Mummy Madness (10 page)

Lara and the puppies winced from behind
the glass.
That's gonna hurt
, thought Lara as Terror Thomas staggered
round the kitchen, trying to pull it out.

The laughter stopped for a second and
there was a squelching sound and the security guard held the fork aloft. The pickled
onion eye wiggled on the end of the fork and that was it. ‘It's
out!'

 

 

Mr Big and Terror Thomas sank to the
floor in hysterics.

‘Eye eye,' gasped Mr Big as
a muscle pulled in his stomach.

‘I'll keep my eye out for
you,' wheezed Thomas, crawling on his hands and knees.

Lara took her chance. She held her
breath and rammed open the door. She dragged Ben
out first, tugging him by the jeans. ‘Get him
outside,' she barked to the pups. ‘He needs fresh air. Lots of
it.'

The retired Spy Dog held her breath once
more and went back in. The professor was bent double by the sink, laughing so hard
that he could hardly breathe. ‘He had a pickled onion eye …' Terror
Thomas and Mr Big were helpless on the floor.

‘Come on, old man,' she
woofed. Lara stood on her hind legs and grabbed the professor by a bandaged arm and
dragged him out of the kitchen. There was a satisfying click as she locked the
kitchen door.

‘And that was pretty much
that,' said the professor gravely, avoiding eye contact with Mrs Cook.

‘You seem to be portraying
yourself as some sort of hero, Professor,' nagged Mrs Cook, the veins sticking
out in her forehead.

The dogs knew she was approaching
boiling point. Lara and Star lowered their ears and sank their bellies towards the
floor. Spud's was already there.

‘Well, I did nearly lose my
head …' began the professor.

‘As far as I'm concerned, I
wish you had,' yelled Mum. ‘You somehow managed to drag my children into
a museum …'

‘At midnight,' added Ollie
unhelpfully.

‘At midnight. In London. With an
evil man
who's intent on doing
harm to my children.'

‘Don't forget stealing the
car,' added Ollie as Ben aimed a kick at his little brother.

‘Look, Mum,' began Ben.
‘It was me who got us involved. The prof was dead against it …'

The door opened and a sharp-suited man
appeared. ‘The Prime Minister will see you now,' he smiled as the mood
calmed and the Cook family and their dogs filed in.

The Prime Minister was standing tall and
proud. He welcomed each member of the family with a warm smile and a firm handshake.
‘Welcome, welcome,' he enthused. ‘And please make yourselves
comfortable. My government, indeed this country, owes you a big debt.'

Spud had already spied the trolley.
While everyone else headed for the comfy leather chairs, the rotund puppy leapt on
to the trolley and slid some food on to a plate.
This is all the thanks I
need
, he thought. ‘Here,' he woofed, ‘Star, check this
out.' His sister looked up. Spud had created a face with pickled onion eyes,
cheese nose and hammy smile.

‘Looks like old Terror
Thomas,' sniggered his sister. ‘The eyes are perfect!'

Everyone
else's eyes were fixed on the Prime Minister, who was in serious mode.
‘Obviously,' he soothed, looking at Mrs Cook, ‘we never intended
for the children to get involved.'

‘We didn't mind,'
chirped Ollie. ‘We like missions. And have you got any fizzy
drinks?'

‘But the fact is that they did get
involved,' continued the PM. ‘And played an active part in recapturing
the evil Mr Big. It's no exaggeration to say that the streets are much safer
this evening with that man locked in solitary confinement.'

Lara looked at Mum.
She seems
calmer. The PM is very good!

‘So,' continued the Prime
Minister, ‘I think your dogs and children should be rewarded.'

‘Rewarded?' smiled Mrs Cook,
stretching her neck with pride. Tails wagged and the children sat up straight.

‘It seems Dr Desmond Farquhar had
quite a history,' said the PM, glancing down at some notes. ‘And do you
know what? I don't think he was actually a bad man. More a
tormented
man.'

Professor Cortex took up the story.
‘Qua'a's resting place was a huge find. But the good doc
wasn't a tomb robber at all. It was only the Nile
Ruby that he really wanted. Most adventurers of that era
would have plundered the cave and stolen whatever they could. But not Dr Farquhar.
He tried to reseal Qua'a's resting place and keep it hidden. But, sadly,
the secret was out and other people helped themselves. Qua'a himself was
brought to his final resting place, the British Museum.'

‘It's a great story,
Prof,' smiled Sophie. ‘But why did he get sent to prison?'

‘Well,' continued the
professor, ‘Farquhar returned from Egypt, pretty much a celebrity of his day.
Did lots of guest lectures, wrote a couple of books, met the Queen. That kind of
thing …'

‘And then it dawned on him,'
said the PM, unable to resist such an exciting tale, ‘that the book had been
right in every detail. That the Nile Ruby had indeed been buried
inside
the
coffin. And this is the gruesome bit,' he said, casting a warning eye at Mum.
‘It seems that during the mummification process, Qua'a's brain had
been removed and replaced with his most precious possession …'

‘The ruby!' gasped Ollie.
‘It really was in his head!'

‘Bingo!' nodded the professor. ‘We had
Qua'a X-rayed and, sure enough, there's a precious stone inside his
head.' He handed round a black and white X-ray which, one by one, everyone
held towards the light.

 

 

That's a huge gem
,
marvelled Lara.
Must be worth a fortune.

‘One hundred carats,' noted
the professor, Spud's ears pricking up at the sound of food. ‘And
it's going to remain a secret,' he warned. ‘But you can see why
the good doctor felt he had to act on his father's dying wish and get his
mitts on the ruby. He didn't intend to sell
it. He was only interested in telling the world that his
dad was a hero. Hence breaking and entering thirty-four times, the final one of
which resulted in an unfortunate accident involving a security guard and, hey
presto, the good doc becomes a bad doc and gets locked up in Hurtmore.'

‘Which is exactly where Mr Big is
right now,' said the Prime Minister, grinning his biggest grin of the day.
‘The judge upped his stay in prison to
eighteen
life sentences. So a
few rewards are in order, don't you think?'

Spud was coaxed down from the trolley
and the dogs were lined up. A woman in a cloak appeared with a cushion.
‘Medals!' gasped Mum.

The PM bent down and attached a medal
round the neck of each dog. Lara stretched her neck proudly. Star almost fainted
with excitement. Spud cast an eye back at the trolley.

‘For going way beyond the call of
duty,' said the PM. There was a small round of applause for the dogs.
‘And something for your very brave and courageous children,' he smiled.
‘Professor Cortex, I think you have something special for them?'

There was an
awkward moment as the professor rummaged in his pockets. ‘I certainly
do,' he said, pulling out some sachets of milkshake powder. ‘A
world-first in fact. Rhubarb & mustard for you,' he beamed, handing a
sachet to Ben.

‘Spag Bol for you,' he said,
thrusting a packet at Ollie.

Sophie retched at the thought of savoury
milkshake. ‘And, for you,' he said, reserving his biggest grin for the
little girl, ‘I've developed … 
frogs' leg
surprise
!'

Sophie's hand went to her mouth
and the colour left her cheeks. ‘The
surprise
being that it's
otherwise known as … 
raspberry ripple
,' he assured her.
‘My little joke.'

Lara was enjoying her own little
joke.

Terror Thomas had been delighted to take
up the offer of a new job. Especially one that involved the potential for danger and
excitement. Head of the solitary confinement wing at Hurtmore Prison was perfect. As
the new governor had explained at the interview, ‘You can keep your eye on
Big.'

Lara knew the professional criminal
would
be in solitary so had decided he
needed cheering up. A grin spread across Terror Thomas's face as he unwrapped
the small package and read the letter. ‘Ultra-strength HAPI crystals. Just
sprinkle into his cell and run.' Thomas adjusted his eyepatch and straightened
his tie. He was really looking forward to going to work.

 

As the children
and dogs were receiving their awards, Mr Big was laughing so hard it hurt.
Lara's arch-enemy was on his hands and knees, wheezing in pain. Three stomach
muscles had popped, his eyes were watering and his pants were sodden. ‘Spy Dog
has caused this,' he gasped, struggling to suck in enough breath.
‘I'm going to get that dratted mutt,' he howled as he hammered the
floor, another muscle twanging under the pressure.

The evil baddie's face was as red
as the Nile Ruby. ‘This place can't hold me. Eighteen life
sentences … that's the funniest thing I've ever
heard!'