Authors: Donna Mabry
In 1908, there weren’t many things a young widow
with a toddler could do to make money and support
herself. I didn’t want to be a burden to James’s mom
and dad or to Helen and Tommy either.
In my sixteenth year, I knew enough to know the
whole world was changing. I’d heard of automobiles
but never seen one. People were talking about a man
named Edison who’d invented an electric light that
was being used in the big cities, but not one house in
our town had electricity. Homes like Helen’s, with a
pump from the well that brought water right into the
house, were the latest thing in being modern and up to
date.
The Connors treated me like their own daughter,
and they just showered their love on Lulu. They told
me I could stay in the cabin forever if I wanted, and
they said they prayed that we would. They even gave
me spending money when they could, but the year
after James died was a hard one, and a lot of the
farmers couldn’t pay their bill for the things they
bought at the store.
Dad Connor’s health began to fail, and he had to
take on a hired man to replace what work James had
done. It made for a tight budget. I knew they weren’t
having an easy time of it, and I didn’t have the heart to
ask them for more money. In my brother-in-law’s
store, he kept a book with what everyone spent and
they paid him at the end of the month. I know he put
down half of what he should for what I bought. We
didn’t talk about it, but I was grateful.
One day after church, Sister Clark was telling me
how adorable Lulu was and going on how much she’d
grown. “You made her a little dress just like your blue
calico, Maude. You should have worn them at the same
time, it would be just precious.”
“We can’t do that, Sister Clark. I made that up
out of my old dress. She’s growing so much I have to
make her new things every time I turn around.”
“Well, you certainly have a beautiful hand with
a needle. Look at that smocking on the front and the
little flowers you embroidered. It’s as fine as any dress
you could buy in St. Louis.”
Sister Clark took a closer look at the dress I
wore. The fabric was getting thin at the elbows and
shoulders. It looked ready to come apart any minute.
“We make do. Mom and Dad Connor take care
of us the best they can.”
“If I could get you some work sewing, would
you be interested?”
I had to hold back how excited I got when she
talked about work, but couldn’t think of how that
would happen. “Of course I would, but all the women
here can sew their own clothes. They don’t need me to
do it for them. Even if they did, I don’t think they could
pay me for it. It’s been a hard year for everyone.”
“I don’t mean here. I have friends up in Union
City. My sister, Dora, lives there. Some of them are
doing very well. You know, I go up there to visit Dora
about once a month. Give me the best thing you’ve
made, and I’ll show it to some of the ladies who hire
out that kind of work.”
I went through every piece of my own and Lulu’s
clothing. I finally decided on the nightgown I’d made
for my wedding night. I’d worn it only that one time,
then washed it and put it away for the next special
occasion.
James and I had talked about taking a trip
someday when we had more money, and I planned to
wear it again when we went. We thought we might
even stay in a hotel if we could afford it. When he
signed up to be a professional ball player, he’d said,
we would have money to burn.
I ran my fingers over the tiny, even stitches and
the little embroidered flowers. It was almost like
brand-new. I pressed the nightgown and wrapped it in
the white paper I saved from a package of fabric that
Helen gave me. I took it down to the parsonage and
handed it over to Sister Clark.
She said, “I’ll show this to the ladies and see if
we can get some work for you, Maude.”
A few days later, Sister Clark was standing on
my front step with the good news. She had an order
from one of her friends. She wanted me to make the
gown exactly. She’d sent enough money to buy the
fabric and thread, and I would have two dollars left
over to keep for myself.
After that, I got a lot of work as a seamstress. For
the next few years, I made dresses and fancy
underwear for the ladies. Brother and Sister Clark
drove me and Lulu up to Union City in their buggy so
I could measure the women, and they could get to
know me. It was the first time in my life that I had set
foot outside of my little town. Union City was a
hundred times bigger. A lot of the buildings had three
or four stories, and there were all kinds of automobiles.
The ladies at the Union City church were all very
kind, making a fuss over Lulu and taking turns holding
her while I measured them in the preacher’s study.
One day, one of them asked me if I would be
interested in doing the wash for her delicate clothing.
She gave me a pillowcase full of her undies, and I
brought them home with me. I washed, pressed, and
folded them neatly. I bought a roll of white paper and
string from the store and wrapped them. Then I gave
the bundle to Sister Clark, who delivered it to her
friend. She sent back another bundle that included her
fine table and bed linens to be done up along with a
new bundle of lacy garments.
Pretty soon, I had enough coming in from my
sewing and laundry that I didn’t have to take money
from the Connors. After I tucked Lulu into bed at
night, I knelt on the little rag rug by my bed and said
my prayers, thanking God for my family, my home and
my work, and asking forgiveness for the times that I’d
failed as a Christian.
Dad Connor never really recovered from losing
James. He spent less and less time at the store and let
his hired hand run it. He went for days without saying
more than a few words to Mom Connor. She told me
that losing James had taken the heart right out of him,
and the only time she saw his eyes light up was when
I brought Lulu up to the house.
Lulu liked to pull a book off the bottom shelf and
carry it to him. He’d put her on his knee and read to
her from the same storybooks he’d read to James. She
listened close, following his finger as it moved across
the pages, making the animal noises when he told her
about a chicken or a cow. She never got tired of
hearing the same stories over and over.
By the time she was three, she’d memorized
most of the words and could read them along with him.
It was proof to her grandfather that she was the
smartest little girl ever, and Mom Connor and I agreed.
She told me that when I took Lulu back to the cabin,
Dad would fall right back into his gloomy mood.
He caught the flu in the winter of ‘09 and didn’t
fight to get well. The whole family was sick with it. I
fussed over Lulu and waited on Mom and Dad Connor
hand and foot until I came down with it myself, and
then Mom Connor nursed me in return. We all had a
fever and were coughing and aching for a few days.
The doctor couldn’t help much. “Drink lots of water
and stay in bed,” he said. “Everyone in town has it.”
Dad Connor’s fever never went down. He
mumbled as he tossed around in his bed, with me
changing his sweat-soaked sheets twice a day. Mom
Connor was in her own sick bed in the other room.
Somehow, I didn’t get sick with it, but Lulu did. I
worried something awful, but in only a few days, she
was back on her feet and getting into everything.
The doctor put a poultice on Dad Connor’s back,
but it didn’t help. One night, he went to sleep and
didn’t wake up. He was only fifty years old.
After that, we women grew even closer than
before. Mom Connor wanted me and Lulu to move up
to the house, but I knew I would be happier in the cabin
I’d shared with James.
A few of the single men in town started paying
attention to me, but I wasn’t interested. The thought of
another man touching me in the way James touched
me made me shiver. I didn’t see how I could ever share
that part of myself with anyone else.
The years passed. In 1915, Lulu was eleven, and
I was twenty-four. My life fell into a nice routine. I
walked Lulu to school every day, even though she
didn’t want me to, cleaned my cabin every morning,
did my laundry and sewing, and then did the
housework that Mom Connor had grown too weak to
do for herself.
In the afternoon, I fixed dinner at the main house.
Every evening, Lulu and I ate there. On Sundays, we
went to church. Mom Connor couldn’t walk the
distance anymore, so Helen and Tommy picked us up
in their buggy, and we all rode together. Helen’s
family sat in the front seat and mine in the back. As
Faith and Lulu grew, the buggy became more and more
crowded.
John Stuart, that I’d known all my life, was one
of the men who failed in his attempts to court me. I
liked him well enough, I guess, but wasn’t interested
in him the way he was in me.
He went to visit some of his family in Kennett,
Missouri, a town across the Mississippi River. He was
gone longer than expected, but he sent a letter that he
was fine, and had been held back by an “unexpected
turn of events.”
After being gone an extra three weeks, he came
back with a wife. I met her at church the next Sunday.
She was even taller than I was, with jet black hair and
warm brown eyes. She had a pleasant face and a
friendly smile. When John introduced her to me he
grinned and said, “Maude, this is Elizabeth Foley
Stuart, but she’d like it if we all called her Bessie.
Bessie, this is Maude Connor that I told you about. If
she’d of had me, you’d still be single.”
I was afraid Bessie wouldn’t take kindly to me
and would be jealous, but Bessie grabbed my hand and
held it in both of hers. “We’ll be great friends, won’t
we, Maude?”
That’s the way it turned out. Bessie became part
of the circle of females that made up my life, Mom
Connor, Helen, Lulu and Faith. We all sat in the big
Connor kitchen once a week, stitching a quilt that was
stretched out tight on a big wooden rack, talking and
drinking iced tea.
Bessie brought something new to the group, a lot
of laughter. Her sense of humor was contagious, and
soon, our usual seriousness was lit up by her joking
and foolishness. The children rolled in the floor
laughing at her while she played with them and acted
silly. The sound of Faith and Lulu laughing was like
music.
I was content. I didn’t want for anything, and
except for Mom Connor getting older, my loved ones
were well. It was only that, in the night, when I’d gone
to bed, I still missed James, missed the warmth of his
body lying next to me, missed the smell of him, and
missed his touch.
Bessie became my best friend outside of Helen.
One Sunday in late spring, Bessie and her husband
John brought a visitor to church, a nice looking, tall,
slim man. Helen and Tommy had barely stopped their
buggy before Bessie led him over to me, tugging his
hand. “Maude, this is my brother George Foley. He’s
here to visit for a week.”
He was handsome, and you could tell right off he
was related to Bessie. He had the same warm brown
eyes. He took off his hat to show the same jet-black
hair. He grinned at me. “Pleased to meet you, Maude.”
Bessie introduced him to the rest of the family,
and he greeted them each in turn without taking his
eyes off me. I could feel my face turning red. We all
chatted outside the church door for a few minutes
before we went in for the service. Bessie and her
husband sat in the row across from me and my family.
During the preaching, I looked over at George a few
times. He was always looking right at me and smiled
when he caught my eye. I felt myself blush again.
After the service, he came over to our buggy,
took off his hat, and said, “I’d like to come calling on
you some time, Maude, if that’s all right.”
Early the next afternoon, I was hanging clothes
in the side yard when I saw George Foley drive up to
the Connor house in the Stuart’s buggy, but it wasn’t
the Stuart horse pulling it. He didn’t see me in the yard,
and he went up the steps and knocked on the door at
the big house. It was quite a while before Mrs. Connor
answered.
I heard her say, “Sorry it took so long for me to
get to the door, but my arthritis is getting the better of
me these days.”
“I’m here to see Maude,” he said.
“She lives around back.”
It was a warm day, and my door was propped
open. I hurried inside before he saw me. He tapped on
the frame. I’d been expecting him, but I had mixed
feelings about the visit. I came out to the front porch.
He took off his hat. ”I brought a buggy, Maude.
It’s such a pretty day, I thought maybe you’d like to go
for a ride.”
I said, “I have to wait for Lulu to get back from
school. Let’s just sit here and talk a spell. I’ll get us
some tea.”
“That would be real nice, Maude.” He led his
horse over to the water trough and let it drink. He stood
next to it and patted its neck. The horse nickered and
rubbed its nose against George’s arm. I liked the way
he treated his horse. I disapproved of the rough ways
some men had with their animals.
He came back up the steps and sat in the rocker
that had been James’s favorite place to spend warm
evenings. I almost asked him to move to the other
chair, but thought better of it. I nodded toward his
horse. “That’s a beautiful animal, George,” I said.
“His name is Pawnee. He’s been in my family
for sixty years.”
I’d never heard of a horse older than thirty.
“Sixty years? How is that possible?”
He laughed. “What I mean is, his bloodline. This
one is only four years old. My grandfather was in the
cavalry and rode Pawnee’s great-great-grandfather
into battle in the Civil War.”
Tennessee and Missouri had been split, brother –
against-brother, during the terrible war. I asked,
“Which side did he fight on, George?”
“Why, he fought for the North, of course.”
“I was just wondering.” I fetched two glasses of
cool tea, and we sat there and talked for over an hour.
I told him a little about my childhood and my
marriage.
He told me a little about himself. “I live in
Kennett, Missouri, Maude. I’m the sheriff there. I used
to be a deputy, but when Sheriff LeBeck retired a few
years ago, they elected me to the job.”
“We don’t have a sheriff here. The mayor fills in.
It’s such a small town, we never needed one. I don’t
know what they would do if anything really bad
happened. I guess they could call the marshal from
over at Union City. Is that dangerous, being the sheriff
there?”
“Not really. The most we have is a fight at the
saloon sometimes. I generally go over if they call me
and talk to the boys and they give it up. Sometimes I
have to throw one in jail until he sobers up. We never
had any real trouble.”
“What would you do if that happened?”
He pushed out his lower lip and rubbed his chin.
“I don’t know. I guess I’d have to think up something.”
“We don’t have a saloon here. I guess that’s why
we don’t need a sheriff.”
“What does a man do if he wants a drink?”
“I’ve heard that some of the farmers have stills.
I’ve never seen one, but I know for a fact that there’s
more than one man in town who finds liquor when he
wants it. Almost all of us who live here go to the
Baptist or the Holiness church. Drinking isn’t very
popular in these parts.”
I thought about the night Lulu was born and the
smell of whiskey on the doctor’s breath, but I didn’t
mention it.
“Well, I like a drink every now and then myself.
I suppose it’s just as well I live in Kennett.”
That didn’t sit well with me, but I didn’t say
anything more about it. “How big a town is Kennett?”
“We got a real nice place there. Got a bank and a
hotel, new schoolhouse. It’s a good place to live.”
“I like it here. It’s what I’m used to, I guess.”
When Lulu came up the walk, George stood to
greet her. “Good afternoon, Lulu. I’m George Foley,
Bessie’s brother.”
She looked up at him with a frown. “I remember
you.”
I was a little embarrassed. “Be polite, Lulu.”
Lulu stood there, waiting for the grown-ups to
say something. When no one spoke, she asked me, “Is
it all right if I go visit Gramma?”
I nodded. “Go ahead.”
Lulu wheeled around and ran up to the house. I
said, “I’m sorry, George, she’s a little shy.”
“That’s all right, Maude. She’ll get to like me
after a while. Most folks do.”
I stood. “It’s been a nice visit, George. Say hello
to Bessie for me when you get home.”
He stood and reached out and took my hand and
kept hold of it. I wanted to pull it away from him, but
I just stood there. He smiled at me. “I’d like to come
visit again tomorrow, Maude, if that’s all right.”
I wasn’t very impressed with him, but was too
polite to refuse. “I guess so, I’ll be here.”
After he left, I went up to the house to talk it over
with Mom Connor. “He wants to come back tomorrow,
but I don’t really like him all that much, Mom. What
should I do?”
“Give him a chance, Maude. You haven’t found
anyone here in town who pleases you, not that there’s
much to pick from. Most of the unmarried men here
are two, three times as old as you. You can’t be a
widow forever. You’re only a girl. You ought to have a
life of your own.’
“I’m satisfied with what I have, Mom. Why do I
need a man?”
“I’m getting old. I won’t always be here. What
are you going to do when I’m gone?”
I’d never thought about such a thing, and it
scared me. I’d come to think of my mother-in-law as a
permanent part of my life. “You’re fine. It’s going to
be a long time before you get old.”
“No, it isn’t, Maude. It’s not only my arthritis
anymore. Doc Wilson says my heart is getting weak.
My sister over in Nashville has been after me to come
live with her. She lost her husband last year. Her
children are all married and moved away. You and I,
both of us, need to think about the future.”
I wanted to cry. “I’ll take care of you, you know
that. I’ll move up here to the house like you asked me
before.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to you. You’re young. You
and Lulu deserve more than nursing an old woman. It
could be years before I die. By then, you’ll have lost
your chance to find someone.”
I tried to think of other arguments, but there
weren’t any. After Lulu was asleep, I spent the rest of
the evening sitting on the porch and staring at a sky
that was looking the same way I was feeling. There
wasn’t a star to be seen.
The next afternoon, George showed up again. I
decided I would give him another chance to court me,
but I still had my doubts. I don’t know what I was
thinking, but this time I agreed to go for a buggy ride.
He drove me out over the rolling Tennessee hills for
several miles. It was a beautiful day, and we talked
about everyday matters like the weather and Lulu’s
school work. He got me back to the cabin in time to
meet Lulu coming home.
My ten-year-old girl knitted her eyebrows
together and ducked her chin down into her chest. She
looked at him with a sour face and ran into the cabin
without even saying hello.
That embarrassed me, and George saw the look
on my face. “Don’t worry about Lulu, Maude. She’ll
warm up to me. I mean, if we see more of one another.
Can I come by tomorrow?”
I was still looking after Lulu. It wasn’t like her
to be rude like that. “I don’t know, George. I’ll have to
think about it.”
He put his hat on. “Well, I’ll stop by, and if you
got other things to do, you can tell me, and I’ll be on
my way.”
“All right, George.”
I went inside and hugged Lulu to me and kissed
the top of her head. “You don’t think much of Mr.
Foley, do you, Baby?”
“He isn’t going to stay here. He’s going to go
back to Missouri where he lives. If you married him,
I’d have to leave all my friends. Tell him he can’t come
here anymore.”
I thought it over. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll tell
him tomorrow that it would be best if he stopped
coming here.”
Lulu hugged me and craned her neck to kiss me
on the cheek. “I’m going to see Gramma. Holler if you
want me.”
“All right, Baby.”
I made up my mind I would tell George that I
didn’t want to spend any more time with him. I went
up to the house. Lulu and Mom Connor and I began
fixing dinner. We were a family already, the three
women of the house, and didn’t need a man to make
us whole.
Mom Connor sat in a chair stringing the green
beans that Lulu brought in from the garden. The sound
of the snap-snap as she broke off the ends of each one
was so regular it was almost music. Lulu peeled
potatoes while I breaded the chicken. Lulu tilted her
head and smiled a little. “Mommy is going to tell Mr.
Foley that he shouldn’t come around here anymore,”
she said with satisfaction.
Mom Connor looked from Lulu to me, her eyes
wide with surprise. “What do you mean, child? Your
Mom can’t do that.”
“She can if she wants to.”
Mom Connor dropped the bean she was
stripping back in the bowl. She lifted the bowl off her
lap and plopped it down on the table so hard it almost
broke. Both Lulu and I jumped, startled by the bang of
glass against wood. Mom Connor shook her head.
“You can’t do that, Maude. You have to marry him
now.”
I was dumbfounded. “What on earth are you
talking about? I hardly know him.”
“You went out in that buggy alone with him,
clear out of town. Half the women in the church saw
you. They been planning the wedding party all day.”
“Wedding party? But he hasn’t even asked me to
marry him. What if he doesn’t want me?”
“He wants you. Just look at him. He gets all
mushy-faced when he’s about you. If he hasn’t asked
you yet, he’s going to before he leaves.”
Lulu jumped up. “No! We’re not going to marry
him and go live in another town in another state with
people we don’t even know.”
Mom Connor frowned at her granddaughter. “Sit
yourself down and be quiet, young lady. You don’t
know anything about this. This is grown-up business
here. Your Mom went out in a buggy with a man and
out of town, and was gone for two hours. It doesn’t
matter if she never so much as touched his hand. She’s
got
to marry him now. If she doesn’t, she’ll be put out
of the church, and no decent woman in this town will
speak to her.”
Lulu’s eyes popped open, and she plunked back
down in her chair.
I began pacing the room. My hands covered with
the flour from the breading smeared the front of my
skirt. “I don’t want to marry him.”
“I’m sorry, Maude, but you have to, and you
know it’s true. There’s no way you can live here if you
don’t. I hate to see you leave as much as you hate to
go. Maybe you can talk him into staying here with you.
You can keep the property. Live in the house and rent
out the cabin or do it the other way around if you want.
I’m leaving all this to Lulu anyway. I already told the
preacher where my will is and what’s in it. I’ll put in
there that she won’t get it if you leave town. Maybe
that will make him want to be here.”
Lulu felt better, thinking she wouldn’t have to
move away from her friends, and relaxed a little. I
could feel her watching me for my reaction.
I knew Mom Connor was right. The town was
too small for me to outlive the gossip. If George asked
me, I’d have to marry him. If he didn’t ask me---? “Oh,
my God, Mom, what if he doesn’t ask me? What am I
going to do then?”
“If he hasn’t asked you by tomorrow night, I’ll
pay a visit to Bessie. She’ll make him see what he has
to do. If he doesn’t, she won’t be able to live here
either. All the women will blame her for bringing him
here.”
I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there with
my head down, staring at the planks in the floor as if I
were looking for an answer to the mess I’d gotten
myself into.
When George drove up the next day, I managed
to smile. I refused his offer of another ride and invited
him to sit a spell. I talked with him about things that
didn’t matter, and all that time, what really was
important was running through my mind. I pretended
to pay attention, but inside I wanted to scream. I forced
myself to sit on the porch with him and sip tea and chat
as if nothing at all hung on what he had to say. The
only words I needed to hear were the ones that
concerned getting married, and even if he said them, I
would hate to hear them. I tried to ease my mind. I told
myself he was very handsome, that the other women
would envy me his tall, slim build and his cheerful
manner. They would think I was crazy if I didn’t want
to marry him.
As it got close to time for Lulu to get home, he
hadn’t even talked a bit about the future. I began to
panic. He stood and made polite references to leaving.
I stood, too. George reached out and took my hand and
clasped it in both of his. Other than taking my elbow
to help me into the buggy, it was just the second time
he’d ever touched me. I braced myself, waiting for the
proposal. “Well, I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I sure have
enjoyed knowing you, Maude. If I ever get back over
this way, I hope I have your permission to call again.”
I just nodded a little and pulled my hand away
from his. He smiled that warm smile of his and turned
to go. I watched his back as he walked away and
climbed up in the buggy. I stood there without moving
a muscle. Mom Connor, who’d been leaning against
her back door listening for the sound of the buggy
driving off, popped out the door. She met me on the
pathway and gave me a questioning look. I looked up
at her with the saddest eyes she could have ever seen
and just shook my head. Mom Connor gasped. She
asked me to go over every word that was said, and I
told her there wasn’t anything to be gone over but talk
about the weather and such.
Mom Connor pinched her lips together. “I’m not
one to interfere, and you know that, but I have to do
something about an intolerable situation.” She turned
around with more energy than I’d seen in her for years,
went back in the house, and let the door slam behind
her. She loved me too dearly to see me hurt, even if I
had done something wrong when I should have known
better.
But how could I have known? My mother would
have taught me the customs of courting a man if she’d
lived, but she didn’t live. I never really had the
opportunity to be courted by anyone. Our families had
arranged my marriage to James before I was old
enough to think seriously about what it meant.
After about an hour, she came back and found
me in the yard, hanging up clothes. She said, “Sit
down, Maude. Let me tell you what I saw.” We went
up on my porch and sat down.
“I marched right over to Bessie’s as fast as these
old knees would let me. The front door was propped
open, and I could see Bessie moving about in the
kitchen. I didn’t knock on the screen door, but called
out loud enough for her to hear me, ‘Bessie, you and
me got to have a woman-to-woman talk.’”
I sucked in a breath. “Did the neighbors hear
you?”
“No neighbors around that I could see. Bessie
smiled at me that way she has that makes you feel
happy, wiped her hands on her apron, and hugged me.
‘Come on in,’ she said. ‘We’ll sit a spell and have
something to drink. We can talk about the wedding.’”
“I was flabbergasted she didn’t know. I told her,
‘I’m not in a sitting frame of mind, and there doesn’t
seem to be any wedding coming up. Is George back
here yet?’”
“She said, ‘I heard him ride up. He’ll be out in
the barn. I guess he’s putting the horse away.’ She
caught the way I was upset and asked me, ‘Did Maude
turn him down?’