Authors: Cassandra P. Lewis
It’s a freezing cold February evening in Glasgow and I’m desperate to get back to the hotel. When the taxi finally arrives outside the Hotel Du Vin, I practically run to the warm lobby leaving Jackson to pay and retrieve his bag from the boot.
“
So I get home after twenty hours of travelling and you leave me to pay the taxi and carry my own bag?” Jackson is smiling and I laugh and blow him a kiss,
“It wasn’t twenty you drama queen, it was seventeen, and it was business class so suck it up! Come on” I head through the lobby and
Jackson follows happily.
Once in the room Jackson dumps his bag and flops down onto the bed. It’s almost nine pm and he looks exhausted,
“Do you want me to run you a bath Jackson? You look shattered” I ask as I climb to kneel by his side on the bed,
“Mmm that’d be lovely baby, are you joining me?” he smiles and lifts his hand to pull me close,
“Silly question James!” I lean down and briefly kiss him on the lips before
I head into the bathroom and turn on the taps.
I
went shopping this morning, planning a reunion that would knock Jackson’s socks off. I bought candles and champagne, massage and bath oils, as well as black lingerie that makes me feel like I'm the sexiest woman on the planet. I light candles, more than are probably necessary and fill the bath with hot water.
I hear music start to play, it’s Jack Johnson so I realise that it’s from
Jackson’s iPhone on the dock. I add Ylang Ylang and Patchouli bath oil and the scent fills the air as a sleepy looking but shirtless Jackson walks into the bathroom,
“Smells amazing beautiful,
I’m ready for this” Jackson removes the rest of his clothes and stands naked while I turn off the taps and check the temperature of the bath,
“Perfect” I am referring to the sight of my delicious fiancé rather that the bath water but he takes that as a cue to get in,
“Ah jeez Rosie! Are you made of asbestos? That’s boiling!” Jackson pulls a slightly red left foot back out of the water and I giggle,
“Sorry babe, hang on” I quickly add some cold water, undress and sink into the deep bath smiling at Jackson as he tentatively clim
bs into the opposite end of the bath, wincing slightly as he lowers into the water.
We sit for a moment, adjusting to the
warmth and scent of the bath. We are facing each other when Jackson holds out his hands to me and pulls me closer, and I turn and rest my back against his chest, this is bliss.
“How was the wedding then? All
go ok?” I ask lazily as I lean against Jackson and inhale the arousing scent,
“
Shush, plenty of time to catch up on that, let’s just relax and enjoy this”
We sit in bliss as the ‘Chill’ playlist loops from the iPod dock; we must have been in the bath for at least twenty minutes, just being together. Jackson’s hands lazily stroking mine, my arms, my legs, I can sense that he is exhausted and despite my need for him to make love to me, I know he needs sleep. Disappointedly I lean forward and turn my head to face him,
“Come on, you need sleep” I lean in and kiss Jackson softly before pushing
myself up to standing,
“My god Rosie, you are beautiful” Jackson looks at my naked body with an inte
nsity in his eyes that melts me. I step out of the bath and watch his eyes following me as I dry myself and leave the bathroom.
Jackson walks back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, his skin still glistening from the droplets of water left there. I am already under the covers waiting for him and he smiles as he looks at my mischievous grin,
“Don’t look at me like that Alvez, you know what that look does to me!” he removes the towel from his waist and my eyes are drawn to the erection that he has proudly revealed. I sit up, the covers falling forward and my naked breasts now exposed to Jackson,
“Come here James!”
I command and he complies, climbing onto the bed and above me, pushing me back down onto the mattress as he kicks the quilt off us and the bed and settling himself between my thighs.
Jackson kisses me and the feel of his tongue against mine as his hard penis nudges my cl
it is enough to drive me insane. I can’t help but dig my fingertips into his shoulder blades and try to encourage him to enter me. I’ve missed this so much.
I
rake my fingers down Jackson’s spine as he moves to kiss my neck and I gasp as he runs his tongue along my collar bone. I reach down and take hold of him, guiding him to my waiting entrance as my other hand squeezes hard on his backside, desperate to push him deep inside me.
“Rosie, slow down” Jackson whispers into my ear and then nibbles at my ear lobe,
“I need you inside me, now. I’ve missed you so much” I beg, and he groans into my neck as he pushes inside me. I gasp and he pushes up, looking down into my eyes,
“How can I resist that” Jackson smiles as he finds a rhythm and I bend my knees to
allow him greater access.
My orgasm builds quickly and I grip onto Jackson’s shoulder blades as I shudder
in absolute ecstasy and close my eyes. I’m losing my mind as the sensations course through my body. When I open my eyes and look at Jackson he is frowning and looks strained,
“
Jackson, what’s wrong?” I ask breathlessly as I notice his thrusts slow down and then he is no longer inside me, I lean up on my elbows and look downward, surprised. Jackson’s erection has disappeared as he sits back on his heels and shakes his head, “What happened?” I question confused,
“I don’t know baby, I guess
I’m just tired”
I am shocked, Jackson is the guy who can have sex and be hard and ready to go again within half an hour,
I’ve never known him to lose a hard on before, especially not inside me. He gets up and heads to the bathroom. I have had my release but feel bereft, like I’ve been denied my prize, the delicious sensation of him groaning into my neck as he comes into me.
For some reason I feel like I need to cover myself up and reach in
Jackson’s case for a t-shirt, when he comes back from the bathroom he seems to feel the same as he puts on his boxers and climbs into bed. I feel strangely vulnerable and imagine that he must feel the same, but despite his earlier compliments I can’t help but feel unattractive, as though the sight of me coming underneath him turned him off so quickly. The feeling hurts me and I sink down into the pillows, pulling the quilt up to my chest like a security blanket.
Jackson is quiet and doesn’t look at me for what feels like hours, only adding to my insecurities. Eventually he turns his head to face me,
“I’m sorry. It’s not you babe I’m just exhausted” he smiles weakly and I’m certain that I see something in his eyes, the same thing that I saw that night in Thailand, shame and regret, like he has something to hide.
I try to push my paranoia aside,
‘I trust him’
I tell myself, but the seed has been planted. I have convinced myself that Jackson has met someone. In my head I can see him with a mysterious blonde, laughing in bed about his naïve fiancée, back in England with no idea that her world will soon fall apart,
“Did you fuck someone else?” The words leave my mouth before I have any hope of stopping
them; Jackson looks at me, horrified,
“What? Why would you ask me that?” he is sitting up now and looking directly at me, I wither slightly under his gaze and sit up, throwing my legs off the side of the bed and turning my back to him.
“You love sex Jackson, more than anyone I’ve ever known. The only way that you wouldn’t be able to finish the job is if you had something to hide, or you’re just not attracted to me anymore, or both!” My brain and mouth are not connected. I know that I’m being irrational, maybe even unfair, but I can’t help the words that are spilling out of me,
“Are you insane Rosie, I’ve be
en travelling for a fucking day to get to you” He leaves the bed now and walks around to stand in front of me, “How can you even think those things let alone say them?” he is crouching in front of me now, looking up into my eyes with so much sincerity, “I worship you Rosetta, I’m just tired that’s all!”
Jackson puts his hand to my face and looks into my eyes, I open my mouth to tell him that
I’m sorry but something quite different comes out,
“But you fucked someone else once
Jackson, how can I trust that you haven’t had your fun in Thailand this time?” He removes his hand from my cheek and his mouth falls open slightly in shock. I can’t believe that I said that but I did, the words are out there now and can’t be taken back,
“We’re not doing this again.
You can’t forgive me for something and then bring it up again Rosie, it’s done!” he stands and starts to get dressed in jeans and a grey Superdry t-shirt from his suitcase, “I need a drink!” Jackson starts to walk toward the door, picking up his wallet on his way and I am in shock, what is wrong with me?
“Jackson wait,
I’m sorry!” he turns and glances at me with a clear mix of hurt and anger in his eyes. He walks back into the room and I’m hopeful, but once he has retrieved his phone from the dressing table he heads for the door and out. I can’t help the tears that have collected in my lower lids from running down my cheeks, I’m such an idiot.
What the hell just happe
ned? I’m shell shocked as I head down to the hotel bar. Rosie just accused me of cheating on her. After all I’ve done to prove to her what she means she still doesn’t trust me, I am angry with her and then I remember that I have no right to be, she’s right not to trust me after what happened with Sasha.
She’s right,
I tell myself over and over again, even in my sleep I cheated on her. She’ll never forgive me especially now, I just lied to her face.
“
What can I get you sir?” the bar man brings me back to reality as I climb onto a stool at the bar,
“Vodka please, with ice”
After four straight vodkas I know
that I need to slow down so I order a beer and take out my phone, there’s a text from Rosie,
‘I’m sorry, come back please x’
She’s infuriating, I don’t know if I can do this! Be with someone that is going to be second guessing my every move, waiting for me to do wrong. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I was asleep when Sasha came to me, I wasn’t in control so surely that’s not my fault, it’s not like I carried on once I realised but I still feel the weight of it when I look at Rosie.
W
hen I saw her underneath me, getting so much pleasure from me, all I could think of was that I had been inside someone else only days ago. I can’t lose her but not being honest with her is killing me. She already doesn’t trust me and if I tell her what happened there’s no way she’ll forgive me. I don’t know why, but I decide to call Rafe,
“Hey Jackson, you’re back!
Is everything ok?”
“Ahh Rafe, I don’t know what’s going on, I
need help. Have you got five minutes?”
“
Yeah, why what’s up? Is Rosie ok? Are you drunk?”
“
We’ve had a row; she’s accusing me of cheating on her”
“
Well, have you?” his tone of voice becomes serious, and I pause and take a breath, why on earth did I call him?
“
Would I really call you if I had? Of course I haven’t” I am torn, half of me believing I did nothing wrong, and half of me feeling like I’m drowning in lies,
“Listen
Jackson, Rosie has been through a lot. She’s been betrayed more than anyone so young should have been and it’s hard for her to trust people. Knowing my sister she’ll be beating herself up as we speak because she knows she’s been stupid! Go to her Jackson, stick with her”
“Rafe, I know her ex fucked her over but
I’m doing everything that I can to show her that I love her. I flew to Glasgow to see her but if she’s never going to trust me…” I take a breath “I don’t know if I can live like that!”
“Listen, she’ll open up to you at some point
I’m sure but it’s not all about Michael. Rosie has been through when it comes to blokes. Every single one she has been involved with has betrayed her trust. She keeps trying to get it right but in her head she’s just waiting for the next heart break. She does trust you Jackson, she just doesn’t trust her own feelings” I can’t find any words to respond, “Go to her Jackson. Be with her. I’ll see you soon mate”
“Ok
, thanks Rafe. See you soon” Rafe hangs up and I put my phone down on the bar, the photo of Rosie set as the wallpaper flashes up before the screen goes dim and I know I have to do whatever it takes. I head back up to the room.
“Jackson, I’m sorry” Rosie is sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest as though
she’s using them as a protective shield, “I do trust you, I’m just … stupid, please don’t leave me” I can clearly see her eyes glistening with tears and my heart breaks,
“Rosie,
I’m going nowhere” I walk toward the bed and she releases her knees, “Come here Alvez” I hold out my arms to her and she pushes herself up onto her knees and throws her arms around my neck, she’s clinging on for dear life,