Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance (18 page)

“Phone died. I forgot my charger. It’s been dead for days now.”

“That explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“I’ve called you several times. Texted you even more. I never got an answer.”

Meredith scrunched her nose and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t feel comfortable leaving for a while, so I wasn’t able to come get it. I’m sorry I didn’t get your messages. They probably would have helped me more than you can imagine.”

Meredith went to walk back out of the doorway, but Ainsley grabbed her hand and brought her back to the bed. They were still in their coats, and even though Ainsley wanted to see Meredith—all of her—to make sure she was okay, she wasn’t about to risk freezing to death.

“What happened?” Ainsley asked.

“Jeremy.” Meredith’s eyes watered up, and Ainsley squeezed her hand lightly as they sat. “He—he died Saturday night. I was on my way back and got the phone call. I managed to run over here and get clothes before he passed away because I knew I was going to be with Sam for a while. I just…it’s so hard.”

“I know,” Ainsley said and tugged Meredith closer to her. Meredith tilted her head down on Ainsley’s shoulder and sniffled. “It’s not supposed to be easy.”

“Yeah. We had the funeral on Wednesday. I’ve been with Sam this whole time. He’s a complete mess.”

“I bet you were a real comfort to him though.”

“Maybe, but I just had to get out of there. It was smothering.”

“I can only imagine.” Ainsley brushed a kiss into Meredith’s hair. “Were you able to grieve?”

Silence echoed in the room. Ainsley was afraid Meredith had fallen asleep on her, but when she looked down, her eyes were still open and blinking. She gave it time, sensing that was more important than words themselves. She held onto Meredith like her life depended on it, not moving even to briefly adjust her position.

“I wasn’t,” Meredith answered after minutes of quiet. “I wasn’t able to at all. And I just—I needed to get out of there.”

“Then stay here for a bit.” Ainsley reached down and lifted Meredith’s chin so she could kiss her quickly. “Do you want me to make you some tea?”

Meredith nodded, tears falling down her cheeks freely. Ainsley kissed a few of them away before kissing her again on the lips. She wanted to stay in the room and make tea at the same time, that way she could be there for Meredith. Once Meredith had sufficiently calmed, Ainsley scooted away from the bed and went to the kitchen, putting water in the kettle and turning it on. Meredith had a stash of tea in one of her cabinets, and Ainsley picked out the chamomile, knowing she would need it more than ever.

The heat had kicked on finally, and Ainsley stripped out of her jacket, laying it over the chair in the kitchen as she prepared the mug. She was pouring the water when Meredith’s arms snuck around her middle. She squeezed Meredith’s hands and then finished making two mugs of tea. Meredith had changed into pajamas, and Ainsley wished she’d had some so she could be just as comfortable.

When she turned around and handed Meredith the mug, a sad look crossed Meredith’s face. She shook her head, tears threatening but not spilling over. Meredith took a sip of her tea and hummed. She walked to the couch and sat down, waiting until Ainsley was next to her before speaking. “I have kids, you know.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I imagine they’re older than you.”

“How old are they?”

“Twenty-three and twenty-six.”

“Yup,” Ainsley said and took another sip from her own tea, trying to figure out exactly where the conversation was going. She thought they would be talking about Jeremy, but instead she had a feeling that was the last subject on Meredith’s mind to discuss.

Meredith took a deep breath. “I was in a relationship with their mother for close to ten years. We met in college. It was all going okay until she had a change of heart.”

“A change of heart?”

Meredith nodded and raised her knees to settle her chin on them to look over at Ainsley. “I want you to know this. Not many here do, but it’s important to me. I don’t want to have any more kids. Physically it would be hard, but I can’t do that again.”

“What happened?”

“She left. And since she was the biological mother of our children and since it was the early nineties, she had full custody and I was told to stay far away.”

“That’s so horrible. You didn’t get to see them at all?”

“She’d send pictures every now and then. I have them all. It wasn’t until Logan, my son, went to college that he finally contacted me. He’s the older one and remembered me better. I’m in contact with him now, but not with Morgan.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t pushed it.”

Ainsley nodded and ran her hand down Meredith’s leg, thankful they were having an open conversation. It was just what she’d needed to get to know Meredith better, and even though it was a sad story, she was grateful Meredith felt comfortable telling her.

“It was hard.”

“I can’t even imagine. You think you’re going to be raising children and then the next minute their gone.”

“Gone for fifteen years. When Logan showed up on my front stoop that first time, I didn’t even recognize him. He’s so handsome though. I think he’ll be getting married soon.”

“Very sweet.” Ainsley rested her head on the back of the couch and smiled at Meredith. She was letting her lead the conversation that evening. Anything and everything Meredith wanted to talk about, they would talk about. Ainsley kept her hand on Meredith’s ankle to keep contact.

“Yes, very. They’re good together. I never wanted to be in a relationship after that.”

“Makes sense. She broke your heart.”

“Into a million little pieces.” Meredith closed her eyes, and Ainsley was lost without the blue-green color swirling around. She drank her tea and waited, realizing that Meredith had probably fallen asleep for a bit.

Getting up slowly, Ainsley took Meredith’s mug of tea so it wouldn’t spill and accidentally woke Meredith up. She shushed her and pulled her to her feet. Ainsley walked in front of Meredith, keeping Meredith’s hands in hers as she led the way to the bedroom.

“You need to get some rest. We can talk more in the morning if you want.”

Meredith nodded mutely and crawled into the bed. She sat up, pillows behind her back and refused to let go of Ainsley’s hands. Ainsley was forced to sit on the edge of the bed and wait as Meredith entwined their fingers together.

“I miss them all so much,” Meredith said, her voice breaking.

“I know.” Ainsley cupped Meredith’s cheek and rubbed her thumb just under Meredith’s eye. “It’s hard, and it sucks, and it’s just how it is.”

“How’d you get so wise?”

Ainsley closed her eyes and shook her head. “Experience, I guess. My parents split when I was young, but I still had both of them around. When I was in high school, my dad finally passed away after a very long battle with cancer. I could ignore it until that last year, but that last year brought it home. My mom remarried after that. She’d been dating this guy for years, but they finally decided to tie the knot I guess. I don’t know why I’m wise except for life experience.”

Meredith nodded. “Bad experiences make you grow up far more quickly.”

“Well, I was an only child for the most part, so I guess I grew up quickly that way too.”

“For the most part?”

“My dad had a daughter with his first wife. I never really saw her until the funeral. We keep in touch all the time now, but I didn’t really have a sister until I was seventeen.”

“Makes sense.”

“I hate that he’s gone though. He never got to see me graduate, never got to see me go off to college, and I never got to tell him about my first love.”

“Tell me, then.”

Ainsley’s mouth opened and closed, and she shook her head. “I think I’ll save that for another time.”

“All right,” Meredith said. She tugged on Ainsley’s hand and beckoned her closer. “Get in bed. It’s warmer under the covers.”

Ainsley toed off her shoes and crawled up to the top of the bed, sliding under the comforter next to Meredith. She had been right, it was definitely warmer under the covers, especially with Meredith so close. Meredith lay down on the pillows, turning on her side. Ainsley stayed sitting up but moved her hand when Meredith silently asked for it.

With their hands together and Meredith running one finger up and down Ainsley’s forearm, she knew was home. Ainsley sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn’t tell Meredith about her first love simply because Meredith was her first love. She let the thought sink in, warming her as she stayed right where she was in Meredith’s bed. It didn’t matter that they were thirty plus years apart—all that mattered was that it felt right.

Ainsley squeezed Meredith’s fingers. “I’d like to meet Logan someday.”

“He’s coming for Thanksgiving, I think. Bringing his girlfriend along. He said he wanted me to meet her.”

“That’s nice.”

“Maybe you can meet him then.”

“Maybe I can,” Ainsley answered, knowing she wouldn’t. She was expected home for the holiday. The plane ticket had already been purchased, and her mother would have a conniption if she tried to back out of it. Not saying anything about it, Ainsley rested her head back and closed her eyes, sliding into the soothing atmosphere the room held. She was almost asleep when Meredith’s voice floated up to her.

“Ainsley?”

Clearing her throat, she answered quietly and checked the clock. It was close to three in the morning. She must have fallen asleep for longer than she thought she had. When she looked down, Meredith was staring up at her.

“Come down here, would you?”

Ainsley shuffled down to lay next to Meredith, facing her with all curiosity. She should be heading out soon, anyway. Her roommates might start wondering where she was going on these random nights, especially when she claimed she wasn’t with anyone.

“Stay the night?” Meredith asked.

“Yeah. Might be a good idea. I think I’m too tired to drive home.”

Meredith smiled, her eyes crinkling in the corners, and Ainsley thought she had never been more beautiful. She reached out and traced one finger across her cheek, grinning back. Any time she spent with Meredith made her realize just how precious life and love was; it gave her something to focus on instead of all the bad. She briefly wondered if it was the same for Meredith but didn’t voice her question.

Meredith had leaned forward and planted a kiss on Ainsley’s lips. She didn’t care what happened except that Meredith was happy and got what she wanted. Ainsley moved into the kiss, wrapping her hand around Meredith’s neck and holding them together. She didn’t want the embrace to become more heated than it already was. Beyond being tired, Meredith wasn’t in any place of mind to make decisions.

Ainsley swept her fingers through Meredith’s hair and then pulled back, giving Meredith soft pecks as she went. “We should get some sleep. It’s late. There’s always the morning.”

“That there is,” Meredith answered. “And hopefully many more mornings.”

Ainsley didn’t say anything. Her heart skipped a beat, and all she could do was kiss Meredith again. She made the embrace longer than she wanted it to, certain Meredith was getting just as much out of the contact as she was. When she was done, she turned on her back and stared at the ceiling, more thoughts and feelings rushing through her body than she thought she could handle.

Meredith slid up next to her, pressing her nose into Ainsley’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around Ainsley’s middle. Ainsley waited until she was sure Meredith was asleep before trying to fall asleep herself. Meredith’s deep breathing was soothing, and she was beyond happy she hadn’t been kicked to the curb earlier that evening.

She yawned, covering her mouth with one hand, her eyes watering with exhaustion. Looking down at the sleeping form next to her, Ainsley knew better in that moment than anything that Meredith truly was her first love. She stretched her toes, pointing them at the far wall and relaxed all of her muscles. The next morning would be a whole new ball game for her. Instead of telling Meredith exactly how she felt, like she wanted to do, she had to let it sit and simmer. Meredith wasn’t ready to hear about love and promises of a life together—no, that would take time and persistence.

She knew she would wake up with Meredith by her side, and that was enough for the night. It was enough for the time being while she waited for Meredith to deal with her own crises and to put her own broken heart at bay. Ainsley closed her eyes, listening only to Meredith’s deep breathing as she fell into one of the deepest slumbers she’d ever had.

Chapter Sixteen

Meredith blinked her eyes open, the sun shining harshly through the window. She groaned. She’d forgotten to close the curtains when she’d gotten into bed the previous night. Stretching, she rolled onto her back and sighed. The movement next to her startled her. Meredith looked over to find Ainsley sleeping on her side, her back to Meredith.

Breathing heavily, Meredith closed her eyes and steadied herself. They were in the same bed, but nothing had happened. Her mind woke up far slower than her body, and she cursed at herself for the reactions her own body was having to the sleeping student next to her. Meredith lay as still as possible, while she listened to Ainsley’s breathing and made sure she was still asleep.

She turned and looked at the clock to check the time. They’d been up fairly late, she remembered, but she didn’t know exactly how late. Meredith took a deep breath and looked back over at Ainsley. Her chestnut hair was spread out behind her on the pillow and her back curved as she lay in the fetal position. Meredith clenched her fingers when she wanted to reach out and draw her fingers along Ainsley’s spine to wake her up.

She couldn’t. Biting her lip, Meredith stayed in bed close to another hour before her bladder made her get up. She slowly rose from the bed, not wanting to wake Ainsley, and walked as quietly and as quickly as possible to the bathroom down the hall.

After relieving herself, she stood in front of the mirror. She looked exhausted, but she did look better than she had the last few days. At least some sleep in a bed rather than on a couch had done her well. Grabbing her toothbrush, Meredith went to work at trying to feel human again. She cleaned off her make up she’d left on the night before and washed her face in cold water, completing the process of waking up her brain.