Read Murder Is a Piece of Cake Online
Authors: Elaine Viets
Tags: #Fiction, #General, #Mystery & Detective, #Mystery
Epilogue
“How was your honeymoon?” Jane asked. “Never mind. I can see. You’re both glowing.”
She opened her front door and smiled at Ted and Josie.
Josie felt odd being invited into her mother’s home like a guest. Her downstairs flat
was empty and the blinds were shut. She no longer lived on Phelan Street. After tonight,
neither would Amelia.
“Thank you for letting me know you arrived home safely last night,” Jane said.
“Good to see you, Mom,” Ted said, and kissed Jane on her cheek.
Josie hugged her mother. “How are you? How’s my girl?”
“Amelia’s fine. She’s upstairs making meat loaf, Ted’s favorite dinner.”
“And what about Mom’s favorite dinner?” Josie asked, with mock severity.
“I’ve never seen you turn down meat loaf,” Jane said.
“And you never will,” Josie said.
“We’ve moved Amelia’s things into her new room at your place,” Jane said. “She’s ready
to go home with you tonight—after you open your wedding presents. Your nose is peeling,
Josie.”
“Even a thirty-SPF sunblock couldn’t protect it in the tropics,” Josie said.
Josie noticed how slowly her mother climbed the stairs to her flat. Jane seemed frailer
than she had before the wedding. Or maybe I’ve been too wrapped up in myself to notice,
Josie thought.
Amelia was waiting at the top of the stairs. “Mom! Ted!”
She launched herself at her mother.
“Oh, I’ve missed you so much,” Josie said, wrapping her arms around her daughter.
She was pleased that Amelia didn’t pull away, and touched that she wore the pink necklace
Josie had given her as a bridesmaid’s gift.
Ted gave her a grave kiss on the cheek.
“Woof!” Stuart Little said, dancing at their feet. Harry was curled up on the pile
of wedding presents in Jane’s living room, pretending to be aloof. Ted and Josie scratched
both pets and Ted dropped a shopping bag beside Jane’s couch.
He sniffed the air. “I smell something wonderful.”
“Meat loaf stuffed with prosciutto and spinach,” Amelia said. “I made it with ground
pork and beef. Come on. I’ll show you.”
Josie watched her new husband and daughter retreat to Jane’s kitchen.
“She’s gotten taller in the week we’ve been gone,” Josie said.
“Amelia is a young woman now,” Jane said. “And a born chef.”
“Like you,” Josie said.
“She’s long since surpassed me,” Jane said.
Dinner was a noisy celebration. The food disappeared quickly while Amelia peppered
them with questions: “Awesome photos of your honeymoon villa. Could you really see
the ocean from your porch? Did you go snorkeling? Sailboating? Sit on the beach? Hike?”
“Yes, yes, and yes,” Josie said, laughing. “We got all those activities for wedding
presents. Some guests gave us scuba diving and sailing. I spent a day at a spa while
Ted went deep-sea fishing.”
“What did you catch?” Amelia asked.
“Mahi mahi,” Ted said.
“Best steaks ever,” Josie said.
“I wish they had a gift service like that when I got married,” Jane said. “It would
be nice to give good memories.”
“You don’t have to dust them, either,” Josie said.
She didn’t need photos to remember their tropical nights, the walks on the secluded
beaches, or the lazy afternoons at the villa. She’d always have those memories.
“I baked a Bundt cake for dessert,” Amelia said. “It’s my first.”
The four of them ate nearly the entire cake. “That was a spectacular dinner,” Ted
said.
“What else can we do?” Josie said.
“Please open your wedding gifts,” Jane said. “I really do want them out of my living
room.”
Josie had kept pace with the presents that arrived before their wedding, writing thank-you
notes and putting their gifts away at Ted’s home. She and Ted still had to formally
thank Lenore and Whit for their present. At the rehearsal dinner, Whit had given them
a sterling silver box. Inside was a balance transfer for one hundred thousand dollars
to Ted and Josie’s joint account.
“That’s very generous,” Josie said after she caught her breath.
“I don’t know how to thank you,” Ted said.
“That’s only part of what Lenore’s case would have cost if she’d gone to trial,” Whit
said. “We hope you’ll use it for the down payment on your new home, but the money
is yours to do with as you please.”
“Thank you,” Josie said.
“We owe you much more, Josie,” Whit said. “I wouldn’t be here tonight with my beautiful
bride without you.”
He kissed Lenore.
“Ted told us what you did, my dear,” Lenore said. “I’m grateful to our attorney for
getting me out of jail quickly, but the real credit goes to you.”
“And the cash,” Whit said, and winked. The silver box was on the dresser in Ted and
Josie’s room. Josie kept her jewelry in it.
Jane handed Josie the first present, a flat box wrapped in white paper.
“I found this on my porch when Amelia and I came home from the wedding,” Jane said.
“It’s from Mrs. Mueller.”
Josie held the box up to her ear. “Does it tick?” she asked.
She read the card out loud. “‘Dear Josie,’” it said. “‘I’m sorry I am unable to attend
your wedding. I hope this gift will help you remember me.’”
“How can I ever forget Mrs. M?” Josie ripped open the paper and burst into laughter
when she lifted the box lid. Inside was a gold spray-painted ashtray with a chipped
corner.
“Gross,” Amelia said.
“Did she get it at Goodwill?” Ted asked.
“More like a garage sale,” Josie said. “She caught me smoking behind her garage when
I was fifteen and ratted me out to Mom. I got even with Mrs. M by leaving burning
dog doo on her porch, and she stamped out the fire.”
Ted snorted. Amelia said, “That’s way worse than exploding Mentos.”
“Give me that,” Jane said. “I’m putting it in the trash.”
“No, you’re not,” Josie said. “I’m keeping it. And I’ll write her a thank-you note.”
“I’m glad she wasn’t at your wedding,” Jane said. “Everyone at church talked about
your beautiful wedding and the wonderful reception and she had nothing to say.”
An hour later, Josie and Ted sat with their unwrapped loot.
“Primo swag,” Amelia said. “You got all your china and crystal, Mom. Awesome truffle
slicer—and we got the truffles, too. Are we going to try those organic aji powders,
Ted?”
“It would be wrong to waste hot peppers,” Ted said. “We can experiment with spicy
recipes. And we have a lot of new cookware to break in. But we still haven’t opened
all the gifts.”
He reached into the bag next to the couch and handed one box to Jane and another to
Amelia.
Jane opened hers first. “A green silk pantsuit,” she said. “It’s so beautiful, I’m
afraid to wear it.”
“It’s not silk,” Josie said. “It’s bamboo, but it looks like silk. Eco friendly. You
can throw it in the washing machine.”
“Pictures!” Amelia said. “I got pictures.”
She was hugging two of the silver Elsa Peretti frames. The double frame showed Josie
in her wedding dress and Amelia dancing at the reception with her grandfather, Jack.
The other framed the photo of the wedding party at Tower Grove Park, captured just
as Harry had turned the posed photo into chaos.
“What do you think of your photos?” Ted asked.
“Flawless,” Amelia said.
Josie and Ted had time to study their wedding photos now that they were back from
their honeymoon. One of their favorites showed Lenore and Whit winning the twist contest
at the reception. Lenore gave the hundred-dollar prize to Amelia, but she insisted
on keeping the plastic trophy. She displays it in her living room, on the same shelf
with a Song Dynasty bowl.
Emily Deaver Destin pleaded guilty to two counts of first-degree murder in the deaths
of Molly Ann Deaver and Rita Marie Kutchner and avoided the death penalty. She confessed
that she’d stolen Lenore’s purse at the Blue Rose Tearoom when she took her break,
and lifted the pearl-handled pistol. Emily dropped the purse back on a chair at Lenore’s
table during the confused search. “I had to get rid of Molly,” she said. “She refused
to go into treatment for stalking. She was ruining my husband’s business and my life.
She made us laughingstocks.” Emily was sentenced to life without possibility of parole.
Emily’s husband, Brad, sold the house at the Estates in Wood Winds, to the considerable
relief of their neighbors.
Molly had left everything to her sister in her will. But after Emily pleaded guilty,
she could not profit from her sister’s murder and inherit Molly’s estate. Aunt Martha
inherited Molly’s money, which kept her in comfort in an assisted living facility.
Trudy Sandusky’s attorney said the stress of planning her daughter Amy’s wedding had
triggered her irrational mum thefts. “My client’s own plants died when she accidentally
sprayed them with weed killer,” the lawyer said. “Rather than buy more, she stole
mums from Maplewood.”
Trudy apologized for stealing and promised to make restitution to everyone in Josie’s
neighborhood who had lost their flowers. Charges were dropped against the plant rustler—but
not before the story made the
St. Louis City Gazette.
Trudy also needed treatment for severe poison ivy. Amy, mortified that her mother
was known as the “mum-stealing Mum,” eloped with her fiancé. They married on a beach
in the Bahamas.
Denise’s Dreams closed following Emily’s arrest for the double murders. Denise was
right—no bride wanted to shop at a store that had two murder victims. Denise sold
the shop, and the little house became a successful coffeehouse and Internet café.
Denise now sells discount wedding dresses at the Bridal Barn.
George Winstid was promoted to manager of the Brenhoff Carpet and Flooring store in
Billings shortly before his marriage to Renee. His mother, Phoebe, traveled to Montana
for their wedding and fell in love with the state. She sold her home in St. Louis,
and George and Renee helped pay for her move to Billings. Phoebe enjoys volunteer
work and taking her two grandchildren canoeing, hiking, and horseback riding.
Ted, Josie, and Amelia faced more changes as they settled in to their temporary home.
Festus abandoned his bed in Ted’s office and Marmalade would only sleep by Ted’s computer
when he was working. Now both animals moved into Amelia’s room.
A month after their honeymoon, Josie and Ted stood in the doorway of Amelia’s room.
Her old night-light glowed softly on the framed wedding photos. Amelia kept them next
to the picture of her father, Nate, as a boy, with a cat who looked like Harry’s twin.
The real Harry was curled up next to the sleeping Amelia. Festus and Marmalade were
sprawled at the foot of her bed.
“Does Amelia have enough room to sleep?” Ted whispered. “The livestock’s taken over
her bed. What do you think?”
“I think it’s flawless,” Josie said.
Shopping Tips
Your wedding may be the biggest party you’ll ever throw—and your most expensive. The
average American wedding costs twenty-nine thousand dollars, according to the
Wedding Report
. That’s the down payment on a decent home.
Weddings can be hazardous to your marriage. Couples become so caught up in planning
their wedding that they forget why they fell in love. These shopping tips for wedding
cakes and flowers will help you survive—and even enjoy—what’s supposed to be the happiest
day of your life.
Hearts and flowers
Bigger may not be better—not when it comes to bridal bouquets. Petite brides may look
lost behind a huge, heavy cascade of flowers. Smaller posy bouquets are lighter and
easier to carry. At least that’s what some wedding experts claim.
But if your heart is set on a cascade, who cares? Your florist can lighten the heavy
look with feathers, beads, or fancy wire.
You may want to tie a photo pendant of an absent parent or friend to a bouquet so
you’ll have your loved one with you all day. Use a blue ribbon and you’ve added “something
blue” to the ensemble.
You can also give a posy bouquet a “collar” of feathers, foliage, or ornamental grass.
A posy bouquet’s stems can be wrapped in silk or ribbon to match your wedding colors.
Or skip the heavy stem ribbons and set your bouquet in a vase of water at the head
table as part of the decorations. It’s economical and eco-friendly. Just remember
to dry off your bouquet if you carry it again. The water may spot your dress.
Here comes the bling
You may want to add diamante or crystal beads to your flowers or put them on the ribbon
handle. These ornaments can accent the crystals on your veil.
Are corsages for the prom?
If you want your bridesmaids, mother, and future mother-in-law to wear corsages, consider
their dress fabric first. Heavy shoulder corsages may tear delicate fabrics. Some
florists use “corsage magnets” to avoid pins. A small magnet is set in the back of
the corsage and a thin metal disk is placed under the material of the jacket or dress
to hold the corsage in place.
A corsage will leave your bridesmaids’ hands free—but do they really want that? Nervous
bridesmaids may feel better holding a bouquet when they make the long walk down the
aisle.
It’s all in the wrist
Wrist corsages work especially well with short-sleeved or sleeveless dresses. You
can also pin flowers to a handbag or a hat. Be courteous, even if it is your wedding.
Ask the mothers if they’d rather carry a small bouquet or a single flower. Some women
consider corsages too old-fashioned. You may want to give your mother and mother-in-law
stylish brooches they can keep as mementos.
Fit for a queen
Queen Elizabeth I was often painted with her favorite pomander. Pomanders—flower balls
with pretty ribbon handles—can be carried like purses. Young flower girls or junior
bridesmaids love them.
For budget-minded brides, pomanders can be made from inexpensive flowers such as daisies,
carnations, or chrysanthemums. Crafty brides may want to make their own with silk
or paper flowers.
Bored with flower bouquets?
What about bouquets made from antique buttons, origami flowers, feathers, candy, or
seashells? Some winter wedding parties carry fake fur muffs—just brace yourself for
the inevitable jokes.
Some of these OffbeatBride.com bouquets are works of art (http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/wedding-bouquets).
Wedding Thingz offers alternatives from dramatic parasols to playful pinwheels (http://www.weddingth
ingz.com/1/post/2012/05/alternatives-to-bridesmaids-carrying-floral-bouquets.html).
DIY brides can make bouquets and boutonnieres from paper. Paper-Source.com has clever
kits.
Boutonnieres
If your dude won’t wear the traditional flower, give him foliage. Try rosemary (for
remembrance, as Shakespeare said), thistle, or heather. A sprig of holly or mistletoe
makes a simple holiday boutonniere.
Martha Stewart has this eco-friendly suggestion: “If you and your fiancé have a book
or passage that’s especially meaningful to you—your vows, perhaps?—turn it into a
boutonniere by photocopying or printing out the text and punching it into floral shapes.
It won’t merely survive your wedding day. It’ll last through your golden anniversary.”
(http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/226648/punched-out-boutonniere-how).
I loved the steampunk boutonniere at OffbeatBride .com (http://offbeatbride.com/2010/09/bad-ass-bouton
nieres). Yes, they’re really called bad-ass boutonnieres. You must be sick of syrupy
bridal-guidese by now.
Reception flowers
Flower arrangements can set the mood for your reception, from small, informal bouquets
to impressive arrangements that soar toward the ceiling. Whichever type of centerpiece
you choose, make sure your guests aren’t hidden behind hedges. They need to see and
talk to one another at the tables.
The head table often has long, low arrangements. You can also use a flower runner,
garland, or swag. A long head table means the members of your wedding party will be
able to talk only to the person on either side. Some couples seat their wedding party
members across from one another or at tables for four, with a small arrangement on
each table.
Florist-free flowers
Check out wholesale flower markets, usually found near big cities, or scout your local
farmers market.
Don’t forget your supermarket flower section. These flowers may not be as well-cared
for as florists’ blooms, but you can find flowers for bouquets, table centerpieces,
boutonnieres, floral arches, or pew holders. You may want to buy mixed bouquets and
take them apart.
Using a professional florist costs more, but it can save you time. Make sure you or
the person arranging your flowers will have enough time for your DIY projects. Allow
time for last-minute problems, when Great Aunt Susan’s plane is delayed and she needs
a ride to her hotel, or the sky looks cloudy and your outdoor wedding may have to
be moved indoors.
Flowers on the Web
Bridesign.com has a “wedding in a box.” You choose your bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages,
centerpieces, and pew holders online, and they’re shipped to arrive three days before
the wedding. Bridesign.com says couples save “an average of thirty to forty percent.”
This wedding in a box is only available in the forty-eight contiguous states.
Other florists offer similar flower packages, including Growers Box (http://www.growersbox.com/catalog/wed
ding-flowers-3/).
Some online flowers look amazingly cheap, but factor in the cost of shipping and time.
You’ll need someone to care for the flowers once they arrive, arrange them, deliver
them to the ceremony and the reception—and a backup plan in case your flowers don’t
get to you on time. Even the most reliable companies can’t prevent delays from snow,
tornadoes, or thunderstorms.
If you’re using an online florist for the first time, you may want to order a small
test bouquet to check for quality and reliability.
Smooth as silk
Some brides choose silk wedding flowers because they’re a green alternative. Others
are concerned about allergies, or they don’t like to kill flowers for their special
day. Silk flowers definitely last longer. You’ll have your silk wedding bouquet for
many years.
Good silk flowers can even fool the experts, but they’re almost as expensive as real
ones. You may want to mix silk and real flowers for your wedding. You could order
silk flower bouquets for the head table or for your wedding ceremony, then use the
flowers in your new home or donate them to a nursing home or charity. Silk flower
headbands can be worn by your bridesmaids and flower girls after the wedding—or added
to a pretty hat.
Tips to trim your flower costs
Grow your own
Brides and grooms with a flair for gardening may grow their own wedding flowers. Experts
say you’ll need one to three years of advance preparation. Growing your own flowers
can give your wedding extra meaning—or give you extra headaches.
Better Homes and Gardens
has this guide: (http://www.bhg.com/gardening/flowers/grow-your-own-wedding-flowers/).
DIY flower arrangements
These can save you money, but make extra work. You’ll need to buy vases and get the
centerpieces to the reception and the ceremony. Choose flowers that hold up. You don’t
want to start your new life with vases of wilted flowers. Experts recommend a practice
run so you’ll know how long it will take to make the arrangements and deliver them.
Green brides
Some brides don’t want to leave a big carbon footprint when they walk down the aisle.
They’re concerned that hothouse flowers may be loaded with pesticides and flown in
from overseas. Talk to your florist about using locally grown organic flowers. Organic
Bouquet has pesticide-free flowers for weddings and other occasions (http://www.organicbouquet.com/).
Another green choice is using potted flowering plants or herbs. Rosemary, lavender
and sage look and smell good. Extra green points if you support your local nursery.
Couples can also use centerpieces of colorful citrus—lemons, limes, oranges—in glass
bowls or vases. Baskets of seasonal fruit—grapes, strawberries, peaches, apples—make
handsome centerpieces and treats for your guests.
Thorns among the roses
Shortchanging brides on the flowers in their bouquets and centerpieces was part of
Josie’s mystery shopping experience. But that’s not fiction. Bridaltips.com says it’s
one of the top ten bridal scams.
Here’s how it works: A florist shows you a stunning sample bouquet, a knockout centerpiece,
or a gorgeous photo. You love the flowers and the price is perfect. You sign the contract.
At your reception, those stunning centerpieces seem smaller—because they are. The
shop didn’t deliver what you fell in love with.
Also, watch out when the florist faxes you a price quote and “you try to haggle the
price down. If they fax a new quote, check every single item to make sure they did
not remove any items,” Bridaltips.com says. “Some florists get sneaky and say, ‘Sure,
we can come down on the price a bit.’ When you scrutinize their new quote, you’ll
see your ‘champagne lace’ tablecloth was changed to a plain tan tablecloth.”
Check your contract before you sign. Make sure it states the number and type of flowers
in your bouquets, centerpieces, and decorations, and exactly how many centerpieces
you’ll have at the reception and arrangements at the ceremony.
To prevent disappointments, get florist recommendations from your friends. Check with
the Better Business Bureau and the court judgments on your county records Web site.
Don’t have time to search the Internet? Enlist your groom or a Web-savvy bridesmaid
to help.
Beware of phantom florists
One bride was thrilled when she found an inexpensive florist at an “awesome” price
on a wedding board. She lived on the other side of the country. This bride talked
with the florist by phone, but felt uneasy. She went back and checked that message
board again. The florist had only one review, no address, and no contact name. The
photos on the florist’s site were stock pictures. The florist explained that her prices
were low because she worked out of her home. She wanted to meet at a coffee shop.
The florist supplied good reasons, but the bride knew that some so-called florists
took the deposit money and disappeared. She chose an established (and more expensive)
local florist with a history of happy brides.
Scratch that idea
Some brides get so caught up in the “it’s my day” madness, they forget their guests
and attendants may have allergies. “The bride chose stargazer lilies for the bridesmaids’
bouquets. Two of the girls were highly allergic to these flowers and told the bride
ahead of time,” a bridesmaid told
St. Louis Bride
. “But the bride insisted on them. The two bridesmaids sneezed throughout the entire
ceremony, all the while getting dirty looks from the bride and her mother.”