Mia the Melodramatic (22 page)

As Henry disappeared through the crowd, Tim asked, “So, what’s this about you being all over Eric this summer?”

“It wasn’t like that,” I started to explain.

“Then what was it like?” Tim said, staring at me with an icy gaze. “You better not tell me I’ve been beating myself up for the past two months because I cheated on you and you’ve been sneaking around behind my back the whole time—”

“She never cheated on you,” Eric interrupted. “She was doing me a favor. Stephanie wanted to go out with me and I didn’t have the heart to tell her no, so Mia pretended to be my girlfriend. I swear, this is our first date.”

“First date?” Tim looked at Chris. “I didn’t know this was a date.”

“Then what did you think the flower was all about?” Eric said.

“I don’t know.” Tim shrugged. “Some acting thing? All I know is that Chris called me this afternoon and told me to come along tonight. I thought it would be a good way to spend some time with Mia.”

“Chris told you that?” Eric said, his eyes narrowing.

“Boy, I sure am thirsty,” Chris said, standing up. “Anyone want a lemonade?”

Eric put his hand on Chris’s shoulder and pushed him back into his seat. “Why did you ask Tim to come if you knew I was asking Mia out? I mean, I even called you to ask what her favorite flower was.”

“Oh,” said Chris, who flinched under the weight of Eric’s arm. “Is
that why you wanted to know?”

“So, eat any good bird seed lately, Tweety?” I asked as everything suddenly became crystal clear to me.

“What are you talking about?” Chris said. “Did Mom and Dad feed you too many paint chips again?”

“No,” I replied. “But Tim is going to feed you his fist when he finds out you’re the ‘little birdy’ who told Cassie about him being here tonight.”

“What?” Tim stared at Chris. “You told Cassie I was going to be here tonight? Why would you do that, man? You knew I was trying to get Mia back.”

“I thought you’d be glad I told Cassie. I mean, she’s totally hot and Mia is... well, who knows what Mia is?” Chris said as he maneuvered his way out of Eric’s grasp and stood up. “I swear I didn’t mean to cause anybody any harm. I was just trying to be friendly. Honest. Now, I’m going to go get something to drink. It’s kind of hot in here.”

“Just wait until you get to hell,” I muttered as I watched him slither through the crowd.

Tim shook his head and Eric said, “What is with that kid?”

“Chris has a terminal case of diarrhea of the mouth combined with constipation of ideas,” I said. “I’m sure his only motive in getting both of you here tonight was to make my life miserable. I can’t believe he got me again and I still haven’t paid him back for setting a plague of crickets on me and getting me grounded for an entire month of summer.”

“Well,” Tim said, “this time he crossed me. And I’m not the kind of guy who takes getting set up lightly. He’s going down.”

“I agree,” Eric said. “Mind if I help you in a little revenge?”

“You have yourself a deal,” Tim said. “So, your dad’s a hunter, huh? Think he’s got some deer musk in that hunting bag of his?”

T
he next set raced by with a racket of guitar riffs, drum-pounding, and loud screaming voices. By the time Zoë announced the last break before their closing set, my head was buzzing like I had a vibrating cell phone between my ears.

Cassie peeled herself away from Tim long enough to accompany Stephanie as she hit on Jeremy again. Meanwhile, I nudged Eric. It was time to seek our revenge.

Taking my hint, Eric leaned over and said to Chris, “You know what? I forgive you for messing up my plans with your sister tonight.”

“You do?” Chris asked, utterly surprised. “I mean, of course you do. You know I’d never do anything to mess with you.”

“I know,” Eric nodded. “I mean, I’ve known you since we were little. You’d never do anything to mess with a bond like that.”

“So,” said Chris, looking at Tim. “Are you cool with it, too?”

“Yeah,” Tim said. “You’re right. Cassie is totally hot. In fact, I meant to thank you for telling her I was here.”

“I knew you’d appreciate it.” Chris smiled. “That’s what friends are for.”

“So,” Eric said in a conspiratorial tone, “you think my cousin’s pretty hot, don’t you?”

“She totally rocks,” Chris replied, staring longingly at Zoë as she cleaned under her fingernails with her guitar pick.

Tim said, “You should ask her out.”

“Shut up,” Chris replied. “There’s no way Zoë would go out with me.”

“Why not?” Eric asked. “You look way older than your age. I bet you even shave.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “I’ve shaved before. So what?”

Eric leaned closer. “So, what kind of aftershave do you use?”

“I don’t know. Whatever my dad has in his medicine cabinet.”

“See, that’s your problem. You have to use the stuff I use. It’s called Animal Magnetism. It drives the girls crazy.” Tim lowered his voice. “You should’ve seen how Cassie was all over me when I used it last year. She said she couldn’t get enough of it.”

I fought the urge to gag as Chris sat up straighter. “Really?”

“Hey, I use Animal Magnetism, too,” Eric said. “In fact, Zoë just asked me what cologne I was wearing tonight. She said she really liked it.”

“No kidding?” Chris asked, glancing at Zoë.

“Yeah, too bad I don’t have any with me,” Tim said glumly. “I bet she’d pay attention to you if you were wearing it. It would make you smell like a man.”

Eric snapped his fingers like he’d suddenly remembered something. “I think I have a bottle of it in my car. I brought it tonight in case—you know.”

“Do you mind if I use some of it?” Chris said eagerly.

“I don’t know,” Tim replied. “I’m afraid of what it’ll do to Zoë when she smells it. Do you think you’re man enough to handle the consequences?”

“Oh,” Chris said, “I’m man enough, all right.”

Tim hesitated. “What do you think, Eric? Think you can trust your cousin not to do anything crazy when she smells it on Chris?”

Eric leaned back in his chair. “I’m not sure...”

Chris said, “Come on, Eric, let me use it.”

“Oh, all right,” Eric relented. “Why don’t I go out to the car with you guys, so I can make sure Chris doesn’t put too much on? I’d hate to see my cousin go too crazy.”

As I watched them leave, I let the laughter building inside of me
burst out. This was going to be good.

A few minutes later, Chris, Eric, and Tim returned and this time, they didn’t have any trouble making it through the crowd. As soon as people took one whiff of Chris, they immediately moved out of his way. It was like he was Moses parting the Red Sea with his odor.

He sat down next to me and I had to breathe through my mouth because of the stench. If this is the scent of deer, no wonder Bambi was an only child. Trying to hide my gag reflex, I said, “Wow, you smell great. Too bad you still look the same.”

“You really like it?” Chris said to me under his breath. “It smells kind of rank to me.”

“No, it’s great,” I lied. “It’s just a little strong. I bet it’ll wear off a little before Zoë’s done singing.”

“All right,” Chris said, “but personally, I think the stuff kind of stinks like puke. Do you really think Zoë will like it?”

“Trust me. Girls love that scent,” I said.
At least girl deer do,
I thought.

For the next forty-five minutes, I sat there praying that Chris’s scent wouldn’t burn a hole through my nostrils. And by the time Zoë’s set was finally done, there wasn’t a soul sitting next to us. Even Cassie had pried herself away from Tim rather than smell Chris. And I could tell it was taking all kinds of extra effort for Eric and Tim not to get up and leave as well.

Nolan pounded out his last drum solo and the lights in the coffee house came up. I looked over at Chris, who had turned a shade whiter than chalk. He leaned over to me and whispered, “Are you sure I smell all right? Because that stuff Tim and Eric gave to me is kind of making me sick.”

“You’re crazy. You smell great,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying,” Chris said uneasily. “But I’m
not too sure.”

“Here comes Zoë,” I said as she made a bee-line for the table. “Why don’t you see what she says?”

Chris put on his most dazzling smile as Zoë marched over to our table.

“What’s going on here?” Zoë demanded before Chris had a chance to open up his mouth. “Why’d everyone get up and leave the front?” She wrinkled her nose. “And what’s that putrid smell?”

Chris’s smile faded faster than a black tee-shirt left out in the sun. It suddenly dawned on him that Eric and Tim weren’t as forgiving as he’d thought. He stood up and tried to escape, but Zoë grabbed his arm. “Wow, is that you? What did you do? Roll in dog poop between sets?”

“No, um,” Chris stuttered, “Uh, well, you see—”

“Forget about it.” Zoë held up her hand. “You don’t even need to tell me. Just get out of here. You’re stinking up the place. You need to take a shower once in a while and save us all some pain.” She took one last look at him and then, plugging her nose, returned to the stage to gather up her equipment.

As soon as she was gone, Chris turned on Eric and Tim. “You guys dogged my chance of dating Zoë! That is so not cool!”

“Yeah,” Tim replied, “just like it wasn’t cool how you dogged on Eric and me.”

“I hope you remember this the next time you think about messing with me,” Eric said.

“Or when you decide to delete my e-mails,” Tim said.

“Or when you let a bunch of crickets in my room,” I added.

“All right! I get it,” Chris muttered. “We’re even. Now, can you give me a ride home? I need to take a shower before I puke.”

Tim grabbed Chris by the shoulders and held him out in front of us. “You lead. That way we’ll get through the place quicker.”

The crowd gladly made way for us. As soon as we made it outside, I took a deep breath of fresh air and Eric said, “Tim, why don’t you
ride in the backseat with Chris this time? But make sure he keeps his windows down. I don’t think they make a car deodorizer strong enough to cover up his scent.”

A
fter Eric dropped Tim off at his house, he pulled into my driveway, and Chris immediately escaped into the house to take a shower.

Finally alone, Eric and I walked to the door together. “Well, the night didn’t turn out exactly like I planned, but it was still fun,” Eric said.

I winced. “I swear I didn’t know it was a date.”

“I kind of guessed that when you invited your little brother and ex-boyfriend to come with us.” Eric smiled. “Next time, would you leave them at home?”

“Next time?” My stomach fluttered.

“Yeah, that is, if you want to try and go out again.” Eric looked into my eyes and leaned his face closer to mine.

My heart raced with surprising excitement. I closed my eyes and leaned into Eric. Our lips met and a warm sensation washed over me. Eric’s kiss was sweet and sincere—just like him.

As we pulled away, Eric said, “So, can I take that as a yes? You’ll go out with me again?”

I nibbled on a lower lip still warm from the kiss and nodded. Maybe Lisa had the right idea. Kissing a guy who was a friend
was
rather nice.