Nathan's Vow (13 page)

"Why didn't Daddy come
sooner?"

Gillian understood the hurt in
Dana's voice.  "He couldn't find you."

The child's voice trembled. 
"He shoulda."

All the explanations in the world
wouldn't help.  Gillian knew Dana had felt abandoned by Nathan even though she
was the one who'd gone away.  Knowing the facts was one thing.  Feeling the
repercussions of them was another.  Nathan's daughter had missed him for six
long months, and it would take time for that loss to heal.

She could only offer Dana
reassurance.  "Your daddy loves you very much.  He missed you as much as
you missed him.  All he wants now is to play with you and talk with you and
tuck you into bed at night."

Dana laid her head against
Gillian's shoulder.

The gesture of trust tugged at
Gillian's heart, and she tilted her head against the child's.  "He wants
to make up for the time he's missed.  Can you give him a chance to do
that?"

She felt Dana's small I-don't-know
shrug.

"Gillian?  Dana?" 
Nathan's husky baritone floated to them from a few feet away.

"We're fine," Gillian
assured him.

He called across the yard. 
"Leona.  Over here."

"He's gonna be mad," Dana
murmured close to Gillian's ear.

"Let me talk to him a
minute."  Gillian turned toward Nathan.

He said in a low voice, "You
don't have to talk to me.  I heard what she said.  I just don't know what to do
about it."

His words near her ear were
intimate and created more of a bond between them.  But it was a bond that could
hurt her.  Although she wanted to keep her distance, she couldn't ignore his
pain.  "Give her time and love and she'll come around."

Nathan reached for his daughter. 
"Come here, honey.  I'll lift you down."

"I can do it myself."

Gillian heard Nathan's sharp intake
of breath and felt the rejection he experienced.  She wished she could tell him
that Dana would trust him again soon, that her anger would disappear.  But she
couldn't.

Dana climbed from the tree and
touched her feet to the ground as Leona reached them.  Bending, she hugged her
daughter tightly.  "Sweetheart, you could have gotten hurt out here alone
at night.  Promise me you'll never do that again."

Dana didn't answer.

Nathan crouched down beside her,
stroking her hair behind her ear.  "Honey, what you did was dangerous. 
Running away never solves a problem.  If something's wrong, I want you to tell
me."

Dana averted her gaze from her
father's.

He closed his eyes for a moment,
and Gillian hurt for him.  Nathan might want a reunion with his daughters, but
Dana was going to fight him every step of the way.

#

"You want them to live with
you for the summer?"

"It's only fair, Leona. 
You've had them exclusively for six months.  I'm asking for half that
time."

Leona walked to the edge of the
patio and sat at a table under a blue and white striped umbrella.  She wore a
lime-green sundress, her shoulders tan and bare in the heat of the afternoon. 
When Nathan looked at her, he was still angry that she could have kept Dana and
Maddie from him all those months.  But that was all he felt.  She was a
beautiful woman, but no desire stirred.  Not the way it did with Gillian. 
There was still a bond with Leona because of the girls, but it wasn't the
caring, intense bond that connected him to Gillian.  He couldn't explain the
physical pull toward her or his acceptance of her gift.  He simply knew Gillian
was honest, straightforward, and held no hidden agenda.  She was so different
from Leona.  So much stronger.

"You hate me, don't you?"
Leona asked in a faint voice.

"I hate what you
did
. 
I don't hate you."

"This wasn't Father's fault. 
I decided to take Dana and Maddie on my own.  I was afraid if you sued for
joint custody, eventually you'd want full custody.  When you decided to be an
involved father, Nathan, you were good at it.  They enjoyed their time with you
so much, I thought they'd want to live with you."

Leona brushed her hair away from
her face, a gesture Nathan had once found provocative.  Now it didn't provoke
anything but the knowledge that he'd fallen for outside packaging, not the
woman beneath the polished facade.  Gillian didn't have a facade.  She was
genuine, from the compassion glowing in her brown eyes to her honest responses
to his questions and desires.

He dragged a chair from the table
with his sneaker and sat across from his ex-wife.  "Over the years I might
have questioned your love for me, but I never questioned your love for the
girls.  They wouldn't want to live with me exclusively.  They'd miss you too
much."

Leona's eyes glistened with unshed
tears.  "I never should have married you.  It wasn't fair to either of
us.  I cared about you, but I was rebelling against Father, too.  And I never
felt the grand passion that I know now..."  She stopped abruptly as if
she'd said too much.

Nathan's first reaction was a sense
of betrayal.  But then he realized he hadn't felt "grand" passion,
either.  Maybe his ability to love had been too limited by his upbringing. 
Maybe he was never meant to love the way a man and woman should in a marriage. 
It sounded as if Leona had met someone who made the world tilt and bells ring. 
And he suspected who that someone was.

"I know about Jean
Watteau."

Her mouth rounded and she snapped
it shut.  "Gillian?"

He shook his head.  "My
private investigator.  How serious is it?"

Leona hesitated and studied the
tips of her pink nails.  "I don't know.  Yet.  But I do know Jean makes me
feel...whole.  You and I never did that for each other."

She was right.  Emptiness had been
with him ever since he was a small boy, as if something important had always
been missing from his life.  An unsettling thought hit him.  "You're not
going to move here, are you?"

"I'm taking one day at a
time.  Jean hasn't met Father yet..."

"Arthur would approve.  From
what I understand Watteau has the upbringing and the fortune your father would
choose for you."

She raised her head.  "I don't
love...like Jean for his upbringing or his money."

Nathan leaned forward, knowing that
the same way he had faced truths about his responsibility in the failure of
their marriage, Leona needed to do the same.  "Just as you have to stand
up to Arthur someday, you have to be honest with yourself.  Watteau's upbringing
and fortune are as much a part of him as my background and work ethic are a
part of me."

"You make me sound like a
snob!"

Nathan laughed, but without rancor
or malice.  "You are.  You always have been."

She looked insulted for a moment,
then smiled as the truth hit home.  "I guess you're right."

He relaxed in his chair. 
"Think about letting me have the girls for the summer."

Leona searched his face, then
nodded.  "I will."

#

Gillian heard the sound of Nathan's
laughter as she approached the double doors leading to the terrace, and her
heart sank.  Nathan and Leona would always have a bond between them--their
children.  Were they realizing now that their divorce had been a mistake?  That
they belonged together?

The questions were too painful. 
Instead of interrupting the tete a tete on the terrace, she decided to go for a
walk.  Maybe even a jog.  Yet she knew she couldn't run from the powerful
feelings Nathan evoked in her.  Hurrying up to her bedroom, she changed into a
tank top, running shorts and sneakers.

She'd no sooner let herself out the
front door when Dana called from the yard, "Gillian?  Come play with
us."

Early this morning, she'd come
downstairs to find Dana and Maddie in the playroom.  Maddie, with her rosy
cheeks and toddler grin, had plopped down next to Gillian and asked her to read
a story.  Before Gillian knew it, Dana had flipped off her baseball cap and was
sitting on the other side of her.  They'd read three books.  Gillian genuinely
enjoyed spending time with the little girls.

Now Collette beckoned to her as
well.  When she came within speaking distance, Gillian could see Collette's
face was red from exertion.  "I love taking care of children, but they
need someone younger to run after the ball.  Do you mind?"

Gillian took the soccer-type ball
from the older woman.  "No.  I can use the exercise."  She dropped it
to the ground and kicked it lightly toward Maddie.

Some time later, her own face hot
from laughing, running, and playing in the sun, she prepared to kick the ball,
saw Nathan standing behind Dana and missed.

Maddie jumped up and down. 
"Daddy, daddy.  Play?"

He smiled and looked at Dana. 
"Is that all right with you?"

"I guess," his older
daughter mumbled as she repositioned the bill of her cap.

The sun shone on Nathan's brown
hair, picking up reddish strands.  His navy polo shirt and shorts showed his
athletic physique to perfection. At Dana's less-than-enthusiastic response, his
smile flagged, and Gillian wanted to brush the worry from his brow.  Keeping
her distance was more difficult than she ever imagined it would be.

With Nathan involved in the game,
it got faster.  He was gentle with Dana and ran after Maddie when she scooted
after the ball, picking it up and squealing with delight.  As she tried to run
away with it, he caught her, tickled her, and tossed the ball back into play. 
When he shot it to Gillian, his sly smile and quick reflexes forced her to keep
her mind on the game.  Dana kicked the ball to Gillian.  Gillian ignored Nathan
and kicked it back to Dana.  Not quite ready, Dana propelled it with the side
of her foot.  Gillian went for it and collided into Nathan as his foot made
contact with the ball.

Her breath whooshed out of her as
his shoulder connected with hers, and his arm went around her to steady her. 
She looked up into his eyes and started shaking.  He was holding her
protectively, but there was nothing protective in the blue of his gaze.  It was
as steamy as the two of them emanating heat and desire the longer they held on
to each other.

Collette's voice penetrated the
haze surrounding them.  "Dana.  Maddie.  It's time to go in for a snack
and a rest.  Come.  Come."

As Dana grumbled, Nathan dropped
his arm from around Gillian and suggested, "Maybe we can play again later
this evening.  Your mom might want to join us."

"She won't play.  She doesn't
like to get her hair messed up," Dana said as she approached her father
with the ball.

"We can play again even if she
doesn't want to."

Dana's enthusiasm for the game
seemed to wane and she shrugged.

As the girls went inside with
Collette, he watched them and rubbed the back of his neck.  Gillian knew he did
that when he was worried or frustrated.  Finally he turned to her and asked,
"Would you like to go for a walk?"

Being close to him now would be a
mistake.  "I'd better not.  I could use a rest, too."

With the determination she'd
learned was part of his nature, he took her by the elbow and guided her to the
side of the house under the shade of the trees.  "I can understand Dana's
withdrawal.  But I don't understand yours.  What's wrong, Gillian?  Something
has changed between us."

She made herself meet his eyes and
steeled herself against their power.  "Nothing has changed, Nathan.  We
haven't known each other very long.  In a different place, with different
people, we're different."

"I don't buy it."

His stare was probing and
unsettling, so much so she blurted out, "I feel like an intruder.  You and
Leona have a history."

He took Gillian by the shoulders. 
"So we have a history.  What of it?"

"Dana and Maddie probably want
you to get back together again.  Kids always do."

The pressure on her shoulders
increased slightly though he kept his hold gentle.  "Leona and I have
talked to them about the divorce and told them it's not their fault.  They know
we're not going to live together anymore."

But what about the love?
Gillian's heart shouted.  She couldn't ask.

He must have seen the questions in
her eyes.  "Leona and I are divorced, Gillian.  That's that."

Brian had been divorced, too.

Nathan cupped her cheek in his hand. 
"Finding the girls doesn't mean you and I have to go our separate ways
when we get back."

She wanted to sway toward him, wind
her arms around his neck.  But her cautious self, the part of her betrayed by
Brian told her if they didn't go their separate ways, she'd get hurt.  "I
might be going home to Indiana soon."

His lips came closer to hers, and
he murmured, "Then we should take advantage of the time we have."

Was it that simple?  Why did she
need to look into the future?  Why did she want forever?

The questions stopped when he
claimed her mouth.  His lips moved hungrily over hers, as if they knew hers, as
if they needed hers, as if they knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her. 
But wanting could never be enough, could it?

That question was silenced, too, by
Nathan's arms enfolding her until she was tight against him.  He was so strong
and...lovable.  She didn't think he knew that.  He was so hard on himself.  He
didn't know how good a father he was, or how good a husband he could be. 
Whether he knew it or not, he'd changed as he'd developed a relationship with
his daughters.  This man could never ignore his children, even in the drive to
give them the best of everything.  Because now he knew the best he could give
them couldn't be bought, or earned, or judged by the income he made.  He could
only give them his best by giving them time and love.

His hand slipped under Gillian's
tank top, and she couldn't suppress a moan or the need she'd tried to ignore. 
She felt his shudder as his fingers met her bare skin, and for the first time
in her life she felt as if she had power over a man.  Nathan wanted
her--Gillian Moore.  He knew about her "gift" and seemed to accept it
as no one else in her life had.

But if she had power over him, he
had just as much power over her.  He scrambled her thoughts and emotions,
renewed childlike dreams, awakened desires she'd never known were a part of
her.  His lips and tongue and hands aroused an unknown hunger that frightened
her because it was strange and new, deep and primal.  She strained against him,
eager to discover why.

His hand left her back and passed
over her midriff.  When he backed away slightly, she wanted to protest until
his fingers traced the cup of her bra and she trembled from the intensity of
the sensations surging through her.  Her heart raced, her body ached, her
nipple hardened in expectation of more.  His long fingers passed over her
breast and...

"Nathan!  Nathan.  Father's on
the phone.  He wants to talk to you."  Leona's voice was strong and clear
as it soared to the side of the house from the front porch.

Nathan stepped back and swore. 
Gillian couldn't bear to look at him as she turned away and straightened her
top, her heart still pounding, her body still trembling.

He clasped her shoulder. 
"Gillian..."

"Go," she whispered. 
"It's important."  She felt rather than saw his hesitation.

As Leona called for him again, he
left Gillian by the side of the house and headed for the porch.

For a moment, Gillian had let
herself believe this time could be different.  For a moment, she'd let herself
dream again.  How foolish.  And how painful.

#

 Keeping to herself, Gillian went
for a walk, showered, then sat in her room reading.  But again it seemed beyond
her level of concentration.  When a heavy rap sounded on the door, butterflies
danced in her stomach.  She opened her bedroom door.

Nathan had changed, too.  He'd
rolled the sleeves of the soft chambray shirt to his elbows.  His jeans pulled
tight across his thighs, and she had to bring her gaze to his with an effort. 
Thinking about his body pressed against hers, his lips on hers, his hand on her
breast....  She swallowed hard.

"Can I come in?"

She could see the bed out of the
corner of her eye.  "That's not a good idea."

"Gillian, I need to talk to
you.  About leaving.  I'd like to fly out tomorrow."

She took a few steps back into the
room and clasped her hands in front of her.  "You've talked to Leona about
it?"

He came into the room and closed
the door.  "And the girls.  Leona's going to stay here for another week or
so.  She wants to pack up and get her affairs in order."

Gillian glanced at the closed door,
then at Nathan who seemed to take up most of the space let alone the oxygen. 
"How do the girls feel about it?"

Digging his hands into his pockets,
he sighed.  "They seem okay.  Dana's still not saying much, at least not
to me.  I'm hoping that will change once we're back in L.A.  I'll take off the
next two weeks to spend with them."  He paused.  "They were asking
for you a little while ago."

Nathan's jeans were worn white at
provocative places.  She felt her cheeks growing hot as she pictured him in a
bathing suit, as she pictured him...  "I needed time to myself."

Not letting her off the hook, he
persisted, "Because of what happened earlier?"

She blew out a breath and went over
to the window, opening it wider.  "Because of lots of things.  How did
your call go with Mr. Carrero?"

"You're changing the
subject," he said to her back.

Straightening the folds of the
curtain, she responded, "To an important one considering your history with
him.  Unless you don't want to discuss it."

"Leona told him the truth
about our divorce.  He wanted me to know he wouldn't interfere in my work
again."

Gillian faced him.  "Sheffield and Babbock?"

"Yes.  He didn't apologize.  That's
not Arthur's style.  But he did say he'd right the matter."  Nathan took a
step closer to her.  "Gillian..."

Panicking, she went to the closet
and pulled out her suitcase.  "I'd better start packing."

His voice was husky.  "You
didn't bring that much."

"I don't like to wait until
the last minute."

"It will soon be time for
dinner."

"Have the girls call
me."  Lifting her suitcase onto the bed, she unzipped it and avoided
Nathan's gaze.  She heard him open and close the door, then she sat down on the
bed, wishing she could see her own future, trying to convince herself she
hadn't fallen in love.

#

On the plane the next day, Nathan
helped Maddie get settled in the seat by the window, fitting a headset on her
head so she could listen to the movie's soundtrack.  He turned to help Gillian,
but found she and Dana had already settled in the two seats in the middle
aisle.

He was grateful the girls had taken
to Gillian so easily.  He was grateful to her for a lot of things.  Maybe
that's what the passion was all about--a good dose of chemistry mixed with
gratitude.  Potent stuff.  Maybe she was right to back off.  But her remoteness
didn't feel right.  For a man who'd never known how to be close to a woman, he
wanted the closeness back that they'd experienced while they were putting
together clues, facing Arthur, searching.

"That man's not at his
window.  Can I sit there?" Dana asked in a voice that carried through the
cabin.

Nathan was about to release his
seatbelt when the gentleman in question, dressed in a western snap-button
shirt, jeans and tooled boots, looked over at Gillian and Dana and smiled. 
Nathan recognized the look as the man's gaze passed over Gillian.  He was
interested. 

The man stood and invited Dana and
Gillian to move to the window aisle.  "I do this often.  You'll get a lot
more pleasure watching the clouds than I will."

Gillian released her seat belt. 
"You're sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all," he drawled
in a Texas accent thick enough for a Frenchman to recognize it.

Nathan openly eavesdropped as the
seat exchange took place and the man placed his Stetson on the empty cushion
beside him.  After Gillian had buckled herself in, the man offered her his hand
and introduced himself.  Gillian reciprocated.  The man held Gillian's hand
much too long, in Nathan's estimation.  He was also much too friendly as he
made conversation with her until they took off.  She didn't seem remote or
flustered with him.  In fact, she looked enamored as the Texan described some
of the sights he'd visited in Paris.

Nathan couldn't hear Gillian's
responses, but he could see the animation on her face as she spoke.  His gut
twisted.  How could she be so friendly to someone she'd just met?  Didn't she
know better?  The guy looked all right.  About his own age.  About as tall.  Of
course, add the damned hat--

Gillian laughed at something the
man said.  Nathan would know that lilting sound anywhere.  She hadn't laughed
much around him.  But then they hadn't had much to laugh about.  Now...

Now what?  She'd backed off.  The girls
were staying with him.  Time alone with Gillian would be practically
impossible.  And if they had time alone, then what?  Gillian had made it clear
she wasn't interested in sex.  He didn't have more to offer than a physical
relationship.  Trust was too much of an issue.  Look at what he was feeling
now.  Jealousy.  Pure and simple.  If that guy patted Gillian's arm one more
time....

By the time they reached New York, Dana and Maddie had napped but were restless, bored and cranky.  Nathan felt
unsettled and downright cranky, too, but told himself the car and plane ride
wore on adults as well as children.  After they went through customs, he picked
up Maddie and carried her.  She laid her head on his shoulder.  Her arms around
his neck took away his fatigue from the trip.  He had his daughters with him
again.  Dana held Gillian's hand, and he wished he could carry her as well, but
he knew she wouldn't let him even though her eyelids were as droopy as her
sister's.

Nathan waited for Gillian to come
up beside him.  "The girls did better than I expected.  I thought about
staying in New York overnight, but they'll probably sleep on the flight to L.A.  I think they'd rather wake up tomorrow at home."