MacLean's Passion: A Highland Pride Novel (21 page)

Colin stood in the middle of the bedchamber and stared into the glowing embers of the fire. The voices of his dead brothers and parents rang in his head, reaffirming everything they had said in life.

He’d lost his home to the English. His home, his people, his way of life. But that wasn’t all. To twist the knife further into his gut, the one to take his home was none other than Abbott, the man who’d been his nemesis for years.

His hand curled into a fist and he pressed it against his thigh.

Abbott.

Good God, Abbott was in his home.

Colin had let them all down, his family and his people.

The door opened and his wife crept in.

“Go away,” he said hoarsely. He didn’t want to see her now. He didn’t want to talk about how she insisted on accompanying him, and he especially didn’t want her to see him like this. He was so raw that he didn’t have the energy to conceal his emotions.

She hesitated by the door. “Colin—”

“Go away, Maggie. I can no’ speak to ye now.”

“I’m no’ leaving,” she said quietly.

“Do ye ever do what ye’re told?”

“Rarely.”

He closed his eyes, the flames of the fire dancing behind his lids.

“We will find a way,” she said softly.

He huffed out a breath that was supposed to be a laugh, but he had no energy for laughing nor for pretending. For so long he’d played the part of the brother who took nothing seriously, who could make jokes in even the direst of situations. He didn’t have that in him this time. “We?”

“I know ye do no’ want me to help.” She took a step closer and he was surprised to see that everything had been stripped from her as well. She wasn’t the cocky, swaggering braggart who argued about everything and had an answer to every question. There was grief in her eyes, and pity, and he hated that he’d put both of those emotions there.

“This is my home as well,” she said. “And my people. I want to take it back from the English. From Abbott. I want to help
ye
take it back from Abbott.”

“What if there is nothing to take back? What then?”

“Then we rebuild.”

He laughed. “Ye have no idea what we’re facing, Maggie. I do no’ even know if there are people willing to help us take back the castle, let alone help us rebuild. And what if we do take it back? Abbott will no’ go away. He’ll arrest me for escaping.”

She didn’t flinch from his harsh words or the even harsher reality. “Yer people will help,” she said with a confidence that he wished like hell he felt, too.

“Don’ ye understand? Don’ ye
see
? I left them to fend for themselves. I left them undefended against my enemy, and my enemy walked in and took everything. Hell, I’m no’ even angry at him. I would have done the same.” He turned back to the fire. “Ye should go back to yer brother.”

“Nae. Ye are my family now.”

“Ah, Maggie, lass. Ye got the bad end of that deal, I fear.”

“I do no’ think so.”

“I failed them all.”

“Maybe.” She moved to stand beside him. “But I’m willing to stand by yer side and make the best of it.”

A small smile touched her lips, and he had an overwhelming desire to kiss that rosy mouth. She wanted so badly to act and dress like a man, but her smile and those eyes were all woman.

Maggie scooted behind him, wrapped her slim arms around his waist, and rested her head against his back. He covered her clasped hands with his and breathed deep, closing his eyes against the sensation and the comfort of her touch.

“I have nothing for ye,” he said.

“I do no’ need much,” she whispered back.

“Why?” Why couldn’t he accept that she wanted him? He who had no home and probably no people to lead. He, the most unreliable chief in all of Scotland.

He felt her shrug against his back. “I do no’ know,” she admitted. “Maybe I like a challenge.”

At least she was honest. He admired her for that.

Without unclasping her hands, she shuffled around him until she was facing him. They were pressed together from the hips down, and he was a man, a man who had urges, and his urges were making themselves known.

He kissed her and she stood on her toes to kiss him back.

“I canno’ be gentle. No’ now.”

“Do I look like I want gentle?”

He groaned. “I do no’ deserve ye.” The words slipped out, but his haze of need was so great that he didn’t care.

Maggie gently cupped his face between her small but capable hands to stare into his eyes. “Don’ ever say that again,” she said softly, but with steel behind the words.

“I canno’ promise that. I canno’ promise ye anything at this point.”

Her fierce look softened. “Ah, Colin, someday ye’ll think better of yerself.”

She pulled his face forward, still cupping his cheeks, and kissed him hard, enflaming his already heated need for her. He’d never wanted another woman like he wanted Maggie. It was different, this need and desire he had for her. He couldn’t put his finger on how it was different. Deeper, maybe. There was a fellow clansman back in the day when his da was chief. His name was Kenneth, and he liked the drink so much that it was all he thought about, all he cared about, and all he did. Colin feared his need for Maggie was like the drink was to Kenneth: An addiction that could easily get out of control and take over his life. He didn’t want it to be that way, and yet he ached for her, needed her almost more than he needed air to breathe.

“It will no’ be nice,” he warned. Good God, his cock had never hurt this badly. If he didn’t know better, he’d fear he’d been cursed by the resident witch and his manhood was about to fall off.

Maggie rubbed her thin, lithe body against his, and he almost lost his control.

“Nae,” he said between clenched teeth, speaking more to his cock than to her.

She paused, looking at him in concern.

With a growl, Colin picked her up and carried her to the bed, where he threw her down. She bounced on the soft mattress and smiled up at him, her eyes alight with excitement. He yanked on her breeches, popping the buttons. With little pings, they landed on the hard floor.

He crawled on top of her, lifted his kilt, and shoved himself inside, knowing he was the worst sort of beast, rutting with her in the basest of ways. But she raised her hips, accepting him, and to his surprise he slid right in, her passage so wet that he met no resistance.

He gasped. His body shuddered, nearly losing control. He refused to let it, wanting more but also knowing that he couldn’t hold out much longer.

The stroke of his cock inside her warm, moist channel was excruciating and exhilarating. Beneath him, Maggie had closed her eyes, grasped his hips, and was lifting her own hips until the only things touching the bed were her shoulders and her heels. He clutched her buttocks and buried himself as far in as he could get. He couldn’t stop his body from trembling with the greatest need he’d ever felt in his life.

Maggie was moaning, taking all of him in easily. A tiny line developed between her brows as if she were concentrating hard on something. Her passageway tightened around him and he panted, trying to control his release.

“Come for me,
mo gradh
.” He clenched his teeth. If she didn’t find her release soon, he would find his, and he didn’t want to come before she did.

She opened her glazed eyes, whimpering and panting, and he nodded to her, unable to form words. He couldn’t wait anymore. He felt his bollocks tighten in preparation, and suddenly, his release was racing through him.

A long, deep guttural moan escaped from Maggie, and her inner muscles clutched his cock as her hips thrust upward. His vision went dark, and he shot his seed into her with such power that he was dizzy with it.

“Ye’re no’ a bad man, Colin MacLean.” Maggie turned to face him, snuggling her warm, tight body to his. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer.

“Why, thank ye, Maggie MacLean.” He deliberately misunderstood her words, wriggling his brows at her and giving her a raunchy grin.

She laughed and playfully slapped at his shoulder. “That’s no’ what I meant. I meant that I know ye think ye’re a bad person for not protecting yer people, but ye’re no’. Bad, that is.”

His laughter died, and the heavy weight of his guilt returned to settle over him. “All my life, I’ve been told that I would end up no good. And now it has come to pass.”

“I do no’ believe that.”

He propped his head on his hand and leisurely trailed his fingers up the side of her thigh, not willing to let their conversation diminish the intimacy quite yet.

“I was a horrible son,” he said, concentrating on his fingers trailing over her body, yet needing to tell her his story so she could understand. He well knew that this story was coming far too late, that he should have told it before their marriage so she had a chance to walk away.

“My mother said that from the time I could toddle around, I would run away from her. Then I’d run from my nurse and eventually from my tutors. I would hide, causing an uproar in the castle, as everyone had to stop what they were doing and look for me. When I got older, I simply walked away from any responsibility. I had two older brothers. My father did no’ need me, and he sure as hell did no’ think all that highly of me. No’ that I blame him. I nurtured the belief that I was up to no good, until I became what everyone said I would. No good. I got involved in the local smuggling operation, and eventually, I became the leader.”

“Why did ye fight at Culloden?”

“Because I hate the bastard English, and I was restless and my brothers were going, so I went with them.”

“And then yer brothers died and now ye’re the leader of the clan.”

He rolled onto his back and folded his arms behind his head. “Aye.”

“All I can say is that our sons had better no’ be as mischievous as ye were when ye were a lad.”

He closed his eyes and chuckled. “Good Lord, the thought is terrifying.”

The next morning Maggie was with Colin, Sutherland, and a few of Sutherland’s men, saddling up the horses to head to MacLean land. She held her breath, expecting at any moment for Colin to demand that she stay behind, but he merely glanced at her and continued overseeing the preparations for departure.

Eleanor’s expression was sad, and Maggie felt her heart lurch a wee bit at the thought of leaving yet another friend. It seemed lately that just as she was learning how to make female friends, she had to leave them.

“I wish you well,” Eleanor said with tears in her eyes. She had proved that not all the English were bad, though Maggie still had reason to believe the majority of them were.

“I’ll miss ye,” Maggie whispered.

“Oh, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing each other again. Our husbands are the closest of friends.”

“Good. Because I have a feeling I’ll have many questions about how to run a home.” She awkwardly patted Eleanor on the shoulder. The men were mounting up, and Maggie didn’t want to delay them for fear they would leave her behind.

She rode out with the men, watching Colin’s back as she rode behind him.

She understood him much better since their talk the night before. All his life he’d been told he wasn’t good enough, that he wouldn’t amount to anything. He’d lived up to his family’s expectations because they’d become his expectations. And now he had no expectations.

She was going to change that. She didn’t know how, but if there was one thing that Maggie possessed in full, it was determination, and she would focus all of that determination on making Colin believe in himself.

But first they needed to take his home back from that bastard Abbott.

The closer they came to MacLean land, the grimmer Colin’s expression became. Maggie stayed silent, not knowing what to do or say to comfort him. Innis would know how to handle Evan, and Eleanor would know how to handle Brice, but Maggie was neither Eleanor nor Innis, and she never regretted it more than now.

Colin reined in his horse and held up his fist in a sign for everyone to stop. Maggie heard the soft swish of dozens of swords being drawn, hers among them. The act was automatic, and she didn’t even see the threat until after she was wielding her sword.

A contingent of mounted Highlander men, large and forbidding, with stern expressions, crested the hill and lined the road, blocking their way.

Colin kicked his horse forward. Sutherland and the rest stayed back but remained at the ready.

A silent standoff occurred. Maggie held her breath, waiting for anything—a charge, a greeting, a mass killing. The leader moved his horse forward. He had not drawn his sword and neither had his men, but they were tensed, ready if need be. Maggie kept her eye on them, picking out the ones she could take.

“Campbell’s men,” Sutherland muttered to her. “What the hell?”

She flicked her gaze to Colin but quickly turned it back to the waiting men. Surely Campbell had not set them up. Surely not…

But that was exactly what it looked like, and for some strange reason she was disappointed in Campbell. She had hoped he was better than this, that just maybe he was on the side of his fellow Highlanders.

“We come in peace.” The leader held up his hand as if the gesture alone would convince them. “I am Adair Campbell, Iain Campbell’s commander. We’re here to help you.”

“Campbell sent ye?” Colin asked in suspicion.

“Aye.”

Maggie glanced at her husband to gauge his reaction, but his expression was neutral, giving away nothing. Beside her, Sutherland made a sound of amusement.

“Very well,” Colin said after a time. “I thank ye for the support.”

Adair tipped his head and motioned his men to the side. Colin passed them, Maggie following, and Sutherland coming behind her. A quick glance behind confirmed that Adair Campbell and his men had fallen in behind Sutherland’s men.

They resumed their journey, although Maggie was keenly aware of the newest addition to their party. She did not feel fully comfortable with their presence. Was this a trap? Had Campbell’s men been given orders to sabotage their mission?

She kept her suspicions to herself, deciding that she would watch them closely, and if she saw the least little thing that confirmed her fears, she would speak to Colin.

They stopped when it became too dark to see. Maggie’s bum hurt. Her back and shoulders ached with the tension of what lay before them. She bunked down for the night and waited for Colin to come to her, but he never did. She spied him sitting against a large tree, one knee drawn up and an elbow resting on it as he stared into the fire. He seemed so alone. She knew that his thoughts were heavy and that he was thinking of the battle ahead and the past that had led him to this point. She understood that sometimes one needed time with one’s own thoughts and that the deep of the night was a good time for such a thing. So she did what she’d promised: She watched his back through the rest of the night.

The next morning they were up early, having broken camp and mounted up before the sun had risen. The men followed Colin’s example and remained quiet. Even a usually laughing Sutherland was quiet. While Adair was polite and respectful, he didn’t make himself overly friendly.

Maggie could almost sense the moment they crossed onto MacLean land. Nothing seemed different. The trees and bushes looked the same, the path was the same one they’d been on for days, but Maggie sensed a difference in Colin. A tension seemed to hum through him and also into her.

They set up camp in a clearing surrounded by trees, far enough from the road not to be seen. Immediately, Colin instructed a sentry to help watch. Always in the back of Maggie’s mind, and probably in that of every other Scotsman here, was the knowledge that if they were discovered by the English marching en masse, they would be rounded up and arrested.

A few men were selected to hunt; others fanned out in a perimeter to secure the site. Campbell’s men mingled with Sutherland’s men for the first time and, surprisingly, everyone got along well.

“Now we wait,” Colin said.

“We wait?” She’d thought that was the last thing they would do. The element of surprise was on their side, and an entire contingent of Scottish warriors couldn’t stay hidden for long.

“To see if there are any clansman around. Word will get out that I’m here, and if they’re still supportive, they will come.”

“How much time do we have before the English find us?”

“No’ much.”

Maggie wrapped her arm around his and laid her head against his biceps, giving him what comfort and encouragement and strength she could. It was obvious that he believed no clansmen would come to him. Possibly he believed that no one was even left.

Day turned into night. The men who had been guarding the perimeter were replaced with fresh men. Maggie took her turn, and into the wee hours of the morning, Colin approached her after calling out quietly. She turned to find him picking his way to where she was sitting, her broadsword at her hand. She’d thought it would be difficult to be alert all night, but her mind had turned and turned until it nearly made her dizzy.

Colin sat with a weary sigh. “I bet when ye wed me, ye did no’ think ye’d be taking a night watch and running from the English,” he said.

She shrugged, keeping her eyes on the forest before her and her ears open to unusual sounds. “It’s been…interesting.”

“That’s a good word.”

“I like interesting. I get bored with the same routine day after day.”

“Ye sure ye want to stick with this?” His tone didn’t sound as bleak, merely inquisitive.

“As I’ve told ye, I’m no’ a woman to sit around and wring her hands and darn her man’s stockings.” She paused. “I do hope ye were no’ expecting me to darn yer stockings.”

He chuckled. “The thought never crossed my mind.”

“Good.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Maggie was glad for the opportunity to be with him alone. They didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. They could be discovered by the English and arrested, or his clansman could come and they would fight for their home. Or they could just continue waiting. But at least they had tonight.

“What if they do no’ come?” he whispered, and for a moment she had the image of him as a little boy, alone and lonely. She vowed right then that if they were to have children, she would never tell them they were worthless or no good. She would love them all, no matter their tendencies, because each person had a purpose in life and deserved to be loved.

“Then we will find another way,” she said with a conviction that she wasn’t positive she felt. But she knew Colin needed her strength now more than ever. And besides, like she said, she wasn’t one to sit around wringing her hands. She preferred action to sitting.

They turned their heads toward each other at the same time. He was just as startled as she to see that their noses were inches apart. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, a quick kiss because they could not afford to forget they were on watch.

“I’m glad ye’re here,” he said softly.