Chapter Sixteen
Breck leaned in the doorway of the house as Rowan stood in the yard saying good-bye to the last of the guests. He hated her being out in the cold. Each day that passed, it seemed to get colder and colder in Shamrock Falls.
Her friends were still in the house and he couldn’t help but hope they’d leave soon. There were so many things he wanted to say to the woman, but he didn’t know where to start. All he could do was watch her until he heard someone walking up behind him.
He turned to see Kade.
He’d expected a talk at some time or another. He figured now was the best, while she was busy and wouldn’t know.
“Out back,” was all Breck said. He went through the kitchen, Kade not far behind him. They stepped out onto the back deck, away from prying ears or eyes.
“She’s a good woman,” Kade started.
“You think I don’t know that?”
“She’s my best friend.”
“You think I don’t know that too? We talk, you know.” On the one hand, he appreciated her friend sticking up for her, but it annoyed him too. No one needed to protect Rowan from him and if anyone did the protecting, he wanted it to be him.
As though they knew something was going on, Jace and Sidney stepped up behind him. Betsy stood off in the background.
“We love her. We just don’t want her hurt.” This from Sidney.
Jace stepped in. “You guys need to lay off. Breck knows what he’s doing.” Jace eyed him as though warning Breck not to make a liar out of him.
“We can’t lay off. You don’t understand, Jace. You don’t know everything.” Sidney interjected.
Ah, so Rowan had told her friends about Vegas and now they wanted to defend her.
“It’s still not our business,” Jace said simply.
Breck had had about enough of this. All he cared about right now was Rowan and the last thing she needed was them fighting about her.
“She’s an adult. What’s between us is our business—”
“But—” Sidney tried to cut him off.
“
But
I appreciate you worrying about her. I’m glad she has you, but you don’t need to protect her from me. I’m in love with her.” It was the first time he’d spoken those words out loud since Bailey. His pulse jumped up, but he didn’t know if it was fear, excitement or a combination of the two. “I love her,” he said again, testing the words out on his tongue.
Sidney’s hands went to her mouth and she started crying. Kade crossed his arms, nodding his head like he appreciated the gesture but still wasn’t sure if he believed him.
Jace smacked him on the back, smiling. It was good to have his friend’s support.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find Houdini. If it’s okay with her, I’d appreciate a little space tonight. She needs to grieve and she needs someone to take care of her, neither of which is happening right now.”
Breck walked back inside to find his woman, even if she didn’t know she was his yet.
Rowan closed the door behind her friends, then leaned against it and took a deep breath. Breck stood between her and the dining room, not about to let her escape him again. “How you holding up, Houdini?” He tried for light, but his voice sounded rough even to his own ears. It had been a tough few days for all of them.
“Fine. I’m dreading going in there and cleaning up the kitchen.”
“Then don’t.” Breck stepped in front of her. He hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she looked at him. “I know this isn’t the best time to do this, but I need to know why you’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head.
“You are and I know that’s not really what’s important right now. You’re hurting. I realize that. I want nothing more than to be here for you, but I can’t do that if you don’t even let yourself look me in the eyes. Look at me, sweetheart.”
Her eyes closed.
“Look at me.” He pleaded.
Her eyes fluttered, but she did what he asked. When she looked up at him, he saw they were full of tears.
“Christ, come here.” Breck pulled her to his chest. “It’s okay to let go, you know. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“I don’t?” she whispered and those words about broke his heart. “I’ve always felt so alone…”
“No. You’re not alone. You have so many people here for you. You have Sidney…Kade.”
“They don’t need me. They have each other. Kade will take care of her and her him.”
“Jace…Betsy.”
Me.
She shook her head. He didn’t know why they wouldn’t do. He wanted to tell her she had her family, but hell, he didn’t even know where her brothers were. He should have asked. All this time and he hadn’t even asked her such a simple question.
One brother was in Nevada, but what about the rest?
“I don’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t want…”
“Shh.” Breck rubbed a hand up and down her back. “You’re not going to lose anyone else, sweetheart. There are so many people who love you.”
He loved her, but it scared the hell out of him to tell her right now. He didn’t want to screw this up.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said into his chest and he squeezed her. He didn’t know what she was apologizing for, but Breck told her over and over it was okay.
“I just wanted… God, I’d only ever wanted my turn. Someone who loved me completely. I’ve made a mess of everything.”
She was rambling and he didn’t know where it came from, but she obviously needed to get it out so he let her, telling her it would be okay over and over. “People love you.”
Rowan pulled far enough away to look up at him. Her eyes were red. Face wet. “I wanted what Sidney and Kade had. I always just wanted someone I could fish with and laugh with. Someone who loved me and then…then everything got screwed up and then I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to make it right… And then Shakes… And all I can think about is…”
She broke off every time she started a sentence. Couldn’t get the words out past the tears. Breck didn’t know what this had to do with Shakes, but he damn sure knew he loved his woman and he wanted her to know it.
Best time or not, he needed her to know it.
“That’s me. Let me be the one to give that to you.”
He’d never felt her body stiffen so quickly. “I…”
Breck ran his hands through her hair. Down her face, just needing to touch her. “Let me love you.” With that he covered her mouth with his. He tasted her tears. He hoped like hell he wasn’t doing the wrong thing here.
Rowan’s whole body went slack against him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and it urged him on. Told him she needed this as much as he did.
Breck picked her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist. He didn’t stop kissing her as he took the stairs. He cupped her rear, holding and kissing her. She felt so good, so right in his arms. He couldn’t imagine not having her here. Couldn’t imagine anyone else in her place.
Rowan slid down his body and to her feet. His mouth trailed lower on her neck, kissing behind her ear. He wanted his mouth everywhere on her. Wanted to hold her and talk to her. Wanted everything.
“Breck…” she said, dropping her head back to give him better access. Breck took advantage. He was probably the biggest jerk in the world for doing this now, but he wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to love her. And now he wanted to show her how much.
“I’ve been so horrible to you. I… Please.”
Nothing else mattered right now. Nothing but them. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll let you make it up to me.”
When he gave her his smile, she returned it. Breck pressed his lips to hers again.
…
This was so different from their first time. There were no hurried movements. No throwing of clothes. Breck kissed her softly…tenderly. He wiped her tears, the ones she shed because of how she wronged him. He kissed them away.
He slowly unbuttoned her blouse. Kissed each shoulder, moved the straps of her bra, before sliding them down her arms.
Rowan trembled inside and out. Her heart burst with love for this man. Her bra dropped to the floor. Breck went to his knees, kissing her belly as he unbuttoned her slacks. It made her feel anxious and sad at the same time. She loved his lips there, where their baby was, but God, what kind of person was she that she still hadn’t told him yet?
When his fingers hooked in her panties, she couldn’t think of anything else. She ran her hands through his hair.
“Are you sure?” Breck whispered against her sensitive skin. “This might not be the best time for—”
“Please,” Rowan mumbled. She looked down at him, Breck gazing up at her, and she’d never been surer of anything in her life. “Yes. I need you.”
And then he smiled. God, she loved that smile.
He eased her panties down her legs and she helped him undress. Breck kissed her as he backed her up toward the bed. Pleasure, love, passion all created a perfect storm inside her. A category five hurricane that she hoped didn’t destroy them all.
Then he laid her down and covered her body with his and even though they’d done this before, it was different. This time they were making love.
Rowan laid with her head against Breck’s chest. He had his arm around her, his fingers making circles on her bare skin. That titillating feeling shot through her, from her toes to her chest, all because of something as simple as his touch.
This was what it felt like to be in love. To have that person who meant more to you than anyone in the world. She wanted to celebrate it and curse it at the same time. Wanted to admit everything, but feared it.
“Thanks,” is what she settled for.
Breck chuckled. “I know I’m good, but that’s no reason to thank me.”
She couldn’t help but smile too. The man was crazy. “You know that’s not what I mean. You’ve been incredible, Breck. You’ve done so much for me. You’ve become my friend, my…”
“Lover?” His hand never stopped moving.
“And more.”
Lover
wasn’t a strong enough word.
Breck rolled so he lay on top of her again. One arm was on either side of her head as he looked down at her. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m where I want to be. I never thought… I didn’t expect to be here again, but I am and it’s what I want. I’ll be here for you forever if you let me, Houdini. You’ve cast a spell on me.”
He kissed her.
“I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Her heart broke and felt full simultaneously. Yes, he’d pretty much said it earlier, but this was different. “I love you too.”
And damn it, she was crying again. She didn’t even want to blame it on hormones this time. Just happiness. “But what about your life? Your freedom? There’s so much I have to tell you. I’ve—”
“Later. I want you again.” He smirked.
Rowan sighed, her body simultaneously coming alive. Needing and wanting him. “Promise me at breakfast we can talk.”
“Promise. Now no more talking.” Breck winked. “Unless it’s dirty talk.”
They both laughed, and any tension she felt released as he pushed inside her, right where she wanted him to be.
Chapter Seventeen
Breck kissed Rowan’s bare shoulder. She shifted, smiled in her sleep, but continued to nuzzle the pillow. She was so beautiful. He fingered her red curls, unable to believe he was here, but really glad he was too. When he looked at her, he didn’t see pain, betrayal—Bailey. All he saw was Rowan. And he loved what he saw.
Would she let him stay here? He could help her run the bed and breakfast. He’d talk to his agent. He’d have to still fulfill the contracts with his current sponsors, but after that he could slow down as much as he wanted. Maybe Rowan would even attend his upcoming game, if they didn’t have any guests at Destiny Knocks.
Wow. He really must be in love, because here he was planning their life when he didn’t even know what she wanted. But he believed in her. He wouldn’t let his fear of bad luck stand between them.
Breck heard Rowan’s cell ring in the distance. He snuck out of bed to silence it. She’d been through so much the past few days, he wanted her to have her rest.
Breck walked over to the dresser and fumbled with the phone. The screen lit up, announcing the name of a doctor’s office.
His insides turned to ice, which didn’t make sense. So she had a doctor’s office calling her? What was wrong with that?
Breck hit the button to turn it off.
He was awake now so he pulled on his pants from yesterday and headed downstairs. To make her breakfast, he told himself. She said she wanted to talk to him over breakfast.
But what if she was sick? She’d fainted the first day she saw him. Christ. What the hell would he do if that’s what she wanted to talk to him about? To tell him she was sick.
Then I’ll take care of her.
He loved her and would do anything for her.
In the kitchen, Breck pulled the phonebook out of a drawer. Hell, he knew this was wrong. It was an invasion of privacy, but he was worried. He should close the book, but instead he looked up the doctor’s name he’d read on the screen.
Obstetrics and Gynecology.
The smallest push would’ve knocked him over right then.
There were a million different reasons she could go to the OBGYN, but he knew. Somehow he fucking knew. The fainting, not wanting him to go to the hospital with her, the refusal to drink any alcohol. Wanting to talk to him.
Christ…was she carrying his baby? Breck’s heart slammed in his rib cage. No. He’d used protection. He was always sure to be safe.
Had she been with someone else?
The muscles in Breck’s body tensed so much, they felt like they could shatter. Holy shit. Was it happening again? But he and Rowan weren’t together.
She could have told him.
She should have told me.
She’d betrayed him. Just like Bailey.
…
Rowan reached for Breck, but he wasn’t in bed. Sitting up, she saw he wasn’t in the room either. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face when she thought of last night. Of him. Of
them
.
Of how much she loved him.
Rowan put a hand on her belly. “Hey, in there. I know you’re probably wondering what I’m doing, but Mommy’s going to make it right. I’m talking to Daddy today and I know he’ll be just as excited about you as I am.”
She believed that. Had to.
Rowan tossed on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Nerves attacked her, but her hope fought them away. She wasn’t going to let this go on another day. And Breck would understand.
She stopped by his bedroom door when she noticed him moving around inside.
“Hey you…” The smile dropped from her face. Breck was fully dressed and packing. Ace meowed from her carrier on his bed.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
She’d never hear his voice so tight. He didn’t look at her.
Rowan felt like she could throw up. He’d found out. Somehow he’d found out.
“I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been a coward. I wanted to tell you a million times, but I was afraid. I promise I wouldn’t have let it go on any longer. I was telling you this morning, Breck.”
Her limbs shook and nausea hit her stomach again as she stepped inside the room. She damn sure wasn’t going to go down without a fight here. She loved this man and she had to make him understand that. Rowan reached out and touched his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know—”
“Whose is it?”
Her hand dropped from him. “What do you mean whose is it? It’s
yours
. It’s not like I go around sleeping with guys all the time.”
He turned and the anger on his face told her this was somehow worse. Oh God. She’d been right all along! He wouldn’t want their baby.
“Excuse me?” His mouth was pursed.
“It’s yours. Of course it’s yours!”
Please God, let him want our baby. Even if he doesn’t want me, let him want the baby.
The thoughts warred with white hot anger that he’d ask her whose baby it was.
“I’m going to be a father?” he asked. The anger seemed to be gone from his voice, replaced by…awe.
“Yes. We’re going to have a baby.” She tried to smile at him. Hoped, prayed that he would return it. “They told me when I went to the hospital and everything is fine. I made sure. I promise. I have an appointment coming up and—”
“And you didn’t tell me? I’ve been here for close to
six weeks
and you never thought to tell me you were carrying our baby!” Anger once again replaced his awe. She could see the sweat on his forehead and she wanted to cry, but she held it back. It was worse than she thought it would be. He was so angry.
And so right.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared and I didn’t know what to do! You told me you didn’t want kids and—”
“And I didn’t fucking
know
, Rowan. Don’t you think that would have made a difference?” Breck paced the room.
“I
know
, but I was trying to do the right thing. I want to be the best mom I can be and I knew nothing about you. And I tried. I tried so hard to find out about you because I knew you needed to know, but you just kept saying how you didn’t want ties and how your life wasn’t the best for it. I wanted to get to know you first.” Excuses. Even to her they all sounded like excuses.
“And obviously I didn’t pass your test, since I had to find out looking up a doctor’s name in a phonebook!” The pain was back in his voice and it about killed her.
“You did. You
do.
I wanted to tell you the night Shakes…and then last night. I was going to tell you this morning. I couldn’t keep it from you any longer. Not after…after I’d fallen in love with you.”
She willed him to look at her, but he had his back to her again. Zipping his suitcase, shoulders tense.
Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go. Turn around. Tell me you want us.
“Breck…”
“You lied to me, Rowan. You kept the truth from me. Kept the fact that my
baby
is inside you.” Breck picked up his bag and turned. “I
trusted
you. Even though I didn’t want to. Even though I haven’t let myself trust or care about another woman since I was a nineteen-year-old kid and my wife slept with another man. I went home when my mother died to find out she betrayed me and now you did the same exact thing!”
Wife?
Suddenly his words from last night made more sense.
I didn’t expect to be here again
.
“You say you wanted to get to know me, and maybe,
maybe
I can understand that, but I thought you knew me now. If you think I would walk away from you and our baby then it’s not the real me you’re seeing when you look at me.”
He was right, but… “You were married?” Why hadn’t he told her that?
“Are you really going to ask that when you kept a
baby
from me?”
Rowan’s heart broke in two. She knew she’d kept something huge from him, but he wasn’t innocent either. He didn’t trust her.
“You don’t love me,” Rowan said. “You might think you do, but you don’t. Or maybe you can love me because God knows I love you, even though I lied. And I will fully admit to lying to you and being wrong, but how can you sit there and judge me when you kept something from me too? How can you tell me you trusted me when you didn’t have enough faith in me to share the fact that you’ve been married? What she did to you? I’ve told you everything about me, Breck, and you’ve been
married
and I didn’t know it?”
“And it looks like I was right because we’re here.” He slipped on his sunglasses and she wanted to beg him not to go. Tell him she loved him and they needed him, but she wasn’t the only one who was wrong here.
“We have a lot to talk about.”
Stay. Talk to me.
“I have a plane to catch.” Breck picked up Ace’s carrier.
“You still have a bit of time before your tournament, right? Why don’t you stay and—”
“I’m leaving. And you might not know this about me, but there’s no way I’m walking away from this baby. I want to know everything. I
will
be a part of her life. I might be leaving now, but you’re not getting rid of me.”
And then he was gone.
And all she could think was he’d called the baby a her, too.