Midnight (McKenna Chronicles Book 1) (33 page)

When
I open them, Colin is still looking at me. “Ask me again if I’m happy,” I
whisper.

His
smile fades, but his eyes glow an intense, wonderful blue. “Are you happy,
Charlie?” His question is only heard by me, his mother and father still
discussing the wedding. It’s just the two of us in this moment.

“I
have never been as happy as I am with you. I’m so completely, wonderfully
happy, Colin,” I breathe into him, his face close to mine.

Leaning
in, he brushes his lips against mine, his mouth grazing over my cheek toward my
ear. “So am I.” He kisses my hair and leans his forehead into me for the
briefest moment.

~

“Where
have you been?” Ali scolds.

“What,
not a hello, how are you, I love you?”

“Hello,
how are you? I love you. Now, tell me why you haven’t called me in, like,
forever?”

I
roll my eyes. “I’ve been busy.”

“Busy
gettin’ it on with tall, dark and handsome.” She giggles into the phone like a
teenager.

“Ha
ha, you’re funny.” But I’m giggling too.

“So,
are you going to tell me how good it is or are you going to hold out on your
sister for the rest of your life?”

“It’s
so, so good, Ali. I never thought it would be like this.” My voice moving to a
whisper, I say, “I told him.”

Silence.
Ali is never silent. I know she heard me so I let her absorb the news. “Are you
okay?”

“I’m
good, Ali, really I am. Colin really cares about me; I’m still shocked by that,
but he does. He said it doesn’t matter.” I smile again because I’m so happy.
Last night felt like the end of my world, and today I’ve never been happier in
all of my twenty-nine years.

“Oh,
Charlie, I knew he would. You’re beautiful, and funny, and loving.”

“Well,
you say that because you love me.” I have never doubted that. Ali is my biggest
supporter, along with my parents. She was there first, the one to save me and
continue the life-long struggle to build back my self-worth. Suddenly I miss
her, and I can’t wait to see her this week.

“I
do, and you are all of those things. One day I’ll get you to believe it.”

“Did
you finalize your flight?” I flick my eyes back to Colin who is talking with
Evan at a back table; I have to talk to him soon. I turn to sit on the couch,
focusing on our conversation.

“Yes,
I sent my flight specifics to you by e-mail last night. I arrive Thursday
mid-morning. Did you book?”

“I’ll
get in to Traverse City around ten thirty; Mom’s going to pick us up at the
airport.”

“I
can’t wait to hear all of the details you’ve been holding back from me.” Ali
giggles again into the phone.

I
roll my eyes and catch sight of Colin taking the last few steps to my side,
sliding down on the couch next to me.

“I’ve
got to go, Ali.” I ignore her last comment. “Love you.”

“Love
you too, see you Thursday.” And she’s gone.

Colin
grabs my hand in his. “You’re leaving?”  

“I’m
sorry. I meant to mention it earlier. I want to be home for my gram’s birthday
party on Saturday. My whole family is coming over to celebrate.” Pulling my
knees under me I sit up and turn to lean into him, staring into his eyes. I
wrap my hands around his neck, and close my eyes as our lips meet, molding
together in harmony.

He’s
breathing heavy as he ravages me, deepening our already passionate kiss. Maybe
I shouldn’t have started this here, where we can’t finish it. But I love
kissing him. Groaning into his mouth, I slow us down so we don’t get too
overheated.

“Mmmmm,
you’re delicious.”

“Mmmmm,
you’re trying to distract me. When are you leaving?”

“Thursday
morning. There’s a seven o’clock flight to Detroit.” I sit down next to him,
leaning into his side.

“How
long are you staying?”

“I’d
like to book a flight to meet you in Arkansas on Tuesday morning.”

Silence
stretches between us so I grab his hand to feel connected. Tilting my head so I
can look into his eyes I say, “I’ll miss you.”

My
heart soars. I love him. I want to tell him, but I also don’t want to scare
him.

He
doesn’t look pleased; in fact, he looks forlorn at the impending separation.
Smiling, I lift up and into him. He meets me halfway, our lips connecting, a
gentle connection affirming the truth to my statement.   

I
could kiss Colin all day long, but we’re pulled from the moment when Evan asks
to speak with him again. He leans in to press his lips against my forehead
before standing and moving to the back of the plane. I’m so tired from not
sleeping last night and the brunch and then dinner with the McKennas I can
barely keep my eyes open. Scooting over to the edge of the couch, I lay my head
down to rest my eyes for a while.

“CHARLIE,
WE’VE LANDED
. It’s time to go.” I’m in a deep, groggy fog, clawing to the
surface but unable to break free. Colin’s talking to me yet I can’t lift my
head from the couch. I’m so tired, my eyelids weighed down with the baggage of
last night’s emotions and lack of sleep. A part of me wants to wake and join
him, yet another part is quite content to slip back into the haze of
sleep.   

“Come
on, baby,” he whispers in my ear. I’m vaguely aware that he removes a seat belt
I don’t remember strapping on my lap. In a moment I’m floating in his arms, but
I’m too tired to protest. My head is pressed into his neck; instinctively I
wrap my arms around him, snuggling deeper into his warm embrace before the fog
claims me again. Periodically I hear voices and the sounds of traffic, and the
next thing I remember are Colin’s hands brushing against my stomach followed by
a soft tug as he strips my jeans from my legs. I realize somewhere in my
never-never land he’s stripped me naked, yet he’s not going to lie down.

“Sleep
well, baby.” His lips press against my forehead and then he dips to meet my
mouth in a tender kiss. I try to climb out of the haze to pull him with me but
my heavy eyelids win and I fall back into a deep, exhausted sleep.

Sometime
later I hear voices, one of them Colin’s, and for a moment I wonder if I’m
dreaming. I try to pay attention, noting somewhere in my subconscious he’s
agitated.

“This
is none of your Goddamn business.”

After
a mumbled response that I can’t make out, he says, “No, it doesn’t matter. I’ve
told you to let me worry about this, about her. I’m not having this
conversation again, do you understand me? Let it go.” After a brief,
incomprehensible retort he says, “It’s late and time for you to go.”

A
minute later he slides into bed. I close the small distance between us, sliding
over into his waiting open arm, my head resting on his chest. Mindlessly, I run
my fingers through his soft hair as his arm pulls me closer into him.

“Were
you talking to someone?” I ask, still in a haze.

“It
was nothing, baby, go back to sleep.” His lips press into my hair just before I
pull myself up to look into his shadow-strewn face to make sure he’s okay. I
can barely see him in the dark of the room, yet I know he’s looking at me.
Leaning in I press my lips against his in an offering of solace. When his lips
part, I sigh into him and reach the tip of my tongue to banter with his. We
linger together for another short moment before I pull away. His lips press
into my forehead before I tuck myself into his shoulder and in a moment I’m
gone.

~

I’m
dreaming of the desert, the heat an inferno scorching the planes of dry, caked
land. It’s so hot I can’t escape it. Forcing myself to consciousness to flee
the parched climate I realize it wasn’t a dream, but Colin woven around my
limbs. His head is resting between my breasts and a hand is lying atop one of
them. I smile; never in my wildest dreams did I think one day I would wake up
with Mr. McPerfect nestled between my breasts, his leg suggestively snug between
my thighs.

Taking
advantage of the peaceful moment to study him I run my fingers through his
silky-soft waves. In sleep his forehead is smooth, and when awake it’s
expressive. I love when he draws his eyebrow up in question; it’s so damn sexy.
I can’t help but run my fingers over his high cheekbones and the hollow
contoured below, his face and jaw a masculine sculpture befitting any Greek
god.

I
have never seen someone so handsome—not just good looking, but drop-dead
gorgeous. Smiling, I think to myself it’s a miracle every moment Colin is with
me. Closing my eyes, I wrap my arms around him, hugging him close, enjoying the
feel of him pressed so intimately against me.

I
need to check the time to gauge how long I have with him before he needs to
start his day. The wristwatch he wears faithfully is on the night stand next to
the bed. I'm surprised it’s there because he very rarely takes it off. I know
without looking at it in detail it's very expensive; that’s confirmed when I
see
Cartier
inscribed just under the roman numeral twelve.

Studying
the timepiece in more detail I turn it over in my hand, running my fingers over
the soft black leather of the band. Rolling it through my fingers I look to the
back, admiring the sheen of white gold encompassing the watch, only to find an
inscription.

C- Remember me always

-A

My
heart stumbles when I realize this is a gift from Abby, a memory of her he
carries around with him just as the inscription has asked for him to do,
always. A word he has used with me on occasion. Closing my eyes, I try to push
away the rush of sadness and quite possibly jealousy threatening to consume me.
Thoughts of Abby haven't surfaced in weeks; Colin hasn't mentioned her, nor
have I. I’ve been hoping rather than knowing our time together is distancing
him from the pain that followed him so closely when we first met. Now, based on
this simple inscription, I wonder if he will ever be able to leave her behind.
He doesn't wear his wedding ring; why does he wear a watch from his long-dead
wife?

My
only answer is he can't let her go, or maybe he doesn't want to. My heart sinks
at the thought, falling into pieces in the pit of my stomach. If that’s truly
the case, he’ll never be able to love again; he’ll never be able to love me.
His words are haunting:
I have no heart to give
. I never believed him,
especially after this past weekend, wanting so desperately to believe by
receiving compassion and love his heart would heal, that there’s a chance for
us. A chill runs down my spine, even though Colin's heat is as potent as it was
when I woke—chilling apprehension takes over, fear I'll lose him, or maybe more
accurately that I’ve never had him.

Needing
space I slip out from underneath him as gently as possible. I want time to
contemplate everything that's happened between us. For some inexplicable reason
a burning desire to run consumes me, run from the chaos swirling in my head,
run from thoughts of Abby, run from the complications of not only Colin's life,
but the challenges knotted so indelibly into my own. I haven't run in years,
not since Ali started medical school and moved away. She would drag me out to
run with her in the mornings, but I never found the love for it she did. Today
is different. I need to feel the freedom it brings.

Quickly
I change, thankful I carry around an old pair of gym shoes for the rare
comfortable moment on the campaign trail. Leaving Colin a note on my pillow so
he won't worry, I slip out of the suite to find the peace I long for. The
morning sun is just hovering above the horizon line, welcoming a new morning as
I step onto the sidewalk outside of the hotel.

Although
the temperature will rise into the high seventies, the morning air is cold,
urging me to jump right into a fast jog. Tall brown and gray buildings varying
in height line the streets. For blocks I run without any thought, freeing my
mind, concentrating solely on the wind at my back, the tempo of my breath, the
pull of long dormant muscles in my legs and the exhilarating power of running.

It's
not long before the city becomes a blur, my thoughts straying to my own set of
worries: Colin, Abby, his campaign and how I fit into the complicated web. It's
moments like this I very much feel like a fly caught in a web, struggling
unsuccessfully to find my way out of the grip holding me in place. Colin's life
is
complicated. I foolishly thought I could simplify it, but it's only
going to get more and more challenging as he progresses toward the White House.
Am I strong enough to endure the demands that will continue to grow with his
career? What happens with us as his campaign moves forward? Will I forever be
detached from him in public? How is it
we
can work? He's always said
we’ll
find a way
, but doubts to the validity of that statement are becoming
increasingly hard to ignore. How, Colin? How can we find a way with such
different lives and possibly feelings for one another? There are so many
unanswered questions that for a moment I get lost in them, unable to clearly
understand how I fit into his equation. Yesterday my secrets were revealed, and
the relief from that burden was all consuming. Today the questions surrounding
us
are abundant and overwhelming.

I
love Colin, so much. The thought stops me in my tracks. Leaning against a stop
sign on the corner of the street, my breath heaves in and out of my lungs. I
love him, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything. Knowing he
may not be able to move past Abby or the tremendous complications of his life
doesn't change that; in fact, it connects me to him even more. I feel it; I
know I'm meant to see him through those struggles, to remain by his side and
support him as he navigates through the complications. We can work together to
answer all of the questions; I can do this for him and for me. We can find a way—I
may not be able to see it clearly now, but somehow I know it's possible.