Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance (23 page)

“Because you’re like my baby sister. I gotta protect you.” Adam flung his arm around her shoulders and dragged her in for a side hug.

Ainsley snorted and elbowed him in the side but left his arm where it was. If he wanted to protect her, she was fine by that. But that also meant he would have to know when to step back and let her do her own thing and be her own person. That’s what the argument had been about. She pushed open the doors to the library and stepped out into the bitter cold.

“Lunch?”

“Yes, please,” he answered. “Hey! What are you doing for Halloween this weekend?”

“No idea.”

“It’s your birthday.”

“I’m aware.”

“Your twenty-first birthday.”

“I’m doubly aware.”

“You mean you didn’t set up a huge party?”

Ainsley rolled her eyes and looked him over. “No, but I’m sure you did.”

“Absolutely I did. The whole Crossroads crew is going to be there. I have two kegs. It’s going to be a blast.”

“Oh joy,” Ainsley answered. Halloween was on a Friday that year, meaning she could get plenty drunk and not worry about anything at all. She bit her lip as she walked alongside Adam toward the cafeteria, wondering if Meredith would want to do anything for her birthday. Pushing the thought to the side and the worry that bubbled in her stomach, Ainsley walked into the commons ready to eat her favorite pasta dish.

#

The kettle sung loudly on the stovetop, and Meredith pulled it off with a flourish. Sam was in the living room watching something on the television. She had just lightly cleaned his kitchen and wanted to sit down and join him, but tea was necessary first. Pouring the steaming water into two mugs and plopping in the tea bags, she carried them both to the living room and handed one to Sam.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith sat down on the couch and let out a sigh. Whatever was on the television was unimportant. Sam looked over at her, studying her, and she felt he was at least somewhat getting back to normal. He’d gone back to work for three days that week, and she had no doubt that was helping in his moving on.

“So…” Sam said.

Meredith knew that tone, and she hated that tone. That was the tone of voice he used when he knew something she didn’t want to know and when he was expecting her to answer it. He knew something was up. Meredith bit back a curse and took a small sip of her hot tea. She didn’t want to let him in on everything, but it looked as though she had no choice in the matter.

“How’s work?” Meredith asked.

“Good. Heard Ainsley won that memoir contest.”

Meredith almost choked on her tea. She turned and looked at him, eyes wide.
He doesn’t beat around the bush sometimes, does he?
she thought. “She did. I’m very proud of her.”

“Uh huh.”

Rolling her eyes, Meredith leaned forward and set her tea on the coffee table. She turned back and looked at him, glaring. “What is this really about?”

“What happened?”

She drew in a deep breath and let it out quickly. Meredith fingered the throw blanket laid over the top of the couch, pulling the threaded end of it through her fingers. How exactly to explain what had happened in the three weeks Sam had been mostly out of it.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” she asked, already knowing the answer, but she wanted to be sure.

Sam nodded. “Yes, I do. It’s good to focus on something and someone else for a change.”

“All right,” she said. “What happened is a big question for an even bigger answer. I guess the simple way to put it is that I slept with her.”

“You what?” Sam coughed and sputtered out his tea he’d been trying to take a drink of. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and then set his mug down next to hers. He put a hand on her knee and shook his head. “You did what?”

“I slept with her. More than once, too.” Guilt slid into the place of her happiness, and Meredith looked down at the couch cushion unable to keep her gaze locked with his.

“Mer—”

“I know. I know. I shouldn’t have, but…I don’t know. I just couldn’t stop myself. There’s something about her.”

“Something what?”

Meredith shook her head and fiddled with the blanket again. “Something I really like.”

Sam grabbed her hand and held it close to his chest. He looked at her, deeply into her, and Meredith’s nerves ratcheted up a notch. Sam was going to figure it out before she could even put words to it. She knew he was going to tell her exactly what she was feeling, and she wasn’t ready for that yet. Breaking the gaze, Meredith pulled her hand away and reached for her tea.

“I thought I could avoid her, you know. Like you told me to. It didn’t work out, and I couldn’t control myself.”

Sam nodded and said nothing. Meredith wasn’t sure what he could say to make her feel better. Their bubble of happiness had been burst, and she couldn’t think about Ainsley without thinking about consequences anymore. Her job, her livelihood—those were things she needed to protect. Those and Ainsley.

Meredith sipped at her tea again, realization sitting in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t keep going on like that. She needed to break it off. Sighing into her tea, Meredith closed her eyes as tears threatened to pull her away from the moment.

Sam slid in closer to her, taking the mug from her fingers, and rested her head on his shoulder. He shushed her and kissed her temple. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m an utter mess.”

“You’re not,” he said, and she detected a smile in his tone. Curious, she moved and looked at him, and sure enough, he was smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing. What are you going to do about it?”

Meredith shrugged and settled her head back against his shoulder. She breathed in his cologne, letting the familiar scent wash over and calm her aching heart. She sniffled and wiped her hand under her nose.

“Break up with her, I guess.”

“Are you even dating?”

“I don’t know. Yes, but no, but yes. I don’t know,” she repeated and snuggled into Sam’s side. “See what happens when you leave me on my own for a few weeks? Everything goes to shit.”

Sam chuckled and rubbed his hand against her arm. “I don’t think it’s as shit as you think it is. Trust me.”

Meredith shook her head. “No, I really did a number on this one. She’s just a kid. I should have known better, but she wouldn’t know better. God…I corrupted a child.”

“She’s not a child so much as you think she is right now.”

“Maybe,” Meredith muttered. “She’s still so young.”

“In age perhaps.”

“What are you saying?”

“Nothing I can share with you,” he answered.

Meredith let it lie at that, staying next to him for close to an hour. Their tea got cold, but she didn’t care. She could always make another batch if she wanted it. Sam stood up after a while and held his hands out to her. Meredith put her hands in his and waited as he pulled her to stand. He moved around the living room, picking up their snack and mugs and bringing them to the kitchen. Meredith followed curious as he hadn’t said anything to her. When he grabbed her shoes and set them in front of her and then went back for her jacket, she was more confused than ever.

“You kicking me out?” she asked, a chuckle in her voice along with fear and worry. Sam was her safe place, and if he was kicking her out, she didn’t know where she was going to go.

“Yes and no. You have a date.”

“I—what?” Meredith looked at the watch on her wrist and panicked. She slipped her feet into her heels and grabbed her jacket from Sam, kissing him on the cheek. “I almost forgot.”

“Not almost, you did. But I reminded you. It’s good.”

Meredith smiled and reached for the door, opening and shutting it behind her. The cold blast of air knocked some sense back into her. She took a deep breath, standing with her back to Sam’s door. Shaking her head, she turned around and went back inside.

Pressing her hands to her hips, she looked Sam over. “What am I supposed to do?”

“That’s for you to figure out. I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’ve tried that before, and it never works.”

Meredith gave him a look before worrying her lower lip. “I could break it off with her.”

“You can try,” he answered. “Just be warned that it’ll be harder than you think it’s going to be.”

Taking a deep breath, Meredith clenched her jaw. “What do you think I should do then?”

“I’m not going to tell you what I think. You definitely don’t want to hear it right now.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Mer—” he moved over and grabbed her shoulders, tightening his grip before loosening it when she calmed down. “Go see her. Figure it out in the car, when you see her, whatever. Just don’t make any rash decisions based on fear, all right?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, wishing he would just tell her what he was thinking. Sam was always good at figuring her out. But him not telling her was more frustrating than it should have been—it meant something else was up she couldn’t see, and Meredith didn’t like that. Licking her lips, she nodded.

“Fine. I’ll go have dinner with her, and figure something out, I guess.”

“You do that.” He pushed her toward the door, and she walked willingly. Then he stopped and spun around, going to the kitchen counter. “Oh! Mer—don’t forget this.”

He handed her a smooth black box. Meredith gave it a funny look and opened it, staring inside at the smooth piece of jewelry. It was a necklace with a silver chain that led down to a heart shaped pendant.

“You owe me about one-fifty for that, by the way.”

“One what?”

“Trust me.”

Meredith glared at him again. “For her birthday, I assume,” she said.

“Well, did you get her anything?”

“No, I was going to give her my books. A full-set of them.”

Sam shook his head. “You told her?”

“We were talking about favorite authors, and she mentioned K. P. Schilling was her favorite—how could I not say something?”

“Interesting. Give her that. She’ll like it better.”

“It means something different.”

“Exactly,” he said, and then he did shove her out the door.

Meredith heard the click of the lock and scoffed at him. Walking to her car, she got inside and turned the heat on full blast as she shivered.
Leave it to my gay best friend to remember my girlfriend’s birthday
, she thought and sighed. It was a beautiful necklace though, and he did have more time to shop than she did. Taking a deep and steadying breath, Meredith pulled out of the parking lot and headed home to start cooking.

Chapter Twenty

Her hands were covered with mittens when she knocked on Meredith’s door. Ainsley took a deep breath and hoped Meredith would open the door soon. The bite in the air was something she didn’t want to stay out in for long. Meredith opened the door with a smile on her face, and Ainsley stepped inside as quickly as possible.

“Hey,” Ainsley said.

“Hey there,” Meredith answered.

Once Ainsley had her jacket and gloves off, she reached for Meredith and kissed her loudly on the mouth. “Whatever it is you’re making, it smells delicious.”

“Lasagna.”

“One of my favorites,” Ainsley exclaimed.

“Yeah? Good thing then. It’s one of mine, too.” Meredith took Ainsley’s hand and led her to the kitchen, her bare feet silent on the floor. Ainsley sat down at the kitchen table as Meredith handed her a glass of wine. “Your first official drink, at least I hope, since it’s only five.”

“Adam might have forced me to take a shot at lunch.”

“Rascal.”

Ainsley giggled and sipped at her wine. It wasn’t Meredith’s usual fare as it was white instead of red. Ainsley took a second sip and said, “This is really good.”

“I’m glad you like it. Also one of my favorites.”

“You’re going to turn me into a wino before soon.”

“Perhaps,” Meredith said and cut up the lasagna on the counter. “I hope you’re hungry because there’s plenty here. It’s not easy to make only two servings of lasagna.”

“I am. Don’t worry.”

Meredith set a plate down in front of Ainsley and then settled into her own chair across the table. Ainsley waited until Meredith was set before taking a bite of her dinner. She moaned around the food in her mouth and closed her eyes.

“This is amazing. What did you put in it?”

“Family recipe.”

“Then I won’t ask, but this is really good.”

“Thanks,” Meredith said with a blush on her cheeks. “Years of practice.”

“I bet.”

“I wanted to ask…I was talking to Sam earlier today and he mentioned something that got me thinking. He didn’t say much, so don’t get mad at him—”

Ainsley’s stomach tensed. Her breathing increased and her shoulders tightened. She knew where the conversation was going before Meredith even finished talking. She’d confessed it to Sam her freshman year and had only regretted it a few times since then. Ainsley stopped eating, setting her fork on her plate. She reached for her wine and took a large gulp.

“—he said you weren’t as young as you seemed but that he wouldn’t say more. I noticed it too, but I was wondering why.”

Silence crept over the room. Ainsley could barely breathe with how tense she had gotten, and she could hardly be expected to eat. Looking at the table and then looking at Meredith, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I—I told you my father died when I was in high school.”

“You did,” Meredith said, taking a sip of her own wine.

Ainsley nodded. “It’s probably not what you’re thinking either. I wasn’t raped or anything, which is what most professors of college students think. How can they not? It happens so often.”

“It does.”

Ainsley took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair, trying to relax her body. She hadn’t expected this turn in the conversation and had been blindsided by it. She blinked back tears, lifting her gaze to the ceiling. Meredith came around the table instantly and grabbed her hand, kneeling on the ground.

“I—I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.”

“It’s—it’s okay. You should know about it anyway.”

“My dad had leukemia, and there were a few years where I was the only one who could care for him.”