Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (22 page)

“Why? Does it have anything to do with that delinquent you live with?” she asked and I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. My tolerance for those kinds of comments was dwindling fast.

“Yeah, actually,” I said, trying to control my frustration. “It has everything to do with him.”

“Oh my God,” she said. “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you? I knew it. I knew it. He’s the reason you’ve been dying your hair and you have that god awful piercing…”

“I have a tattoo now, too,” I replied and my mom’s face paled. My father, of course, just peered at me over the rims of his glasses.

I clasped my hands in my lap. “Look, Damien doesn’t have that kind of influence over me. I did all of those things because I wanted to. Because for nineteen years you have been controlling me, telling me what to do and I’m sick of it. I’m figuring out who I am.”

I saw Jed smiling widely at me and I flushed under his gaze. I suddenly felt alive for the first time since Damien had left. I felt like I could do anything if I could stand up to my parents. I felt strong.

“You’re a cello player, Temperance. “That’s what you are and don’t you forget it.”

“I’m much more than a cello player,” I said, sighing heavily. “You just don’t realize that.”

“Temperance Cole, don’t you dare say things like that,” my mother began, but I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

“No, mom. Just stop it,” I said, tired of everything. Tired of coming to these lunches and faking it, tired of being someone I wasn’t, tired of everything. I just wanted Damien and he wasn’t around. Just thinking about him reminded me of what he’d done despite his father’s wishes, of everything he’d given up for love. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. This was it. 

“I have something I need to tell you both,” I said, turning to my father. He didn’t say anything, just nodded like he knew what was coming. My mother on the other hand was quickly going into hysterics.

“If you say what I think you’re going to say, you’re cut off! We are no longer paying for school or anything else for that matter. Do you hear me?” Her voice was shrill, like the sirens that sometimes passed by our house.

“I hear you, mom,” I said as calmly as possible. “And that’s fine with me. Go ahead and cut me off. I don’t need your money or your support. I can do this whole life thing on my own.”

“Then…well…I won’t speak to you ever again,” she nearly screamed, causing Nik to flinch. My eyes flicked over to where my brother was sitting and gleaned the strength I needed from him. He’d done what I was doing and he was just fine.

I squeezed my hands together and met my mother’s gaze. “That’s fine, but just know I love you and my decision to quit my major has nothing to do with you. It’s my decision. I just don’t love it anymore…”

“Of course it’s personal. We’ve invested thousands into you…you ungrateful slut!”

The last word caused my eyes to widen. My mom had called me many things, but she usually managed to keep the derogatory out of it. Jed’s chair suddenly slid out from under him and he stood up, his fists balled at his side. It was twice now that he’d gotten angry over me. Needless to say, it was a scary sight.

“That’s enough, mom. You have no right to call Temperance that. If you insult her once more like that, I’m done with you. I mean it. I won’t ever see you again.”

My mother’s cheeks flushed crimson and anger flashed across her face. “Fine. Fine. You’re both ungrateful…ungrateful…”

She crossed her arms across her chest and glared at me. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be talking for quite some time after this.

My father pushed his glasses up the brim of his nose and stared at me for a moment before clearing his throat. “This is it then Temperance. No more money. Period. You’re on your own. Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. And I’m sorry to both of you,” I said and my mom huffed noisily. “But I’ve got to be me. I have to find out what it is I’m meant to be. And if that means losing your support then I’m going to have to accept that.”

My father grunted his assent and my mother just sat there like a melting ice sculpture. Nik’s eyes met mine and he offered me a small, reassuring smile.

“I guess we’ll go,” I said and my mom and dad didn’t bother to stop me. I doubted they wanted me to stay for lunch anyhow. I pushed away from the table and stood up, glancing over at Jed and Nik. Both were placing their napkins on the table and pushing themselves to their feet.

“Bye,” I said, turning on my heels and striding out of the house. I could hear my mom sobbing behind me, but I didn’t turn around. She had to know this was coming. She wasn’t stupid. They had pushed me around long enough. I needed to be on my own for a while.

As the three of us made our way outside, Jed wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“You did good,” he said.

“Thanks. I feel good. I feel free,” I replied. And I did. I felt like my life was starting over.

“It’s scary at first, but it’s worth it.”

“Now I need to drop my classes at school,” I said before adding, “and text Maggie. She’s been pushing me to do this since I met her.”

I pulled out my phone and sent Maggie a text before turning to face Nik and Jed.

“Thanks again for coming today. You both didn’t need to be there, but I really appreciate it.”

Nik and Jed nodded, each pulling me into them before walking me to my car.

“You staying at our place tonight?” Jed asked, opening the driver’s side door for me as I searched for my keys.

“No, I’m going to stay at the house…” I replied, not meeting their gazes. I hadn’t told Nik or Jed what had happened at the warehouse. That was Damien’s story and I didn’t feel like it was mine to share. They just knew Damien had taken off and hadn’t bothered to contact me. I think they both secretly hoped he was seriously injured and never came back home.

I just hoped that wasn’t the case. I missed him desperately. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him.

I said goodbye to Nik and Jed and started my car up as Maggie texted me back.

Congrats! I’m so happy for you. We need to go out and celebrate.

I didn’t bother responding because A) I didn’t feel like going out of the house and B) I didn’t feel like celebrating. I just wanted to sit in Damien’s clothes, in Damien’s bed and will him home.

I think there were still a few stars left up there I hadn’t wished upon yet. So maybe my wish would still come true.

Chapter Nineteen

Damien

I’d been gone way too long. It had been two weeks and I still felt like shit. Running away hadn’t worked back then and it sure as hell didn’t work now. I missed Temperance like crazy and I was feeling like a total shithead after telling her I couldn’t love her. It had been a total lie…something I’d realized only after I’d driven three hundred miles out of town.

Worst fucking timing.

But by then, I’d just needed to think. To come to terms with what this all meant and how it would change my life forever. So I kept driving, sleeping in my truck along the way. It had been a totally insane thing to do, to just up and leave without telling anyone, but it had been worth it. It gave me the clarity I needed to come to terms with how much I loved Temperance and wanted her in my life. I just hoped I hadn’t overly worried everyone with my antics.

I turned up my radio and drove across the county line. The hills were dark green from the rain and the windmills that sat erect in the wet soil, were spinning…spinning…spinning just like my mind. I had so much I needed to do once I got home. I needed to talk to Jonathan, to apologize for being such a dick to him right before I stormed out of band practice and then I needed to call Peter and see if I still had a job. If he fired me, I wouldn’t be surprised. Then, and most importantly, I needed to talk to Temperance, to explain.

I was pretty sure Jonathan had spilled the beans about my past, but I wanted to tell her myself. To give her the details and to beg her to give me another chance. I hoped it wasn’t too late. Temperance was beautiful and caring and great in bed. I hoped no other guy got to experience everything I had since I’d been gone. If she had moved on, it would probably push me over the edge and I’d disappear for good.

The sun was setting in the sky as I pulled up to Jonathan’s apartment complex. Thankfully his car was there. I hadn’t bothered to go pick up my phone from where I’d thrown it when I left two weeks ago. It would have been dead anyway. So I hadn’t called ahead to see if he was around. I just decided to chance it. Thankfully he was home.

And he didn’t punch me when he saw me standing pathetically on his front porch.

“What’s with the beard?” he asked me, his blue eyes taking in my unkempt state. I was pretty sure I looked like a homeless person, but I didn’t really care. I was a mess inside and out and I really just needed to apologize so I could move on with my life.

“Didn’t bring my razor,” I grunted before asking, “So can I come in?”

Jonathan opened the door a little wider. I glanced down at his outfit and my lips turned up at the corners.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

He looked down before replying, “I’m a sexy firefighter. It’s Halloween tonight, dude.”

My eyes widened. Had I really been that unaware of the time? “It’s what? Really?”

“Yeah, did you lose track of time being out there on the open road or what?”

I nodded and ran a hand over my face. “Something like that.”

“Well, come on in,” he said and I stepped into his apartment. “You know, I should be pissed that you just disappeared because we had to cancel our show.”

I closed my eyes and muttered under my breath. “Shit. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know, but thankfully we were able to reschedule it for another night in a few weeks if you’re game. So it all worked out.”

I nodded feeling like crap for letting my band mates down like that. “Yeah, I think I’ll be fine by then. Count me in.”

“I’m glad you’re home,” Jonathan said, handing me a bottle of water.

“I’m glad to be home.”

Jonathan’s eyes scanned my clothes and my beard once more and he shook his head. “Well, I’m pretty sure you know this, but you smell and you look like shit. Take a shower and clean up for God’s sake and then we can go grab something to eat before I head out.”

“You going to Kyle’s?”

“Yep,” he said.

“He still requiring people to dress up to come inside?”

Jonathan nodded with a smile. “Yep. Rules haven’t changed.”

I grunted. I hated Halloween. Mainly because it was a shit holiday, but mostly because I hated dressing up. Usually I gave Jonathan crap for going to Kyle’s party, but since he was being so nice to me, I let it drop. Instead I went to the bathroom and did as he instructed. Needless to say I felt like a new man when I emerged. It was amazing how shaving and taking a shower could wash away, what felt like, years of grime.

My clothes were thrashed, so thankfully Jonathan had some gym pants and a t-shirt I could wear. That way I didn’t look like a total weirdo when we went out to grab dinner. And he changed out of his ridiculous costume so I wouldn’t have to look at his bare chest all evening.

I hopped into his car and he drove us to Eddie’s Barbeque Pub and Grill. It was a local restaurant that served great barbeque sandwiches and cold beer. It was a place the two of us frequented on a weekly basis. And after two weeks of gas station hot dogs and chips, it tasted pretty damn good. I was thankful that Jonathan didn’t press me into talking before I was ready. I was pretty sure it was because he’d pressured me two weeks ago and I’d lost my shit. He probably didn’t want to deal with the aftermath again. Not that I blamed him. I had been pretty batshit.

After successfully shoving my face, while Jonathan texted on his phone I turned to my best friend and fiddled with my beer. I felt clean, full and repentant.

I ran a hand through my hair and lowered my eyes to the table. Taking a deep breath I glanced up, meeting his stare. “So man, I have to say…I’m sorry for the shit I said to you the other night. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Jonathan merely nodded, taking a sip of his beer, his blue eyes never leaving mine. He was a good friend, my best friend. He didn’t have to put up with me, but he did and for that I was grateful.

“I just went a little nuts after Temperance called things off and then with you on my back…I just lost my shit and it wasn’t cool and I won’t do it again.”

“Thanks for the apology, but you had everyone worried. Temperance the most,” he replied and I closed my eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t pull that shit anymore, Damien. You can’t just run off like that. It freaks everyone out. I had my dad put out a missing persons report…”

“Damn,” I muttered, forgetting his father was a police officer for just a moment. I’d forgotten about pretty much everything while I was gone. Everything and everyone except Temperance. She had haunted me since she left me standing in the coffee shop. 

“Tell your dad I’m sorry.”

“How about you tell him yourself? And what about Temperance? Have you called her yet?”

I shook my head, my fingers drawing circles on the glass bottle. “I didn’t stop at home to grab my phone. I came straight to your place.”

Jonathan tapped his hand on the table. “But you’re going to talk to her, right? She’s been out of her mind with worry.”

“Yeah, man. I’m going to talk to her. I just wanted to see you first.”

“Hm, well don’t waste too much time. She’s been hanging out with Nik a whole lot…”

My stomach dropped. “Fuck, I knew that little shit would be all over her once I was out of the way.”

“Calm down, bro. It’s going to be okay. From what Deidre’s told me, Tempie’s been sleeping in your room. She’s pretty messed up about this whole thing.”

That made me feel slightly better. It still pissed me off that Nik most likely was slyly pursuing her. I needed to move fast before her resolve disappeared…or her love for me faded.

He watched me for a moment, his eyes scanning my face as if he could read my mind. The gesture reminded me heavily of Sophia and I gulped down my sadness. “And what conclusions did you come to on this trip of yours?” he finally asked.

My eyebrows met and I glanced away. Talking with Jonathan often felt like a therapy session, but I figured I owed him one. “I decided that I’m fucking stupid. That I have way too many issues and that I need to stop living in the past.”

I peeked over at my best friend, hoping that was enough. It wasn’t. His lips had turned down into a frown and he glowered at me.

“That’s it? Nothing about Temperance? About Sophia?”

I rubbed my hand across the back of my neck. “Well yeah, but…shit. I just haven’t said it out loud yet. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Kyle’s party doesn’t start for another hour so I have all the time in the world,” he said, leaning back in his chair like he was a fucking couch potato. 

I sighed heavily. “Fine. Fine. I’m in love with Temperance, okay? I don’t want to be without her.”

“And Sophia?”

I lowered my eyes and shook my head. “I still feel guilty as hell about it. It’s only been a year.”

“Goddammit,” Jonathan said. “I’ve said it a million times and I’m going to say it again. She didn’t want you to make that damn promise. You put that on you, not her.”

I raised my hands to try and calm him down. “I know…I know…and if I hadn’t been so out of my fucking mind back then I probably wouldn’t have even said it, but I did. And I feel guilty for loving someone else. For wanting someone else. And in any case, it’s too soon.”

“It’s been a year,” he said gruffly.

“I should still be grieving. Not falling head over fucking heels for some girl I barely know.”

Jonathan leaned forward, his voice serious now. “You barely knew Sophia when you married her.”

“I know, but that was different. I think if I tell Temperance that I love her she’ll want more and I can’t give that to her with all this guilt eating me up inside.”

“You have to at least try. Sophia would’ve wanted you to be happy.”

I glanced away, blinking furiously. “You know, the first night when I took off two weeks ago, I slept by her grave. All night. I mean how fucking crazy can a person be. It’s seriously spooky out there, but I did it. And the whole time I kept thinking that I should feel close to her, that I should feel this connection, but I didn’t. I felt nothing, like she’d faded away and left no trace.”

“I get it,” Jonathan replied, his head bobbing in understanding. “I’ve felt that way for months about her.”

“And then when I woke up the next morning and I had this epiphany. I realized that I’d never be able to bridge that gap between Sophia and I. She’s gone. Her body is buried six feet under but Temperance…well, she’s alive. I still have a shot with her, I hope. I mean, she’s alive and Sophia’s not…”

“Exactly,” Jonathan interjected excitedly. When I shot him a glare, he just shrugged is shoulders. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” I knew he’d been waiting for me to have this revelation for months now. This must have been like an early Christmas present for him.

“I just wasn’t ready to hear it then, but despite it all, man, I don’t know how I’m supposed to make this work with Temperance. Will it be fair to her? Will she even want me? What if I can’t give her what she wants because I continue to feel guilty as hell all the time?”

“That’s a lot of ‘what-ifs’. You can’t live like that. You need to move on with your life, man. You need to go back to school and stop working that dead end job just because it’s easy as fuck. You need to sing your own music again and you need to tell Temperance you love her. You need to do your best to make every moment count.”

I ran my hand through my hair, knowing everything Jonathan said was right. I’d been working at the coffee shop because it was an easy job, benign and boring. I really needed to go back to school and pursue something I loved. I also hadn’t sung my songs because I hadn’t found any inspiration. Until I’d met Temperance, that is, and had fallen for her. Now I had all sorts of shit rolling around in my head, so much so that I ended up buying a guitar from a thrift store while I’d been traveling around the past two weeks and wrote a song just for her. I just hoped I’d be able to share it with her before it was too late.

For the past year I felt like my whole life had been on hold. But when things between Temperance and I heated up, I suddenly felt myself come alive. And it hadn’t been until she’d broken my heart that I’d felt a sudden motivation to change. To start my life again. To really start living in the present and not in the past.

And that had to begin with me telling her how I felt.

Too bad it had taken me two weeks to actually get the process going.

“Damien?” a female voice said in front of me.

I glanced up as Jonathan peered over his shoulder. A beautiful girl I didn’t recognize was standing in front of us. I wracked my mind for where I knew her because something about her looked familiar. She had a pixie cut, a petite, but curvy figure and light grey eyes…those eyes.

“Beth?” Jonathan asked, his mouth nearly dropping. Suddenly it clicked. This was Beth, Sophia’s best friend. 

“Jonathan?” she said, striding quickly toward us.

As she neared, I couldn’t believe my eyes. She must have lost at least a hundred pounds since I’d last seen her. That’s why I hadn’t recognized her.

I watched Jonathan’s eyes eat her up as she approached and when she stopped in front of us, his eyes remained glued to her chest. Not that she noticed. She was too busy smiling widely at us.