Made To Love You (2 page)

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell us.” I say staring at a gash of wood missing from the railing along the wall. “I guess it makes sense now why she insisted that she didn’t need to go back to the doctor for that damn cough.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Hunter tilts his head towards the door. “I’m sure she’s awake if you want to go in.”

I nod my head but I have another question before I go in. “What happened to her to make you bring her here?”

Hunter scratches the back of his head. “CC and I were taking her home. We pulled up in front of the house and mom started having a coughing fit as soon as she got out of the car. She couldn’t even catch a breath and CC and I watched as she passed out right in front of our eyes.” He sighs. “She gave me a fucking heart attack. She was only out for a few seconds before she was alert again and looking around trying to figure out why she was lying in the snow.” He shakes his head. “She doesn’t remember even getting out of the car.”

Damn it, I knew I should have taken her home, should have spent the rest of Christmas with her.

Hunter taps his foot with mine and I glance up. “After the doctor walked out of the room, mom told me she was waiting until after Christmas and Mason and Hailey’s wedding on New Year’s Eve to tell us. You know how she is, she wouldn’t have wanted to put a damper on the holidays and their wedding.”

I huff. “That’s just like her, always putting everyone else before herself.” The anger starts to set in. “Why would she hide this from us? None of that other shit is as important as her health.”

I watch my brother’s huge shoulders shrug. “She’s scared.”

“It’s not an excuse.” My body starts to tremble with the anger that is beginning to radiate through my body. I’m pissed that she didn’t tell us the second she found out, pissed that she was putting unimportant things before her health, and pissed that she didn’t allow me to be there for her.

Hunter sighs. “You’re right, it’s not, but put yourself in her shoes, Jay. Wouldn’t you be scared? She knows she’s got a long battle ahead of herself, she was only looking out for us until after the holidays.” He turns his head and looks down the hallway. “Maybe she was just trying to give us one last holiday with happy memories.”

I bite the inside of my cheek until the metallic taste of blood is all I can focus on.
The last holiday?
No, I refuse to believe that! Hunter can’t think like that either. She’s going to fight this just like she’s fought everything else that’s ever been thrown her way.

Sadie McCormick is a fighter and she’s not going down without the fight—literally—of her life.

Cooper

I slip into Sadie’s room while Hunter and Jaylinn have a moment together. This devastating news, news that could very well take their mom from them far too young, has crushed them both. I’m praying with all the new medications, treatment protocols, and research out there that Sadie will have a fighting chance.

She’s lying on the hospital bed, covered with blankets and her head is leaning against a pillow. Her eyes are red and bloodshot as the tears fall from them. Standing a few feet away from her bedside I can hear Hunter and Jaylinn crying in the hallway and I’m sure Sadie can too. Hearing that is killing me and I know it’s probably worse on Sadie. She only wanted to protect them from exactly this…this moment, these emotions, this pain.

Taking the last few feet towards her I reach out for her hand. I hold it gently, like she’s fragile, but I should have known better. Sadie clamps on my hand, knuckles turning white, holding on like I’m her lifeline. “I didn’t want them to find out like this,” she cries harder.

I sit on the edge of her bed and bring her hand to my lap but she sits up and wraps her arms around me. At first I’m stunned because I’m not sure exactly what to do so I do the only thing I can, I hug her back. I know that Sadie thinks of me like a son but she catches me off guard, my own emotions waging war on my head and heart knowing that I need to be strong for her and for Hunter and Jay.

Sadie cries while I sit there hugging her, comforting her. I tell her she’s a fighter, she’s brave and can get through anything. My heart is breaking for her. How can this strong, brave woman be going through something like this? She hasn’t had the best life, her piece of shit ex-husband ruined that for her, but she did have two amazing kids from him and two beautiful grandkids. She’s too young to be dealing with a possibility of not being here to celebrate every one life’s moments with her children and grandkids.

Once she composes herself, she gives me a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Cooper.” She fans her face. “I haven’t broken down like that until tonight.”

“No reason to be sorry at all,” I give her a half smile. “Sometimes we just need to let it out.” And I’m so glad that she did, if she wouldn’t have been showing any kind of emotion then I would be worried, fearing that she knew more than what Hunter had overheard.

Sadie pats my hand. “I’m so lucky my daughter has you in her life.” Her eyes mist over again. “She’s going to need you now more than ever.” And the tears overcome her again.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell her truthfully. I hold her once again as she cries out every ounce of fear and worry that plagues her ailing body.

I take a deep breath. I had no plans on doing this now, I wanted to wait until after all the holidays and Hailey and Mason’s wedding. I wanted to do it when it was our time to shine and not be overshadowed by other people’s happiness, but now with this news and my impending absence once baseball season starts back up, I don’t want to wait another second.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something. It might not be the best time or place but when will it ever be?” I smile at Sadie as I see a flash of my future seeing Jaylinn walking down the aisle in a wedding dress with her mom at her side. “I wanted to ask your permission to marry Jaylinn. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.” I huff, smiling bigger. “God knows I’ve got plenty of time to think while I’m on the road. I know I put up a fight against us being in a relationship for such a long time. Until just last year actually, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to marry her.”

Sadie starts to laugh and that laugh turns into a cough. I quickly jump off the bed ready to dart to the nurse’s station when her cough turns back into a laugh. “Sorry,” she clears her throat. “Are you nervous that I’d say no? Because you just did a whole lot of rambling that had me thinking you were like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar,” Sadie chuckles.

I place my hands on my hips, a soft smile warming my face, and give my damn heart a second to settle before answering. “I just want to make sure you know I’m not asking because of this,” I say looking around the room and because I’m such a chicken shit that I can’t even say the word cancer out loud.
If I don’t address it it’s not real, right?

Sadie pats the bed again for me to sit beside her. “Cooper, you could have asked me yesterday or the day before or even months ago. My answer is and would have always been yes, you have my permission to marry my daughter. I don’t need to know all the reasons why you want to marry her. One look at the two of you together and anyone can see how much you love each other.”

Hunter and Jaylinn walk into the room at that exact second. “Mom, did you just admit to Cooper that you love him?” Jaylinn attempts to joke but the smile on her face doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Hunter takes a seat in one of the chairs in the corner of the room. I stand and mouth ‘thank you’ to Sadie as I let Jaylinn take my seat next to her mom.

“You’ve always known I’ve loved that boy,” Sadie says as she grabs Jaylinn’s hand. “All of those Cahills actually.”

Jaylinn turns her head away from her mom, her face turns a shade of red and the tears fall from her eyes. She’s breaking down but doesn’t want her mom to see her like that. She’s trying to be strong but failing miserably. Hunter leans forward, elbows resting on his legs, head hung down. Nothing in this moment can change anything in this room. Their world was just blown apart. A rift separating them that seems, in this moment, almost insurmountable. Sadie pulls her daughter into her arms where the sob that Jaylinn was holding back comes out; the sound hitting me square in the chest. I glance back at Hunter who is shaking his head back and forth. I take a few steps back standing next to him and place my hand on his shoulder offering my support to my best friend.

After a while the room grows quiet. Jaylinn is lying beside her mom on the hospital bed, Hunter moved his chair over towards the foot of the bed where he’s leaning forward and resting his head, probably sleeping by now, and I’m sitting on the couch that is in the corner of the room looking out of the window. The sun is just starting to rise over the trees in the distance. The sun hasn’t been out in days; it’s been so damn cold and snowy. I’m hoping this is a sign that it’s bringing a new day with new possibilities and hopes.

A new nurse knocks before allowing herself in. Her smile blinds me as she glances over in my direction. There is nothing to be smiling about, I think to myself, at least not until we get some answers.

Sadie stirs and glances towards the nurse, who is now typing away on the keyboard that is across from the bed. When she’s finished, she turns and smiles at Sadie. “How are you feeling, Sadie, on a scale of one to ten, one being no pain at all to ten being in the worst pain ever?”

She tries to talk. “About a—” another coughing fit starts again and it wakes Jaylinn. She sits straight up with wide panicked eyes. “Mom…”

Sadie pats her hand reassuring her she’s okay. She tries taking a deep breath but it’s shallow. “It’s about a seven.”

The nurse nods and makes a note on the computer. “Well, let’s get that taken care of.” She logs off the computer and steps up to the white board near the computer. “My name is Amy and I’ll be your nurse until this afternoon.” Amy writes her name down on the board along with a doctor’s name as well. “Dr. Anderson has given me permission to make you as comfortable as possible.” Amy smiles again at Sadie who tries to smile back but the pain is evident on her face. “I’ll be right back.”

Amy walks out of the room and Jaylinn rests her head back on her mom’s shoulder and grabs her hand. “I love you, Mom.”

Sadie leans her head against her daughter’s. “I love you, my sweet girl.”

Amy comes back with a syringe in one hand and a couple of white packets in the other. She places them down on the roll away table then rips open one of the packets and wipes down the IV. When she’s done she tosses it on the table then does the same with the end of the syringe. Amy places the wipe down and twists the syringe into the IV. “You’re probably going to get a warming feeling throughout your body, it’s completely normal.” Amy unscrews the syringe and tosses it the medical wastebasket. “And you’re probably going to get really sleepy as well.”

I glance over to Sadie, her eyes roll in the back of her head. I glance quickly to Amy to see if that reaction is normal. “She’s fine,” she assures me.

“When will the doctor be in to speak with us?” Jaylinn asks.

Hunter stirs from his position. He leans back in the chair and rolls his neck.

“Dr. Anderson and Dr. Carter, the staff oncologist, will be in some time this morning. They’ll be able to answer all of your questions.” Amy taps a few things in the computer and spins around. “I’ll be back to check on her in a bit.”

Jaylinn sighs. Hunter looks over to his mom and just shakes his head. He hasn’t said much since we were talking in the hallway when we first got here. I know we all deal with things differently and Hunter is dealing with this the only way he can right now.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out to see that it’s a text from my sister.

Kenzie 6:52am:
Hunter isn’t answering. I’m dropping the kids off at mom’s and I’m on my way.

Me 6:53am:
Okay, I’ll let him know.

Kenzie 6:54am:
Is everything okay?

Me 6:55am
: Not sure what is going on yet.

Kenzie 6:55am:
K. Tell him I’m on my way.

“Kenzie is on her way over. She’s dropping the kids off at my mom and dad’s now.” I tell Hunter.

Jaylinn looks to me and I give her a sad smile. She shifts slowly and gently extracts herself out from under her mom’s embrace. Hunter watches her every move waiting to see if she needs help. After tucking her mom back in she curls herself onto my lap where I wrap my arms around her. I run my hand up and down her back comforting her. The sun has come up casting an orange glow over the room, creating a surreal, hazy effect shadowing our already somber mood.

“You okay?” I whisper into her ear. I need to hear the truth from her and I know if she thinks Hunter is paying attention she’ll keep her brave face on.

“No,” she says back quietly. Her body has a slight tremble to it.

I take a deep breath not knowing exactly what I can do for her. I’m so lost here wanting to comfort her but not knowing what I can do to make this situation any better.

“Just don’t let me slip, Coop. I have to be brave for her, Hunter, and even myself,” she whispers into my ear.