The weekend goes by so quickly. I do nothing but write in my diary and write my book. I can’t get what happened out of my head.
His touch, his smell, his kiss.
My mother tried inviting me to one of the schools pep rallies but I really didn’t want to go. I couldn’t risk seeing him and feel more feelings we didn’t want.
Well, he didn’t want.
I wouldn’t mind getting to know him. To fall for him. To cherish and love him like no other, but it’s not my time. Not my chance.
“ELLA!” Holly screams from her bedroom.
“WHAT!” I scream back.
“Come here!” she shouts. I clamber off my bed and plod along the landing to her bedroom. My sister is only 16, but so knowledgeable. She’s sat on her bed, her long strawberry blonde hair cascading around her shoulders. She looks up at me with her piercing blue eyes and commands me to sit down. She’s on her laptop, on some social networking site. I never had one. I didn’t want to go mainstream, call it the rebel in me. I take a seat on her bed, the wood creaking as I sit next to her.
“Did you see Luke James on Friday night?” She asks.
“What?” I reply. How the hell does she know?
“Did you, or did you not, see Luke on Friday?”
“Yes.” I reply. I never lie to Holly, just like she doesn’t to me. “Why?”
“Because it’s all over here,” she points to the laptop screen and it’s true, she has Jenna on the site and her status reads:
Jenna Roberts says:
Ergh, dick of a boyfriend decides he’d rather see a un loved little bitch then me on friday. And for everyone 2 know he was with that Ella Stone everyone thinks is a freak. Haha.
Eric says:
Stupid man. I know how he feels about you Jenna they are probably just friends.
That one wasn't so bad I suppose. But they got worse.
Alexandra Rose says
: Ergh what a jerk Jenna, there is nothing to Ella I doubt it was anything serious. Probably just trying to make her feel shit like we do.
He wrote one.
Shit.
I’m not sure I want to read it.
I do have every right so, whatever.
Luke James says
:
No Jenna, we were just talking as friends.
My heart regains some kind of feeling after holding my breath for at least a minute. There are more comments, but I ignore them. Holly turns to me and hugs me from the side. We are sat side by side on her bed. When she releases me, she strokes my hair behind my ear while I fidget with the elastic band around my wrist.
“We kissed.” I tell her. “There was something there, Holly, but he doesn’t want to know. He said it would be wrong.” My tears fall onto my knotted hands in my lap. She lifts my chin to match her face and looks into my eyes.
“You are perfect, Ella; you have a brilliant family, a brilliant car, which I am still jealous of as I can't drive yet!” She laughs. “But you’re my sister and I love you more than anything. If these guys ever try to hurt you, I will make them taste my wrath.”
“You scare me. How can you be sixteen?” I put a loose piece of hair behind her ear and she shrugs. “I love you, Holly. See you later, I have somewhere to go.”
“Sure,” she replies. “Remember I love you too.” I climb off her bed and walk out of her room.
I grab my keys off the walnut chest next to the front door and slam it behind me. How can these people be this mean? How can they torment me and hate me so much? All I ever want, or need to do, is help them.
Be someone's friend.
My voice is never heard. High school isn’t about the rejects and the ones who aren’t. It’s about the ones with a chance. I never got a chance. I’m lucky that even Jade still talks to me. Pain is deep into a person's soul. My pain shows on me everyday. I never socialize. I never go out. I never go to parties, I never dance. I never hang out and I never date. My life is a lie.
I climb into the front seat of my Mustang and start the ignition. He purrs and my iPod sparks into life. A slow song about running plays. Snow patrol. Perfect driving song. I pull out of my driveway and go.
I don't know where I am heading yet, but at this moment in time, I really don’t care. Anywhere but here is perfection. I don’t know what to do. Why would he finish with Jenna? I thought they loved each other. Well, obviously not because of what happened on Friday. It’s not because of me. It’s because she’s a bitch. She’s a big, mean, cruel bitch.
“Ella!” I curse at myself, stop being a bitch yourself. I drive through an unknown road of sheltered trees and fields and find myself looking left at a lake. I find somewhere to park, grab my notebook from the passenger seat, and find a comfy piece of grass to sit on. I don’t know how long I walk for, but I sit down and fade away for at least 3 hours.
When I look up from my notebook, the sun is setting and the orange and red colors float gently on top of the lake. There are geese settling onto the lake and it's serene. Beautiful. I sit and inhale deeply. A smile sweeps my face and I feel at peace. Suddenly starling me, my cell vibrates in my jean pocket. I pull it out and it’s a number I don't know. I contemplate whether to answer for a while, but I ignore my conscience and answer.
“Hello?”
“Ella.” It’s Luke. What does he want?
“Hi, Luke, what's wrong?”
“Where are you?” he commands.
“I don’t know, why?”
“I need to see you, and what do you mean you don’t know? I’ll come pick you up.”
“I’m fine, Luke, I have my car.”
Even though I don't know how to get home.
“How did you get my number, Luke?” I'm so angry. He can’t just lead me on and then dump me within the hour. I can’t get hurt, and I barely know him.
“Holly,” he whispers. “I tried your house phone and got no answer. I tried again and Holly picked up. I got your home number from the phonebook. What does where you are look like, Ella?” He persisted.
I don’t want to see him. He doesn’t mean anything to me, just like I don't to him.
“It’s a lake. It’s beautiful. It’s sunset. It makes me wish I had my Polaroid.” I tease.
“I’m coming.” He says abruptly and hangs up.
Why the hell is he coming? He has absolutely no reason to even think of me. I can’t let this irritate me. My peace and tranquility have disappeared. He was the one that said it was wrong, not me. I inhale deeply and take one last look at the magical colors.
I sit for at least another forty five minutes writing my thoughts into my notebook. I re-read my words and hold back the tears.
The pain of yesterday drowns out the pain of tomorrow.
My life is buried in hatred, in lies, nobody cares, and nobody listens.
I'm lost in an abyss of my own mind; it tells me I'm worthless, a nothing.
To anything.
I realize the only light I now had was from the moon. I scramble up onto my feet and walk in the direction that I believe is to my car. The same thought keeps crossing my mind.
Why would he want to see me anyway?
It’s Sunday night, I have school tomorrow, and I suddenly feel lethargic. I need my bed. I feel my eyes struggle to stay open.
You're a waste of space Ella
.
Why can my mind be so cruel? I growl at the thought and realize I can no longer see. Complete darkness has swept the countryside. I struggle to get my phone from my pocket and find the handy flashlight application. I activate it and it’s so bright I can see everything clearly. I spot my car and walk carefully as to not worry any animals or creatures of the world.
Shit.
A spark of fear sweeps through me and stills my body. My heartbeat paces and it feels that at any moment it might stop. It’s someone, or what it sounds like many peoples voices. I’m about 20 meters from my car so I carry on my walk, listening intently to everything. My flashlight gently powers out and my phone lets out an insignificant warning that my battery has died. I bash the back of the phone and put it back in my pocket. So now I’m walking in complete darkness when a flashlight stops me in my tracks.
Fuck
.
It’s coming from the opposite side of my car. I know once I’m in my car I’ll be fine. Headlights aim at me and I feel myself suddenly ducking down.
The bright beams of light are going down a road; I think it’s the same one I came from. My heart rate accelerates again and panic sweeps through my veins. I need to get to my car. Raising and steading myself, I run. As fast as I can, until I come to an abrupt halt, running into the car’s driver side door. Ouch.
“Fuck.” I whisper and rub my knee. I pray that they didn’t hear me. I jump around the door and into the driver's seat, slumping down as far as I can go. I search my pockets for my keys and they’re not there.
“Shit.” I say under my breath.
“Well, well, well, Ella Stone. What are you doing out here so late and all alone?” Her voice is so unexpected and female. I look up and look for the car headlights I saw before. They are still too far away.
“Out of the car, Ella.” The voice is angry and full of tone. I slowly raise myself out of the uncomfortable position I find myself in and stumble when I jump to the ground. Behind me, footsteps approach.
“Touch my man again, bitch, and I'll kill you. That's not a threat, Ella, but a promise.” She spits in my ear.
I shudder and the fear returns in full force. My body now feels numb and I can't register what is happening. I look up, as I didn’t realize I was looking at the ground. There are four flashlights pointing at me. They stun my eyes so I look away. Suddenly I’m on the ground, twigs and mud hit my face. My face meets something hard and cracks under the pressure. Someone kicks me with such force into my stomach it makes me gasp for my next breath. The pain rushes through my body like an electric shock.
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper.
“Because you took him from me, just like every other bitch did.” It’s then I realize that this is about Luke.
“Jenna?” I whisper.
“Far from it.” She kicks me again, and this time I cough and splutter, and feel tears slowly descend from my eyes.
I hear the car that was approaching park, and the figures move.
“Until next time.”
The last figure runs away like the rest of them. The pain is now shocking through me at a radical pace and I can’t control my breaths. They are fast and shallow. I must be bleeding because I can taste metal. Someone shouts and it makes me jump.
“ELLA!” It’s Luke, he runs and slumps next to me.
“Ella, shit, what's happened? Are you okay? Talk to me, Ella.”
I sit up and hold the side of my face.
Ouch.
“I’m fine, Luke, I just fell.”
“Don’t lie to me, Ella.” I can’t see him, but his voice comforts me. “I saw them run off, whoever it was.”
“One of them warned me not to see you, Luke. That I’d stolen you from her.” He gently lifts me to my feet.
“Can you stand?” he asks, and if on cue, I wobble.
“I think so.” I slur. Before I can say anything else, I’m in his arms. He has lifted me off my feet, holding me like you would a small child. I smell a rich, vibrant cologne float off him.
“You smell nice.” I smile.
“Thanks.” he replies. “Let's have a look at you then shall we.” Without putting me down, he carefully opens the back door of what I think is a jeep, and puts me on the back seat. He switches the overhead light on and looks at me.
“Jesus Christ, Ella! What have they done to you?” I briefly look into the rear view mirror and shrug.
“I’ve had worse.” He goes to hug me and it makes me wince.
“Sorry.” He whispers. He leaves me and goes into the trunk of his car to get something out. He slams the door shut and puts his bag down beside me. He scavenges through it and gets what looks like antiseptic wipes and a Band-Aid.
“No Band-Aid.” I protest.
“Don’t be silly, Ella, you're bleeding.” He carefully wipes away the blood that has trickled down my face. It gives me another chance to study him. He is beautiful, definitely not someone who should think of me. His face is defined and completely perfect. His eyes a light friendly green with a dark deep green surrounding them. His hair sweeps them as he concentrates on cleaning me up.
“That’s twice now you have had to clean me up!” I smile. I’m rewarded with a smile that touches his eyes.
“Why did you want to see me?” I whisper. His eyes lock onto mine and he breaks the contact to reach for another wipe.