Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (20 page)

“And I’m an even bigger one. I knew this was going to end badly, but I did it anyway. And now he’s texting me, asking me if we’re okay. What do I say? How can I make this hurt less?”

Nik’s eyes shut for a moment. “You can’t.”

“I don’t want to end things, Nik. What do I do? Should I just keep it up and keep pretending…”

Nik silenced me with a look. “You just need to do it, Tempie. Cut if off. Once it’s done, it’s going to hurt like hell, but at least you won’t be dancing around it anymore. At least you’ll both know where you stand.”

“I don’t want to end things.”

Sympathy crossed his features. “I know, but would you rather keep up this charade…keep loving him when he’ll never love you back? Or starting moving on with your life?”

“But I’ll miss him,” I protested weakly. “I live with him…work with him…my life is so entwined with him.”

“I know, but if you stay, you’ll become a shell of a person. I like who you’ve become, Tempie. You’re strong, talented and sexy as hell. I’d hate to see you revert back to the way things were.”

“What if I can keep my new self and stay with him?” I knew that was just wishful thinking, but I had to voice the question anyway. Nik looked at me like I was crazy, but his voice was soft when he replied.

“You won’t be able to. You’ll lose yourself in him, in who he wants you to be. He wants your body, wants what you can give him physically and nothing more. If you keep trying to be only what he wants and don’t stay true to yourself, it will eat away at you. You will become someone you don’t recognize because everything is all bottled up inside. It will destroy you, Tempie. Take it from me. You won’t like what you become.”

My eyes filled with tears at his speech. “Was that what happened with you and Elsie?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “I don’t want to see you drag this on for such a long time when the person you love just can’t love you back.”

I scooted over until my head was resting on his shoulder. This was how I’d sat with Damien the few time’s we’d made love. Just remembering it caused my heart to thump painfully in my chest.

“I have to work with him tonight,” I said into his shirt.

“Then end it tonight. Do it sooner rather than later or next thing you’ll know, it will be two years from now and you’ll feel more alone than when you actually were alone.”

A sob escaped my throat and I bit down on my lip. “I don’t want to…”

“But you have to,” Nik said, his hand rubbing my back in slow circles.

“Jed always said I was too hopeful, that I always saw the good in people. I wanted to believe he could get over his broken heart and love me.”

Nik glanced down at me, confused. “He has a broken heart?”

“Some girl he loved…well, she broke his heart. That’s why he can’t give his heart away. I think he still loves her.”

“Well, then he’s an idiot. You’re priceless and he’s throwing you away for what? A girl who won’t love him back?”

“I don’t know. He never really talks about her, or about what happened.”

Nik ran his hand through my hair. “Then it’s his loss. You’ll find someone else, I promise.”

I didn’t want anyone else, but didn’t feel like voicing it. Instead I picked up my phone and glanced down at it. Damien had texted me again.

You ok? Please text me back!
“Who’s that?” Nik asked and I just shook my head.

“Damien. He wants me to carpool to work with him and I said that we could.”

His hand froze on my back. “Tell him you changed your mind and that you’re going to go in on your own.”

“He’ll know something’s wrong.”

“Good, let him stew on that. Better yet, let me take you to work.”

My head lifted from his shirt. “No. No way. That would just be mean. He’s really jealous of you.”

Nik glowered at me. “Good. He should be. He deserves to feel like shit for putting you through all of this.”

“It’s my fault. It was my suggestion in the first place. I was the one who pursued him. He tried to stay away. He’s not a bad guy…really, Nik.”

He grunted like he didn’t believe me. “I still want to punch him in the balls.”

My lips twitched unwillingly. “Please don’t. He really is amazing in bed. I wouldn’t want him to be ruined down there.”

Nik squeezed me tightly against him, tapping my phone. “Now text him and tell him you’ll go to work alone. No more pretending, Tempie. No more lies.”

“Okay, but how am I supposed to make it through work when I know it’s going to end between us? He’ll know something’s wrong.”

“So what? You worried he’s going to get hurt by all of this? He won’t, Tempie. If it’s just casual for him, he won’t care if it ends.”

“But I know he cares about me.”

“Probably a lie too,” he muttered and my stomach churned, making me feel slightly nauseous.

“You think he was lying about caring about me?”

“Guys are pigs, Tempie. They only want one thing. They’ll say or do anything to get it.”

I didn’t want to believe him, but I knew he was right. Those few choice times when Damien had said things that made me believe he cared could have been ploys to get what he wanted. And I’d been all too willing to give it to him. What a fool I’d been.

“Text him back. Tell him you’ll drive yourself and then when you get to work…when you’re ready…end it. But do it tonight. Don’t keep this up. You’ll regret it if you do.”

I lowered my eyes and took a shaky breath. I would be strong. I had to be.

Or else I’d break apart and never be able to put myself back together again.

***

I drove to work, my heart in my stomach. I saw Damien’s truck parked in the parking lot and forced myself to get out of my car. When I walked inside, I could see Damien watching me. There was worry in his eyes, so I forced a smile on my face. It rang false, but he seemed a little relieved by the gesture.

When I finally put my stuff in my locker and walked behind the counter, Damien was watching me warily.

“You okay? You didn’t text me back,” he said, leaning against the counter. Anyone who glanced at him would assume he was relaxed, but I could see the anxiety lining his features and the tension bunching the muscles beneath his shirt. I was doing that to him…oh God. Just thinking that he was nervous made me want to cry. This was going to hurt so much.

“I’m okay,” I replied, knowing my eyes were still a little puffy from crying. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice.

He tilted forward a little and asked softly, “Are we okay? Because last night…Shit, last night was a disaster and I’m sorry.”
I swallowed, hearing the anxiety in his voice. I wanted nothing more than to appease him, to tell him we were fine, but I just couldn’t lie to him. So I decided to be ambiguous. I still had to work with him for the rest of the night. It was going to be shitty enough without adding a break up on top of it…if I could even call it a break up. We weren’t even together.

“I don’t know.”

His brows furrowed and I saw his biceps flex. “You don’t know,” he repeated. “What does that even mean?”

“I just…”

I was searching for something to say, when a customer walked up to the counter. I could just hear Damien’s thoughts as he cursed the person for having the worst fucking timing. I was thankful though because I didn’t know what to say. And I wanted to prolong the inevitable.

And thankfully we stayed busy until right before we closed, so it gave me a lot of time to think about it. Not that it mattered. Because it was still coming to an end and it hurt like hell and I hadn’t even done anything yet.

Chapter Seventeen

Damien

I arrived to work earlier than I’d planned because Temperance had reneged on carpooling with me to work. It pissed me off that she’d said she was going to go to work with me and then ignored my texts for thirty minutes before finally telling me she was going to drive herself to work.

And that was it. No apology for making me wait. No explanation as to where she’d been. Nothing. I had a feeling things were really going to go downhill once she got to work. I had fucked up royally and despite wanting to fix it, I just couldn’t. The promise I’d made to Sophia was ringing loud and clear now. I was starting to resent Sophia because of it too. Because now I was going to lose Temperance, and even though I’d known her for a quarter of the time I’d known Sophia, I had a feeling it would hurt just as bad. If not worse. Because she’d still be alive and I’d still have see her. With other guys. And not with me.

And then she’d said she didn’t know if we were okay, which is what I’d expected, but it still hurt to hear nonetheless. Hell, who was I kidding? I was scared shitless. I was trying to make this right, but I was so damn confused. This was all going to hell and I was searching desperately for a way to repair it. I didn’t want to lose her. I was coming to realize she meant way too much to me. And it wasn’t just the sex.

I really just needed to tell her about Sophia, to explain. My secrets had stayed with me for much too long. If she knew the truth, maybe she’d understand. Maybe it would hurt her less. Maybe she wouldn’t leave me. Maybe she’d give me a second chance.

I glanced at the clock. We’d been busy all evening and now we had five minutes left before closing. I watched in relief as the last customer packed up her things and strode out the door. I was about to lock up early so I could tell her what was holding me back from giving her what she wanted. So we could figure this out. But suddenly the door opened and two familiar faces made their way inside. It was Jed and Nik, and both looked murderous. I was so screwed. I wasn’t going to get my chance to make this right…to explain. Shit. I’d say they had the worst fucking timing, but I was pretty sure they’d planned this.

“We’re closing up,” I told them, doing my best to feign confusion as to why they were here. Neither of them bought it.

“We’re staying here until she leaves,” Jed said, putting his hands in his pockets. He glowered at me and I actually shuddered under his gaze. I’d never seen him anything but laid back. He definitely looked scarier than hell right now. And Nik looked so damn pretty, it just pissed me off he was even alive.

“Jed? Nik?” Temperance asked, as she made her way out of the back room. She was carrying a broom in one hand and a rag in the other, but she stopped moving when she saw her brother and Nik standing in the store. “Why are you guys here?”

“Making sure you’re okay,” Jed replied and Temperance shot Nik a look.

And I knew.

She’d confided about me and everything we’d shared to Nik. Why the hell did she have to talk to him about it? Of all the people. Motherfucker. I was so furious I could barely see straight.

“Well, we’re closing up,” she told them, purposefully avoiding my angry gaze.

“We’ll wait right here,” Nik said, lowering himself into a chair. Jed didn’t even bother to pretend like he was relaxed. Instead he cracked his knuckles as he watched me.

If I left tonight without a broken nose, I’d be a lucky man. Not that I didn’t deserve it. I’d fucked up big time. I should have never let this go as far as it had with Temperance in the first place. She might have suggested casual sex, but I should have stopped it. Or I should have at least explained why I was so closed off to having a relationship in the first place. Instead I realized, and realized too late, that I’d just made her feel used and worthless. And that wasn’t the case. I cared about her more than I should have let myself.

“Did you tell him yet?” Nik asked casually, bringing my mind to the present. My eyes shot over to Temperance, whose knuckles were white from grasping the broom handle so tightly.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head and my heart dropped. I leaned against the counter because the whole room felt like it was spinning.

“Well, get to it then,” Nik said softly and if I wasn’t feeling like I was going to faint I would have punched him in the mouth.

Her eyes skimmed the floor before shooting over to Jed and Nik. I saw them both nod reassuringly to her and I swallowed harshly. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. I was powerless to stop it and I knew that in the end someone was going to end up broken. It was probably going to be me. I didn’t think I’d make it out of this in one piece.

She cleared her throat. I didn’t want to hear it. It was too fucking soon. I wasn’t done with her yet. We’d just started.

“I don’t think…” Temperance began before clearing her throat again and blinking rapidly. “…I don’t think this is going to work anymore.”

The last few words were expelled on a heavy breath and I clenched my jaw shut. This was beyond fucked up.

“I think that this needs to be the end of whatever this was,” she added, her voice trembling.

“And you’re telling me this now?” I asked with barely restrained anger. I had a feeling Nik was the reason for this sudden decision. While I knew Temperance was leaning in that direction, I was pretty sure Nik had pushed her to make it final. He probably wanted her all to himself.

I pushed away from the counter and took a step toward her, causing her to flinch. Jesus, she was acting like I’d been abusing her this whole time. I’d never ever hurt her physically, although I was pretty sure I’d broken her heart. Which was fair because she was breaking mine.

I saw Jed move toward me, but he stopped when Temperance held up her hand.

I didn’t move toward her again, the chasm between us so wide I could barely make her out anymore. I ran my fingers through my hair and directed my question to her and her only. “Was this your decision? Or did Nik put you up to this?”

Temperance’s eyes opened widely and I saw Nik stand up angrily, his chair scooting noisily across the wood floors.

“Back off,” Nik said lowly. “Or I’m going to fuck you up.”

“I’d like to see you try, pretty boy,” I growled. “I’d break your face in half…”

“It was my decision,” Temperance said, interrupting both of us. I could hear the hurt in her voice at my insinuation.

“I know things got weird last night, but it doesn’t mean it has to end. We can make it work,” I said softly, not wanting her to leave just yet. I wanted a chance to talk to her in private without her two goons looking over our shoulders.

“I don’t think we can. You can’t give me what I want and that’s…that’s okay…”

“The hell it is,” Jed muttered but we both ignored him. I really hated having a fucking audience right now. I wanted to be alone with her so I could explain.

“What do you want then?” I asked. I had to know.

“I want all of you…but I know…I know you can’t give that to me because of Sophia…”

“Shit,” I muttered. “It’s more than that, just let me explain,” I added, but Nik was striding over to us, snapping my barely contained restraint.

“Come on, Temperance,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go.”

“But I have to clean up…” she began, but Nik cut her off when his lips descended onto her forehead. His damn eyes were on me the entire time his lips were on her, like he was challenging me. I saw red. I hadn’t liked him from the moment I’d met him. This only solidified what an ass he was.

“Motherfucker.” I growled, my eyes on Nik. “You put her up to this. I know you did. You’ve wanted her for yourself ever since you came back into town.”

“Damien,” Temperance began, but I didn’t listen to her, instead I advanced on him like he was my prey.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” I muttered and fear registered in his eyes before Temperance stepped away from his embrace.

“Stop provoking him, Nik,” she said, pressing that beautiful hand to my chest. It stopped me from following through on my promise to put Nik in his grave. I froze in my tracks and glanced at Temperance. She looked so damn gorgeous. I was going to miss knowing that she was mine, even if it had been fleeting.

“And stop threatening my friends,” she said, her eyes wide and full of unshed tears. “Let’s go talk in private.”

“What’s there left to say?” I asked, suddenly feeling very depressed.

“Come on,” she said softly, putting her hand in mine and tugging me to the back room.

When we were finally away from Nik and Jed’s prying ears, I felt the heavy weight of sadness roll over me. It was finally coming to an end and I wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Do you really want to do this?” I asked, trying to pretend that I wasn’t breaking inside.

“No, but I have to. I need to get out before it becomes too hard to do so later. I need to save myself.”

“You sound like I’m some kind of natural disaster,” I said defensively.

“You kind of are, Damien. This whole thing kind of crashed into me unexpectedly and now I know if I stay I’m going to be destroyed.”

“What if I could explain…” I was grasping at straws now, but I was feeling desperate.

“Explain what? I already know everything I need to know. You can’t love me. Right?”

I swallowed harshly. “ I can’t,” I nearly whispered. Even though that was a lie. I was pretty sure I was headed in that direction.

“Then it’s over because I stupidly fell…” she bit down on her bottom lip as she cleared her throat. “…I stupidly fell in love with you along the way.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” I replied, wanting to reach out for her, but stopped myself.

“It is when I knew you couldn’t love me back. I should have never started this with you.”

“Don’t say that,” I replied, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand.

“I’m going to help you close up and then I’m going to go,” she said blinking rapidly.

“I don’t want you to go,” I said quietly and her eyes widened slightly, a tear slipping down her cheek. She swiped at it furiously and my heart sank.

“Don’t say shit like that to me, Damien. You’re confusing me. You’ve been confusing me this whole time, pretending to care.”

“What?” I asked defensively, frustration replacing the sadness. “I don’t want you to go. I’m going to miss what we had.”

“Sex, you mean. You’re going to miss the sex,” she snapped, suddenly furious.

“Yes,” I said quickly, knowing she misunderstood. “But…”

“Fuck you, Damien,” she said as another tear slid down her cheek. She didn’t even bother to wipe this one away.

“Tempie…” I said. “Wait…”

“Don’t call me that. Only my friends call me that and you’re not my friend,” she said bitterly.

My chest ached and I rubbed the spot over my heart. Somehow that comment hurt even worse. “So now we’re not even friends?”

Her eyes narrowed at me. “We were never friends. I wasn’t anything more than a place for you to stick your dick.”

The venom in her words caused my chest to constrict. “That’s not…”

“You can find that with anyone. Just pick up any one of those girls who throw themselves at you. I’m sure you’ll be just fine. And they won’t bother you with things like…like love.”

“I don’t want other girls. Fuck, Temperance,” I made sure to say her name harshly, emphasizing the fact that we obviously weren’t friends.

“No you don’t. Obviously. You want Sophia, but Sophia doesn’t love you anymore. You’re so stuck on her that you can’t see what’s in front of you.”

“Don’t talk about her,” I said my voice growing hoarse.

“Why not? She’s the reason this is ending. You’ve made that very clear.”

Temperance was so angry now that all I could do was blink. Even though her words hurt, she looked amazing like this, all fire and ice. I wanted her even now. Before I could tell her that, she shook her head.

“I’m done,” she said softly, the fight suddenly dying within her. “I promised I wouldn’t give up, but I can’t do it any more. I’m going home. You can close up yourself. I’m done.”

And then she was gone.

And there was nothing I could do to stop her.

***

When I got home, I felt like a zombie. My eyes felt heavy and my chest hurt and I felt like the whole world was turning in molasses. Everything was in slow motion and I was suddenly transported back to the time when Sophia had initially been diagnosed with brain cancer…and later when she finally died. I felt the same way as I did now. I hated feeling like time would never start again and I’d be stuck like this forever. Except now I knew I’d eventually learn to move on. The problem was I didn’t want to.

I slowly ascended the stairs to the second story. When I passed by Temperance’s room, I saw Deidre reading in bed, the soft glow of the lamp illuminating the red highlights in her hair. I tried to quicken my steps so I wouldn’t have to talk to her, but she caught me.

“Hey,” she said softly. “You just missed Temperance.”

Just hearing her name had me cringing. Deidre caught the movement because her eyebrows bunched in question. “You okay?”