Montana Bride (32 page)

All the blood leached from his face.

And Grace suddenly realized that Andy hadn’t known this truth about her. Not until she’d just told him. He seemed to have forgotten that he was still holding her hand.

She tried to free herself, to run away and hide, but Andy held on. “You have to let me go, Andy. You don’t want to marry someone like me.”

He met her gaze and asked, “Why did you do it, Grace?”

“Does it matter? I did it.”

She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. But what she’d told him wasn’t going down easily.

“I’d like to know why you sold yourself for money,” he said. “If you think you can bear to tell me.”

She searched his gaze, looking for the condemnation she felt sure he was only waiting for an excuse to speak. But his lion eyes remained steadily, reassuringly, focused on her.

She took a shuddering breath and let it out. “I only did it once.” She hurried to say, “Not that doing it just once makes my sin any less awful.” Grace’s heart hurt when she saw the pain in Andy’s eyes.

His eyes said he’d heard enough. But his ragged voice said, “I’m listening, Grace.”

She swallowed over the agonizing lump in her throat and said, “I did it to get the money to pay the woman who was supposed to be Karl’s mail-order bride to bring us to Montana. I wanted a better life for my brother.” She paused, then added with brutal honesty, “And a better life for myself. So you see, I didn’t do it for entirely unselfish reasons.”

“I don’t think there’s a selfish bone in your body, Grace.”

Grace felt flustered. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”

“Do you love me, Grace?”

Grace felt the tears well and then spill from her eyes. “Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Andy.” And marrying a fallen woman could do him no good.

“Then tell me the truth, Grace. Do you love me?”

“I love you more than my own life. I love you so much I want to die when I think of you leaving here and never speaking to me again.”

He rose and pulled her, unresisting, into his arms. Grace felt his hand at her nape and his mouth at her temple. Then he kissed away the tears on each of her cheeks as he murmured, “I’m not going anywhere. Will you marry me, Grace?”

“I—”

His kiss prevented her from answering. When they came up for air he said, “Marry me, Grace.”

“But—”

He kissed her breathless again and urged, “Marry me.”

“All right,” Grace said, panting with excitement and fear and hope. “All right, Andy. If you’re sure this is what you want, I’ll marry you.”

Andy lifted her under the arms and swung her around and gave a Texas yell so loud the horses whinnied and sidled in their stalls.

Grace slung her arms around his neck and gave a whoop of her own, which was cut off as she gave back the kisses Andy had so generously given her.

Grace had a momentary qualm, wondering whether Griffin would feel betrayed by her decision, and what Hetty would think about her stepdaughter getting married so soon after her marriage to Karl. Then she was lost in the euphoria of being kissed by the man she loved, a man whose heart was big enough to forgive the unforgivable.

Karl had spent the rest of the day making sure that the skid trail got repaired. Hetty was lying in bed wrapped in Karl’s arms listening to the wind whistle eerily outside the window. She watched mysterious shapes waver and change in the flickering light from the burned-down logs in the fireplace.

She felt safe in Karl’s arms and frightened at the same time. Everything was happening too fast. In practically the same moment that she’d told Karl she was pregnant, Grace and Andy had come to the house and announced that they wanted to get married.

Hetty pressed her face against Karl’s throat, inhaling the sharp, arresting scent that was uniquely his, and asked, “Don’t you think she’s too young to get married?”

“Andy has the means to support her. And they love each other.” He paused and added, “But I think we can insist they wait at least until Grace is fifteen. It won’t hurt for them to be engaged for a year. It’ll give them both a chance to make sure they’ll suit.”

“Thank you, Karl. I don’t want to lose my eldest daughter so soon.”

She felt Karl’s smile against her cheek as he admitted, “Me neither.”

Hetty had been surprised when Karl told her just how much money Andy had stashed in a bank in Texas. The boy had apparently come to Karl first to request permission to marry Grace. When Karl had asked about Andy’s prospects, he’d confessed he was rich.

Hetty was glad for her stepdaughter. Grace would never go hungry again. Or need to sell her body again. Hetty felt a shiver run through her. Grace had blurted that news in the excitement of telling Hetty, “He loves me. And he doesn’t care!”

“About what?” she’d asked, smiling with happiness for Grace.

“About what I did to get the money to pay Lucy to bring us along.” Suddenly, her face had looked stricken. “Are you ashamed of me? Do you hate me now that you know?”

Hetty was still trying to figure out what dastardly deed Grace had committed when Grace’s subsequent questions made the answer clear.
Something shameful. Something worthy of hate.
It could only be one thing.

Hetty had been appalled. And dismayed. She’d struggled to keep any kind of judgment off her face and out of her voice as she replied, “I love you, Grace. The most important thing is, can you forgive yourself and move on with your life?”

“I can. Oh, yes, I can! Andy says it doesn’t matter to him, and because he doesn’t care, I don’t ever have to think about it again.”

Hetty thought about the tremendous sacrifice Grace had made for her brother. It wasn’t so different from the sacrifice Hetty’s eldest sister, Miranda, had made, becoming a mail-order bride—selling herself, body and soul—to provide a home for their two younger brothers. Or the sacrifice her twin, Hannah, had made, marrying Mr. McMurtry so that Hetty and Josie could escape from the detestable Miss Birch.

Or the sacrifice she herself had made, accepting Karl as her husband to save Grace and Griffin from a fate worse than death. She was glad to have been a part of helping the two children escape the bitter life they’d led. Thanks to her, Griffin had a mother and father, and Grace had come to the Bitterroot and found Andy.

Hetty curled her body a little closer to Karl’s, seeking warmth and comfort. “Grace says Andy’s planning to build a cabin not far from here, so she can stay close to Griffin.”

Karl chuckled. “Did you see the look on Andy’s face when Griffin suggested that maybe he should come live with them?”

Hetty smiled against his throat. “I saw the look of relief on Grace’s face when you spoke up.”

“I just said what I believe. Griffin needs a mother and father for the foreseeable future more than he needs his sister.”

Hetty felt one of his large hands settle on her rounded belly as he asked, “Have you felt the baby move?”

“I felt a flicker, like a butterfly wing brushing my belly, but on the inside. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby, but I don’t know what else it could have been.”

“Your stomach acting up,” Karl said.

She shook her head. “When I felt it, my stomach wasn’t upset.”

“Are you really happy, Hetty? About the baby, I mean?”

“Mmm.” It was an answer Karl could construe any way he wanted. Hetty hadn’t really considered her feelings in terms of happy and unhappy. She was still adjusting to becoming a mother to Grace and Griffin and now she was going to be caring for an infant. She had no idea how to nurse a baby or change diapers or any of the things she would be expected to do. Hetty wished she’d paid more attention when her brother Harry was a baby, but Miranda had been the one to take care of him at the orphanage.

“I’ll need to build an addition on the house this summer so we’ll have more room,” Karl mused.

“A crib isn’t going to take up much space.”

Karl chuckled again. “I suppose not. But Griffin said something about being in the way when the new baby comes. He’ll need his sleep if he’s going to do a full day’s work for me, and he won’t get much rest with a squalling infant in his room.”

“Hmm,” she said again. Her thoughts felt jumbled. Like her life.

Karl twisted one of her curls around his finger. “You’re awfully quiet tonight. Are you worried about something?”

She was tired of keeping secrets from Karl, but Grace’s secret wasn’t hers to tell. Better he should believe that she was thinking about the baby. “I’m just glad you finally know about the baby and that you’re happy about it.”

He let go of her hair and hugged her close. “I am.”

One of her hands found its way under his long john shirt to his bare chest. His belly rippled with muscle, and she could almost count his ribs. “I like touching you, Karl.”

“I like it, too,” he said. “I wish I’d known you weren’t feeling well these past couple of months. Bao probably has some remedy that would have helped.”

“I was afraid he’d tell you if he knew.”

“Well, I know now,” he said. “I’m going to see if I can find a midwife or a doctor in one of the towns farther north in the valley to help with the delivery.”

“You’re thinking awfully far ahead, aren’t you? The baby’s not due until the fall.”

Karl’s fingers sieved through her hair. “I don’t want to take any chances. It was hard enough getting just the right mail-order bride. I don’t want to lose you, Hetty.”

“Any more than I want to lose you.” Which reminded her that Karl was headed off into the wilderness first thing in the morning to hunt down the most dangerous predator in the Territory. “Do you really have to go hunting that grizzly tomorrow?”

He nuzzled a spot beneath her ear. “Yes, I do.”

She arched her neck so he could more easily reach her throat and said, “I mean it, Karl. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.”

“I didn’t think you cared what happened to me.”

“Of course I care,” Hetty said.

“So you care about me, you just don’t love me.”

Hetty sat upright in the dark, pulling her hair free of his grasp. Karl remained supine, but he tucked a hand behind his head to lift it off the pillow.

She stared down at him, her heart caught in her throat, and realized she’d been lying to herself all these months.
What a fool I am!

It wasn’t only the way Karl made her feel in bed that she loved. It was the way he made her feel when he looked into her eyes at the breakfast table. The way he’d taught Griffin to ride and helped Grace with the study of plants. The way he took care of his workers. The appreciation he showed her for cooking his supper and washing his shirts. And the way he noticed that the sheets smelled like fresh air when they’d just come in from the line.

She loved his plain brown eyes and his plain brown hair and his extraordinarily ordinary face. Except, in her eyes, there was nothing plain about Karl Norwood. No one else had brown eyes as warm as his. No one else had brown hair streaked with gold by the sun like his. And no one else’s face had ever been so dear. Why had she been so reluctant to admit that her feelings had changed?

“I do love you, Karl. I do.”

He sat up beside her. “I wish I could believe you, Hetty.”

“Why wouldn’t you believe me? It’s the truth.”

He sighed. But he said nothing.

“It’s because of all the lies I’ve told in the past,” she said. “That’s why you don’t believe me.”

“That might have a little something to do with it. That, and the fact you’ve made this profession of love to keep me from doing something that needs to be done, no matter how dangerous it is.”

“You really think I said I love you so you won’t go hunting that grizzly tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“I take it back. I don’t give a damn about you! I don’t care if that grizzly claws you to shreds. I don’t care if he bites your head off. I don’t care if he eats you whole and spits out your shoes!”

Karl laughed and pulled her close, then lowered her to the bed, covering her body with his.

“This isn’t funny, Karl. I told you I love you, and you’re laughing at me. I’m serious!”

“I’m serious, too. About making love to my wife and the mother of my children. Let’s enjoy tonight, Hetty, and let tomorrow take care of itself.”

Hetty would have protested, but his mouth had already captured hers and his hands were doing magic things to her body that made it sing hosanna. She gave herself up to the pleasure of making love to her husband.

Karl was right. Words didn’t matter. Feelings did. She would
show
him that she loved him. She would treasure him and pleasure him and be a wonderful wife and a perfect mother. Maybe then he would believe her. She had the rest of her life to convince him.

She pushed aside her worry about some stupid grizzly bear. Karl knew what he was doing. Karl was strong. Karl was invincible. Karl would shoot that bear dead.