Master of My Mind BN (17 page)

“Mixed in with all the anger and pity, there’s this bizarre
sense of satisfaction. I know I brought a little ray of light into George’s
unhappy life. And while it would be easy to sit here and feel like he played
me, the truth is he made me feel more accepted and cared for than any man in my
life ever has. And for that, I’m grateful. Sounds crazy, right?”

“No, it doesn’t sound crazy. It sounds like you’ve been let
down by a shit load of unworthy men all your life, sweetheart,” Tony replied
with a sad frown.

“Don’t. I can’t stand to be pitied.” I shook my head.
“Remember in Mika’s office when Reed told me that George loved me very much?”

“Yes.”

“I think he did… in his own way. But the love I want in a
relationship is the forever after kind. I didn’t want to see it before now, but
George and I never had that kind of depth. I just needed to believe that we
did.”

“And?”
Tony prompted.

I pondered silently, trying to figure out if there was more
to say. I remembered when Tony had calmed me and showed me how to pluck each
emotion as it whizzed by.

“I don’t want to waste time beating myself up for something
that wasn’t real. I want to learn from my gigantic mistake and never give
myself to a man who doesn’t love me back with his whole heart. I know that
might be nothing more than a pipe dream, but I’m not going to settle for less than
a man whose heart I can own.” I softly laughed and shook my head.

“What was that chuckle for?”

“Owning a man’s heart doesn’t sound very submissive, does
it?”

“It’s not about submission,
Leagh
.
It’s about finding the yin to your yang. There’s not a thing wrong with wanting
to own a man’s heart and soul. Just make sure the next man who owns yours
treasures and protects it as if it were his own.”

“Yeah well, I doubt Prince Charming is going to come
galloping down the halls of the club on a white stallion,” I replied with a
hint of sarcasm.

“You never know. He might be here already,” Tony cryptically
offered.

Was he referring to himself? Was there a possibility that
the sultry fantasies I’d dreamt of might come true? Hope fluttered and right on
its heels, a tiny voice inside my head pelted it away.
Tony’s wired for a woman more intense than you could
ever dream of being.
Mentally shaking the lofty fantasy from my brain,
reality left me irritated with myself for harboring such ridiculous notions.

“I think you’ve dissected all of this in a very healthy way,
Leagh
. I’m proud of you.”

Tony leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss on the top of my
head. Neither of us said anything for a long time. Wrapped in his warmth, I
closed my eyes and internally said good-bye to George once and for all.

#

Several days later, I sat propped up in bed, reading a
romance novel. Boredom was taking a heavy toll. I was antsy to get out of my
small room and do
something.
Glancing at
the clock I sighed, discovering it was only two in the afternoon. Tony wouldn’t
be back for hours. My cell phone rang as if someone knew I needed a lifeline to
the outside world.

I smiled as I checked the caller ID. “Hello, Trevor.”

“She’s on her way to the hospital,” Trevor squealed. “It’s
baby time!”

“Oh my god,” I screamed. “How long ago did they leave?”

“Mika just called Daddy from his car, as they were heading
to the hospital. Daddy was at the bank and called me,” Trevor giggled. “Good
lord, between the two of them, I’m not sure which one is
spazzing
out more. I think they’re both ready for a guest shot on ‘Wild Kingdom.’
Anyway, I told him I was
gonna
call Savannah, and
that I’d get a ride with her. We’re all going to meet up at the hospital. If
Daddy and Mika don’t stroke out before they get there.”

“Call me as soon as you hear something!” I demanded with a
wide grin.

“I will. Savannah’s on her way over to pick me up now. Hey,
do you want to go to the hospital with us? She’s got Nick’s monster truck.
We’ll hoist your ass up into the backseat?”

“Damn
Trev
, I’m not a fucking cow.
You don’t have to hoist me anywhere, just help me into the truck. But hey,
thanks for the warm and fuzzy love, you little shit,” I laughed. “If you’re
sure she won’t mind stopping by to pick me up; I’m going stark raving mad here
today.”

“Not one
bit,
and you are not a
cow. God, it’s so much fun to tease you. And why didn’t you call me earlier? I
would have come over and hung out with you.”

“I didn’t want to be a bother.”

“Shut the front door, sister, or I’ll tell Tony you need a
spanking,” Trevor teased. “Okay, we’ll be by to pick you up real soon.
Byeeeeeee
.”

Trevor hung up, and I grinned. Julianna was in labor. Soon
she’d know the joy of being a mother. Tears pricked my eyes as memories of my
sweet little Nathan came flooding back. I shook them away and sucked in a deep
breath.

“Hell, I’ve got to get dressed!”

Snagging the lone crutch next to my bed, I pressed the
rubber tip into the carpet and swung my good leg from the mattress. Tucking the
padded support beneath my arm, I slid my heavy casted leg off the bed. I’d made
the move a hundred times, but as I stood the crutch slipped out from under my
arm, and I landed with a jarring thud onto the floor.

“
Ahhhhh
!”
I screamed. Rolling to my right side, I tried to push myself into a seated
position. The weight of both casts pinned me to the carpet like a bug. I
squirmed like a naked turtle on its back cursing a blue streak.

 
“Dahlia?
Are you alright?” A man’s voice seeped through the dark wooden door.

“Yes. I think so.
Maybe?
Hell, I
don’t know. Who’s out there?” I called back.

“It’s me, Stephen. What’s wrong?”

“I fell down, and I’m trying to get the hell up,” I grunted,
trying to lever myself onto my good arm and leg to no avail. “Shit!”

“Hang on. Let me get a master key from the bar.”

I closed my eyes and huffed. “Great. Stephen’s going to come
save your ass, then nark you out to Tony for trying to get dressed on your own.
Dammit. He’ll have my ass for not waiting for Savannah and Trevor’s help.”

Seconds later, the door swung open. Both Stephen and
Carnation rushed into the room.

“Oh my god.
Are you alright?”
Stephen
asked,
his deep voice thick with worry.

On the other hand, Carnation’s eyes grew wide, and she
started to laugh.

“Shut up,” I hissed. “You think this is funny? Maybe you should
give it a shot.” Anger bubbled in my veins.

“You laugh at her?” Stephen barked at his sub. “What the
fuck is wrong with you?”

Sliding an arm beneath my legs and the other beneath my
arms, he gently lifted me from the floor.

“I’m sorry, Master, but she’s so pathetically obvious,”
Carnation ridiculed, looking at me with a scowl. “Tell me, Dahlia, how long did
you wait for some unsuspecting Dom to walk down the hall before you started
screaming for help?”

“What?” I gasped. “Are you on crack? I didn’t scream for
help.”

Stephen’s whole body tensed as he turned, slashing Carnation
with an angry scowl. “Go to the bar and wait for me. I’ll deal with you
shortly.”

“Are you kidding?” she screeched. “Don’t tell me you
actually fell for her stupid act. Are you blind? First she pretends to pass out
in the hall, and now falling down, claiming she can’t get back up. Oh, and she
just happened to be naked on top of it. She probably laid there for hours
waiting for a man to come by that she could show off her tits. You can’t see
the game she’s playing?
Seriously?
She’s nothing but
an attention whore now that her old fart of a Master died.”

“Not another word, goddammit!” Stephen thundered.

Pinning me with a seething glare, Carnation’s lips peeled
back. “Don’t even think about sinking your claws into my Master, or I’ll
bitch-slap
you into next week!”

“To the bar.
Now!”
Stephen roared. Veins protruded from his neck. His entire face turned crimson.

Rolling her eyes, Carnation stomped out of the room.

He exhaled a deep breath. “I’m sorry about that,
Leagh
. That girl has a laundry list of issues. I’ve tried
to help her work them out, but I think she’s beyond redemption.”

“
It’s
okay, Sir. She’s never liked
me, anyway,” I explained as Stephen seated me on the side of the bed. “I’m sorry
I’ve inconvenienced you and caused trouble between you both.”

“Nonsense.
You’re not an
inconvenience.” Stephen shook his head. “How did you fall down in the first
place?” His brows arched with dominant censure. I suddenly wondered if every
Dom practiced such an intimidating look in the mirror until they got it right.

“Mika and Julianna are on their way to the hospital. She’s
in labor. Trevor and Savannah are coming here to pick me up. We’re going to be
there when the baby arrives, and I accidently fell when I got out of bed to get
dressed. I wanted to be ready so we could leave for the hospital right away.”

A huge grin lit up his face, and his green eyes sparkled. He
was handsome and urbane.

“That’s great news. I should head over there myself and lend
Mika some moral support. He’s been a mess for weeks. I’ve never seen him so
stressed.” I laughed in agreement before Stephen suddenly sobered. Scrubbing a
hand through his thick, wheat colored hair, his lips tightened. “But first,
let’s get you dressed. Where are your clothes?

I blinked up at him. “You don’t have to help me, Sir. I can
wait for Trevor and Savannah.”

“Obviously you can’t, or I wouldn’t have found you on the
floor. Now, tell me what you want to wear and where to find it.”

It was pointless to argue with the man, especially when he
was in full Dom mode. Pointing to the closet first, I directed him to the
dresser next. Stephen plucked up the articles and returned to the bed. My
wardrobe was limited to clothing that would fit over the ugly, thick casts.
Grateful that Julianna had purchased a butt-load of stretchy, soft cotton sets
from Soma. They were sold as loungewear, but their collections could easily
pass for street clothes.

Swallowing down my pride and embarrassment, I couldn’t help
but flinch when Stephen cupped my breasts and tucked them into my bra before
fastening the front clasp. Kneeling on the floor in front of me, he slid the
thong up my legs. It bothered me when Tony dressed me, and with Stephen’s head
virtually between my knees, the whole event pegged the needle on the
humiliation scale.

Just as Stephen leaned in closer, the door swung open and in
walked Tony. Stopping dead in his tracks, his eyes grew wide, his nostrils
flared, and his mouth dropped open.

“Stephen?” Tony’s tone dripped with accusation.

“Tony!” Stephen exclaimed as he jerked his hands from my
panties and bolted upright. “I was…
Leagh
took a bit
of a fall.”

In the blink of an eye, the shock on Tony’s face turned to
fury, and every ounce of it was directed straight toward me. “How did you fall
out of bed?”

“I didn’t, Sir,” I whispered, regarding the discarded
crutch, wishing I’d thought to hide the evidence of my stubbornness.

Tony’s gaze traveled the same path as mine, and without a
word, he studied the placement of the walking aid. Then like a raging bull, he
charged the bed.

“Roll over,” he demanded. A fire of retribution blazed in
his eyes.

“Why?” I asked frantically glancing between him and Stephen.

“I said, roll over!”

“Ah, I think it’s time for me to leave,” Stephen replied
with a hint of laughter. “I have a little punishment of my own to dispense.”

“Wait,” I cried to Stephen. “Tell him that you were just
helping me get dressed and not...”

Stephen chuckled. “Tony knows I’d never lay a finger on
another Dom’s sub. Besides I don’t think he’s angry with me for trying to get
you dressed. He’s obviously not happy that you fell getting out of bed and
didn’t wait for help.”

“But I’m not his sub, I’m…”

Before I could finish my sentence, Tony shoved me onto my
stomach, pinning my arms beneath my belly before aligning a sharp, bare-handed
slap across my ass.

“Your stubborn pigheadedness stops now!” Tony barked as he
landed another stinging blow. “George may have allowed you to set your own
limits, but I won’t tolerate it. Do you understand me?”

Pissed was an understatement for the both of us. Before I
could string together a list of obscenities, the door opened again. Straining
my neck, Savannah and Trevor stood in the portal. Identical expressions of
shock were poised on their faces. An indignant growl rolled from the back of my
throat.

“Whoa, damn.” Trevor cried.

“Yikes,” Savannah hissed.
“Bad timing.
Very bad.”

“Dammit, Tony!
Stop,” I growled.
Humiliation overrode the sting spreading through my flesh as I launched onto my
back, sending a look of desperation toward my friends. “Don’t just stand there.
Help me you two!”

“
Uhhh
, well,” Savannah stuttered,
her eyes still wide. “Don’t take this the wrong way Tony, Sir, but…Hell no,
Leagh
. He’s the last Dom I’d want to piss off.”

“Everyone out!”
Tony bellowed as he
turned and pointed toward the door.

Stephen chuckled as he ushered Trevor and Savannah out of
the room.

Wiggling toward the far side of the bed, I glared at Tony as
he narrowed his eyes and snarled.

“What the hell were you trying to do that made you fall?”

“What in the hell are
you
doing here in the middle of the day?”

“I’m asking the questions, now,” he warned, crawling onto
the bed like a panther stalking its prey.

“Julianna’s at the hospital. She’s having the baby.”

“I. Know. I cancelled the rest of my appointments to pick
you up, so
we
could go to the hospital.”

“Oh,” I frowned. “Well, that’s why Trevor and Savannah are
here…they’re taking me.”

“Really?”
He challenged sarcastically.
“Were you planning on telling me about this little excursion you’d arranged?”

I hadn’t. Not until now
.
“I… guess so. I mean with the excitement of the baby coming, I would have sent
you a text at some point.”

“You
guess
? So in
other words, you didn’t really think about letting me know, did you?”

“Well, no. You were at work. I wasn’t going to bother you,”
I explained. “Wait a minute. Since when do I need your permission? You’re not
my Master. You’re not my Dom. You’re—”

“I’m your protector,” Tony roared.

“Since when?”
I barked, bristling
defensively.

Tony’s jaw clenched as he rose to his knees and scooted off
the bed. Anger drained from his face and something more frightening took its
place…hurt. He scrubbed a hand through his hair before his guarded gaze settled
on me.

“Since I spent two days and nights glued to the side of your
hospital bed and another four after you woke up. You can’t tell me you don’t
feel a strong connection between us. You think I’m nothing more than a friend?
Open your goddamn eyes. You mean a hell of a lot more to me than just a friend,
Leagh
. And for fuck sake, stop topping from the
bottom.”

Tony drilled me with an unhappy stare. Guilt for
disregarding his feelings—obviously the same ones I’d tried to ignore since the
day of George’s funeral—and rebuffing Tony’s claim as protector crushed me. Not
only had I spent weeks trying to deny my attraction to him, I’d gone so far as
to invent excuses—some valid, but most not—of reasons why anything more than
friendship with the man was destined to fail.

As if the reality fairy hadn’t smacked the wand of clarity
upside my head enough, I realized that if I wanted a relationship with Tony bad
enough I’d stop trying to hide and put forth some effort. He’d been under no
obligation to care for me, yet he rearranged his entire life to do just that.
And he’d never so much as asked for a thank-you in return. I could no longer
ignore the fact that Tony had situated himself smack dab in the middle of my
heart and my life. It was time for me to take off the blinders and roll the
dice.

“Tony, I’m—”

“Let’s finish getting your clothes on and head to the
hospital,” he instructed as he forced a tight smile. As if sensing my unease,
he winked. “We don’t want to be the last to hear how Mika passed out during
delivery now, do we?”

A palpable tension hung in the air as we rode in silence. No
matter how hard I arranged an apology in my head, it fell short of erasing the
callous way I challenged his claim as protector.
 
With his attention focused on the road, Tony
reached out and slid his hand in mine. A tiny smile curled on the corners of
his mouth.

“Stop fretting. There’s no pressure or time limit for us to
figure this out, sweetheart. Day at a time, remember?”

A lump formed in my throat as my gaze dropped to our
entwined fingers. I marveled at the easy way his thumb strummed the inside of
my wrist. Tony had a way of calming me and lifting my burdens. He made me feel
like a joy to his life and not an obligation.

“I’m sorry.” The two words paled to what I felt inside, but
it was the best I could do.

“I don’t want you to be sorry, angel. What I want is for you
to let me in.”

“I just need a little more time.”

“I know. It’s just… I’ve been waiting for you a long time,
now.” Tony quickly glanced at me and gently squeezed my fingers before turning
his attention back to the traffic on the road. “But lucky for you, I’m a very
patient man.”

I swallowed tightly as I stared at his profile.
Why are you asking him for more time? Haven’t you
wasted enough time? Tony’s the first man to offer you a healthy relationship.
What in the hell are you waiting for?
My inner voice urged me to take
the plunge, but a part of me wondered if I was truly ready. Suddenly, Tony’s
words echoed in my brain;
“There’s no pressure
or time limit for us to figure this out. Day at a time, remember?”
Deciding that’s what I needed to do, I exhaled a soft little sigh, ready to let
it play out and see where it took us.

Once at the hospital, Tony snagged a wheel chair. He
zigzagged down the halls like a maniac, popping wheelies as I held on for dear
life, laughing like a loon. Turning the corner to the labor and delivery
waiting room, Tony slid the wheelchair sideways, aligning me next to an empty
chair. Our friends from the club watched his zany antics with wide eyes and
broad smiles.

“When is that baby going to get here?” Tony grinned.

“Still waiting, Sir,” Trevor grumbled. “Honestly, how long
does it take to pop one of those little suckers out?”

I laughed. “Twice as long as you think it should and a
thousand times more painful.”

“And how do you know that, Miss Thing?” Trevor teased.

Melting back in the wheel chair, I opened my mouth and
quickly closed it. Suddenly all eyes were on me. I glanced at Tony’s expectant
expression. If I intended to let him in, I knew I’d have to unlock my past. I
figured tossing out a few secrets versus bombarding him with the whole ugly
truth might not make it so overwhelming.

I turned to face Trevor. Revealing what I had to say would
be a lot easier than explaining it to Tony.

“I had a baby once,” I softly confessed. “He was stillborn.”

“Oh,
Leagh
,” he gaped. “I’m so
sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

Bless Trevor. He knew I’d left a horrible past, but the
sweet man never once tried to pry out the details of my former life. As a blush
rose on his pale cheeks, I shook my head.

“
It’s
okay,
Trev
.
I named him Nathan. He was beautiful. He had a perfect round face…” Emotions
I’d long ago folded away flowed back, unfurling the painful memories. “I don’t
know what color of eyes he had, but he had a full head of snow white hair. They
let me rock him and sing to him and count all his fingers and toes before they
took him away.”

I swiped the tears from my cheeks, swallowed tightly, and
forced a nod. “He’s in a much better place. It was a blessing he didn’t have to
live…”
Through the nightmare my life turned
into.
“He had a heart defect that they never detected in any of my
prenatal visits. My doctor told me that Nathan most likely wouldn’t have
survived the delivery. But we didn’t know that until after. He just stopped
moving a couple weeks before my due date and that’s when I knew something was
wrong.”

“Oh, angel.
That must have been
horrible for you,” Tony murmured as he slipped a hand to my nape and massaged
it gently.

“It was.” I nodded. The whole room was somber. I flashed a
smile, needing to lift everyone’s spirits back up. “I didn’t mean to put a
black cloud over all the excitement. None of that is going to happen to
Julianna. She’s got a healthy baby ready to come into the world.”

“Yes, she does,” Savannah chimed in, giving me a supportive
wink. “I was over there yesterday, and that little bug was kicking up a storm.
Julianna is convinced he or she is going to be a pro soccer player.”

Suddenly, the energy in the room was abuzz again. Tony eased
his hand from my nape before tangling his fingers in mine.

“You’re an amazing lady,” he whispered as he leaned in and
kissed my cheek.

“No, just a survivor,” I replied softly.

Before Tony could respond to my comment, Mika rushed through
a set of double doors. Dressed in dark green scrubs, he smoothed a paper cap
from his bald head.

“How is she?” Drake asked, in a tone tight with worry.

“She’s hanging in there, but damn, my girl is
not
happy.” Mika laughed. “Nobody told me Satan
was going to possess my beautiful pet during labor. She says this all
my
fault,
and damn if
the little minx isn’t threatening to cut me off pussy for life!”

Collective laughter filled the room as Mika cursed under his
breath.

“I don’t know how long this is going to take, but you all
might be here a while. She’s only at five and a half, whatever the fuck that
means. All I know is she’s got to reach a nine before we get the prize.” A
goofy grin spread across his full lips. “They kicked me out to give her a shot
in the spine.”

“It’s an epidural, Sir,” Savannah grinned. “She’ll be more
like the Julianna you know and love soon.”

“I hope you’re right, dear girl. I’m about ready to call for
an exorcism in there.” Mika grinned as he turned toward Drake. “Any word from
dad or Sarah, yet?”

“Emile said they would try to be on the next flight out.
They’re on standby, but if I know your dad, he’s not only secured the last two
seats, he’s upgraded to first class.” Drake beamed.

“No shit,” Mika laughed. “Okay, when they get here, will you
send them back to suite 304, please?”

“Will do, brother.”
Drake nodded as
he stood.
“Suite huh?
You got a penthouse view in
there?

Mika flashed him a sly grin. “It’s got the view I’ve always
dreamed about…my Julianna bringing my child into this world. It’s amazing man.
Fucking amazing.”

The two men wrapped each other in a tight hug. “Give her a
kiss for me, brother, and tell her I love her,” Drake instructed, choking with
emotion.

Mika nodded with a reassuring smile,
then
issued a quick wave before he turned and left the waiting room without a dry
eye in the place.

The hours ticked by slowly, but the atmosphere remained
electrified. Anticipation hummed even as Drake made several calls lining up
members to help work the club. Dylan and Nick texted away
,
stopping
to exchange information about zoning laws, as they tried to
resolve an issue on one of their construction sites. But by four-thirty the
energy began to wane.

Emile and Sarah rushed into the room, and a flurry of hugs
and laughter ensued. The older couple was animated in their excitement. Mika
and his father bore an uncanny resemblance. Even the tone of their deep, rich
laughter sounded the same. Sarah, Emile’s sub, wore a diamond studded collar
around her slender neck. The woman oozed submission, graceful and acquiescent.
Together, she and Emile painted the perfect portrait of a happy lifestyle
couple. I found it somewhat startling when I realized I ached to be in her
shoes. I glanced at Tony beside me, wondering if destiny might hold a sliver of
mercy for us someday.