Authors: Karen Rose Smith
"Look. I got burnt last time
around, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn something from it."
Nathan's silence told Linc he
wanted him to back off. But they'd been friends for too many years. "I
know you, Nathan. I know what you've gone through with Leona and her father
and the girls. Just because you made a mistake once, doesn't mean you'll make
it again. You've changed over the past two years."
Gillian had told him the same
thing. Maybe he had changed. But what had he changed into? A man who cared
about his daughters, certainly, but what else? He'd focused on his girls and
his work. He'd closed out everyone except Linc. He'd lost his belief in
marriage because obviously he hadn't known how to be married. He'd lost trust
in the power of love because he'd never felt its power, and now he wondered if
it had any.
He believed in what he could touch
and feel and see, not in some dream. He'd changed, all right. He'd become
realistic. Yet when he looked at Gillian, held her, kissed her... Hell!
Gratitude and hormones didn't add up to anything more than sentimentality.
He'd better separate them, and he'd better do it fast.
Finishing the soda, he crunched the
can in his palm and tossed it into the trash bag on the towel. He heard Dana
ask Gillian, "Can we stay up 'till you leave tonight?"
Gillian responded with a smile.
"If you can keep your eyes open."
Nathan straightened.
"Gillian, I'd appreciate it if the girls need permission for something
they ask me. You're not their mother."
Linc muttered something under his
breath. A wave broke on the shore, then another. Gulls screeched. And
everyone stayed perfectly still, except Maddie, who shoveled sand into her
bucket.
Then Gillian spoke. "I'm well
aware of that, Nathan. I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds." Her voice
was soft but carried like a sonic boom. For a moment, her eyes grew shiny.
She ducked her head and went to her beach towel, rummaging in her bag for
something.
As soon as the words were out of
his mouth, Nathan had known he'd made a mistake. The hurt in Gillian's eyes
proved it.
Linc boldly stepped into the
awkwardness. "Nathan, why don't you finish the sand castle with the
girls. Gillian and I will go to the house and get supper started."
Maddie piped up, "Windows,
Daddy. Do windows."
His daughter's speech had improved
vastly in six months. He couldn't believe she was directing him in how to
build the sand castle. But right now he felt as if he were standing on ground
even less stable than sand. Nathan glanced at Gillian but she was still
rummaging in her bag. He sat down next to Maddie and poked a window into one
of the sand mounds.
Linc patted Gillian's shoulder.
"C'mon. Let's go up to the house."
Gillian slowly came to her feet.
If she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, her tears
wouldn't blind her. Nathan couldn't have hurt her more if he'd slapped her.
Linc seemed to understand that
Gillian needed time to compose herself as they climbed the steps, walked
through the yard, and went into the kitchen. Gillian stood inside the door,
not sure what to do next.
Linc poured two glasses of lemonade
and took them to the table. "Nathan didn't mean what he said."
Gillian felt her skin cooling in
the air-conditioned house and shivered. "He sounded as if he did."
Linc shook his head and sat down.
"He's fighting having feelings again."
Gillian sank down into a chair
across the table. "He loves his daughters."
"There's no doubt about that.
But I'm talking about feelings for you. Can I ask you something?"
She nodded.
"How do you feel about
Nathan?"
"I feel too much, and I wish I
didn't," she said in a low voice.
"Why?"
"Because once before I fell in
love with a man who had an ex-wife in the wings. They reconciled. I had
become close to his son...." Gillian shook her head.
"You think Nathan and Leona
will get back together?"
"It's possible."
Linc took a few swallows of
lemonade. "From what I know of Nathan and Leona, I can't see it. Maybe
you're telling yourself they might get back together because you're afraid of
taking a risk as much as Nathan is."
Gillian thought about it. Yes, she
was afraid to commit to a man again, especially a man who couldn't make a
commitment to her. "I don't even know if I'm going to stay in L.A."
"What if Nathan asks you to
stay?"
If Nathan asked her to stay, it
would be a sign that he did care about her. The problem was she wanted more
than caring. She wanted love and commitment and forever. If he asked her to
stay? "I'd stay." She pushed her glass back and forth on the
table. "Have I overstepped my bounds with the girls?"
"No! It's obvious they like
you. They turned to you so naturally. You're not doing anything wrong,
Gillian. Both you and Nathan simply have to come to terms with what's
happening between you and decide whether or not you're willing to take some
risks."
"You've given me a lot to
think about." She pushed her chair back. "Maybe I should talk to
Nathan about the girls."
Linc motioned to their glasses.
"Finish your lemonade. It won't hurt Nathan to stew a while."
"Linc!"
"Well, it won't." He
gave Gillian a sly smile. "He put himself in the doghouse, let him sit
there until after supper."
"But..."
Linc's smile vanished.
"Gillian, he needs some time. Trust me."
What did she have to lose? This
was where the risk-taking started. If she loved Nathan, she'd better get used
to it.
#
Gillian hated the awkwardness
between her and Nathan as well as the tension. Throughout supper they'd
avoided each other's eyes. As he'd flown a kite with Dana, she'd entertained
Maddie and stayed out of his way. But now with the sun setting, and Dana and
Maddie ensconced in front of the television with a Disney movie, the silence
between them was obvious.
Linc asked, "How about a game
of cards?"
Nathan stood. "Actually, I'd
like to stretch my legs before we leave. Gillian, would you like to go for a
walk on the beach?"
The question came as a surprise.
All evening, Gillian had thought Nathan wanted to get away from her, not spend
time with her. "But the girls..."
"Will be fine where they
are," Linc reassured her. "I'll bet in five minutes they'll be
curled up on the floor asleep. I'll be here with them. You two go."
Nathan went to his daughters and
told them he and Gillian were going for a short walk.
Dana asked, "And Uncle Linc is
staying here?"
"Yes. We'll be back before
the movie is over."
"Promise?"
He gave his daughter a tight hug.
"I promise."
Maddie wanted a hug, too, although
her eyes were droopy. Nathan kissed both his daughters, then waited until they
were settled on the rug.
As he crossed to Gillian, he
checked his watch. "I want to make sure we're back."
Gillian said softly, "We will
be."
As they walked down the stone
steps, Nathan took her arm. She remembered the last time they'd been here. He
had been preoccupied with finding his daughters, and she'd realized how
attracted she was to him. The breeze blew her tiered peasant skirt around her
legs. The full short sleeves of her blouse wafted around her arms.
Nathan guided her to the edge of
the shore where they could walk more easily. They strolled in silence, the
night sounds of the ocean emphasizing the gulf between them.
Abruptly Nathan stopped. "I'm
sorry."
Tears pricked Gillian's eyes, and
she tried to blink them away. The emotion they brought with them stuck in her
throat, making her voice husky. "I don't know what you want from me,
Nathan."
With a groan of frustration, he
roughly pulled her into his arms and crushed her mouth with his. He was hungry
and demanding. The gentleness he usually exhibited had no part in his kiss.
But the wildness of it ignited the primitive yearning in Gillian. She accepted
his tongue as it darted against hers, swept her mouth, then retreated only to
invade again. Her breath caught as he cupped her bottom and thrust
provocatively against her. It happened so fast she had no time to erect
defenses or guard her heart.
As suddenly as he'd pulled her into
his arms, he released her. Though he'd dropped his hands, he stood close
enough that she could feel his breath on her mouth still wet from his kiss. It
was an exciting sensation, almost as exciting as the passion in his eyes
catching the light of the moon and stars.
"I suppose I should apologize
for that, too."
Her hands trembled, but she reached
out and took another risk by stroking his jaw. "Not if it was as honest
as it felt."
He took her hand and held it to his
cheek, his expression pained. "Honest. What an unusual word for a kiss.
Maybe it's the first honest kiss I've ever given. I don't know what I want
from you, Gillian. You're like one of those stars up there, burning with life
and compassion and gifts I can't begin to understand. I'm almost afraid to
touch you, but I can't seem to stay away."
The turmoil in his voice told her
he was feeling again. But she didn't know if one of those feelings was love.
"Do you want me to back off from the girls?"
"No!" He kissed her
palm, and shivers skipped up her arm. "This afternoon I was taking my
confusion out on you. You've been so good to them and for them. They need
someone besides me and Leona. They need you as a friend. So do I."
"A friend, Nathan?"
He ran his thumb sensuously along
her lower lip. "A very good friend."
Nathan wanted more than friendship
and they both knew it. But how much more?
#
Sunday evening, water splashed
Gillian in the face. She raised her head and saw Maddie grinning at her as the
little girl played in the shallow end of the pool with inflatable floats on her
arms. "Hey, you. Maybe I don't want to be a fish like you."
Maddie giggled and splashed Gillian
again. In the deep end, Nathan tossed a sponge ball to Dana. She captured it
and threw it to Gillian. Gillian caught it above her head just as the phone
rang.
"I'll get it. Dana, go over
to the shallow end with Gillian." As Nathan vaulted onto the patio with
the ease and strength of an athlete, Dana swam toward Maddie.
After their walk on the beach last
night, Nathan had invited Gillian to come today for supper and a swim. She
knew she was tempting heartache, but she loved being with him and his
daughters.
Gillian looked up at him as he
picked up the wireless phone. His gaze held hers and he gave her a smile that
weakened her knees. The smile disappeared as he listened to the person on the
other end of the line.
Nathan motioned Gillian to the
phone. She couldn't imagine who could want to talk to her.
When she reached Nathan, he handed
her the wireless. "Jake Donovan."
Her heart beat faster as she said,
"Hello?"
"Gillian, I need your
help."
"My help?"
"I just got a call from a
friend. His daughter disappeared this afternoon. They live in the canyons.
She's four. Apparently her mother was taking a nap and she managed to unlock
the door and go outside. Her parents are frantic. A search party has been
combing the area for the last few hours but with darkness falling, her father
is desperate. Can you drive up here and see what you can do?"
"Mr. Donovan..."
"I know how you helped Nathan.
I know how you've helped others. It's a little girl. She's probably hungry
and getting cold."
Compassion, guilt, the need to use
her "gift" to help someone filled her as they always did. She
remembered the night when Dana had gone outside on her own. And as usual, she
couldn't say no. "Give me directions."
Although he'd been keeping his eyes
on his daughters, Nathan heard her and reached for the legal pad and pen on the
table next to him. Gillian took them and scribbled down the location.
"Who should I look for once I get there?"
Nathan listened as Gillian asked
appropriate questions getting the information she needed. She was methodical
and matter of fact, and he realized she'd done this many times before.
When she switched off the phone,
she said, "I have to get changed and go."
"I want to go with you."
"No, you don't. You'd have to
sit somewhere, waiting, for who knows how long. It's almost the girls'
bedtime."
He scowled. "I could call
Linc."
Her gaze drifted from his lips to
his bare chest, and she knew she had to tell him the truth. "Nathan, you
won't be any help and you might even hinder what I have to do. I have to stay
focused on this little girl and if you're there, that might be harder to
do."
He stroked her cheek. "I'm
glad I distract you. But I don't like letting you go alone. You're sure
you'll be all right?"
"Mr. Donovan will be there.
I'll be fine."
"Come back here when it's
over."
"Nathan, I'll probably be
tired..."
"Come back here." His
blue eyes searched her face, and he stood very still as he waited for her
answer.
Softly she said, "I'll come
here. But don't wait up. I don't know when I'll be back."
#
As Gillian followed the directions
Jake Donovan had given her, she thought about Nathan's request and smiled.
Maybe this time she could follow her heart without getting hurt. Maybe this
time... But she remembered Nathan's question at Disneyland.
Why can't we
simply enjoy each other?
And he hadn't responded when she answered that
she wanted a man who could love her for a lifetime. Did his non-response mean
he couldn't do it?