Never Let Go (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 2) (3 page)

CHAPTER THREE

The club sat silently and waited on either Phil or Johnny to speak. No one had expected that the subject of the meeting would show up and confront them. Johnny used it to his advantage, wanting to surprise them and put them on the spot. That way they would be honest with him.

“Johnny,” Phil finally said when he regained his thoughts. “Glad you are here,” he finished and waited on a reaction.

“I'm assuming my invitation was lost?” Johnny spat out.

He knew that they'd planned the meeting without him for a reason. The club wanted to discuss him and his situation without his input. But was that fair?

“We wanted to bring you in after we had a discussion,” Phil nodded as he spoke.

“So you wanted to discuss my fate without talking to me first?” Johnny asked sincerely though he already knew the answer to his question.

“We were discussing how we interpret the oath,” Phil stated. “We wanted to know that before we saw where things stood with you.”

Johnny stood silent for a moment. Some of the brothers watched him and began to think that he wasn't going to say anything. He knew they were waiting, but he had to think. This had to be handled delicately given the circumstances.

“Am I not one of the brothers?” he asked.

“Of course,” Phil answered his question.

“For now,” Aaron stated.

“We shall see,” Frankie piped in.

Losing his confidence with each response, Johnny decided to speak. “Then, why would I not get to discuss this matter?” He was sincere. He should be given a vote on how to interpret the oath even if his situation was what had prompted the meeting to begin with. His say should matter just as much as anyone else’s in the club.

“We just thought...” Phil had begun but had no real answer.

“That maybe I didn't get a vote because I might be the one breaking the oath?” Johnny asked.

The brothers all nodded in agreement. No one had to speak. Phil watched the subject of their meeting. Johnny’s face was red, but it wasn't fully anger, part of it was embarrassment. Phil paid close attention as Johnny’s facial expressions changed when he talked. The goal was to analyze. He wanted to see how sincere Johnny was—both about his words and about his feelings.

The one thing that Phil was proud of was his ability to read people. He bragged about it often. It was one of the reasons they'd all but adopted him as their leader. It was far simpler for him to see whether or not someone was genuine.

When you belonged to something like this club, it was easy to be played and taken advantage of—not usually by chicks. They were pretty fucking simple to turn around. A good dick and they'd bend and twist whatever they thought to confer with the man who'd offered it. However, other people, guys who wanted to join just to fuck with them all, Phil was good at picking which ones could be trusted. They'd all decided at one point that he had about a ninety-eight percent success rate.

“I still belong here,” Johnny began. “No matter what I may or may not have done to break this code and oath, I still get a vote in how to handle them.”

No one spoke. They were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Phil thought long and hard about what to say. The truth was that Johnny was right. His vote did count regardless if the problem had been originated by him. He still had the right to vote on any club matters.

“Then, do tell us, Johnny,” Phil began, “how should we interpret our code of honor when it comes to fallen brothers?”

***

“How are you feeling?” Stephanie looked at her best friend as she spoke.

Beth looked helpless. Her face was pale. She didn't appear to have much, if any, energy. Steph would have bet that she could barely get out of the bed if she had to, let alone wanted to.

She had only been awake about an hour. Steph had been downstairs having dinner and didn't even know. The surprise when she walked in had brought tears to her eyes. She wanted to chatter like she always did but tried to remember that Beth was disoriented and tired.

“Like I was hit by a bus,” Beth tried to laugh but the pain stopped her. “What happened?”

Stephanie spent the next half an hour telling her best friend how she'd ended up in the hospital and that she was carrying a child. She left off the part about that fucking biker guy being around and pretending to be her fiancé. She didn't want to talk about him at all.

Beth had other ideas. Once she knew where she was and why, her first question had been about Johnny.

“Is he here?” she asked and tried to pretend it didn't matter.

“No,” Stephanie didn't offer any further explanation, and Beth didn't ask.

The conversation continued until the doctor came in with the good news. Beth was doing okay and provided that she felt ready, she was going to go home in a few hours. That made her happy, and Stephanie was glad to see her smile.

The problem was that she needed to get her out of there before that asshole came back around. If Beth had any indication that he'd been around from the first day, she'd never settle for moving on with life. To the best of Steph's knowledge, he hadn't been around since the day that band of fucking fools had arrived in the waiting room.

What good was a man who chose his gangster friends over the woman he supposedly loved? If he couldn't be here for her, then she sure as hell didn't need him. Period. Stephanie wasn't going to feel guilty for letting her believe he never came.

“Ready?” Beth had packed her things and put on something comfortable. “We need to head home so you can help me figure out how the fuck I'm going to raise a baby!”

“Let's go,” Steph said quickly and pushed her friend towards the door. She wanted to get her out before she realized that she'd been lied to.

***

“I think it's complicated,” Johnny began and heard a couple of snickers from the crowd. “Not everything is simple. Sometimes a person ends up in a situation that just doesn't make sense. One that wasn't planned. One that they'd never willingly choose.” He took a deep breath and looked at his brothers.

“He could walk away,” Aaron offered, “especially if he knew it was a bad idea.”

The answer seemed simple to all of them. They didn't want to think that emotions could be complex. You found a babe; you liked her; you either took her for your own, or you fucked her and moved on. Nothing more, nothing less.

However, Johnny knew better. It was far more complicated than that. As Phil watched them all, he had to agree with Johnny. It was complicated.

“
IF
it were that easy,” Johnny shook his head. “I can't explain it all. But I'll say that sometimes you just have to base a decision on the situation at hand and not on what others may or may not think.” With that, Johnny turned to walk away. “That is my vote. So go ahead and decide what to do with me without knowing anything for certain,” he said, walking towards the door.

“Do you love her?” Phil couldn't help but ask.

The words came out, and Johnny froze. He hadn't reached the door. He hadn't been able to escape. So, he stopped and tried to decide if he should answer or not. Without even facing his brothers, he pulled the door open, and they all heard his reply as he walked out. “I think I do.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Everything was a mess. Even though it'd been a couple weeks since she got home, Bethany couldn't help but be annoyed by the things that needed to be done. How the fuck did people manage who left for vacations and shit? She had left home for a brief stay at the hospital, followed by a few weeks with her best friend, and it seemed like the house was nothing but chaos.

That—and she was cranky. No, more than cranky. She was a bitch. She was having a hard time dealing with the raging hormones that were taking control of her body. She had decided about two weeks ago that pregnancy was going to be the death of her.

Not only were her emotions completely out of control, but she had found herself craving sex. Steph thought it was weird. Apparently, the more common situation resulted in women not wanting to be touched at all. Those women had husbands there to satisfy them, and they didn't even want it.

Here, Bethany was longing for it all day and night, and there was no one around to help her. Well, there could be if she'd settle; but, she didn't want to settle. She wanted Johnny.

“Fuck him!” she screamed and threw her book across the room.

Hating Johnny had become the norm for her day. She hated him for disappearing. Didn't he care that she'd been sick? Had he even bothered to care about her or the baby? No! He'd fucked her and took off.

It was a month and a half ago that she'd landed in the ER. Where had he gone? Probably back to his precious fucking club of brothers. Who the fuck cared about them? They'd tried to pop in here and there, but she'd just told them that she was fine and never invited them inside.

She decided to drown her sorrows and desires in a bowl of ice cream. Hell, why not? Nothing else would satisfy her ache.

***

What the fuck was he supposed to do? He knew she was probably hurt, thinking that he never cared and wanting to see him or hear from him. He wanted to call her and go see her. He wanted to do something, but, he couldn't. He just couldn't.

The club had decided that he was crossing boundaries, and he wasn't allowed to be with her. The problem was that because of his feelings and the fact he'd admitted them, he couldn't even be her friend now.

“Goddammit!” he said to no one in particular.

He hadn't seen her since the day they'd shown up at the hospital. He wasn't allowed to talk to her and had to stay gone. Doing jobs. Risking his life. Never quite knowing if Beth and the baby were okay.

He'd chosen them—not because it was something he wanted to do; but, he didn’t have a choice. This was life. It was family. It was all he knew.

Unless you let Beth and the baby be your family...

The voice in his head popped up randomly. Telling him how he could be there with her and walk away from this. Of course, he'd have to deal with the consequences of it. He'd have to face them and take what they dished out. And he'd lose all he'd ever known in life.

At that moment though, it seemed worth it. He missed her with a vengeance. He was halfway across the country and all he could think about was the way her mouth looked when she smiled, the way her eyes brightened as she laughed, the way her head felt as it lay against his shoulder, and the way her body felt wiggling beneath him.

The clubhouse in this town was small. He walked inside and looked around. Across the room was a cute little thing with bright blonde hair. She'd have to do, he told himself.

“Let's go.” He walked up to the blonde and held a hand out for her.

Johnny didn't know her name, and he didn't give a shit about ever finding out. He needed some relief, and she was going to have to do.

***

“Anything else?” The cashier was short and polite, but it was obvious she didn't want to be there at that moment.

“I think that's it,” Stephanie sighed and pushed her red hair away from her forehead.

She was tired. Actually tired would be about ten steps up from where she was. If nothing else, this ordeal was reminding her of why she was nowhere near ready to have a baby. Fuck, if pregnancy was this rough how the hell would anyone handle the actual kid?

Steph had been tending to Beth since she got out of the hospital. Even after she'd went back home to stay, Beth had been very needy. As her best friend, Stephanie had taken on a surrogate parent role, which was why she was standing in a diner at three in the morning getting a grilled cheese and onion rings. It was the only thing her friend wanted to eat, and she was absolutely going to starve to death any moment.

They'd been trying to get the nursery ready and keep Beth from going absolutely insane, but it wasn't working very well. Stephanie couldn't solve all of her problems. At this point, she really was angry at that fucking biker man. He'd just bailed. No one had said anything except he was back to doing jobs.

What the fuck were jobs? The things Dan had done? The same things that got him killed?

Her best friend sat there crying over him daily, and he hadn't even bothered to call her and let her know that he was alive and remembered she was. Turns out Stephanie hadn't done a damn thing to stop it. She didn't have to. He did it for her, which made her grateful and pissed off all at the same time.

She made her way back to the car and headed towards her friend's house. The entire way back she cursed at those bikers and the position they'd left her in.

***

“Shut up!” he was yelling, but he didn't care.

Why the hell did women have this need to chatter? Johnny didn't bring this bitch here to discuss a damn thing. He wanted a release. However, so far, he'd been unable to achieve that.

“I'm sorry, baby,” she smiled and slid her hand down the waistband of his pants. “Can I make it up to you?”

His cock was rock hard at the mere thought of what might come, or the thought of Beth, whichever he wanted to believe.

His hand came up behind her head and grabbed her hair tightly, winding it through his own fingers. He heard her gasp, as he yanked on the hair and pushed her head into his crotch.

“Don't talk,” he ordered, slamming her face into him. “Just suck it, baby,” he said, leaning back and waiting. Then, Johnny felt her lips wrap around him and a moan escaped his mouth. He'd learned to be able to receive some satisfaction from whoever he was able to be with at that moment. He couldn't wait indefinitely on a chance to see Beth again. However, he did know that so far no other woman could make him feel the things that she'd been able to make him feel.

The blonde bitch went to town on him, hoping to please him enough to make him want her—not just now, but in general. Sadly, it would never happen for her.

He did, however, enjoy the fuck out of what she was doing. For the first time since he'd left that town, he was interested in taking things just a bit further. Up to this point, it'd simply been getting some head every time he felt like he might explode.

Letting go of her hair, he pushed her back and stood up from the chair he was sitting in. A quick movement of his hand and he'd grabbed the hair again and pushed her face first onto the bed.

“You want this, honey?” he asked in a demanding tone.

“Yes. Please,” she moaned.

Johnny pushed himself against the tight little ass in front of him and slid his shaft deep inside her. Starting gently, he began to thrust deeper and harder each time he pumped. The girl beneath him began to scream and wriggle on the bed. The more she moaned, the harder he pushed himself into her.

It took about ten minutes for his body to cave and the orgasm to release. He hadn't had sex since he'd been with Beth, and it felt nice.

Johnny knew he should have worried about the girl. Did she enjoy it? Did she get off? He didn't know, and he really didn't seem to care much. She was no one. Just a tool. A means to an end. It may have made him an asshole, but he didn't care.

It was just his distraction from the real problem at hand, his desire to be with a woman he wasn't allowed to be with as dictated by the only family he'd ever had.

“Thanks, babe,” Johnny moved off of the girl. “Shut the door behind you on the way out okay?” With that, he walked towards the bathroom.

***

“What the fuck do you mean he's gone?” Aaron was livid.

He was at the diner grabbing lunch with Chris, a person he had a hard time tolerating when the conversation was pleasant. This was most definitely not one of those times.

“He picked up a chick last night. She said he kicked her out a couple hours later. No one has heard from him since.”

Chris hated being the one to tell Aaron. He didn't want to feel like he was ratting out a brother. He didn't think what was happening to Johnny was fair. In fact, he was pretty fucking annoyed by it. In Chris's mind, the two loved each other and should be left the fuck alone.

Chris was the only person who had been to see her. Bethany. Their fallen brother's wife. As if they fucking cared anymore. She was being ostracized as much as Johnny was. She was still the old lady of a brother, and she was carrying his child. She should still be cared for and taken care of; but, the club had all but alienated her.

Fortunately, he had been on a mission to make sure she didn't know that. He'd been to her house several times a week to check on things. She never invited him inside, and he guessed that was more about Johnny leaving than anything.

Chris wanted so badly to tell her. He wanted her to know Johnny didn't have a choice. However, it was kind of a lie. He did have a choice. He'd just not chosen her.

“Is he headed to her?” Aaron asked the same question Chris had asked the guy who called him.

“Dunno,” he answered. “I would presume so.”

“Call a meeting,” Aaron ordered, as he stood and walked out of the diner.

***

Bethany couldn't help but feel thankful that Steph had gone home. She loved her friend, but it was like having a hovering parent lately. She'd sent the girl on a million errands, hoping it'd entice her to stay away a little bit, but it didn't seem to be working.

She needed the space. She needed to feel comfortable and relaxed, and that wasn't going to happen with someone questioning her state of mind every fucking second. Maybe she wanted to walk around naked and sit on her couch watching porn? Why couldn't she if that was her choice?

Not that she'd ever done that in her life; but, the point was the same. She needed to be alone some. Fuck, even Dan hadn't been up her ass that much, and they'd been married.

She slipped into her pajamas and grabbed some ice cream. She was certain that she'd end up fifty pounds heavier by the end of this pregnancy, but she didn't care. What did it matter at this point?

Just as she found a comfortable spot on the sofa, Beth heard the doorbell.

“What the fuck?” she asked herself.

Beth debated whether or not she wanted to answer. It was no doubt going to be Stephanie again, probably concerned about whether she'd eaten or not. It hadn't been but a couple of hours. She'd barely managed a peaceful shower and change of clothes.

Knowing that her friend would worry, she opted to hop up and get the door. Maybe she could say she was on the way to bed and Steph would go home. It was doubtful, but possible.

“I told you that I'm...” Beth froze as she swung the door open with a roll of her eyes.

“Hi, Beth,” Johnny smiled, and without any hesitation, she invited him inside.