Authors: Cassandra P. Lewis
I refuse to cause a scene at the wedding and so resign myself to having a great night and asking Jackson about it tomorrow, but after sitting through Jackson’s speech with Sasha looking at him like a lovesick teenager and playfully heckling him, my blood is boiling. Who the hell does she think she is?
I am struggling to hold it together but after the meal when I see Sasha and Jackson posing together for photographs as though it’s her that he came here with, I
can’t take any more and I have to get out. I stand to leave and walk out of the room toward the toilets.
For a moment I stand in front of the mirror, assessing my appearance and realising
that I will never look like her. I’ll never be as well put together or have the history that she and Jackson share. I start to tell myself I’m being stupid when the door opens and someone walks in,
“Oh, Rosie! Hello” her voice is monotone as she greets me and heads in to one of the cubicles. I know that I should leave and let her do what she came in here to do, but I can’t move, my legs have turned to stone. I am going to
confront her.
When Sasha opens the cubicle d
oor she looks at me and smiles. It’s a knowing smile and I guess that she is used to being confronted by jealous girlfriends.
“Can I help you with something?” she asks coldly as she washes her hands,
“You can stay away from Jackson... that would be a great help!” I’m proud of myself, my voice is strong. Sasha turns to face me head on,
“What if he doesn’t want to stay away from me though Rosie, did you consider that? You might be flavour of the month, but it’s me he always comes back to” she
answers smoothly, like she had rehearsed what she would say and tilts her head to the side with a smile as though she pities me,
“Sasha, I know that you and Jackson have slept together in the past, he
’s told me that. But the past is the past, I’m his future. So, either start acting like you’re just friends and keep your hands off him, or I’ll make sure that you never see him again.” As I say the words I’m not sure that I have the power to make that happen, they are friends after all, but I stick to my guns. Sasha laughs and turns to leave, before stopping and turning back to me,
“The fact that you seem to think the word ‘past’ means a long time ago is very sweet Rosie, yesterday is in the past, have you thought about that? Jackson and I have a connection you c
ould never dream of. He and I have been sleeping together for a decade Rosie, you can’t compete with that!”
Her words st
op me in my tracks for a moment. When Jackson had said that they had slept together I thought he meant once, maybe twice but not regularly for ten years. I pull myself together and answer, hoping I haven’t paused for too long,
“
That’s good for you Sasha, but I don’t see a ring on your finger. You were a bit of fun for him, an easy lay… but I’m the woman that he wakes up next to every morning, and will be for the rest of his life. Hands off Sasha, or trust me you will regret it!”
Sasha purses her lips and flares her nostrils as tho
ugh my words have cut her deep. Triumphant I make my exit, pushing past her and heading for the door. I bump into Jackson as I leave the toilets,
“Hey, I was looking for you” he smiles as he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head,
“I’m here” I smile back as I take his hand and pull him back toward the dance floor…
“Oh, my head!” I smile as I hear Rosie grown from underneath her pillow. We drank a lot last night and she spent a large part of the early hours of this morning throwing up into the toilet.
“Come on, you need a greasy breakfast and coffee!” I declare probably a little louder that necessary,
“Oh Jackson!” she groans “Why do you hate me?” I can hear the humour in her voice, “Water please baby!”
“No problem
!”
I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower, returning to the bed to pick Rosie up and
deposit her, naked and hung over under the cold water. Her screams and giggles as she pulls me into the bathtub with her warm my heart and I turn up the temperature of the water as I passionately kiss the woman that I can’t wait to marry.
When we reach the restaurant, Pippa is already sitting at a table near the window, looking more than slightly worse for wear. We join her and she groans as she looks up at a now perkier looking Rosie,
“Ahh
how do you look so alive? I feel dead!” She moans as I look at the breakfast menu, I guess that Rosie just smiles because Pip places her forehead on the table and mumbles “I’d feel ok if I had someone to give me a hangover shag, no fair!” Rosie and I laugh as the waitress heads over to our table with a pot of fresh coffee.
We’re heading back to London in a little while
and hoping to miss the traffic, I have a meeting with Frankie in the morning and Rosie has a day of meetings to do with an article she’s writing. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day so I also want to spend some time planning a special evening for me and Rosie.
I’ve never had a
real relationship before, so this whole romance thing is so alien to me, but I’m enjoying trying.
“Ahh what a day!” Rosie lets herself into my flat with the key that I gave her a couple of weeks ago and flops down on to the sofa. I am in the kitchen but as my flat is open plan, I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to engage in conversation,
“Hi Jackson, I missed you” I call sarcastically as I pour Rosie a glass of wine and then head over to where she is sitting,
“Sorry babe today has just been the longest day ever!” she takes the wine and smiles up at me, “What are you cooking? It smells amazing!”
“
Never you mind! There’s a bath run for you, go and have a soak and I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready” She stands and starts to walk toward the bedroom, “Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day” Rosie smiles and continues into the en suite.
When Rosie comes out of the bedroom about forty minutes later, my heart leaps into my throat. She is wearing a short silk nightdress with lace teasing her thighs at the bottom and her chest at the top. She looks sensational and for second I can’t help but think ‘Sod dinner!’ but as she heads into the kitchen and pours us both a glass of wine the feeling of contentment is overwhelming, this is my life now, my beautiful woman here by my side.
I have cooked us Thai Green Curry and Rice
and I can’t help but smile at Rosie’s surprise when she tastes it,
“I can cook Rosie, I’ve told you this!”
“I know, but this is amazing Jackson!” she loves good food, it’s nice to think that before she bought my book she had never tried Thai food and now here she is, shovelling it in as though she’s scared someone will take away her plate. I laugh and tuck in to my own dinner, it is amazing, if I do say so myself.
After dinner, Rosie and I cuddle up on the sofa with a DVD and a tub of
Haagen-Dazs Baileys. She is making me watch some chick flick on DVD which is absolutely terrible but I know how much of a romantic Rosie is, so I just suck it up and pretend to enjoy it.
“Thank you Jackson, tonight was exactly what I needed” Rosie sounds relaxed and happy as I place another glass of wine in her hand and rejoin her on the sofa. I am shocked at how happy this makes me, just being here with her. No grand gestures or expensive evening out, just us. I wrap my arms around Rosie and the words leave my mouth before I can stop them,
“Move in with me!”
After a moment, Rosie pulls out of our embrace and looks me in the eye,
“What?” she looks confused and I feel stupid suddenly,
“Well, we’re getting married Rosie, it makes se
nse doesn’t it?” I ask, feeling a little vulnerable as I push backwards creating some space between us,
“I can’t
Jackson, I’m sorry” Rosie stands and walks into the kitchen. I’m confused and join her as she pours herself a glass of water and takes a sip. “We’re not getting married next week Jackson, we’ve only been together a couple of months. It’s too soon!”
“You said yes
Rosie; it wasn’t too soon for that. You really don’t want to live with me? Do you still not trust me?” She turns to face me and I take the glass from her hands so that I can hold them,
“I do,
Jackson I do, but I need to know that I have my own space too. I don’t want to rush this. I can’t live with you, not yet” she pulls me close to her and I feel unsure, I didn’t expect that she would say no. She can sense that I’m trying to pull away, “Look, we have Rafe’s wedding coming up and we’re both busy with work, it’s just not the right time” she sounds just like I have so many times before, when I have given girls the brush off in the past and I’m blown away,
“Do you still want this Rosie, me and you? Because it sounds like you’re backing away here!” I ask as I let go of her hands,
“Of course I do Jackson, but we’ve been together for five minutes, what’s the rush?” She steps toward me and smiles sheepishly and I feel annoyed. She wanted more, she wanted me to be monogamous and I am and now she is the one wanting space and to slow down? I shake my head,
“
There’s no rush Rosie, none whatsoever. I’m going to bed, are you coming or do you need space?” I can’t help my sarcasm as I back away and walk toward the bedroom,
“Jackson, don’t do this. Nothing has changed,
I love you I just don’t want to move in together yet” Rosie is pleading and I hear her voice crack as though she might cry, but she’s really pissed me off,
“
Goodnight Rosie” I cut her off and head to bed. I shouldn’t, but I slam the door behind me. I know it was petulant of me but I just feel so rejected and angry and the last thing I want to do is get into a full blown row.
I wake the next day and Rosie isn’t in bed next me, I get up and head into the kitchen. The washing up has been done and the dishes all put away but there’s no sign of Rosie at all. Last night comes into my mind and I feel myself getting angry at her all over again as I head back towards the en suite, I need a shower. I start the water and decide to check my phone, as annoyed as I am I’m slightly concerned that I don’t know where she is, there’s a text,
‘You fell asleep really quickly last night and I didn’t want to disturb you so I came home. It’s Rafe’s fag do tonight so I’ll call you later. I’m sorry x’
I feel guilty for going to bed in such a strop. Rosie felt so uncomfortable that she went home in the middle of the night, after cleaning up my flat. As I undress and step into the shower I can’t help but think I have a lot to learn about relationships, and as much as I thought I knew about women, I really don’t seem to have a clue.
I wake up alone in my bed and feel sad that I so spectacularly rejected Jackson last night. He didn’t even want a relationship a couple of months ago and now he wants to live with me and I said no!
It was such a big step for him but I just reacted and said the first things that came to my head. It is too soon, I can’t feel guilty for being honest about that.
I check my phone.
There’s nothing, no messages or missed calls. I must have really pissed him off. I decide to text him, I have a day planned with Pip and Rafe and we’re going out tonight so I won’t be able to properly talk to Jackson until tomorrow, I want him to know that I’m not ignoring him.
I drag myself
out of bed and into the shower. Rafe, Pip and I are going to a spa today to get ready for his fag do tonight. Pip has planned the evening and I can’t wait, she always plans a great night out.
I hear the
honk of a car horn and look out of the window to see Pip getting out of the car; I open it and shout down that I’m on my way.
In the car neither of them question why I asked them to pick me up from home instead of Jackson’s as planned
, but the awkward silence is deafening so I answer them regardless,
“We had a fight. He asked me to move in and I said no!” as I say the words I glance at my phone, still nothing,
“Why did you say no?” Pip seems shocked that I, Miss Commitment showed some restraint,
“It’s too soon Pip” I answer defensively,
“Little sis, you’re marrying him!” Rafe decides to chip in, “You either want to spend your life with him or you don’t, if it’s too soon, you shouldn’t have said yes!”
I’m annoyed, these two are supposed to be my best friends in the world and
they agree with Jackson! I know I did the right thing and I’m sticking to it.
We arrive at the spa and I
can’t wait to unwind, the rest of the journey was fairly quiet as I contemplated the fact that Jackson and I are always together anyway, either at mine or his, so what would be the difference in actually living together? As it was I only came up with the positive difference of only having one lot of rent to pay between us, but I just do not want to live with him yet. I have no doubts that he is who I want to be with but we’re still getting to know each other.