Naked Hope (18 page)

But she rushed in. “Gavin.” She planted kisses like seedlings into his neck. “You are arrogant, at times domineering…” She rendered more kisses, all the while continuing her softly uttered insults. “But I wouldn’t have you any other way. Of course, I’m your girl.”

****

The hour was late in the afternoon when they rolled into the Fairfield drive. He saw Jill’s tightly folded hands and the set of her jaw. “You’re apprehensive,” he observed.

She nodded. “The conversation I’m holding with you and your family tonight is about Olivia and the structure she’ll need.”

“You think I won’t like what you have to say.” His stomach tightened.

“I think this new routine—these requirement—will be challenging for all of you.”

He tapped the steering wheel. “You’re in charge. I’ll follow your lead and support you any way I can.”

“To be very clear, you will not be supporting me.”

He flicked his wrist. “I meant I understand the difference between the time we just spent together, and your role as someone who enforces

”

“I won’t enforce.” Her gaze zeroed in on his eyes. “I set the protocol. She’ll be working with an entire team. Her teachers will teach, her therapists will guide her and direct you, analysts will interpret the data, and everything rolls up to me. But no one at the institute enforces.” She dipped her chin. “That’s up to you.”

His jaw ticked. “But you determine whether your protocol is being followed. Whether Olivia remains eligible for your program.”

“Yes.”

He sighed, aware the magic of their weekend transformed from reality into memory, the moment she said
yes
.

****

They gathered around the oval table in the Lawrence’s study. Jill looked into the expectant the eyes of Lawrence, Edith, Baines, and finally Gavin, detailing what would be required of them as Olivia’s support system. “Let her do things herself. Give her room to work them out. Set boundaries. Be there. Love her. And the biggest change and greatest challenge for each of you will be to understand there is to be no mention of her music.”

Gavin’s eyebrow jumped.

“Olivia translates every mention of music into pressure.” Jill folded her hands on the tabletop. “Pressure becomes expectation. When she can’t meet what she perceives as the expectation of others, she becomes frustrated and depressed. From this point forward, she is not Olivia the child prodigy—the musician. She is Olivia, a ten-year old girl who needs to get back her childhood. You’ll all help her reestablish an appropriate level of independence and find constructive ways to express herself—verbally and behaviorally.”

Edith leaned forward. “She often joins Gavin in the music hall and tries to play. Should access be restricted?”

Gavin turned away.

Jill nodded, noting Gavin’s withdrawal with an impatience she tried not to show. “Excellent question. If she’s always had access to the music hall, then that should continue. If she sits at the piano to play, and this is consistent with what she did before, that can continue but shouldn’t be encouraged. If she plays and becomes frustrated, suggest she find something else to do, just as you would with any other child.”

Gavin whirled. “But she’s
not
any other ch

” He clamped his mouth shut.

Jill slid her hands under her legs to keep from showing her impatience. “Very true. She’s not like any other child. She’s a child who has TBI, and who needs support to discover who she is today.”

“So, if she asks me for help, or to listen to her play, what should I do?”

His mouth tightened and he looked as if he might be sick. “Are you talking specifically about music?”

He nodded.

She gripped the seat of her chair. “Let her know you’ll be happy to help her find a project or some other distraction. She may become frustrated and keep at you. If she does, you need to be the parent, and inform her you expect her to move on to some other activity.”

Edith cleared her throat. “I struggle to think of her differently—we’re so used to the child being a musical phenomenon.”

Jill noticed her lids looked heavy with a deeply held grief. “You already have fifteen months of experience under your belt thinking of Olivia differently than before the accident. Starting tomorrow, you’ll make yet another shift, because the time has come for Olivia to discover who she is, now.”

“But how?” Gavin’s jaw ticked as he raked his hand through his hair.

“By doing what you all do best—by loving her. By being a father—one who sets boundaries and gives instruction appropriate for a ten-year old child—and who has absolutely no musical expectation of her.” Jill paused and made eye contact with each of them before continuing. “This will help her to heal emotionally, intellectually, and artistically as she comes to terms with the many losses she’s sustained at such a young age, not the least of which is her creative expression.”

She placed her hand over the top of his. “Olivia has your temperament, Gavin. She expects a great deal of herself. Her self-imposed pressure is greater even than what she perceives from you. If you encourage her or try to work with her, the result will be disastrous.”

When the meeting was over, Jill left the room, exhausted and glad to be done.

They were quiet during the return trip. Occasionally, one would say something, but for the most part, they maintained a sober silence.

Once he said, “No web cam. No camera on your tablet, either?”

Relieved he still wanted to stay in touch after what they’d just been through, she answered, “No, but I’ll get something worked out.”

He glanced her way. “You’re absolutely certain about this ten-week thing?”

Her stomach flipped.
He’s actually going to accept this.
She sighed and tipped her head back. “Not at all. And absolutely.”

He reached for her hand and kissed her fingertips.

At her door, he held her close and spoke low into her ear. “Jillian, you want me to stop hoping because it creates an expectation too burdensome for Liv to manage. I get that. But you’re wrong about one thing. I
can
have hope without expectation. I’ll follow your protocol to the letter, but I’ll never,
ever
give up hope. Not even for you.”

Her chest constricted and she pulled away. The loss of his warmth collided with her words and caught in her throat. “Oh, Gavin…”

“Listen to me, Jillian. I haven’t told you this before, but I’m telling you now. I know from personal experience what being cut off from music is like. I wasn’t much older than Liv is now when I knew music was the only thing that mattered. But my parents cut me off. Dad wanted me to go into the family business and Mother, well, she had her own reasons for wanting me to forget about music. The story is long and ugly and not worth going into right now. My point is Liv tries to play every day. I have to believe she still longs to be a musician. If there’s any chance she can get back her talent, then that’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

He kissed her like the lover he’d become, and left, the car’s engine roaring in the still night. She wondered how she could be apart from him for ten weeks, and just how soon the whole thing would blow up in their faces. He intended to keep his promise.

But would he be able to?

Chapter Fourteen

When she arrived home from the first day of the fall term, she spotted a man waiting outside her door.

“Hi, Dr. Cole? You should have gotten an email from a Mr. Fairfield. You know him?” The guy’s eyebrows rose. “Anyway, I’m Tom, the tech guy, here to deliver a new smart phone, tablet, and laptop.”

Jill gaped.

“So, if you’ll point me in the right direction, I’ll get started.”

“Everything’s upstairs,” she said, pointing to the stairs and wondering whether she was more impressed with Gavin’s ability to take swift action or irritated he hadn’t given her a head’s up.

In her loft, he said, “We’ll put some extra firewall protection to make sure your web-camming and face time is private. Shouldn’t take me too long.”

That night as Jill looked into Gavin’s grainy face via webcam, she saw how much he already missed her, too. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “You’re full of surprises.”

He grinned and rubbed his five o’clock shadow. “You were busy with the term starting, and I wanted to see you tonight. So, I called in a few favors. They told me Tom’s the best.”

“Very thoughtful of you, Gavin. Thank you.”

“Liv couldn’t stop talking about school today. She says Wonder’s a big hit.”

“Wonder’s not the only big hit. Olivia’s team is already quite impressed with her. Dr. Lauren told me she had a solid start.” Jill twisted the sapphire stud in her ear. “I couldn’t be happier.”

“Really? You couldn’t be happier?” Gavin drew his eyebrows together.

“About Olivia,” she amended.

He tapped the screen. “This isn’t the same.”

Her gaze rested on the grainy resolution of Gavin’s full mouth. She reached out to trace it, but dropped her hand. This was only day one of seventy-three. How much harder would this be tomorrow? And the next day? And the day after that? She breathed in, hoping she sounded reassuring. “But yet so much better than if I could only hear your voice.”

“Try the new phone.”

“What?”

“Stay connected, but use the face-to-face feature on the phone and then set it where I can see your profile. That way I’ll get to see more of you.”

Pleasure wreathed its way through her body as she reached for the phone and activated the app. “You have a greedy streak.”

Grinning, he reached for his phone, but abruptly clicked off and shook his head. “Having more than one view of you just makes me miss you more.” He leaned forward into the screen. “Now, about that greedy streak you mentioned. Count on it. Good night, Jillian. Dream sweet.”

Gavin’s name repeatedly popped up on her phone, her notebook, and her laptop several times a day. Toward the end of the first week, she found an invitation waiting in her email inbox.

From
: Gavin Fairfield

To
: Jillian Cole

Subject
: Invitation

Jillian, I have several local concerts coming up. Come to one. Hell, come to them all. Would be great to know you’re there.

Missing you already. G.

___________________________________

From
: Jillian Cole

To
: Gavin Fairfield

Subject
: RE: Invitation

How would you know I was there?

___________________________________

From
: Gavin Fairfield

To
: Jillian Cole

Subject
: RE: Invitation

Oh, I’d know. And you’d know I’d know.

Still missing you already. G.

___________________________________

Tired from a long day, her spirits buoyed the moment Gavin’s face filled her screen. She dipped her head, allowing her hair to fall over one eye. “But if I were there, how would you know I
know
you know?”

His eyes twinkled. “Do you have any idea what I do to sassy women? Dream sweet, Jillian.”

Jill’s diaphragm tightened with pleasure as sound of his voice lodged in her ear where it remained the night through.

The following week while meeting with her advanced program faculty, Jill connected her phone to the large flat screen mounted on the conference room wall to show an instructional video. After the video concluded, she failed to disconnect her phone, letting it go into sleep mode.

Suddenly, a text from Gavin flashed on the screen.

Jillian, I’m not a patient man. This is MADNESS.

Jill glanced around the room. Dr. Lauren looked amused. Dr. Tate, confused. Dr. Schaeffer bored, Dr. Lyon slightly embarrassed. Rachel and Jenna, the youngest of the bunch, looked as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

“Sorry.” She suppressed an unprofessional giggle. “Technology has a way of invading everything, doesn’t it?”

Dr. Lauren chuckled. “I could use a quick break. You’ll have a chance to discuss the finer points of what was it? Oh, yes. MADNESS, with your
friend
.”

Jill rolled her eyes. “Okay, everyone. Let’s take a ten-minute break.” She picked up her phone to text him back.

Really? Not patient?? I hadn’t noticed.

I repeat…MADNESS

FYI…I’m in a meeting & my phone

is being projected onto the screen. Dr. Lauren

& co. now want the dets. So much for keeping

us on the downlow.

Tell them I said this is…MADNESS.

Ummmm, pretty sure they got that.

Molly Lauren hung around after the meeting. “So, you’re seeing someone.”

“You sound surprised.”

Molly asked, “You have to admit, this is uncharacteristic. Especially this time of year.”

Jill closed her portfolio and stood. “Maybe the time is right to do something a little uncharacteristic.”

“So it’s serious?”

Was she right?
Jill considered Molly’s question. “Could be. Possibly. I think so. Yes, I guess.”

Molly smiled, her eyes crinkling. “I’m having a little soiree a week from tomorrow. Want to bring him around?”

“I’d love to, but not yet. Another time.”

“Not ready to share him?”

Jill unhooked her phone and slid it into the pocket of her suit jacket. “I’m a little selfish about him right now. He and I need to get acquainted a little better.”

That night, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell her about us?”

“Two words.” Jill held up two fingers. “Undue influence.”

“Are you going all psychologist on me?”

Happy to see the lighter side of Gavin, she chuckled. “For just a moment, yes. Here’s the thing. If I tell Molly about us, she’ll know something about Olivia she wouldn’t otherwise know.”

He flicked his wrist. “What, that Liv’s dad is dating the boss?”

“Yes. That information can’t help but influence her. If she knew, she’d have to make up her mind not to let herself be influenced. In that case, she’s constantly checking in with herself—which adds a layer to how she views Olivia. Or she’d be influenced, and treat Liv differently. Either way, this is information she doesn’t need, wouldn’t typically have, and might affect how she views Olivia.”