Master of My Mind BN (20 page)

My pulse pounded, and my pussy clenched. The hunger in his
voice set my skin ablaze.
 

“I will open your eyes to what submission really means.
You’ll fight me; just like you are now. You’ll balk at my rules and protocols.
But just remember, every time you push back, it’s because you’re secretly
begging for me to launch you higher and harder than you’ve ever gone before.”

Like the way you tossed me
into subspace so damn easily.

“Make no mistake, angel, I don’t intend to stop pushing
until you blossom for me like a rose”

If Tony were trying to frighten me out of accepting the
submissive fantasy he offered, he was doing a damn good job. The idea of
letting him climb that deep inside my head and heart scared the crap out me.

“But I promise you this, no man, Dominant, or Master will
treasure your gifts more than I. All you have to do is open the door and let me
in. Trust that I’ll cherish everything you give me.”

The passion of his declaration took the starch out of my
anger and dissolved the fears dancing in my brain. I desperately wanted to
believe his promises, more than I wanted my next breath. He was offering me the
moon and the stars, still I worried he may not feel the same once he discovered
the quantity of excess baggage I carried.

A part of me ached to tell him about Matt, but I knew what
Tony’s reaction would be. He’d thump that captivating chest of his and lock me
away in an ivory tower. I had no doubt Tony wanted to take on the role as my
protector and mentor, but how on earth was I supposed to give my power to such
a strong Dominant?

 
I’d been George’s
collared sub, but his expectations paled in comparison to Tony’s. The few
rituals George required had never been truly submissive, not really. They’d
been sexual in nature and more of a role-play between us. Tony would require a
hell of a lot more than a handful of half-assed rituals. He’d want to take over
every aspect of my life. And once he’d gleaned the details of my past, he’d
want to isolate me to the point of madness. Just knowing that should have
sealed the deal. It was a no brainer. But the conviction in his voice, and the
sincerity twinkling in his eyes, held the promise that he’d show me a world—up
until now—I’d simply dreamed about.

Tony continued to torment my nipples with his enticing
fingers. After tweaking each peak, he grasped the metal clamps and pinned me
with his erotic eyes.

“Do you trust me, angel?”

Unable to speak, I nodded as he readied the clamps.

“Say it aloud. Feed my dominance with your surrender.”

“I trust you, Sir.”

His eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared, and he inhaled a
ragged breath. I thought he was going to roar like an animal, but instead, a
slow smile of absolute satisfaction spread over his lips. Tugging one nipple,
he rolled the aching tissue and aligned the metal clamp over the swollen, red
tip.

Pain like liquid silver spread from the center of my breast,
and exploded along an invisible fiber linked to my clit. Sucking in a hiss, I
writhed and moaned as Tony attached the second clamp.

“
Ahhhhh
, god,” I cried. Arching my
back off the bed, lightning seared an identical path to my core.

“Breathe the sting away, angel. You’ll take this pain for
me, won’t you?” Tony’s beguiling tone pummeled the last of my defenses.

Feathering his fingertips along the swell of each breast, he
trailed the broad pads down my ribcage. My abdomen quivered as his digits
danced a deviant waltz toward the apex of my bare mound…then stopped.

As pleasure mixed pain pulsed through my raw, awakened nerve
endings I sucked in one trembling breath after another

“Is this too much for you? Can you take this,
Leagh
?” Tony demanded in a bellicose tone.

Swallowing tightly I nodded.

“Answer me, angel. I need to hear your voice.”

“Yes, I can take it,” I replied in a raspy whisper.

Rocking my hips in silent appeal, I longed for his fingers
to continue their quest. The walls of my pussy constricted and the thin
membrane surrounding my swollen clit constricted. The accidental massage
brought a sliver of relief. I closed my eyes and repeated the process savoring
the building arousal as arcs of pain seared beneath my nipples.

“Look at me,
Leagh
,” Tony
instructed before driving his finger deep in my cunt.

Gasping, my eyes flew open wide. My walls squeezed around
his digit, sucking, milking, and pulling him in.

Gliding fast and deep into my slickness, I knew he could
feel how aroused he’d made me. The earthy scent of my essence hung heavy in the
air, spicy and pungent. Sparks of delight detonated deep in my womb, ignited
through my veins, and escaped the back of my throat as a mournful whimper.

“So hot.
So
slick.
Fuck,
Leagh
, your cunt feels like silk
and lava. I’d love to dive into your hot little pussy, slide my tongue between
your thick folds, and drown on your juices.”

“Tony!”

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart.”

“Your mouth.
Your
tongue.
Your fingers…anything…just make me come!” I cried.

“You need more than an orgasm, angel.”

“No, I don’t, dammit,” I cried. “I just need to come! Please
touch my clit.”

I writhed on his hand, searching for a knuckle or thumb...
any fragment of skin I could rub against my clit. The absence of stimulation was
maddening. With his free hand, Tony rolled the metal chain beneath his palm.
The slight jostle of the clamps sent an eruption of pain sputtering up my
spine.

“I’m the one in control here, little one. This exercise is
to impress upon you the importance of what topping from the bottom gets you.
Insolence guarantees frustration and pain.”

“I get it,” I gasped as he flicked his thumb across my clit.
“Please. I need to come.”

“No.” Shaking his head, Tony arched his brows in warning.
“You don’t have permission,
Leagh
. You’ll take
everything I give you without coming, unless you
safeword
out. Do you understand?”

“Yes, but seriously. You’ve got to let me come, Tony,” I
panted and prayed he was only fucking with my head.

But his nimble fingers drove me to the edge faster and
harder than I’d known possible. If he intended for me to hold back my release
much longer, it wouldn’t matter if I had his permission or not—I was close to
going off like a stick of dynamite—and soon. I’d never been denied orgasm. How
the hell was I supposed to stop the tsunami once it peaked?

“No, angel, I don’t,” he softly chuckled. “This lesson is
for you, even if I’m the one reaping the benefit. Do you grasp the purpose of
this exercise?”

“No,” I wailed. “I can’t think about anything except coming.
Please. Tony.”

“Maybe I need to show you instead of trying to explain it.”

A mischievous glint darted across his eyes as he wedged
another finger inside me. Stretching and filling the wet walls of my cunt, he
wiggled in deeper until he hit upon the sweet spot. Crying out, I rocked
against his embedded hand as his fingertips burnished my electrified bundle of
nerves. And when he pressed his thumb against my clit, locking his determined
gaze with mine, a sadistic smile curled on his lips.

“Don’t come, angel,” he warned.

Strumming an incessant rhythm, both inside
and out, his blissful torture escalated to blinding demand.
Panting and
grinding upon his masterful hand, release quickened. The urgency thundering
through my veins all but swallowed me whole. Ecstasy swelled, exquisite and
hot. My whimpering moans merged into breathless screams as I started tumbling
over the edge.

Tony tugged the chain and simultaneously yanked his fingers
from my pussy. My climax evaporated like dust in the wind. A howl of frustration-laced
pain tore from my throat as tears slid past my temples and spilled into my
hair.

“You can’t do this to me,” I wailed. “Please!”

“I can and I did. You’re paying this price for me. It’s not
for you. Do you understand the meaning of this punishment, now, angel?”

“Yes! You’re forcing me to submit,” I sobbed.

Tony frowned. “No, that’s not what I’m doing, sweetheart.
I’m giving you a taste of submission. Hopefully you’ll look inside yourself and
see if giving up control is what you truly want. I won’t ever force it from
you,
Leagh
. So set aside your sexual frustration and
tell me what you’re feeling.”

Smoothing a palm over my face, Tony calmed the chaotic storm
rolling through me. Sucking in a deep breath, I tried to gather my thoughts.

“Ever since George introduced me to the lifestyle, I wanted
to learn more,” I sniffed. “But he never wanted to go any deeper than bedroom
dominance. He never expected me to submit like you and the other
Doms
do.”

“Keep going,” Tony encouraged as he wiped my tears with the
pads of his thumbs.

“I don’t want to be a ‘
stepford
sub.’ The thought of losing my identity scares the hell out of me.” I sucked in
a breath of courage. “That day you took me to subspace shocked the hell out of
me. I’ve thought about it a lot, but I still don’t think I’ll ever be a pain
slut. If that’s what you expect from me then all this needs to end now. I can’t
change who I am for you or anyone else.”

Finally, giving voice to the fear our needs would never
mesh, I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the confirmation on Tony’s face.

“I never said I wanted you to change, angel. If anyone needs
to adjust, it’s me.”

“But I don’t want you to. You’ll end up hating me, and
there’s more…I need to tell you more,” I implored.

Tony gave a thoughtful nod. “Go ahead.”

“I can’t lie. I thoroughly enjoyed sailing off that day, but
I realized that I never would have achieved subspace if I hadn’t been
vulnerable and weak. I’m not normally a weak woman, and I keep wondering if
maybe I’m not a submissive after all.”

“First of all, I know what I want. I want you. I don’t want
a robot sub or a total pain slut.” Tony shook his head. “Not once have I ever
thought you weak,
Leagh
. Submission takes a hell of a
lot of strength and control. You’ve never had the chance to experience it… not
fully. My goal isn’t to mold you into something you’re not. It’s to mold you
into something more than you are already. Your spirit is like a breath of fresh
air. All I want to do is give you wings to fly higher than you ever dreamed possible.”

“By not letting me orgasm?
That’s
not making me fly; it’s just pissing me off,” I mumbled begrudgingly.

Tony smirked. “It’s a lesson and a punishment,
Leagh
. You won’t always like what I do to you. But if I
only give you what you want, you’re not really submitting to me. You’re only
submitting to yourself.”

I’d never thought of it quite that way before, but I still
wanted the damn orgasm.

His demeanor took on a righteous edge. “And don’t you ever
try to kick or hit me again.”

I frowned and nodded.

“Every time you try to top from the bottom, I’m going to
make you pay the price. There’s no way in hell I’m going to allow you to toss
out smart-assed insults and condescending remarks toward me, or any other
Dominant here.”

“Why does my behavior matter to you?”

“Because
you
matter to me.
If I’m going to take on the role of protector and mentor,
you have to know what I expect from you.”

“But why me?
Why do you want to
train me?”

“You mean besides the fact that you need it?” He arched a
brow.

“That’s not funny,” I grumbled.

“No, but it’s the truth.” Tony pressed. “I’ve been honest
with you from the start,
Leagh
. And I’ve been
attracted to you for a long time. You’re still in a vulnerable place. I care
deeply about you, and I refuse to sit idly by while
Doms
stream out of the woodwork trying to lure your submission. The thought of you
giving your power to anyone but me makes me crazy. If you accept me as your
protector and mentor you’ll have to abide by my rules. But I’ll make damn sure
you reap the rewards, if that’s what you want.”

“I have to decide right
now
?”
I blinked.

“No. We’ve got a ton of groundwork that needs to be laid
before I put a training collar on you.” He dipped his head, leveling a serious
stare. “You’ll have to open that closet,
Leagh
, and trust
me. Whatever is inside isn’t going to scare me away.”

“You say that now,” I scoffed. “But what if it does?”

“Are you a mass murderer?” He grinned, and dammit if I
didn’t melt all over again.

“Of course not,” I replied incredulously.

“Then you have nothing to worry about.” His playful
expression sobered before he rose from the bed. Checking the circulation in my
limbs clearly indicated Tony’s lesson was far from over. “Are your arms and
legs doing okay?”

“Yes, they’re fine.” I nodded.

The weight of Tony’s expectations sent an unnerving itch
crawling beneath my skin. And the fears of spilling the secrets of my past
weren’t only dangerous for me. The minute Tony found out about my involvement
with Matt he would be at risk, too. George had wheedled out my history with the
assurance that he had money and friends in high places. With George, I had a
guarantee that if push came to shove, he’d find a way to keep me alive. But I’d
never felt the riotous attraction to him that I did Tony and my fears began to
manifest into monsters. Tony didn’t have the type of network available to him
that George did. And I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Tony would
understand why I chose to stay with Matt for as long as I did. There was no
guarantee that Tony wouldn’t think me as guilty as Matt when the truth was
told.

Uncertainty filled me with anxieties and insecurities. I
wanted out of the ropes, to sit up and clear my head, sort out my doubts and
desires. Clutching a fist, I felt for the quick release line in my palm, but it
wasn’t there. A rolling wave of panic washed through me as memories of my last
night with George came crashing down upon me. Tugging at my bindings,
fear—thick and oily—tightened in my throat, squeezing the air from my lungs as
sweat erupted over my body. I was trapped.
  

“Protocol!”
I choked on a
frightened cry, jerking and thrashing against the bindings. The clamps bit
hard, but the panic flooding my veins dulled the biting pain to a bothersome
throb.

“Fuck!” The color drained from Tony’s face as he reached up
and gave a hard yank on the rope. Instantly my hands were free “I’m sorry,
baby… this is going to sting.”

Deftly releasing the metal pinchers from my nipples, I cried
out as the blood raced back into the tips with a caustic bite. Gathering me
into his arms, Tony crushed my throbbing buds against his chest so tight, I
could barely breathe. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

Ruthless tremors wracked my body as I clung to him,
desperate to absorb his reassurance and strength. Ambushed by the deluge of
emotions, I was powerless to reel them in. Sucking in great gulps of air, I
wrestled to calm myself.

“It’s okay, angel. You’re safe. I’m not going to let
anything happen to you. I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No,
Shhhh
. You’ve nothing to be
sorry about.”

“Yes, I do. I freaked out. I just don’t know what set me off
like that,” I confessed against his soft cotton shirt.

“I do. I hit a trigger. I suspect we’ll discover a few more
land mines as we go along. Don’t be surprised if you get blindsided again,
angel.”

“But I don’t want anymore. I’ve tried so hard to shove the
night George died aside.”

Tony leisurely threaded his fingers through my hair. “So
this trigger I hit did it have something to with George?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll talk about the details, later. But I think you trying
to ignore, rather than deal with the memories, is why you reacted the way you
did.”

“I don’t want to dwell on it. I’ve got so many conflicted
emotions when it comes to him. I don’t know if I can sort it all out.” Admitting
my failure felt easy, tucked in his steely arms.

“Don’t let it overwhelm you. We’ll work through them
together. I’m not going to leave you like George did.”

“You can’t promise that,” I refuted on a shaky breath. “No
one gets out alive.”

“That’s true, but I plan on being around for a long, long
time,” Tony assured. Easing back slightly, a sly grin lit up his face.
“Someone’s got to keep you in line.”