My Secret Life (91 page)

For sometimes I hadn’t seem H. at all, and when I did told her all. She said she didn’t care but was evidently angry. We had champagne. Neither Donkey prick nor her protector had had her for about ten days (so she said when sitting on my knee, feeling my prick and I her vulva). She said she’d contented herself with digital movements on her cuntal bud, — which wasn’t all
she
needed — and before I’d been in the house a quarter of an hour she was manipulating my love staff. This shows how the recital of any amorous trick affects those whose lust is rampant. — I’d said that I’d fucked Phoebe whilst sitting on a chair, she sitting on my prick with bum against my belly. — “Fuck me so,” said H. Next minute I did. — She put a glass on the floor with lights by its side — as L**l*e used, — so that both could see the movement of my prick in her cunt, as she fucked me by rise and fall. We were delighted, she enraptured. — “Do you see your balls?” “Yes dear — frig your clitoris.” — She obeyed. Then sobbing out our carnal chorus, looking in the glass whilst fucking and frigging, we got repose in concupiscent Elysium. — Afterwards we varied it by fucking whilst sitting face to face and tongue to tongue, — that luscious lingual junction, a delicious addition. — It pleased her to know I had fucked Phoebe in
that
posture. — Said she as we began, “I can’t see your prick moving when face to face,
you
can,” — then she put the glass at the back of our chair, and looking over my shoulders was gratified, tho she could only see herself moving.

A day or two after, there again, meretricious inventiveness was on us both. It was an age since I’d had a condom on my prick, and she long since one so sheathed had been put up her. We had talked of that before. I took condoms with me, we began operations with one on, but not liking the sensation — which cheats the sexual pleasure of both, — I took my prick out, well greased the condom outside, put it on and up her again. We compared sensations, but both agreeing that the pleasure was largely lessened by the intervening skin between prick and cunt, I took it off and fucked without one.

I took another day with me a condom tied on to a little bone tube, which I took out from an india rubber bottle or injector, and with that could inflate the condom. — Wetting the condom she pushed it — a gutty little string — up her cunt as far as she could with her fingers, leaving the mouthpiece hanging out, and laid herself at the edge of the bed. Then taking it in my mouth, I tried to inflate the condom by blowing into it, but with all the force of my lungs failed to do so effectually. It might have been done perhaps with a pair of bellows, but with my mouth I could do nothing more than inflate it a little. Directly I ceased blowing, the squeeze of her cunt drove all the wind out again. She could feel the dilation, which gave her cunt what she called “a tickling squeeze out” but nothing more. We both thought it good fun, which shows what infinite variety of amusements reside in cock and cunt. A trial on another day, when the condom was pushed up her dry, was equally unsuccessful.

Then I blew up her cunt thro an india rubber tube — my breath blew against her womb, which we thought at the time good fun. — Indeed any absurdity (as it may be seen afterwards) will amuse a meretricious couple fond of playing with each other’s genitals. Then as she had a pretty bum hole, I introduced the india rubber tube up that and blew up — “I’ll put a fresh fart into you,” said I — “Beast,” — but she liked the fun.

Inventions multiplied. I blew a condom out, tied the end to keep up the inflation, then pushed it up her cunt. It was larger in circumference then any prick I have seen — so far as I can judge, — but up it went, and I moved it very gently whilst she frigged herself. There were pleasant chats about this, and we agreed that a cunt full grown would take a much larger prick than ever man yet had.

Then I fell out of health and was ordered to a warmer climate for the winter. — Before departing, H. and I had a frolicksome evening, in which we invented postures and modes of pleasure, in which we both got tight, and her lasciviousness had full play. With great regret we parted, as much exhausted with lecherous amusements as a couple could be. Her wonderful strength showed itself that night, for under my prick, finger, and tongue, she spent eleven times, and at that last gamahuche, during which I added to her pleasure by inserting my middle finger just through her sphincter, she gave such a long, loud screech as she spent, that it must have been heard throughout the house, and she nearly tore the hair off my head. — “Aha — my — God — suck — bugger — quicker — haa — spunk,” she screeched in ejaculations, pausing between each word. — I wrote an account of all next day, this is but an abbreviation.

A longish sea voyage, no incidents worth noting, excepting that of a healthy and very plain-faced, tall woman, seeming about twenty-five, traveling with her mother and father to the East, was seasick close to me. I led her to her cabin and comforted her on the way. “How very kind,” said she next day, and then to my astonishment I found she was a widow. The sea air and extreme rest soon made my prick voluptuous, and I thought of the widow whose cabin was only a few yards from mine — I like talking to widows, they know all about fucking, they want it, and will take any sly allusions to it, whilst I am wondering how they assuage their passions, and how their cunts must tingle with want of the male. They tingle much more than virgins’ cunts who don’t know the stretch of the prick. There were her “Pa and Ma,” and I also had friends with whom I was travelling in my way. But walking on deck after dinner one fine evening with her “Pa and Ma” about — we leant over the bulwarks talking about sea sickness. Was I sick? she asked. — “Sometimes qualmish but soon over, and it was a very peculiar effect on me.” — “What?” — I hesitated, then — “It makes me want to be in bed with a companion.” “Ohooo,” she said giggling and went off to her Ma — I didn’t fear, knowing that a widow wouldn’t tell of that. — Half an hour later sitting at cards, I noticed that every minute she looked across at me. I fancy her cunt was stewing.

Once or twice on the voyage I nearly frigged myself, after I’d been standing at a place where I could see the women’s feet as they went up to the decks, and I’d let the young widow see that I looked at hers. I fancied she let me see as much as she dare, and a beautiful foot and ankle she had — her sole charm — complimenting her on it, — “You’ve no business to be looking” said she laughing. “Why not, what are pretty feet, and legs etc. etc. made for but to be seen?” I thought what a hard case hers was, to be deprived of the male after three years regular fucking, which I ascertained was her case.

At an Oriental city I found perpetual blue sky, hot sunny days, and coolish nights. — All the delights of novelty in climate, vegetation, architecture, food, customs, dress, and where colored skins from the blackest to the whitest, were seen, and where among the peasants prick is king, no shame in showing it, whilst the women would sooner shew their cunts then their faces. I landed with a fortnight’s sperm in my balls.

Two nights after on a blue-sky’d yet darkish evening, I wandered about the streets in the city, delighted with its wild, half-savage, irregular beauty. A few women flitted by me, their faces covered with the yashmaks, men turbaned and with flowing robes, others with baggy trousers and a fez. — Negroes and Negresses mixed with others of tawny hue, whilst at rare intervals an European was seen. In a widish street near a café chantant all was bright, yet within two minutes walk from it, were poor houses, ragged, unkempt gardens and waste grounds. At the comer of a cross street, stood a short young man wearing baggy trousers, and on his head a fez. I stared at everyone that night for the novelty, and stared at him as I passed. He gave a significant jerk of his head and turned down the street. I followed, thinking he would show me a brothel of which I stood in need, as I had heard that pimps of whom no fear need be had, were always about. In two minutes we were by the ragged waste ground and almost in the dark, tho there were there some street lamps at long intervals. I was hesitating to follow further, when he turned round and exposed his prick, I could fairly well see it for it was not very far from the last gas lamp. Then he turned, went on further, and in greater darkness stopped against some bamboo railings enclosing some waste grounds.

At once surprized, as I was for a moment, it occurred to me that he must be circumcized. Such a prick I’d never seen, so closed on him and felt it. It was soft, thick, and grew big under my handling. Then said he “Turko fuckee” and pointed in the distance. Scarcely a word of the language knew I, but guessed somehow that he meant a sodomitic den of which I had heard there were many there, and to which the Orientals openly went. I shook my head, he gesticulated persuasively, but it was of no avail.

Then he pointed to his prick which I’d relinquished. I had not satisfied myself about the circumcision, and by signs intimated I wished to see it again. He understood, pulled it out again in the half light, and I saw he had no prepuce. He advanced across the road nearer the light to show it, guessing from my manner what I wanted. He seemed quite indifferent whether he was seen or not by others, but I retreated, and he came back to me and towards some miserable bamboo railings. A man and woman passed on the opposite side but took no notice of us. The old letch came on with force, and naming a coin (about two shillings) I intimated by gesture that I wished to frig him. He nodded, I paid, he stood sideways so as to aid my operations. His prick grew stiff, then solid as a horn and very large yet smooth. I felt the glans which no prepuce covered, pleasure signs came on him and he tried to feel
my
prick, but I refused and frigged on slowly till he spent. My fun was over and off he went. It seemed an unnaturally large prick for his stature, but his race have large cunt rammers.

I walked away wondering at myself. I had not struck the whores’ quarters which I’d sought, and was lusting strongly from long continence, when again I came across him accompanied by a girl. It was in a main road with feeble lights also a long distances apart. The girl immediately pulled her single garment right up to her neck and was all but naked, for she had neither shoes or stockings on, and holding them up she walked thus by my side accosting me, I guessed asking me to have her. The man who knew me again went on the other side of me chattering — some natives came towards us but took no notice. Then, two Europeans passed us and the girl turned back and went after them, but soon after turning round I saw her coming to me, and again she’d pulled up her clothes. — I pushed her off and she disappeared in the darkness.

Resuming my stroll and motioning him off, in a minute the girl was again with me, again exposed herself and under a lamp, for there were still fewer people about. She looked about sixteen, had lustrous eyes and was very handsome tho copper colored. — I was quivering with want of a woman, and thought I’d just feel her cunt and nothing more.

A darkish, silent side road being close by, I turned down it. She took me by my hand, led me into the semi-darkness, where impelled by lust which had become too strong for prudence I felt her hairless, cunt, and put my fingers up the warm avenue. Fear of danger then left me, I had heard that no European was ever molested there, that women for a mere trifle would let men fuck them, and within a short time I was fucking her, my concupiscence making me oblivious of all the chances of ailment, indifferent whether I was seen or not, tho I knew that my friends might be about.

Cooled by fucking I felt mad with myself. The risk I had ran when on the eve of a long journey where medical aid could not be had, astonished me. My having frigged the Oriental on a public road surprized me — yet strange inconsistency, marvellous power of concupiscence, who can withstand it? I longed to feel the woman again but only to feel her. My feeling and fucking had not I guess occupied three minutes, and the moment I had spent I ran off. Would she piss over my hand as harlots have done in the streets of Europe ? So ran my thoughts, my prick stiffened again, and with half an hour I was fucking her in the same place, and at the same time feeling the youth’s prick with one hand — for he had suddenly appeared and produced his tool — whilst I held her naked rump with the other. That night’s amusement cost me only about eight shillings.