Chapter Nine
Breck closed the cooler that sat in the back of Rowan’s truck. “I can’t believe you bring coolers with you to go grocery shopping.” He shook his head, but he really could believe it. It fit her for some reason.
“You never know when something will come up and I spend a lot when I shop, so I don’t want to risk any of the food going bad.”
He leaned against the truck, watching her. The woman was something else. He didn’t know what to think about her. “You’re so responsible. Did you grow up taking care of others?” he asked, suddenly curious about her life.
“No. I had a big family. No one—”
“Shh.” Breck touched his fingers to her mouth. Her lips were so soft and plump, he wanted his mouth to take the place of his finger. “Go to dinner with me. Tell me there.” The invite came out of the blue, but he wanted it. Was glad the words had passed his lips.
She moved out of his reach. “I can’t.”
“Why not? We’re out. You smartly brought coolers for the refrigerated food.”
Those words seemed to rub her the wrong way. “Don’t make fun of me. It
is
smart.”
“I wasn’t.” He truly wasn’t. He liked that about her. Enjoyed that she always had a plan and a way to put it into action. “Now why can’t you go to dinner with me?”
She looked toward the ground and he felt Rowan’s sadness. He didn’t understand it, but it was there.
“I don’t know why,” she finally answered.
Those words ripped him apart for reasons he didn’t understand.
“You took me fishing with you.”
She mulled that over a second before replying. “That was different.”
He studied her, waiting to see if she would explain any further. Because this was more like a date, he wondered? “It’s only a meal. I’m hungry. You’re probably hungry. We’d eat together at home anyway. Unless— Is Shakes coming by tonight?” The older gentleman came over for breakfast or dinner about every other day. He and Rowan were close and Breck wondered what that was like. He’d grown up in a small Tennessee town like this one, but he and his mom weren’t the kind of family people were really close to. Not the people who counted. Though it wasn’t as though they did anything wrong—they were just poor in a place where most everyone was wealthy and money described your worth.
“No…Shakes isn’t coming.”
“Good. We’ll go grab a bite. Your choice because I don’t know the restaurants around here. I promise I won’t throw food.”
She smiled and he realized how much he liked it. How sweet she looked with those big green eyes and that happy smile. Those freckles across her nose that her friends named her after. They made her look innocent, which usually wasn’t something he cared for in a woman, but with her he liked it.
Bailey’d been innocent too…
The idea popped into his head to tell her about Bailey. They’d been close to that revelation the other night when they drove home. Rowan wouldn’t be in his life long enough to need to know about Bailey. He didn’t know what he was thinking. “Let’s go, Houdini.”
“I…” she started, but trailed off. Then Rowan nodded her head and walked around the driver side of the truck. Breck went over and pulled himself into the passenger seat. It was only six o’clock, but being fall, it was already dark.
Breck was becoming familiar with the winding roads and trees that made up the little town. A couple minutes later they pulled into what looked like a steak joint called The Shamrock House. The letters were in green with a four-leaf clover on the sign.
It was going a little overboard if you asked him.
“Does this work? They have really good food.”
“Looks great,” he replied. They got out of the car and Breck again put his hand at the small of her back as they walked. He felt her shiver but didn’t know if it was his touch or the sprinkle of rain that misted around them.
When they walked in, a young woman who looked about twenty stood there. She smiled at Rowan and then her eyes lingered on Breck, then back to Rowan.
Did she know everyone who lived here? He guessed so. It was usually like that in small towns.
“Hi, Rowan. How are you?”
Breck didn’t know the girl, but he could still hear the questions in her voice.
“Good. Thanks for asking.”
Breck thought about jumping in and saving her from the other girl’s nosiness, but he waited to see how she handled it or if she just ignored it altogether.
“Just two?” she asked. Breck looked at her nametag to see her name was CeCe.
This was the part he hated about small towns. Everyone knew everyone’s business and they were always in it. It was the same way when he and Bailey started dating—she was the rich girl slumming it with the single bartender’s son. Once he’d fallen in love with her, he’d wanted nothing more than to prove them all wrong. To show him he did deserve her, which was why he’d taken off for college. To show them he was worthy of her.
He’d trusted her and their love, but she’d taken that trust and blown it all to hell.
Jesus.
Why was he thinking about Bailey so much tonight?
Breck used his flirtatious grin. “I think your friend wants to know who I am, Houdini.”
Rowan cut her eyes at him. “Breck, this is CeCe. CeCe, this is the famous poker player Breck Wilder. He dates celebrities, not small-town girls like us. He’s the biggest flirt I know and he also really enjoys walking. In fact, he told me he wants to walk home after dinner so we better hurry up and sit down so he can reserve his strength.”
Breck barked out a laugh at that. “Is this any way to treat your guest?”
“You’re more a pain in my rear end than anything else.”
“Aw, come on, Houdini. You know you love me.”
“You wish.”
Breck looked up to see CeCe was gone. She stood about five feet away from them, menus in hand, waiting. “Come on,” Rowan said with a laugh. “First you cause trouble in the grocery store and now you’re making CeCe wait.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to get any wine?” Breck asked. They’d ordered their food but were waiting for it to arrive. Rowan drank water. She hadn’t had one drink since he’d been here. Not that he expected her to be a lush, but she’d had a drink the night they met. Only one, yes, but still.
“No…no, that’s okay.”
Breck sighed. This wasn’t right at all. “You know I’m not trying to get you liquored up, right? That’s not what this is about. I want you to feel like you can relax around me. I explained to you the other night where my head is and— Why are you laughing?”
He could tell she’d tried to hold it in, but once he called her on it, she let free. In fact, now she couldn’t stop laughing hard enough to speak. He was starting to feel a little annoyed.
“I’m not sure what I said that could be
that
funny.”
Finally she settled down enough to talk. “Not everything is about you, Breck. I’m not drinking, but not because I’m scared a sip of alcohol will make me want to rip your clothes off. I appreciate the concern, though.”
Fine. So when she put it like that it did make him sound like a cocky asshole. “Because you already want to rip my clothes off and you know nothing else could make you need that more?”
“Again, no.” Rowan shrugged. “I’ve never been much of a drinker. I’m not the type who drinks for no reason, though it doesn’t bother me. When I do drink it’s usually because I’m planning on really drinking
.
”
“Except that night,” he mused. He wasn’t sure if he expected her to answer the question or not, but he wondered why that was. Just then the waitress came with their food. When they were alone again, Breck figured it would probably be best to change the subject. “So, you were going to tell me about your family?” He cut into his steak and took a bite.
Instead of answering him, she asked, “Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what? All I’m doing is eating and talking to you.”
She looked unsure before replying. “Taking me out. Asking about my family.”
“You act like we’ve never hung out before. We went to Lucky’s. And the fishing.” It surprised him that he almost understood what she meant though. This felt different than both of those other occasions. The stir in his gut and the joy he got out of her smile.
“Lucky’s was with my friends and not to sound like a jerk, but I didn’t want to take you fishing. I only did—”
“But you want to be here now?” The question made his pulse spike. That’s what she meant and he knew it. That somehow she wanted to be here with him, but she
didn’t
want to. Damned if he didn’t feel the same.
Rowan shook her head. “Never mind. Forget I asked.”
Breck opened his mouth to fight the point but stopped himself. He didn’t want to dissect her answer or how he felt about it either. Right now he just wanted to enjoy her. “So we’re back to my question about your family.”
“There’s not much to say.”
“Just saying that tells me there is.”
She shook her head. “No, really. I had both parents in my home. They were in love, made a decent living. I had brothers who were pretty much rock stars in Shamrock Falls. I had the kind of childhood most people would love to have.”
“Sounds nice,” he told her. He almost kept his mouth shut, but he’d never been too good at that. Plus, he really did want to know about her—know all those little things that made her who she was. “I’m curious about one thing, though.”
Rowan finished chewing her food before she asked, “And what’s that?”
“Why your mouth is saying one thing, but your eyes another.”
…
Rowan felt like her heart was vibrating. She was pretty sure that wasn’t possible, but that didn’t change it. She’d been best friends with Sidney and Kade for most of her life—had other friends, dated people—but no one ever read between her lines the way Breck just had. She felt guilty for even having those thoughts because she did know how lucky she was. Knew that her life had been perfect in a lot of ways, but knowing something didn’t always change your emotions.
When it came to her family, her brain and her heart weren’t always connected, which again made her feel guilty. How selfish was she that she’d felt out of the loop just because she didn’t get the attention?
Rowan shifted in her seat. It already worried her the way little firecrackers went off inside her when he’d asked her to dinner. The way it bothered her when she told CeCe that he dated celebrities and not girls like herself. He hit the nail on the head—it was that she wanted to be here. It had hurt to bring him fishing because it was something special for her, something she’d only done because she needed to get to know him for their baby.
Somehow, dinner felt like the walls were cracking. It felt like it was more for her than for their baby, which fueled her ever-growing guilt even further.
And now this. He had to go and see something in her that no one else had seen before.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to answer, I get it.”
She must have looked really freaked out because that wasn’t Breck at all. He made her uncomfortable in different ways all the time and it didn’t bother him. And she actually wanted to answer him. Wanted, for the first time in her life, to put her feelings into words rather than just thoughts.
“It’s not that. I wasn’t lying when I said I was lucky.”
“Then what is it?” He set his fork down, his eyes holding her. He looked almost into her, like he wanted nothing more than to know the answer to his question.
“Like being lost…” she whispered. It was, wasn’t it? How had she never said those words before? “I just felt lost in the shuffle. My parents were a little older. They didn’t plan on having more kids. My father actually had an appointment for a vasectomy the month after they found out she was pregnant. My brothers were all close and too busy for me. My parents were doing something they never thought they’d be doing again.” She sighed, her hand wanting to go to her belly, but she fought to hold it on the table. “It’s wrong of me to even say that. I know I was loved, but—”
“It’s not wrong if it’s how you feel.”
“When I think of things other people have gone through, it is.” Sidney’s mom had left her. Kade’s dad had been abusive, and here she was feeling down because her brothers always left her out. Because she didn’t have the pictures of her own parties the way the boys did or because her mom didn’t stay home like she did with them.
“Let’s talk about something else,” she said. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up.” She shouldn’t have told him—couldn’t believe she did. This was
Breck.
She hardly knew this man, yet she told him something none of her friends even knew.
“Rather talk about me, would you? I get that a lot.”
It was impossible not to laugh when he said things like that. Impossible to feel down when he was so full of life. Breck joined her and just like that, the mood lightened. They finished their meal. They talked about the food and weather, Jace, Betsy, Kade, and Sidney. It was easy…comfortable. Rowan wouldn’t let Breck pay, which he didn’t like very much, but he dealt with it. She couldn’t remember when she’d had more fun.
When their night was over, Breck stopped her before they separated at the top of the stairs. “I get it,” he whispered. “Feeling alone or unworthy.” He shrugged. “I get it.” Breck walked into his room and Rowan stood there, stunned.
She’d just seen inside the real Breck. And she wanted to see more.
“Rumor has it you went on a date with some hunky new guy.” Sidney smiled at her as they sat around her kitchen table.
Rowan looked over at Betsy, who said, “Yep. I heard it too.”
She frowned. Rowan loved living in Shamrock Falls. Always had and always would, but if there was one thing she hated, it was the fact that everyone knew everyone else’s business. Or thought they did. And they had no problem sharing it either.
It worried her how she would keep her pregnancy a secret once she had her first doctor’s appointment next month. Yes, there were privacy laws, but privacy didn’t always go over too well in Shamrock Falls.