Authors: Bethan Cooper
I awake to a knock on my bedroom door.
“Ella?” It’s mom. I reach up my arm to indicate she can come in and she sits on the end of my bed. I sit up and she straightens her dress.
“Hey, baby.” She whispers. “Listen, your dad has told me you’re seeing Luke James. Is this true?”
“Yeah, well sort of.”
“Tell me, angel, I want you to talk to me about this stuff, your sister does, and you just keep yourself locked away. I want to know if you’re happy.” She smiles at me and nods gently.
“Mom, I can’t tell you about this stuff, it’s personal.”
“Ella, you fail to forget at what age I met your father. We were only twenty-one, he was my first.”
“Ergh, Mom! Gross!” I laugh and throw a pillow at her.
“Please, Ella, talk to me.” She pleads. Okay, I can talk to my mom, right? What’s she going to do?
“I slept with him.” I blurt out and she backs off but gently smiles at me.
“Okay, how was it?”
“Amazing, we have this connection, I’ve never felt it before. It’s like we were meant to be but we can’t be, and that’s what is going to break us. Mom, he’s going to Princeton.”
“Oh, shit-” She whispers.
“Mom! No cursing!” I laugh and she laughs with me.
“Ella, you are a grown up now. Eighteen is considered an adult. High school is over, you have prom to look forward to. If you and Luke are falling for each other, at least you have the summer together right?”
“Wrong, he leaves in two weeks.” I’m trying my hardest to hold back my tears, a lump tightening and forming in my throat.
“Ella, baby, I can see you care for him, hell, maybe even love him. You know me; love makes the world go around in my eyes. You have two weeks together. Enjoy those and maybe after, who knows?” She smiles at me and I reach out my arms so I can have a mom hug.
“Thanks, Mom.” I whisper and she gently releases me.
“I have some rules, Ella. Luke is downstairs and this is why I wanted to know how you felt. He can stay in here, if that’s what you wanted to do, but not in your bed.” She scowls at me and I nod.
“Okay. Is he really here?”
“Yeah, and he’s waiting for you.”
“To do what?”
“I don’t know, Ella, just put some clothes on and go say hi.” I scramble up out of bed and find my jeans. I pull them on and slip on my Metallica t-shirt. I go check myself in my bathroom mirror and sort my hair out. I’ve put it in a center parting and it falls in soft waves down my shoulders.
I
actually look okay.
As I reach the second landing, he’s standing there at the bottom of the stairs looking at his feet with a bouquet of lilies in his hand. I stop and just look at him over the banister for a second. He looks amazing. I’m feeling lucky right now, I feel like I’ve found something I can never let go. He looks up and spots me, puts the lilies on table, and runs up the stairs two at a time. He walks towards me. He kisses me softly, my mouth surrendering to his. I make sure my parents are out of sight then groan under his kiss as he bites my bottom lip, hard. His kisses and soft little bites move down my neck and follows his path back up again. He bites down harder when he reaches my shoulder.
Oh, God.
The sexual desire is on fire. I want him right now on my landing.
“I missed you.” He mutters between kisses. He pulls away gently and kisses my forehead. “What are you doing to me, Ella, Jesus.”
“I missed you too.” I whisper and he smiles at me.
We sit around my parent’s dinner table, Luke cautiously doing small touches to my thigh and knees. I smirk under his touch and he knows he's affecting me.
“So...Luke, do you work for your father?” My dad’s gently picking up pasta with his fork and looking friendly at Luke.
“Yes sir, have done so since I was sixteen.”
“Wow, young worker huh?” He smiles at Luke and he gives him a satisfactory nod.
“Listen, Els-” my mom smiles at me. “We are going out to England next week, your granny insisted. You can come if you’d like, you too, Luke.” She looks over to Luke and I turn to face him.
“You want to come?” I smile at him and tilt my head. His eyes meet mine and he smiles back.
“Sure, how long for, Mrs. Stone?”
“Just a few days. You can see where Ella was born.” My mom says, heftily putting more potatoes on her plate.
“You’re British?” He looks at me, his brow raised.
“Um...yeah. Well, I was born in England; my mom’s family is British.”
“Oh, makes sense, you have a mixed accent, Mrs. Stone.”
“Please, Luke, call me Amanda.” I smile at my mom’s name, and she winks at him.
“Should be fun.” Holly laughs. “Let’s just hope Alex isn’t about.” I drop my fork against my plate and shoot her a warning look.
Shit!
Fucking shit!
Luke’s grasp on my knee becomes hard
and I know he
is angry with me.
“Later.” I whisper and look back over at Holly. “You’re dead.” I mouth and she laughs.
******
Luke gently closes my bedroom door behind him and slumps his back against it, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Alex, huh?” Luke raises one eyebrow at me and I sigh with exasperation.
“He was a summer boyfriend, okay? It was like three years ago. He was there for me, we were just being teenagers.”
“Like, me and you?” He points to me and back to him to mimic his words.
“No, Luke, not like me and you.” I repeat his gesture, and sit on the end of my bed. “I didn’t love him.” I whisper and he pushes away from the door. He crouches down and puts his hands on my knees.
“I’m joking baby, I just want to get jealous over you.”
“How about I go kiss someone else? I don’t know, maybe Jenna?”
“Low blow.” He sighs.
“I know, I’m sorry, tell me what happened today. You came to me so I’m guessing that you want me.” I wink at him and he moves so he is sitting next to me. He pushes my hair past my right shoulder and kisses my neck gently. I tremble against his lips, and he pulls away.
“Jenna was very angry after you left. I tried to calm her down, tell her that her and I are nothing and we never were, because we weren't, Els, we aren’t. She told me about what she said on the phone, it was just her being manipulative and jealous. I told her about the things I had done for you because I thought I could trust her. I never did those things for anyone but you.” He sighs and looks at his knotted fingers. “She is very jealous. I guess it’s because I fell for you instantly where I never really felt anything for her. She’s heartbroken, Ellie. I broke her heart.”
“Hey-” I whisper and turn his chin, so as he meets my gaze.
“Don’t feel guilty because someone fell in love with you, I feel sorry for her because if it were me, well, I think I’d probably break too.” He runs his cool fingers across my cheek and into my hair. I close my eyes and welcome his hand. He traces his fingers across my eyebrows and down across my mouth.
“I love you.” He whispers and I open my eyes.
He loves me.
“Forever and always, Ellie.” I smile and gently part my lips. He leans in and kisses me gently, soft, long kisses. “I would die if I couldn’t ever see those beautiful blue eyes again.”
“I’d die if I could never see you again.” I murmur under his lips. “It’s going to hurt so badly. Isn’t it, Luke?” I pull away gently, his hand still resting on my face.
“It will break us, Ellie, but we need to live today, and tomorrow, and not worry about what is going to happen, because the inevitable will catch up with us, it will haunt us, but we can make it work baby, we can. I promise.” His thumb gently skims my bottom lip and I catch it and kiss it softly.
“Forever and always.” I whisper.
My dream woke me up and I’m sitting awake, getting frustrated trying to remember what it was about. It’s dark but I can make out the ceiling. Luke is asleep on the floor next to me; I couldn’t break my mom’s rule when she trusts me so much right now.
I watch faintly in the darkness as his lungs breathe in and out and his body responds with their movements. I pull the covers off and swing my legs around to the edge of the bed. I gently walk the short distance to Luke and his blow up bed. I kneel beside him and kiss his cheek. He stirs gently and turns onto his front.
His phone vibrates, causing me to hold my breath. He moans and pushes the phone out from under his pillow and onto my hardwood floor. I let out a quiet breath and breathe in deeply. I grab his phone, nervous to who could be texting him at this time, and unlock it. I see Jenna’s name and put the phone back on the floor. It starts vibrating again, but this time it doesn’t stop. I gently stand and walk back over to my bed and lay down quietly. Luke picks up his phone and answers it, because it’s so quiet, I can hear the whole conversation.
“Hello?” He mumbles sleepily.
“Where the fuck are you, Luke?”
“Jenna?”
“Yeah, where are you?”
“At Ella’s, why?”
“What the fuck are you doing there? You can’t say what you said tonight and go back to her, what did you mean?”
“Jenna, what are you talking about?” I hold my breath and close my eyes.
“You are such a bull-shitter. I guess you’re talking in code because she’s there. Fucking coward.”
“Whoa, wait a second there, Jenna. I have no freaking idea what you’re talking about. We sorted everything earlier today, that’s the last of it.”
“What was with the text then?”
“What text?” He sighs.
“You texted me saying sorry, that you missed me, and that you’ll meet me at half past one at the park.”
“No, I didn’t. I never texted you, Jenna.”
“Yes, you fucking did! Check your damn phone, you dick.”
“Oh Christ, give me five minutes and I’ll call you back.” I watch as Luke sits up and checks his phone. 'What the fuck.' He whispers and looks over at me. He gets up, walks over to my bathroom, his phone now at his ear, and gently closes the door. The light switches on and illuminates my room slightly. I can hear mumbling but it’s too vague to understand. I really wish my bathroom wasn't so far away. I sigh and groan into my hands. After what feels like an eternity, Luke stumbles out of the bathroom and I pretend to be asleep. I am on my side and I watch as he struggles to pull on his clothes. When he’s dressed, he comes over to me and I squint my eyes shut. He hovers over my cheek, gently kisses it and whispers “I’m so sorry, Ellie.” With that, he leaves, and I sit up dazed by what just happened.
******
I don't know how I got here, but I’m here. I’m sitting in my sister’s car, which I followed Luke in. He’s come to the park Jenna mentioned and I’m breathing too harshly, battling with myself.
Why have I come here?
I duck slightly when I see Luke come into view. I think I feel a bullet to my heart when Jenna comes into my line of vision. Her hand is in his, locked, tight.
My fucking
God,
that hurts
. I’d rather someone chewed my heart up and stomped on it. They walk hand in hand down the street away from me, toward his car. I can’t help it, but an unexpected harsh lump forms in my throat, begging me for release, but I can’t feel. When he starts his car, I let him drive away in front of me before I start to follow. I turn on the ignition with trembling fingers and sigh as I pull away. I follow them for a few miles, keeping my distance so they didn’t think they were being followed. We were heading for downtown Charlotte so it was then I knew he was taking her to his penthouse. Dawn was approaching and I couldn’t breathe anymore. I watched as he turned into the parking duplex and saw the gate close behind them. I pulled up across the street and wept. My body was afraid of pain; I had made it feel that way. I had messed it up. I really wanted to hurt right now. These tears are useless. They won’t remind me of what happened.
******
The orange and yellow light woke me and I squinted at
its brightness. I had fallen asleep in the car, my body turned on its side facing the passenger window. I slowly sat up and stretched my arms up. I open Holly’s glove box and search her CD’s for something angry to listen to. I sigh when I find Bon Jovi’s greatest hits and smile at the memories this CD had brought on family holidays. I gently pushed it into the CD slot and ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ plays quite coincidently through the car. I start the ignition and drive home, not knowing why Jenna and Luke were holding hands, and not having the confidence to ask him about it. The drive home is long and boring. I can’t do this with him lying to me. I need to see Jade. I stop in a deserted parking lot and pick up my cell. It rings once before she answers.
“Morning.” She sings and I can feel her smile.
“Morning,” I reply with no smile in my voice.
“Ella, what’s wrong babe?”
“Luke.” I whisper. “Can I come see you? I’m not far from you and I need you to drive my car back for me.”
“Sure, see you soon.” I snap my cell shut and it immediately rings again. The caller ID would normally make my heart melt, but right now, it’s making it burn.
“Hello.” I whisper.
“Ellie.” He says firmly. “I need to tell you something.”
“Let me save you the fucking bother, you and Jenna are back together, she’s in your apartment right now, and you left me in the middle of the freaking night for her. How about you tell me nothing. Don’t phone me; don’t even try come to my house, and sure as hell, you aren’t coming to England with us next week. Forever and always, my fucking ass.” With that, I snap the phone shut, and burst into tears.
Forever and fucking always.