Memoir in the Making: A May-December Romance (17 page)

Ainsley looked down at his bare feet and cringed. She hadn’t even noticed.

“It’s cold,” he said, wiggling his toes.

Ainsley fished her ID card out of her pocket and handed it over. “I’ll wait right here,” she said.

“Good. Don’t go anywhere.”

She watched him walk away, feeling far calmer than she had minutes ago. Her panic receded, and she was left with a strange feeling, one she wasn’t sure she liked. Adam was the only person she could talk to about it—and even he didn’t really want to hear all the details. Perhaps this had been part of Meredith’s hesitation as well. It wasn’t just being in a forbidden relationship; it was having to keep everything secret, even her own happiness.

When she saw Adam coming back out of the library with his backpack and shoes, she smiled. Well, if she was going to drag someone down with her, it might as well be him. Ainsley stood up and walked over to where Adam waited. He handed her back her ID card, and she slipped it into her back pocket of her jeans. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and they walked arm in arm to his car.

“Don’t worry so much,” he said. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Just a feeling,” he answered.

Ainsley looked up at him a smiled. Usually Adam’s feelings were right, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to worry. This was the first relationship she had wanted to make work, the first one she really wanted to try hard at working. The thought hit her hard, but she knew it was true. This was far more than just a crush on a professor, and it was to the point where she didn’t want to follow the train of thought. Ignoring it seemed like a much better idea.

Getting into the car after setting her backpack in the trunk along with his, she shivered. Adam turned the heat on full blast after he started the engine and then turned to face her. “Since you’re wasting my precious study time, make it a good place.”

“Not Denny’s,” she said.

He laughed. “I said you could choose. I figured we’d end up at some hole in the wall place you had found.”

“Actually, I really want Chinese.”

“Then let’s get some Chinese.”

He pulled out of the parking spot and left the lot without another glance to her. Ainsley felt at ease around him, knowing she could and would talk to him even if he didn’t want to hear it. That’s what best friends were for, after all, and she had listened to plenty of his whining. Lunch would be a conversation filled with everything about Meredith, and she wouldn’t hold back.

#

Meredith had been up half the night with Sam and was just pulling herself up and off the couch in his living room when the noon hour struck. She’d already contacted the school and told them to cancel her classes for that day but figured she wouldn’t even make it in that week. Sam was an utter mess.

She’d made it to his apartment an hour before he’d gotten there and had cleaned it spotless in her frenzy. Sam had arrived with Jeremy, only to have Jeremy pass away a few hours later. She couldn’t even figure out why the paramedics had been called in the first place or how Jeremy had ended up at the hospital, but either way, it didn’t matter anymore. Jeremy was gone.

She brushed her hands on her face and sat up, still in her jeans and bra. She’d been so exhausted she hadn’t even bothered to take them off before curling up on the couch under the blanket. Sam had gone back to his room, and she was thankful Jeremy and he hadn’t shared a bed at the apartment. It was Sam’s sanctuary and a place that didn’t remind him of his dead husband.

Meredith sighed and wobbled to the bathroom, her bones aching from sleeping on the couch and from having little to no sleep for the past four nights. She sat on the toilet and rubbed her eyes again, trying to get the bleariness out of them. Sam was crushed. Not only was he dealing with the loss of his life-partner, but since his family didn’t recognize the relationship, they didn’t think his grief was real. Meredith had been his only support for the past few days.

Jeremy’s family had arrived the previous evening and were staying in a hotel nearby. They were stunned in their own grief and hadn’t been much help to Sam, but it had prompted a whole new wave of bitterness from her friend she hadn’t seen in years.

Checking the watch on her wrist, she noted they had a few hours before they needed to be at the funeral home for the viewing. Jeremy had been Catholic, and his parents had insisted on a Catholic funeral mass—that meant it was going to be a long few days.

She freshened up and went to Jeremy’s room. She had stored her bag of clothes there but hadn’t been able to sleep in the room. It still smelled like him—well, like hospital and him, but it was him nonetheless. She tried not to look at the hospital bed in the corner of the room when she bent down and grabbed her black duffel bag.

Going back to the bathroom, she changed into a nice black dress and applied her makeup. As soon as she was done, she would wake up Sam, make some coffee and breakfast for him and then wait out the day in support of him. Anything he wanted or needed she would do for him. He had done the same for her so many years back she couldn’t even count.

Meredith went to Sam’s bedroom and knocked. He groaned, but she opened the door anyway. Walking to the bed, she sat on the edge of it and turned on the light on his nightstand. “Time to get up,” she rasped. “We have the viewing in just over an hour.”

Sam nodded but didn’t open his eyes. She shook his shoulder until he turned on his back and glared at her. “I don’t want to go.”

“You need to go.”

“It’ll be too hard.”

“We talked about this last night,” she reminded him. “You need to go. You need closure just as much as I do, and Jeremy’s family needs you there. You were a huge part of his life, and he would want you to stand there proud of the relationship you had together.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

“I know. Now get up and get dressed. I’ll make you coffee.”

“Should have started with the coffee.”

“I’ll remember that for tomorrow.”

Sadness swept over her, and she had to get up and leave the room. Tomorrow was the funeral. Tomorrow was the day they laid one of her best friends to rest in the ground. Meredith made it to the hallway and shut Sam’s door behind her, blinking back the tears. The day was going to be rough on the both of them.

The kitchen made her distracted enough that she could get through the next ten minutes. She started coffee for him and hot water for her, and then she cracked eggs, pulled out bacon and started toast. She knew they wouldn’t eat all of it, or even most of it, but it gave her something to do, something to keep her busy. The smells filled the house, and Sam eventually came down, mostly dressed.

His hair was done up with wax and his suit was on save for the tie that hung loosely around his neck and the jacket he carried in his arm. He sat down at the breakfast bar and looked at her forlornly.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat whether or not you’re hungry.”

She set a plate in front of him and then took hers with her as she walked around to sit down next to him. They sat in mostly silence and ate slowly, Meredith keeping track of the clock on the wall.

“I love you, Sam,” she said. “I know this is hard.”

“It’s hard for you, too,” he answered and tugged her in for a half hug. “Thanks for the coffee and breakfast.”

“Any time.”

#

The funeral service lasted close to two hours. Sam and Meredith followed the body out to the hearse. They had the graveside service left and then they would be done. Done with the funeral and done with Jeremy. She wiped away tears as they slipped down her cheeks and grabbed Sam’s hand, squeezing tight. They stood in silence as Jeremy was loaded into the back of the black hearse.

Getting in the SUVs provided by the funeral home, they followed the hearse in single line fashion out to the cemetery. At least they had allowed Jeremy to be buried there rather than at home. This way she and Sam could visit him easily. She held Sam’s hand throughout the whole drive.

Once they got there, he tugged on her and made her stay inside the car. Everyone else exited and made their way to the tent area. Meredith turned and looked at Sam and then reached up and wiped away the tears falling freely down his cheeks.

“I wish he wasn’t gone,” she whispered.

“Me too.”

“I can’t stop thinking about when I met him—you were so nervous that he’d gotten you drunk before I got to the bar.”

“Yeah, I remember. I loved him then even.”

“I know.”

Meredith sniffled and rested her cheek on Sam’s shoulder. “It’s going to be hard without him.”

“It will be, but it’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Mer?”

“Mmhmmm.”

“I want to get shit faced drunk tonight.”

“After we make pleasantries.”

“Fine, but I want to not wake up early tomorrow morning.”

“We’ll drink through the night.”

He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then reached for the handle and paused. When he didn’t get out of the car, Meredith cocked her head at him. She gave him the time he needed without saying anything, and when he opened the door to get out, she saw his mask go back into place. He stayed by the door and helped her out, her heels digging into the moist dirt so she had to hold onto him as they walked.

Meredith kept as close to Sam as possible, and when they lowered the body to the ground, she said her goodbyes to the best thing in her friend’s life. It was going to be a long road of mourning, and she knew Sam wouldn’t be himself for months at the very least. When someone that spectacular passed away, it wasn’t easy to learn to live with it.

She bundled up and left the graveside without looking back. She didn’t want to see Jeremy again that day; she wanted to only see him how she remembered him—laughing and smiling. Sam held her hand as they all piled back into the SUV and waited for the funeral workers to bring them back to the church. They went to dinner with the family, and it was alive with stories flying every which direction. Tears of laughter and sorrow were shed, and Meredith watched it all from an outsider’s view. Not being family or Catholic left her apart from the rest.

Chapter Fifteen

After one whole week of no contact and missing work, Ainsley felt she had no choice. She pulled her car up outside of Meredith’s house and sat. Meredith’s car wasn’t in the driveway and all of the lights were off. She leaned back and waited, the front door looming over her head. She had no idea if what she was doing was the right thing or not, but she had to know if Meredith really was gone.

She’d missed an entire week of class, which was not normal by any standards, and hadn’t responded to any calls or texts from Ainsley. Ainsley bit her lip and leaned her head against the backrest, watching the front door through watery eyes. She was parked right in front of the house, so if Meredith did show up, she would no doubt see Ainsley right away.

The clock ticked away faster than she could keep count, and after she’d sat there for over an hour doing nothing, Ainsley pulled a book out of her backpack, turned on the dome light and read. She would see the headlights if Meredith were to come home, and she could just as easily use the time to get her homework done for the weekend.

Sighing, she read through the whole book, and when she looked up to check the time it was after midnight. Biting her lip, she looked over the house and shook her head. She was being stupid—there was no reason for her to be in front of the house, and if she was honest, it could be construed in a bad manner. Just as she was talking herself out of it and leaving, a car pulled up behind her and turned into the driveway.

Ainsley stayed put, fear ricocheting through her chest as Meredith got out of her car and stopped to look at hers. Her headlights were off, but the exhaust and dome light were no doubt a dead giveaway she was in the car. Ainsley watched in her rear view mirror as Meredith walked around her own car and out into the street, bundled tightly in a black jacket.

Meredith came around the back of Ainsley’s car, and Ainsley’s heart rapped in her chest harder with each second that passed. Meredith didn’t knock on the window, didn’t even stop to look; she just opened the door letting the heat inside the vehicle out and the cold air blast in Ainsley’s face. Meredith bent down and looked Ainsley directly in the eye.

“Get out,” she said.

Ainsley scrambled. She turned her car off, pocketed her keys and got out of the car all the while Meredith waited for her. Instead of being yelled at like she thought would happen, Meredith cupped her cheeks and brought their lips together. Ainsley was pressed between the cold car and Meredith’s warm body as their tongues danced and her heart rate continued to race for entirely different reasons.

After she’d been sufficiently kissed, Meredith wrapped her arms around Ainsley’s waist and held her tightly in a hug. Ainsley stroked her hands up and down Meredith’s back, soothing her as best she could—even she could feel the tension in Meredith’s body.

“Come inside,” Meredith whispered, her voice crackling. “I need to talk, and I need to explain some things.”

Ainsley kissed her cheek and nodded. “Yeah, you have some ‘splaining to do, Lucy.”

Meredith snorted and then kissed her fully again. “It’s damn cold out here. Come on. It won’t be much better inside. Heat has been off for a while.”

Leading Ainsley back to her car, Meredith grabbed a sleek black bag and then headed for her front door. Ainsley followed, the tension already gone from her own body. It wasn’t her fault—whatever it was, in that entrance by Meredith, she knew it wasn’t her fault. She was so happy she’d taken the risk and staked out Meredith’s house.

Once inside, Meredith flipped on the lights and headed for the thermostat to turn the heat on. She hadn’t been lying; it was almost as cold inside as it was outside. Ainsley picked up Meredith’s bag and brought it into the bedroom for her, just wanting to do something with her hands while she waited. Meredith pulled her phone out of her pocket as she strolled into the bedroom and made eye contact with Ainsley.