Naked Hope (17 page)

“Look at me, Gavin.” She stood and crossed the wood planks, slid her hands into his pockets, and threaded her fingers through his. “I miss you already.”

His arms ensnared her. “Do you think for even one moment I’d agree to let you go?”

His lips seared hers and his body hardened. Her knees weakened, and for a moment, so did her resolve.

“Are you just disappearing now that I’ve found you—now that
we’ve
found you? I won’t—You can’t mean it.”

His hand caught and gently twisted her hair, angling her head to meet his kiss. She leaned into him, reveling in the way his mouth raided her like a marauder.

When he let her go, he stepped back, his face ashen. “Olivia didn’t qualify for the advanced program, did she? Chapman said you’d changed your mind, but you didn’t, did you?”

Jill wrapped his arms around her waist until they rested at the small of her back.
How would she tell him?
“No.”

“My dad threw money at the program, didn’t he? Is that why you let her in? So you could get the funding you need for your research?”

She leaned into him, her hands against his chest, and looked into the dark pools that were his eyes. “I didn’t let her in. The board overrode my decision because of an endowment they received. At first, I thought you bribed the board. By accident, I learned the truth.”

“My dad.” He shook his head.

Jill held his hands against her lips. “You’ll have to ask him. It’s enough for me to know you didn’t force my hand.” She let go of his hands and stared out into the lake. “But now you understand. Olivia’s in my trial, even though she doesn’t qualify, and the results are reported nationally. Funding depends on those results, which means the future of the program depends on its success. She
has
to do well. If she doesn’t, she’ll be dropped no matter who pressures the board.” Her throat tightened and she swallowed hard. “And then where will she be? And what will that to do you? To us?”

His jaw ticked. “But you’re saying there is no us.”

Tracing her fingers along his cheek, she smiled. “And you won’t agree to let me go. I rather like that. Makes you sound a bit like a crazed stalker, but I like it just the same.”

He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her. “I should have known what he did. We’ve been pretty high-handed, haven’t we? But I meant it when I said I won’t let you go.”

She led him over to the deck chair and once again curled into his arms. “Every student enrolled in the advanced program is on probation for the first ten weeks of the program. So here’s what I propose. You agree to make Olivia your priority for ten weeks, and at the end of her probationary period, we can resume…this.” She kissed him, savoring the feel of his body against hers.

“Ten weeks?” He groaned, his embrace tightening. “That’s more than two months.”

She kissed his chest and inhaled his scent. “Afraid I’ll lose interest?”

One eyebrow lifted in a crooked angle, he grinned. “Okay, Dr. Cole. I have a counter proposal. We meet once a week in private—your place, and stay out of the public eye so no one’s the wiser.”

“Tempting, Mr. Fairfield. But the time I spend with you always turns into an overnight.”

“No problem. Liv’s used to me being gone.”

“On overnights?” She raised an eyebrow.

He tugged at her hair. “On business.”

Jill pushed away just enough to study his face. “Yes, but that’s just it. She
is
your business right now. And frankly, I’ll have my hands full. These first ten weeks are critical.”

“You’re saying no to once a week?”

Jill sighed. “Yes.”

“Yes?” he asked, his eyes widening.

“Yes, I’m saying
no
to once a week.”

“Jillian, be reasonable. I can’t spend every waking moment with Liv.”

She eased her body closer. “No, but I’m selfish enough to be quite a distraction when we are together. And I’m also selfish enough to do everything possible to make sure Olivia gets off to the best start in the program.” She trailed her finger along his jaw. “So, if you’re interested in a relationship, we have ten weeks to get through first.”

“Phone calls? Will you answer the phone if I call?”

She chuckled and brushed her lips against his. “Of course.”

“So, phone, email, texting, teleconferencing?”

Jill kissed the worry lines around his eyes. “All acceptable. But remember, Gavin, Olivia isn’t the only one who has a lot to deal with. The two of you are entering into an entirely new phase of your relationship.”

“But being away from you for that long…”

“I provided you full disclosure—multiple times—about my program requirements. You refused to consider any other program

”

His mouth tightened and he jammed a hand through his hair. “There
is
no other program.”

“Since you feel that way, you have to recognize now is not the time to introduce anyone or anything new into Olivia’s life other than those in her program.”

“But you’re in her program.”

“I don’t interact with the students. I make recommendations based on observation and analysis—primarily the analysis of others. I supervise the work of teachers and therapists, but I’m neither therapist nor teacher to any of the kids. Olivia will rarely see me. When she does, my role will be a professional one. Your daughter doesn’t handle duality well. It’s one of her triggers. If you were to introduce someone else into her life right now, even casually, the event would be an unfortunate distraction.” She smoothed a hand against his temple. “And then there’s the press. We have to protect Olivia from prying eyes and ears.”

His jaw ticked. “They already know Olivia’s in your program.”

“My point exactly. Their interest forces her back into a public figure. Just think what the press would be like if they knew we were involved. I’ll reconsider if you can name a place where you can guarantee—absolutely guarantee—you won’t be recognized.” Her finger pointed to her chest. “Or I won’t be.”

“But ten weeks without this.” He pulled her roughly against his body.

“You’ll be surprised how fast those weeks will fly by, and how exhausting they’ll be.
Or how exhausted I’ll be
. You won’t have a lot of free time. Olivia will require so much of your attention.”

“She’ll have it,” he said then firmed his lips. “And when I travel, she’ll have Mother.”

Traveling? Didn’t he just agree to unswerving commitment?
Jill’s jaw dropped. “You’re traveling during the next ten weeks?”

Gavin frowned and tucked his thumb into the waist of his jeans. “I have a concert in Chicago, just one day, and five days in New York. Adrienne’s rescheduling everything else.”

Jill shook her head, disappointment tugging at her shoulders. “You’ve got to get on board with this, Gavin.”

“We’re talking a total of two trips, six days.” His gaze skittered to the side and then returned. “Seven days at the most.”

“That’s one entire week out of ten. When is the trip to New York?”

“Second week in November.”

Jill mentally calculated the dates. “That’s the week we’ll be reviewing her progress.”

“So it’s beyond the assessment period.”

“Yes. Technically.” She agreed.
We haven’t even begun and already our agreement is starting to unravel
.

“Then the trip shouldn’t be an issue.”

She pushed away and resisted the urge to pound his chest. “Do you understand Olivia is on a short leash? Almost everything we

you, I, and everyone else involved

will do over the next ten weeks is for the purpose of stimulating diaschisis so uninjured areas of her brain linked to the injured areas can function again. Attempts at predicting the degree of recovery—or even the timeframe for recovery—remain crude. But a ten-week protocol is what I’ve found works best. You are crucial during this time period.”

Needing distance, she sat back while he worked it through. Jill watched, taking in the set of his jaw, and waited. He had to understand this wasn’t something he could negotiate, or more than their relationship was at risk.

“We have a lot of work ahead of us, Gavin. Olivia isn’t the only one who will have a protocol to follow. You’ll be retraining yourself for emotional cues and other indicators—yours and hers—to help recognize when either of you is struggling, or escalating. The training will also help you manage your expectation level as you accept the fact Olivia is no longer a musician.”

A flicker crossed his face. His mouth flatlined. “Chicago and New York remain on the schedule. There won’t be any other distractions.”

They were on rocky ground. Throat tight, Jill left the comfort of their shared lounger and walked to the edge of the deck. Looking out at the indiscernible line where sea and sky meet, she ached from missing him already.

“Jillian.” He came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her.

Together, they listened to the water, letting the soft breeze brush them clean.

Into her hair, he whispered, “I can handle ten weeks. We’ll talk by phone? Wait, do you even check your voice mail?”

Encouraged, she turned in his arms. “I’ll get better. And my email, too. Oh, and my laptop doesn’t have a webcam but if yours does, I’ll figure something out.”

Chapter Thirteen

Gavin opened his eyes just before she did, aware that tomorrow he’d awaken alone. He looked up through the skylight at barest suggestion of clouds against a brilliant September sky and then looked at Jill, brushing her long hair from her shoulder.

Her eyes opened. Emotion swam in their depths. She smiled and reached for him.

He rolled on top of her and kissed the inside of her arm, drawing in her scent. His body hardened.

She crooked her finger.

He put his ear to her lips, further igniting the fire in him.

“Waffles.”

He chuckled, but resumed his former activity.

“Waffles,” she repeated.

“After.” He kissed the inside of her thigh and raised his head, this fingers kneading the back of her knee. “After.”

She smiled. “After.”

****

Gavin dropped the last of his luggage in the trunk. He looked around and felt the familiar tic in his jaw return. They were about to step back into their lives, and she’d told him they’d be apart for ten weeks. He should be enthusiastic—anxious to get started with Olivia. But all he could think was that he wanted to remain here with her, where the rest of the world didn’t exist. Where he didn’t have to feel guilty Liv was a mere shadow of her former self.

He didn’t hear her come up behind him and at her touch, he whirled.

“I called but you didn’t hear me.”

He reached for her luggage. “I would have brought this down for you.”

“Thank you.”She cuddled into him.

“You’ve already thanked me.”

She looked up into his eyes. “Not nearly enough.”

She kissed him in a way that told him what she really meant. His iron-clawed depression loosened its grip.

She ran her hand against his cheek. “You were so far away. Don’t leave me before it’s time.”

Gavin tightened his arms and leaned her against the car. “How can you know me so well?” He might never have let her go, enjoying every curve of her body as if she’d become a part of him. Except an idea overcame him. He grabbed her hand. “Come with me.”

They ran back inside. He positioned her in front of the stone fireplace. “Stay right there. Don’t move.” He walked upstairs, forcing himself into a calmer state, then leaned over the railing to make sure she hadn’t moved.

****

As the first note drifted out into the open space, Jill’s skin prickled. She stood exactly where he wanted her to for a long time, listening to his music and feeling the way it lightened the air. After awhile, she moved to the foot of the stairs to watch him, and had to cover her mouth to keep from calling out. Sunlight streamed through one of the skylights, illuminating the man as the melody he created rose upward until it mingled with the sun’s rays and transformed into an aura of lavender and gold. The aura hovered, then burst like fireworks into shimmering flecks of light and rained back down on every room of the house.

Her brain wondered if she was suffering from a ruptured aneurism, but this was no aneurism. She’d seen his very soul.

They didn’t talk until he’d closed the piano and locked the door. “Feel like driving?” He handed her his keys.

She studied his face. He looked peaceful and a little tired.”Of course.”

They traveled in silence for the first twenty miles. Finally he said, “My music has never been like that before.”

“Like what?”

He glanced out of the corner of his eye. “As if I could create music that sounded like color.” He shifted his long body and ran his hand over her thigh. “How about if I drive?”

She countered. “How about if I keep driving, and you talk.”

“You like her, don’t you?”

“If you’re referring to your car, which I might point out has no gender, then yes, it’s a dream to drive.”

“We’re coming up on a wayside rest.” He pointed. “Pull over.”

“Oh no, cowboy. You think you’re driving, but you handed me the keys, remember?”

“Take the exit and we’ll see if you still feel like driving.”

She glanced over in time to see that his eyes were dancing and pulled into the deserted rest area.

Gavin reached around in front of her and tipped her seat back. “Enough talking. This is still our weekend.”

He kissed her with the expertise of a practiced lover, and the single-minded focus of a seventeen year old boy. His kisses were a gentle, probing, sensual exploration. Jill’s breath caught.

“You haven't said it yet,” he murmured, bringing his mouth down to rest just above her breast.

Senses reeling, a soft groan escaped her. “What would you have me say?”

“That you’re my girl.”

She stretched and teased, “Really? Why would you think that?”

A thousand expressions flashed across his face

none of them good. His eyes darkened, his body grew stiff. Too late, she remembered Olivia hadn’t been the only one to be rejected by Vivienne.

He opened his mouth.