My Number One: Kasha & Knox (10 page)

“What? Why?” I squinted, fluctuating from shock to seriousness. I bit my lips, then relaxed them. “I don’t—”

“Bullshit. I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to prove or why you’re playing things this way.”

“I’m not looking to prove anything.”

“So why are you so hurt over this?”

“I’m not hurt. I just don't understand. She might be up to something. Seriously, who does this sort of thing?”

“You’re losing him, Kasha.” Teagan nodded. Her hair flowed down into her eyes, but once she swiped it away, I saw the tiny slits staring as if they were reaching for my soul.

“Losing my friend?” I emphasized the final term.

“No. You might not want to admit it to yourself, but I see it in the way your eyes twinkle at his name.”

Tears began trickling down my cheeks. I thought back to earlier that night when I’d sat at the booth with Knox. I adored him. There was even an emotion that had always crept up within. But love? Hell, love was nothing like what we had.

We’d started as friends.

We respected one another.

We looked out for and cared for each other.

But love?

My mother would say no such thing existed any longer. For the amount of hurt I’d seen my mother suffer, love could never exist. Perhaps it was a choice based on our attraction. Maybe not. I just didn’t know.

~

~

Kasha
Frickin’
Davies!

Shit!

How and when did we miss this? With all the thoughts swarming through my mind, I fixed my eyes on the profile I’d glanced at nonstop for four years. I could finally admit to myself that I’ve always had an urge to run my hands all over that perfect package. Can’t believe I’d forgotten what it was like when we’d met, or when I’d caught her by the marina. Years of emptiness weighed me down.

No more.

I damn near burned a hole through her car. To hell with her tiny bumble bee ride. I knew every smooth inch of skin, every not so gentle portion, and even the delicate aroma of her fears. How did I miss out on falling in love with my best friend?

Her thoughts came at me, even with the distance between us. I willed her to not start up the car, and instead give in like I was ready to. I studied deeply and ordered her to come to me. Granted, I knew it was my selfish side, but my God, I needed her back with me.

Kash, shut off the damn car.

Kash, don’t go.

Kash, you frickin’ belong with me.

You’re mine.

Come to me.

But she didn’t.

In fact, when she pulled off, my insides damn near melted. Took every ounce of my manhood to be strong and not run after her, even when I knew better. I knew that I had a fiancée that was selfish as hell. Someone that I’d made the irrational choice to be with, but still didn’t wanna screw things up. It was too late to back down now. We’d already vowed to do it. And I wasn’t that guy. Or rather, I couldn’t be that dick.

Could I?

I tipped back my head to lean further against the edge of the stone foundation and gaze into the sky. But seeing the world, massiveness and all, was too much to take in. The darkening sky represented a lonely life with minimal fulfillment. If only I’d made this realization before now, or before thinking that Erika could fill a void that couldn’t be consumed by anyone but Kasha Davies.

I allowed my lashes to lie flat to mentally revisit the moment we’d just shared, only minutes ago in the basement. For all the times I’d tried to convince myself that Kasha was just not that into me, I wished I could now duplicate myself and kick my own ass.

“Yeah,” I said in a low drawl to no one in particular. My frustration was such that I even kicked up the heel of my leather boot to the concrete frame of the building. The scratching sound actually helped to soothe this inner aching, so I kept up with the task, determined to rub out the name of the girl I’d fallen for four years back. That day, when this simple girl had stepped into my world. She wasn’t the usual, double-take type of girl, and definitely not one to throw herself at some random guy. She gave off this cool vibe, similar to sitting on a beach during the end of summer, right before fall began but right after the cold air had set in. Kasha was everything that any man would want because she was real.

She had thick strands of brown hair that she always complained were too unruly. A smile crept across my face. I tossed my head aside and bit my lip only to inhale through gritted teeth. Though it was brief, the fullness of her lips as they’d crushed into mine had pretty much marked me. And her scent . . . Kasha’s scent, a tinge of Bath & Bodyworks lotion, could never be mistaken. Even when I knew that the fragrances were not hers exclusively, I recognized her energy beneath it all.

“Can you explain it to me now, Knox? Who the hell was that?” Erika was beyond persistent whenever she got something in her mind. To be honest, although she had such a major label in my life, I’d forgotten she existed. And this, this was beyond just something to forget.

Just as she’d gotten here, the phone had rung. Fortunately. Yeah, fortunately it had been the wedding planner. So just when she started up, her bitching ended. I’d nodded and mouthed for her to give me a break before heading out the basement door. I was bogged down with so much crap. And as sorry as I felt over my Kasha issue, I couldn’t not notice the way I’d come alive with that damn kiss. But here was Erika, ready to come at me all over again. Not only had she approached me when I’d specifically asked her to give me a moment, she continued to press all the wrong buttons. She stood close, like doing so would force a reaction. We were no more than six inches apart. I was literally cornered, though it wasn’t a feeling of fear gripping me.

I wanted to feel like shit as Erika kept repeating the same questions over and over and over again, for whatever the hell she thought I’d done. Even when her accusations had nothing to do with a simple kiss.

“Erika, gimme a break to clear my head—”

“Clear your head? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I gave you that much when I went to talk with the wedding planner. Oh, and by the way, the keywords in all of this are wedding and planner, as in someone is getting married!” She paused for effect, or maybe to give me an opportunity to beg for mercy. Her bottom lip trembled. A part of my brain implored me to reach out for her, to touch her. That was only an insignificant portion of me. The rest of me, I’m talking every morsel of my being beyond the sliver still holding out for common sense, lost focus.

“Knox,” she cried out. The tears rushed down her cheeks like waterfalls.

“Erika, don’t.” I let my head flop down. If I could only make this right, I would. If I could convince myself that what had happened with Kasha was a mistake, then maybe my relationship would set itself right again. But I couldn’t. Hell, I didn’t want that.

Her fingers passed across my line of vision. She gripped my chin and redirected me to her. I looked directly into sad eyes. Erika was the girl every guy physically craved. Her lashes were naturally long, even underneath the dusky lighting of the evening sky, I considered how alluring they were. I admired the perfection packaged around a fiery spirit.

“Knox,” she gasped out. Her right hand slapped at the exposed skin of her tank, right on the left side above her heart.

Whenever she was unsure about something, her mouth would shift to the right as she tried to nibble on her lips. A small line, similar to a crease, would then form. During those times, she’d develop a far off look. She always seemed most vulnerable in that state of mind. Every other time, Erika would float through the world as if a red carpet was laid out in her path.

“Knox, are you serious? I’m about ready to cry my eyes out, and you’re being an asshole. Do you know how many men would love to be in my life?” Her words grew in depth, increasing until she ended the sentence with a loud out-breath.

“Erika, I said I needed a moment. Honestly, that wasn’t a request.” I would never intentionally try to bring bullshit to anyone’s life, yet all of a sudden life took on a new direction. I forced myself and stretched out my hand to caress Erika’s lips, since she’d started nibbling on them. In response, her hand flew up and knocked my fingers away. I didn’t react. Didn’t say another word either.

We stood facing one another, drawn to the darkness for how this night was shaping up. Cars drove by on a street that was no more than ten feet away. Families in surrounding houses chatted, going about their business as if no one’s world hung in the balance. But it did.

“Tell me,” Erika’s words began softly. She took a step forward to press her forehead against my shoulder.

I inhaled the peppermint scent of her tresses. My arms flexed. I wanted to comfort her. Erika should’ve been a priority right then, though my mind still raced with images of Kasha. A door had opened this evening in the basement, one that had likely been swelling and bound to burst eventually. And right there, as I fought this new breed of demons, I had no choice but to own up to the fact: I was madly in love with Kasha Davies.

“I’m sorry, Erika, I’ll be back.” I pulled away. My movements were swift and direct as I paced from the yard en route to my truck. The truck that should’ve been in the shop. This little lie was meant to afford me time with Kasha, just to talk and be near, since everything had seemed to force her away with all the wedding plans.

A few seconds later, and I was pulling away from the curb. Kasha was a beacon, calling me to her. Her spark was a hope at the center of a dark world, rejuvenation for a man that had once been lost in the world. Yes, Erika was supposed to be my wife in the near future . . . maybe. But Kasha had accepted my friendship long before. When neither of us had actually given in knowingly, deep down inside, our souls had connected for the long haul.

Erika was supposed to be my end-all, right?

~

“Let me make you officially mine.” In saying those words one night after I’d seen Kasha out on a date, I realized that I couldn’t bring myself to believe in the phrase marrying someone. But I was with Erika. Over the years, I’d continued to hope. No. All hope was gone. I had to deal with what was here, in front of me, and real. I didn’t want to be a husband outside of taking care of Erika; didn’t want to have a wife. Maybe someday I might’ve gotten desperate enough. These were things I had no desire for yet. My mind, my will and my nature as a man made me believe that I should never cry over any woman. But I’d become broken over Kasha Davies.

“First, I need to tell you something.” Erika nibbled the tip of my ear. Her elbows were pressed down on my chest and collarbone. I opened my eyes to the brightest stare to greet me in the longest time.

“What could you possibly have to tell me?” I didn’t expect some radical confession or any kind of bull. The talking helped keep my mind off Kasha. It’s not that she was gone completely, just enough for me to relax.

“Promise you’ll listen to me before you go off.” She sucked in the inner part of her lower lip, while the bright, wide-eyed girl sank away from me.

I glanced at my clothes, tossed over by an empty chair next to the windows. Getting dressed seemed like the right thing to do before she went all deep confession on me, but the way she cowered made me think twice. So I tipped my head forward, giving her the go-ahead to say whatever she needed to.

“I think Tony’s gonna come for me.” Her eyes teared up. She sat up straight in the middle of the bed.

“Tony, your ex? Now, after all these years?” I was willing to let things die there. She didn’t owe me a damn thing, especially an explanation over her crazy ex.

“You don’t understand. He’s not all there.”

To help her get over the drama of speaking about someone I didn’t give a damn about, I drew her hands to my lips. She froze.

“What are you telling me this for?”

“He’s a psycho. You might’ve kicked his ass, but he’s not one to quit.”

Figures I’d choose someone with issues like that. “I’m so confused because your frickin’ ex, who you shouldn’t have shit to do with is now a part of our conversation.”

“I try to talk him down. Knox, I’m scared.” For someone that had just proved to be emotionally detached, specifically when I had made an effort to provide some type of comfort, she confused the hell out of me. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

This was unreal. I actually allowed myself to do something totally out of character, and wham—I end up with a situation, to say the least.

Before I knew it, Erika became my problem. Not concern, but huge problem. Now the initial problem was becoming a problem again.

“Apparently, my mother has been trying to track me down.”

Mother?

I don’t speak but am sure she saw my shock. This girl swore she had no one, much like me. She went on to tell me about family members that were close with Tony, and how deep their connections were.

“I know it’ll be weird, but I need to get back in touch with my people, especially now that we’ll be making things official.”

All I could think was what the hell did I just put myself in? Why didn’t she say something before and why didn’t I keep things as they were?

I blamed it on one person; not Erika.

Kasha Frickin’ Davies . . .

~